Stargazers

Chapter Twelve

Cloud rolled over, yawning slightly as daylight began to stir him out of his slumber. His eyes cracked open as he listened to the sounds of the moving wagon, which had become a surprisingly comforting thing to wake to. Then he blinked, eyes fully open and aware, as he realized the usual sleeping lump that was Zacks was missing. He sat up, then made his way over to the wagon's exit, moving the light cloth strung above the half-gate, peering out and noting that it was too bright to be the usual hour he woke up at. He let the cloth fall back into place, sat back down and considered this for a moment. He must have slept in. It still seemed to be fairly early, but it was unusual all the same. It must, he concluded, have been caused by how long he and Zacks had sparred last night. The older man had been a bit tougher than usual about it; it seemed like he was upping the difficulty on purpose, as of late. This was a good thing, as far as Cloud was concerned- it meant he was improving. He got back up and went to gather his clothes, but winced as he leaned over to open the drawer- as great as it was that he was improving, his back and shoulders hated him for it.
Zacks hadn't been too surprised when he'd woken up to find Cloud still asleep- despite Cloud's nearly clock-like efficiency at getting up in the morning, he'd worked the kid pretty hard last night. As a result of stepping things up another notch, they had both gotten a bit more aggressive as well, and sparred a bit later into the night than they probably should have. It didn't have that much of an effect on Zacks, really, but it was a damned good thing Cloud didn't try to pry himself up at his usual hour or else he'd be suffering from some serious sleep deprivation today.

So, he'd left the blonde boy to getting his proper rest, and headed out to grab breakfast- the only thing that really mattered first thing in the morning. After having acquired sufficient morning tastiness, however, his thoughts drifted to more pressing matters. Cloud. He realized that just because he had his suspicions, despite that his suspicions were usually pretty on-target, it didn't necessarily mean he knew everything that was going on, nor that he really had any right to intervene.

He knew he had been right about Hojo, because he had noticed Cloud picking up some of the other man's habits- quietly and intently copying things down in notebooks in his free time, for example. But more importantly, he was also beginning to develop traces of the other man's bitterness. Quite frankly, the idea creeped him out. His first thought was that he had to put a stop to this nonsense right now. But then… well, the more he thought about it, wasn't this all Cloud's decision? It wasn't as though he had known him for years, and it wasn't as though people don't change. If this was what Cloud wanted, did he really have any right to try and control him, force him to be how Zacks wanted him to be? The more he thought about it, the more unsure he was. But he couldn't just stand by, could he? It was very rare that his instinct was ever wrong, and it was telling him to act.

He sighed, stretching his arms up and folding them behind his head as he walked down the line of wagons, headed towards the one he and Cloud shared. He stopped in mid-step, however, as a certain wagon caught his eye, a vase with yellow flowers from Rosen displayed in a small window in its side. He was getting an idea.

Cloud's day was certainly interesting enough. He had set out to find Zacks- whom, by the way, he still hadn't seen hide nor hair of- and had found himself sidetracked by a run in with Miran and Ras. Ras had asked how he'd been and what he'd been up to; Cloud mentioned he'd been training a lot with Zacks, leaving Hojo unmentioned. Miran, however, had asked if he'd gotten any better with magic, and then the two insisted he show them. They were both rather impressed with his control over ice and lightening. Ras especially, since Miran seemed better at self-restraint overall, went on a little rant about how impressive his improvement in such short a time was. This was all fine and good, if not a little embarrassing, until Ras's rant began drawing attention and others stopped to watch. Then a little embarrassing became a whole lot embarrassing, and Cloud's cheeks still turned a tinge pink as he recalled the small crowd of which he had become a curiosity. Fortunately, Miran caught on to how awkward Cloud was with the situation and elbowed Ras in the side, motioning for him to get them out of there. Considering the man's rather imposing stature, foul mouth and more than capable vocal chords, it was no surprise that the crowd took off rather quickly once he started hollering. Cloud couldn't help but notice a few odd members of the caravan shooting him sour looks at the attention he was receiving, and promptly felt like crawling into a hole and staying there.

