Stupid Coffee Filters
…Same day
It was another empty dinner at the family table. Josh/Dina wanted to eat upstairs and
Walter didn't say a damn word to at least try and rectify the state of affairs. Megan
didn't want to be a bother and ate her bowl of beef stew quietly. She couldn't even
stomach an extra crescent shaped roll and they were her favorite. She sprinted
upstairs to change her clothes because Audrey said it was okay for her to go to the
Premiere with her school pal Katie and her mother as long as she was home before
nine-thirty.
All Audrey wanted to do was reorganize her recipe cards that she kept in a cobalt
blue metal box and finish a cup of orange blossom tea.
She was trying to be the glue determined to keep the family together. Although with
Walter being an ass and Drake being miserable in Washington, determined not to
learn a damn thing, this was shaping up to be a rather futile effort.
Audrey just needed some quiet time. She never thought she'd have the feeling of
dread rise up in her throat when Walter Nichols walked in the kitchen.
Her husband was the man who was supposed to be the opposite of dread, who was
supposed to be everything wonderful that he used to be.
That was until he showed his true colors by rejecting his daughter's feelings.
"Goddamn it! The stupid coffee filters are stuck inside each other!" Walter slammed
the open cupboard door. "Why do you buy the cheap ones, Audrey?"
"Am I supposed to believe that you really want to fight about coffee filters, Walter?"
"I just came in here to make a pot of coffee…which you were supposed to do instead
of tending to—"
She slammed her recipe box. It proved that everyone in this house knew how to bang
things and have tantrums.
Audrey stood up,
"Say it."
"You didn't even consult me when you sent Drake away to your uncle's house in
Washington."
"If it weren't for me you probably would have congratulated him for all the hurtful
pranks he's pulled on Dina."
"His name IS Josh!"
"You are not the same Walter Nichols that I fell in love with. Why can't you accept the
fact that our son is severely unhappy? Why can't you grasp that Josh is Dina and your
son is now your daughter. And is going through a very difficult for many reasons
transition. What is so difficult for you to understand?"
"It's not natural. What I should do is make him go to a good therapist."
"A good therapist? You mean a bigoted one who thinks the transgendered person is
the one with the problem?"
Audrey knew she told Walter eons ago about Dr. Marx. It didn't seem to matter
mentioning to him now.
"I'd like to know what made you the expert in this all of a sudden. Did you go the
library and read one book?"
"Fuck you, Walter."
This whole conversation was hurting her. Walter Nichols used to be the sweetest
most caring man who helped her get over a broken heart. Who made her believe in
second chances. It always takes a family situation on this level that shows a person's
true feelings.
Did this mean everything prior with her husband was one big lie?
"That's a nice thing to say, Audrey. I'm glad I see your true feelings."
"My true feelings? You're the one who can't accept who your daughter is."
"I only have one daughter."
"You're not the man I thought you were. You disappoint me, Walter Nichols." Audrey
couldn't shout anymore. She was tempted to put the contents of the still warm teacup
down his pants, but he wasn't worth the effort.
Message to FMTransTalk:
From: DNicholsThey're fighting again. Mom and Dad are fighting over me. This hurts so much. All
I wanted to do was put my dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Jesus Christ—what if
they divorce because of me?
Veronica, I got your snail mail at my p.o. box. Thank you so much for your
beautiful words and for trusting me with a copy of your before and after pictures so I
can show the doctor. It's nice not to have to show a picture of a stranger or a nude
movie star (which in a sense is also a stranger). You'll have to pardon my
rambling. I'm in tears. It means a lot that my mother (even if she's not my biological
mother) is sticking up for me so. But at the cost of her marriage to my Dad—who
before this was the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. I put these dark clouds over
my family. Sometimes I think that the world would be better off without me. (I'm not
going to do it, but sometimes I do think of suicide). And I miss my brother Drake.
My heart aches for him so. I was going to go to Sephora and check out the new
NARS blush shades for the season, but I think I'm just going to take a long, hot,
bath and cry while I shave my legs.
Hugs to the best internet group ever,
Dina Nichols
P.S.—According to the timeline you sent Randi—It says I should be starting
therapy. I've been in therapy (for gender issues) since junior high. LOL
message sent.