The Cruelest Cut
…a week later
Walter Nichols just had to be the one to get the phone call from Principal Raymond.
Audrey was working and he was taking a much-needed personal day off. He knew he
should have felt disappointed and very angry in Drake, but the truth was he was
disappointed in Josh. Drake was only reacting as any other typical adolescent boy
would under the circumstances.
Not that he wasn't going to approve on the methods. Of course, he didn't endorse what
Drake and some of the boys did to his other son. As far as Walter was concerned
Drake was provoked. He was going to have no problems telling his wife this fact.
Didn't everyone suddenly think the usually supportive Dad lost his heart? How come he
didn't have the right to be angry over something he didn't approve of? Did his attitude
really make him a bad person? Christ. What if this episode got printed in the
newspaper because he was a local celebrity? He was KDJY's finest weatherman who
has lost a Newsie award to Channel 12's Bruce Winchell for five years in a row. It's not
like he left Josh there on purpose. He could only take one of them home. Putting them
both in the same car would not be a good idea. But his little Nancy-Boy would be
phoning his wife and he'd be sleeping on the sofa…again.
Drake was slouching in the back of the red four dour dark red Buick sedan not saying
a word. He knew if it was just Walter, he might get a token two week grounding and
that'd be the end of it. But Audrey was going to blow her stack. He was so dead and
he was fully aware of the fact that his punishment was not going to be an easily
decided month long grounding. Two months would be more like it. It was easier to
remove the attachments to keep his status at school and that scared him.
He didn't want to do anything hurtful.
Drake Parker was trying to protect his self-image.
Once again, he did what he was best at.
4th period lunch
They were used to the laughter and the whispers. Mindy's mother cornered her (finally!)
and asked her due to the rumors that she was hearing "Is Josh a homosexual?"
Mindy was able to smile on the inside and answer honestly, "No."
And Mrs. Crenshaw went back to her denial and focused on taking little yellow pills
because the bright lights gave her a headache.
Josh/Dina and Mindy were reduced to eating their lunch at the tiny table by the kitchen
doors.
"You aren't eating." Mindy lightly reprimanded.
Josh/Dina stirred aimlessly stirred the vanilla pudding. The facial electrolysis was
starting next month. The first of many stages when there'd be no slash after his/her
name, when it would just be Dina Nichols. Some transgendered people chose their
name later, but Josh/Dina wanted this name since he/she was ten and met Dina Merrill
at summer camp. Andrea was chosen because of its prettiness.
"I'm not really hungry, Mindy."
"You need to eat, Dina. Did I compliment you on your pearls?"
"Yes. Like five damn times already."
"I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean to snap at you. Let's go outside for a walk."
Drake and the rest of his band of merry men were outside looking through the narrow
vertical rectangle window. They all had fifth period lunch. He had skipped Calvert's
boring American History class just to execute this plan.
"What luck! They're coming out for a romantic stroll! Parker, the envelope!" Jeff
ordered
"I got it…"
"Drop it. The Queer will pick it up." It was an ordinary white and green first class mail
envelope.
Drake didn't get to see the final touches on the 'card'. He and Amanda were making
out a little bit in the boy's locker room, as there was no three period class.
In blue Sharpie was a little heart next to the name Josh (only the Josh was crossed out
and replaced with Dina) Nichols and sure enough it was picked up.
"What's this?" Mindy asked
"I don't know." Josh/Dina replied.
They sat on the stoop as Drake and the guys who really weren't his friends were
watching from behind the bushes. Some kids were walking by. Of course there were
the pointers and snickers but no one seemed to really care that Josh/Dina and Mindy
were sitting on the wooden stoop.
"What if it's a prank?" Mindy was able to convince her parents that one of the off-
campus clubs doused her with the ink filled balloons for some kind of initiation
ceremony.
"It's a card….." It was a homemade multiple page card made of durable white
construction paper. The outside was decorated with tiny filigree hearts the kind you
decorated windows with. The writing was a fancy cursive script.
Good Luck on Your SurgeryJosh/Dina let a small smile escape the pink toned glossy lips.
Page 1: Breasts are ImportantCut outs from dirty magazines were taped all around the words. Most were naked, but
some were peeking out of delicate white push-up bras.
Page 2: Don't forget the VaginaMore ripped pictures showcasing the body part. Some were shaved clean of body
hair. Others were full of hair.
Page 3:
They were just words.
Dearest Josh (Dina),
We hoped these pictures helped you realize that you are a fucking freak. Now
don't cry…or maybe you should—so your dyke girlfriend can comfort you.
Is your mascara running? It shouldn't. For we here at Belleview have the
solution your problem. Turn the page, you pussy.