Since that wasn't really an option, he had headed back to his and Zacks' wagon, recopying old notebooks until early evening when the caravan stopped for the night. There had still been no sign of Zacks, which was… odd. To pass the time without having to look at that scrawling handwriting anymore, he grabbed his sword and headed towards the woods to train a bit- while it wasn't as efficient as training with Zacks, he could still get something out of practicing magic and swordplay on his own. He wasn't really fast enough yet with magic to use it practically in battle- he needed to shave a little bit of time off his reflexes, conjuring, aiming, and casting to make it one fluid action instead of several linked processes.

He had gotten himself situated in a small little clearing not far from where the caravan had stopped for the time being, giving his sword a few practice swings to warm up to the now-familiar blade in his hand. Just as he was readying himself to start casting magic with his strikes, someone whistled directly over his shoulder, making Cloud nearly jump out of his skin. The boy whirled around fast enough to nearly slash the perpetrator clean in two, had Reno not jumped back and out of the way.

"Easy to sneak up on, aren't you?"

"You-! You. What the hell are you doing here? And I'm not easy to sneak up on, I was just concentrating-"

"If you need to concentrate that hard to fight, it'll be damned easy to take you by surprise…"

Cloud resisted insulting the young man back; refusing to give him the argument he was trying to provoke Cloud into. "What's it to you, anyway?"

Reno shrugged, "Just sayin'. Ne, Rude?" He tossed a look over his shoulder, and Cloud noticed with surprise the silent man leaning against the tree, shaded lenses covering any view of his eyes even though the sun's rays were giving way to twilight. He had a solid build, and seemed stern, composed; a man of few words. To say the least, a complete contrast to Reno. "Didn't I say he prolly fights like crap?"

Rude just gave a sort of grunt, the meaning of which was indistinguishable as far as Cloud could tell. "Alright, you know what? Just go away. Seriously."

Reno quirked a brow at that, "Now hold on just a minute, you seem to mistakenly think you're in a position where you can tell me what to do…" Reno, hands casually in his pockets, stepped closer to Cloud, leaning towards him in a rather intimidating fashion. Cloud quickly stepped back, bringing his thin blade between himself and the other boy. He'd be damned if he was going to let he redhead get to him.

Reno smirked. "That'a boy…" He shoved his foot into the ground, jumping back suddenly for distance. Hidden within his loose overcoat, he pulled two thin, black tonfa batons from his sides, twirling them tauntingly. When they stopped, he was holding them in a seemingly defensive position. He gripped the handles, which stuck off from the batons at a ninety-degree angle, in his fists so that the batons lined up along the length of his forearms. They were long enough to protrude about two inches past his fist, and one inch past his elbow. "I believe, the day that I first ran into you…" He smirked, "You denied being a bad fighter."

Cloud cautiously took on a defensive stance as well. How was the other man going to fight against a sword with those little things? It would almost be like fighting hand to hand, but with a stronger defense. It didn't seem feasible that he could attack with them…

"So…after you prove me wrong…" Reno raised his chin confidently, "Then, you can tell me what to do-!"

The words had hardly been out of his mouth before Reno charged forward. Instinctively, Cloud swung offensively at the charging form, only to have his blade batted away by the length of baton along Reno's forearm. He continued striking at the redhead, who somehow managed to move quickly enough to block every one of his moves with only the baton along his right arm, which moved swiftly and subtly back and forth in parrying motions. He kept his swings primarily horizontal, trying to keep himself from being open, and was silently thankful that he fought with a one handed sword- the reduction in speed from a two handed one would have made him look ridiculous. Still, the redhead only seemed to be defending. Cloud attempted a vertical strike upwards towards Reno's left handed side in attempt to make it necessary for him to break out his other baton, but with a swift twirling motion, he used the right-hand baton to block again, flipping out the length of the baton to extend from his arm, blocking the blade, and flipping it back along his forearm's length. The motion only took two flicks of his wrist to extend it out and bring it back.

Cloud gritted his teeth. Even though the redhead was only blocking, somehow he was still pushing Cloud back. He was just wasting energy, at this point. Magic was out of the question, at the moment- Reno was simply too fast, and Cloud wasn't capable of using it effectively yet. When Reno extended the baton, it didn't have as much support, but a vertical strike upwards like the last one didn't have enough power behind it to matter- he would need to do two-handed vertical strike from above on Reno's left side instead. But was that what Reno wanted? It seemed entirely possible, likely in fact, that Reno was waiting for such a maneuver. Not yet…

It would leave Cloud's chest wide open, but then again, if Reno used both batons to block it would leave the other boy just as open as well. Their arms would be tied up, and Reno couldn't be planning a kick, either- they were too close. So whatever he had up his sleeve, he likely intended to throw Cloud off guard with it, giving him the advantage while they were both open. Cloud furrowed his brow, watching Reno's movements carefully. Fine, I'll bite…

As soon as the opportunity arose, he swept his sword up, bringing it down swiftly from above. Reno flipped both batons out and away from his forearms, stopping the blade by trapping it scissor-like between them, and suddenly wrenched both his arms to the side, twisting them tightly around, taking Cloud's blade with them. Cloud felt the hilt being twisted from hand, but didn't let the surprise of being disarmed overtake him. Use my size to my advantage…He stepped back enough while his blade was twisted from his hand to provide just a bit more space- the bit needed to swing his leg upward and smack his heel square into Reno's chin.

"Gah-! Son of a bitch!"

Cloud rolled, grabbing the hilt of his sword as he moved and continuing the motion to get back to his feet, whipping around to block a predicted attack- only to feel his sword arm hooked at the elbow, pulled on with enough force to continue the momentum of his motion from turning around, and enforced to continue with another hook at his neck. Before he even realized what happened, he found his sword arm trapped behind him between his own back and Reno's chest, and his neck caught tightly by his left baton's handle.

Reno had flipped around his batons to hold the shafts and use the handles as hooks, latching them onto Cloud before he'd had a chance to recover from regaining his sword. The right baton had gotten the elbow of his sword arm, and was holding it tightly behind him, while the left baton was being pulled upwards and wrenched slightly to the side, making it rather difficult for Cloud to breathe.

"Y'know, even experienced fighters often let their guard down when they find themselves suddenly disarmed like that…" Reno murmured in Cloud's ear as he pulled the boy closer against his chest via the baton at his neck, the blonde's free hand pulling at the baton-hook choking him. "Looks like you've got some spunk after all. Pretty good," Cloud could practically hear the grin in his voice, "But not good enough." He pulled the baton upwards and angled the handle to dig in more, causing Cloud to gasp at the tighter hold, "I could so crush your wind pipe right now."

Shitshitshit… He jerked his right arm and found it wouldn't move an inch from where it was pinned. He was running out of air, and his left hand wasn't enough to make the baton at his neck budge. I need my other arm… Cloud started twisting his right arm every which way, releasing his grip on his swords hilt, but Reno gave a harsh tug on the baton pulling his arm back as though telling Cloud to give it up, even as his sword fell to the ground. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, and he was entirely at the mercy of the redhead standing behind him.

"Give up?"

Cloud attempted to respond, but due to the strangling hold the baton had as it pulled on his neck it turned into coughing instead.

Suddenly the batons fell away from where they had been holding him captive. His knees hit the ground as he sucked in a deep breath and rubbed his neck tentatively, resisting the urge to cough. He glanced upwards over his shoulder, where the red-headed boy was looking rather pleased with himself.

Reno spun his tonfa around before sliding them back into their places at his hips, "Didn't really think you could win, didja? …But you're better then I thought, I'll give y'that. 'Spected you to crumple like a little girl."

Cloud just glared a bit at that, using his right arm to push himself up from the ground while his left still massaged his neck. He unceremoniously snatched his sword up from the ground, re-sheathing it with a final cough. He saw Reno watching him expectantly, and just set a very 'not-amused' expression on the redhead.