"You don't have to read anymore!" Mindy was about to snatch the card out of
Josh/Dina's hands
As the boys in the bushes were ready to congratulate themselves for another
humiliation well done.
"No, I want to read the rest."
Page 4:
It was a picture of model's neck. She was wearing a long strand of pearls. Taped to
the photograph was a razor and simulated by red marker blood.
Instant Surgery! And Good Riddance,
From your pals at Belleview High
Indicating suicide.
"Okay! Who did this?" Mindy stood up on the stoop ready to kick some ass.
"Stop it."
Josh/Dina was trying to stay composed but almost fainted on the spot when a bunch of
giggling boys were about to run away from their hiding place behind the bushes.
Drake?
"Drake?" He/She whispered.
Mrs. Hafer was one of the teacher's who was outside on that fateful afternoon and was
satisfied that she had Drake Parker by the arm.
"Do you and the rest of you gentlemen and I use that term loosely—think that this is
funny?"
Alice Hafer was one of the teacher's on the faculty who supported Josh/Dina and
his/her quest to be female. Decisions like that were not made overnight. The pain that
teenager had to be living under for so many years made her dig her nails deeper into
Drake's upper arm.
Too many people were swarmed around having to see what was going on.
"Come on," Mindy took the card and walked hand-in-hand with Josh/Dina to the
Principal's office.
"D—Dr—ake."
He must have been behind the ink balloons too.
The spitballs?
The gum in the library books?
The pain in his/her heart was making him harder to walk. Maybe, it was the modest
heels. Josh/Dina was perfectly willing to allow that some people just couldn't accept
these things, ready to blame the person who was only trying to live in their true bodies
instead of looking straight in the mirror at their own insecurities.
What happened to the years of sibling bonding?
Going to ride the demonator roller coaster, selling stolen Z-list celebrity grills and
having to spend an afternoon in prison, late night study sessions, mixing sodas, and
entering salsa (condiment) competitions?
How could Drake be so mean? So cruel? So devoid of feeling?
As soon as they got to Principal Raymond's office Josh/Dina's legs finally gave out
and thank god there was a chair to fall into. Mindy took charge and placed the card on
his desk wasting no time in naming names especially Drake's.
"How could Drake do this to me?" Over and over again was the chanting cry.
Mindy held his/her body tight.
'Because he's an asshole' was the reply she really wanted to give.
"Ssh. It'll be okay."
"Nichols, Crenshaw, you stay here." Principal Raymond left his office closing the door
behind him.
Mindy grabbed a bunch of tissues off the desk and wiped her lover's eyes.
"I bet my mascara is running now…"
"Mine is too. Do you want me to get you something to drink out of the vending
machine, Dina?"
The words were unheard.
"How could Drake do this to me? TO ME?"
Josh/Dina spent most of the time crying on Mindy's steadfast shoulder.
Maybe that razor blade across the neck wasn't such a bad idea after all.
1:30 PM
Walter dropped Drake off at the house so he could talk to Audrey in private. She
already got that phone call from "his son". Their whole family was being torn to shreds
by that freak. It hurt him to think it, but it was true to the father.
Drake went to fridge to grab a can of soda. He was already suspended for a week but
it was his Mother's punishment that he was the most fearful of.
The doorbell rang. Wasn't Megan expecting another gadget in the mail? He put the
soda can on top of the television and went to answer the door.
It was Mindy, her eyes were dark and she was out of breath.
"You fucking bastard!" She used all the pent up force she had and punched him in the
jaw.
She hit Drake so hard that he fell to the floor.
Mindy didn't mean, okay maybe she slightly did, to lie to Josh/Dina, but when she saw
Walter drive away and knowing that Drake was alone in the living room she had to
make her move. If anything it would give him/her plenty of time to go upstairs without
Drake noticing.
Not giving him a chance to respond while he was still on the floor. She kicked his hand
and wished she wearing a pointy heel instead of her sneakers. Mindy ran upstairs to
try and bandage the emotional wounds.
"DRAKE PARKER!"
Mommy's home and she didn't return with a pink and purple striped Brach's bag with
chocolate stars in it.
Drake managed to pull himself back up without any further instance.
"Mom---"
"I am so ANGRY and DISAPPOINTED in you! And you are going to sit on that sofa
and I will deal with you in a minute. First, I have to check on your SISTER."
How could Walter leave Dina there? His excuse of not wanting to put Drake and Josh
in the same car was just that, a lame fucking excuse. Same as for the reasoning that
Drake was provoked. Walter Nichols was always a kind and fair man. It was one of
things that made him attractive to her. They kind of agreed-to-disagree on the topic
gender reassignment surgery and just take things day-by-day…but this day. She knew
deep down that in that cruel way of the hen's pecking a weak link Walter had approved
of what Drake and the rest of those boys did. Walter was not the type of man who said
a snarky comment if he saw someone who was different. He never gave her any
inclination that he even thought this way.