"What? Not feeling talkative?" Reno quirked a brow. Still getting no real response from the blonde boy other than a silence that seemed to say 'are we done yet?', he let out a sigh, loosely waving a hand as he turned away. "Pah, you're not being any fun. Let's go, Rude."

Cloud watched him waltz off with his stoic companion, finding himself alone in the clearing again. He reached a hand up and lightly rubbed his neck one more time as if to be sure that had really just happened before heading back towards the wagons.

As he neared the wagon he heard Zacks' voice coming from inside, seeming to be chatting away happily with whomever was keeping him company. Just as he put his hand on the cloth at the entryway, however, giggling floating out from inside made him pause-definitively girl giggling. A sad twinge of disappointment sparked up in the pit of his stomach as he let go, pulling his hand back tentatively- he didn't want to interrupt anything…

Zacks paused inside, catching movement from the entrance out of the corner of his eye. "Oi- Cloud, that you?"

Cloud backed up as he heard Zacks get up and walk towards the wagon's entrance before he stuck his grinning head out.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Where the hell have you been? Get in here, there's someone I want you to meet!" Cloud hardly had time to blink before the other man had grabbed his forearm and hurriedly drug him inside.

Cloud was both very curious and very confused- and right when he was in the middle of trying to figure out whether or not this was a good or a bad thing, his thought processes stopped altogether.

"Mm… So, you're finally going to introduce me, are you…?"

She was very pleasant to look at, was the first thought that crossed his mind- pretty, in a simple pink dress. Familiar, too… Ah- that's right… She was one of Zacks' fangirls. He'd seen her briefly at Gavriel, first in the hall while waiting for Zacks to come out of that meeting, and then again at the bar before he'd passed out with Ras.

"Of course! Cloud, I'd like you meet a very good friend of mine…"

The girl pushed a strand of chestnut hair, most of which was collected in very neatly in a long twist, behind her ear. If she hadn't been wearing the same pink dress and bow in her hair, he probably wouldn't have recognized her. But, he realized, as she greeted him with a warm smile that made him blush, she seems familiar in another way, too…

"…Her name is Aerith. Aerith, this is Cloud."

The girl- Aerith- lightly lifted herself from where she sat on the wagon's floor, extending a delicate hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Cloud. I've heard so much about you…"

Cloud barely managed to lift his hand to hers, lacking the coherency to come up with a response. Something about her smile made her seem ethereal.

"…Idn't 'e cute?" Zacks grinned as he clamped a hand down on Cloud's head, ruffling his hair, efficiently breaking Cloud out of his quieted state.

"Get off me-!" Cloud let go of Aerith's hand to bat Zacks' arm away with both hands, trying to keep the other man from ruffling his hair and showing his lack of appreciation at the 'cute' comment.

"What'd I tell ya?" Zacks grinned at Cloud's grumpy pouting, and Aerith merely giggled as she watched the two's interactions.

"At any rate, Aerith interrupted, "It's getting rather late, isn't it?"

"Oh-!" Zacks snapped his fingers, "That's right, I gotta drop in on Reeve real quick. Sorry for running out on ya, Cloud. I'll be back soon enough." He hopped out of the wagon and, with a brief swish of cloth, was gone. There was a quiet moment after that wherein Cloud was trying to figure out what he was supposed to do, when he heard Aerith starting to get up.

"As I said," she lightly brushed the down the folds in the front of her dress, "It is getting rather late. I should probably be heading back to my own wagon." Cloud watched as she walked over to the wagon's exit where Zacks had vanished just a moment before, pull the cloth back a bit and peer outside. "Although," she paused, looking back at him over her shoulder, "It's getting rather dark out as well." She turned around to face him and smiled, "…Walk me?"

"Ah…sure," Cloud awkwardly replied. There really didn't seem to be any other options.

It was a quiet evening, and Cloud hoped she wasn't too far, not wanting to feel the need to make small talk. She walked slightly ahead of him as they traveled down the wagon train, a light frock to protect against the night's breezes hanging about her shoulders and the delicate scent of some flowery perfume wafting gently off of her. "So, Cloud," she asked, breaking the silence that would have been awkward if she didn't seem so content with herself, "…How are you?"

"…Fine."

"Mm," She smiled lightly. "That's what most people say when asked. But that's rarely true when they believe it themselves, and never true when they don't."

Cloud opened his mouth to reply, but found himself left with nothing to say.

They finally arrived at Aerith's wagon, a light pink cloth at the entrance over the half-gate. She hummed thoughtfully as she stepped up, pushing the cloth aside, and he waited for her to say whatever was on her mind.

"Thank you for walking me back, Cloud. Why don't you join me for some tea?"

"Er…" Cloud paused- hadn't she herself said it was getting late?

"Come on, now. I have just the kind you like- I have so many I dare say it'd be impossible for me not to…" With a swish of the cloth she had already disappeared inside, apparently lighting a candle or two as the wagon lit up. He couldn't just walk away without saying anything… and he supposed it couldn't hurt.

He stepped inside the wagon and was automatically met with a very appealing atmosphere. The floor was covered with a large throw rug and an assortment of pillows and cushions scattered about. A vase with yellow flowers collected in it sat in the window sill, and a slightly sweet fragrance filled the air, similar to her perfume. Eyes settling on the back of the girl's figure, he saw she had already gotten out two cups with saucers, and vaguely wondered where she was going to boil the water. "Have a seat, won't you? Anywhere is fine…"

Despite the fact that this all seemed very odd, he sat himself down on a thick, round cushion near the window, and quietly watched her make the tea. She grabbed the handle of the pretty looking tea pot, steam drifting out it is spout, and as she delicately began pouring, Cloud realized she really hadn't ever boiled the water. He was puzzled for a moment, as she turned around, carrying the two cups over to him. The tea pot, of course! It must be fire-enchanted, just like the pitcher back at that inn… He recalled the inn they had stopped at way before they had ever reached Gavriel- they'd had one there, in the bathroom. But a personal tea pot? How could she possibly afford it?

"Here you go," she smiled as she handed him a cup, shifting the cushions a bit as she sat down next to him. It really was one of the nicest smiles he'd ever seen, but he still couldn't place who she reminded him of. He fidgeted a bit, watching the curls of steam rise up from the tea, which had a red coloring to it. "It's a bit sweet in comparison to most teas, hope you don't mind. It's one of my favorites, so I thought you might like it."

He brought the cup up, tentatively taking a sip, and found it rather pleasant. "…It's nice."

"Oh, good, you like it!" She merrily took a sip of her own, "I'm glad."

"…" Cloud mulled over the situation, sitting in some random wagon, next to some nearly random girl, of whom he knew nothing about except that she was a friend of a friend and had good taste in tea.

"So, have you been keeping yourself busy…? It's been a bit of a long trip, and it doesn't take much to be bored to tears when there's no town nearby."

"Ah… I've been keeping myself distracted pretty well. Practicing, you know… magic and sword fighting. I'm not exactly the strongest guy around, so I need it."

"Need it, hm…? Whatever for? Is there someone you plan on fighting?"

His frozen home flashed across his mind. "Well, you know… for self defense." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself with that one. "It's always good to be able to protect yourself. …Keep yourself out of trouble." Reno flashed across his mind. Or get yourself into it, either one…

"…So I see," she replied, smiling into the edge of her tea cup. "Do you practice all by yourself?"

"…No. Usually, at night, Zacks and I sort of spar. …Or maybe not so much as spar as he beats the crap out of me then tells me what I'm doing wrong."

Aerith giggled, "Sounds like a nice way to spend an evening…"

"It's not as bad as I made it sound. I mean, it is really tiring, but it can be fun sometimes, and I'm definitely getting better."

"That's good to hear. But… what do you do during the day, if you only spar at night?"