Maybe, she was more liberal, but all she felt right now was sick.
Audrey knocked on the door and waited for the "come in". Mindy was rubbing Dina's
back. She was crying—sobbing into her pillow.
"Mom's here." Audrey pulled up a chair. It was one of those old wooden chairs that
formed a heart shape in the center that you used to see at ice-cream fountains.
Drake used to stand up on this chair when he was a little kid and wanted cookies out
of the dragon shaped jar.
Another voice came calling out from downstairs.
"MINDY!"
"Oh fuck," She let out in an exhausted tone.
Mrs. Crenshaw sprinted up the stairs.
"Mom…."
"You're LEAVING. You are NOT welcome in this house anymore and you will terminate
your relationship with this---"
'Say Queer and I will punch you in the face' Audrey thought
"MOM!"
"Mindy, I'm not playing around!"
"I love you, Dina." Mindy would have kissed her on the lips if she weren't face down in
the pillow. So she settled for the cheek.
She wasn't going to stop seeing Dina just because her mother was a prejudiced,
bigoted anal-retentive bitch. Right now she would just humor the old hag. Mindy waited
for her mother to turn around and gave a knowing wink to Audrey.
"I'll be back." She mouthed.
"Oh Baby," Audrey stood up and turned Dina face up before she suffocated in that
pillow, "I love you so much."
"I—I love you too, Mom."
Her hug felt so good.
"Now, I have take care of something and I'll be back, okay?" She wiped away Dina's
tears with her hand.
"Okay…I'm exhausted. I think I'll take a nap."
"You rest." One more kiss on the cheek before softly closing the door behind her.
"Finally!" Drake hated to be kept waiting, he knew his tone was a little snotty. He still
didn't expect his own mother to smack him hard across the face.
"That's enough of your mouth! I did not raise you this way. I don't know how you could
do this to Dina….do you think you are the only one to have a problem adjusting? What
about your sister upstairs? Are you that selfish to realize how difficult it was to reveal
herself? You and your father are prizes that's for sure. Having trouble dealing with
news like this is hard. It's tough for EVERYONE. But you crossed the line…grounding
you seems too simple, like giving a killer the dealth penalty…I'd make you go upstairs
now and apologize to your sister for your cruel deeds, but that will just make matters
worse. Something that Dina does not need----so this stops today. I called your Uncle
Richard and he's agreed to take you in until Dina makes the transition."
"But he lives in Washington state!" Not to mention he hasn't seen Uncle Richard since
he was eleven. Who had a full beard and whose favorite joke was "pull my finger".
Audrey stepped closer, "You are really trying my patience, Drake. I don't care what
band commitments you had—but I called the managers of every club you played at and
resigned your services. You are being punished. What you choose to do when you turn
eighteen is your business I cannot stop you. But from now until your birthday---I OWN
YOU. NOW GO UPSTAIRS AND PACK. Clothes only. Your guitars stay here." She
took the one way Greyhound bus ticket out of her brown blazer pocket to prove in a
tangible way that she wasn't kidding around.
Drake was an obstinate prick and quietly opened Josh/Dina's door.
Aww, was the freak sleeping?
He closed the door and walked over to the bed. Ashamed of the earrings, the make
up, the girl's clothes….just ashamed period.
"Wake up," Drake touched his/her shoulder
The eyes were open, but no words could come out.
"I want you to remember something, Josh, Dina, whatever your fucking name is. You
ARE a freak! And I don't regret any of it! I'm only sorry I got caught. Thanks to you I
have to stay with Uncle Richard. Remember these words, I fucking hate you and I still
wish that you were dead!"
Drake turned around and walked away leaving the door slightly open because he
could.
Josh/Dina's eyes filled up with more water. This was the worst feeling of all. Losing
family unfortunately was a part in many of the transgender community.
It was painful to not have the love and support of Dad. But it was worse somehow to
not have those feelings with his step (never a step to him) brother.
If that's how Drake wanted it…
He/She slid back into the covers and held the pillows as if they were Mindy's body.
"…i love you, drake. i'll always love you."
The sleep would be jagged, the dreams, nightmares—but the three long legal years it
would take to be recognized as Dina Andrea Nichols would be worth it even if it meant
losing the brother and father he/she loved dearly. Even if they would never love back in
return…No matter how much it broke the heart, it was a sacrifice that needed to be
made.
If only they could understand.
Author's Note: Midie regarding your previous review: I was saving Josh/Dina's major
reaction for this chapter. The/slashes for the dual names will disappear after a
certain point in this story. It's a pain to remember to do that, but I'm doing so for a
story reason.