"Ah…" Cloud hesitated at telling her about Hojo. Then he grew angry at himself for hesitating, Why wouldn't I tell her? I'm not doing anything wrong, I have nothing to feel guilty about. Just because Zacks doesn't get along with him doesn't make him bad. Just different. It's not like you have to side with one or the other. You're just being paranoid because it would drive Zacks up he wall if he knew.

"Mm…?" Aerith prompted.

Even if he does find out, so what? "During the day, I usually practice magic under Hojo's supervision. We have a sort of system worked out…" It's not like I had some obligation to tell him, and he never asked. It's not like it's a secret. "…He supervises my training with magic, and I help him out with his research and experiments…" If she mentions it to Zacks, no matter- he'll just have to deal with it. "…I've gotten to learn a lot about alchemy that way too, since I have access to his notes and many of the books he owns. I guess I'm sort of like a lab assistant." He glanced up to see if she was frowning- after all, since she was a friend of Zacks, she might not be fond of Hojo either.

"I see…" She was still smiling, and it still reached her eyes. Cloud felt relieved, although he wasn't sure why. "So… how is it?"

"How's what?"

"Working with Hojo?"

"Oh. Oh, well, he's very… efficient." Cloud inwardly cringed. Was that really the best way to describe the man he could come up with? He hadn't realized how hard it was to come up with compliments for the alchemist.

"Efficient?"

"…Yeah."

"…Well, that certainly doesn't sound like very much fun at all, now does it?"

"I'm sorry. I'm not very good at saying what I'm thinking. I make it sound like he's not very admirable, but he is, really, in his own ways…"

Aerith hummed to herself as she studied him a minute. "…Go on, go on." She lightly set down her tea cup, and shifted to face him more directly, bringing up her legs, folding her hands across her knees and setting her chin on them. "Sometimes if you have trouble putting thoughts into words, you're s bit unsure of the thoughts themselves. Putting it to words makes you sort everything out; sometimes people don't even really know how they feel until they actually try to say it."

"…Well, he is very efficient, and very intelligent. But I know when you asked how it is working with him, you wanted to know how he is personality-wise. He's very cold, not very understanding…calculating, I guess. He doesn't seem to care very much about anything other than his work, he hates Zacks almost as much as Zacks hates him, and he's sort of intimidating."

"Hm," Aerith nodded, "That sounds like the Hojo I know…"

"But he's also… He's so clear-headed about everything. I don't think anything could ever really bother him- I mean, he gets upset when people interrupt him while he's working, but other than that… He's so in control of himself, it's really impressive. It's like he's got an impenetrable wall around him that blocks out things that make everyone else miserable."

"And you admire that?"

"Well…yeah."

"Why?"

"…" Cloud paused, the painful image of his iced mother resurfacing for an instant.

"…Just because it hurts, no matter how bad, doesn't mean you can run away from how you feel."

He looked at her, surprised and a little confused, not knowing how to respond.

"…Does Hojo seem happy to you, Cloud?"

"No... He doesn't."

"If you don't feel and understand the things that make people miserable, you don't experience the things the things that make them happy, either. Then you don't need any outside influences to make you miserable; you do a fine enough job on your own." She drew away from her knees, shifting her legs to curl to her side. "…And it's not that he's built up an impenetrable wall to guard what's inside, Cloud- rather, it's that there is nothing inside to guard. I don't really think that's something admirable at all. How much you care isn't something you control- it's a part of who you are. …I don't really think I like Hojo very much," she paused to smile at him, "But I do like you, Cloud. I liked it very much that you walked me home. I don't think Hojo would ever do that, much less sit for a cup of tea with me."

Cloud's cheeks gained a tinge of pink, and he averted his gaze towards the floor.

He's not being cold at all now, Zacks, Aerith thought to herself, He's a very nice boy. I think I can see more clearly now why you want to keep him that way. "I think that's why Zacks and Hojo could never understand each other- not in a million years. One acts with all the heart he can put into it, the other hardly has one. To both of them, the other's actions are incomprehensible."

Cloud remained quiet as absorbed the girl's words, surprised at her sense of insight. She was very mature for her age, despite her somewhat playful attitude. Or perhaps more so because of it, he thought as he considered it further.

"But less about them…" She reached out an arm towards him, "And more about you," She tapped him lightly on the nose for emphasis. "You shouldn't try to be like Hojo, you know- or anyone for that matter. You like the way he can keep a clear head- a fine trait, and a rather helpful one, too. But an admirable trait doesn't make for an admirable person. Just because someone has an aspect about them you admire doesn't mean you should try to like everything else about them as well. If you try to emulate someone- anyone- entirely, you lose sight of the things you looked up to in the first place. You admire someone because they fit your ideals, not the other way around."

Cloud mulled over what she was saying, trying to place exactly what it was he looked up to in the first place, before this whole mess had started. Did he even know anymore?

"And its fine to want to get stronger- its fine to want to improve yourself and your magic as much as you can. …But not for the wrong reasons." She reached for the now empty tea cup in his hands, taking it away- but using her free hand to flip his own palm-side up, gently rubbing her thumb over the sensitive area marred by too much lightning casting. "…And I don't think anyone would push themselves this hard just for 'self-defense'…"

Cloud stared down at his own palm. Wrong reasons? Surely, he wasn't doing any of this for the wrong reasons… He remembered the shock when he had first seen everything iced over… of course not…of course I'm doing this for the right reasons… He remembered the desperation he felt as he ran towards his house… What did I used to look up to? Why can't I remember? Of course I'm doing this for the right reasons…He remembered running through his front door, and felt his eyes starting to sting, although he fought it back.

"Someone did something horrible. Someone did something terrible. And you should want to get stronger. You should want to be able to fight them."

…Of course… Her words seemed to unravel him, her sentences strands that poured from her mouth and wrapped around him, stripping away all that he thought had become concrete. He fought to reassure himself, but found his own voice drowned out by questions of what his ideals used to be and images of his frozen home, distracting him as he tried to will them away to make the stinging sensation leave his eyes.

"But you shouldn't want to get stronger for the purpose of killing them. You shouldn't want to get stronger to give them what they deserve. You need to fight for what has yet to pass, to prevent anyone else from experiencing the same pain. Or else, you'll lose sight of your own happiness trying to find your enemy's pain, and you might not be there to protect those you care about when they need you. You'll lose sight of you are, and what's important to you."

What's important to me? His frozen home fought for his focus. Fighting to protect… Keeping sight of myself… What did I look up to…? What were my ideals…? He felt as though he were close to finding something lost, piecing together scattered pieces to see the picture clearly, remembering something he'd forgotten…

"…Cloud… I wish you were… a warrior."

"Huh?"

"I wish you could fight. Real good. Just like… Sephiroth or something. Because nothing could get in your way, and there'd be no worries, right? I know you'd fight for me."

Ohmygod- Tifa! His thoughts seemed to freeze and pick up pace at the same time. Tifa… He had to find her. When was the last time he even thought about her? That night… it seemed so long ago now. Had he really lost sight of himself that badly…? Had she become as bad as he had? His home… the way it was the last time he saw it, before anything had happened, before he and Tifa had gotten themselves in a mess… the person he used to be…still was. His mother's frozen face flashed across his mind. The boy his mother knew.

He fought to collect his thoughts as he remembered himself, a silly fifteen year old boy who dreamed of heroes like Sephiroth and Zacks. He tried to suppress thoughts of his mother, fighting the tears welling up in his eyes, bringing a hand up to partially obscure his face from view. He realized Aerith had gone quiet, and slowly peeked through his fingers to look at her. And something inside him broke as he realized why her smile seemed so familiar.

It was just like his mother's.

It was the nicest smile he had ever seen. His breath hitched as tears he couldn't hold back fell from his eyes, which he now kept covered with his hand. He felt Aerith move closer to him, her arms lightly wrapping around his shoulders, and he flinched, but didn't pull away. She drew his head to her shoulder, running a hand over his hair and whispering words of reassurance as he cried.

It was getting rather late, and no one cared.