Complications
…3 months later
Mindy sat on her porch. It was raining through the sunshine. She had her digital camera
on her lap and thought it'd be a good time for the heavens to create a rainbow. She was
nervous and had no one to talk to. Dina had enough problems and so did her mother.
Mindy didn't want to add to all the unpleasantness. Something was bugging her. Well, a
few things were annoying her lately. The uneducated (even those with actual college
degrees) who didn't see their obviously bigotry. People like Walter Nichols who couldn't
see this happening. It wasn't real to him. It wasn't true to his universe so therefore it
couldn't be genuine. This was going on in more homes in the world then he probably
could never face the facts to admit to anyone even himself. Her girlfriend thought she
was the one responsible for breaking up the family unit when in reality it was Walter and
Drake. At least the latter was in Washington. Too bad he couldn't be on Saturn. No
make that Pluto. No make that out of the Milky Way. She was able to tolerate her
ignorant parents they had no interaction with Dina. What the Crenshaw's thought didn't
matter. It carried no weight. They were strangers. Just like the ignorant masses that
would say things in their speeding cars through their open windows.
Mindy took a folded pamphlet out of her jeans pocket. Did it have to go this far? No, she
wasn't having doubts. She bit her lip turning her head around to make sure her parents
weren't in the open doorway. Mindy stood up and went to the small table on porch to
reach for her cell phone.
"…I'll get her for you."
"No, Audrey. I'd like to talk to you---Actually, I'd rather talk to someone else. The last
thing you need is more tension."
"Don't worry about it. Do you want to meet at Rutherford's in a half hour?"
"Yes. Are you sure it's okay?"
"Of course it is, Mindy."
The rain stopped. She scanned the sky and had her camera ready, but alas, no
rainbow.
Mindy put her hands through the silk scarves that were on display in the women's
section on the first floor by the side entrance. How fitting that they meet in this section of
the store.
She actually liked the yellow one for herself. Mindy was more feminine than anyone gave
her credit for.
"Hello, Mindy."
The poor girl jumped about ten feet in the air.
"Hi, Audrey."
"I'm sorry I scared you."
"No—I'm just a nervous wreck. Like you probably are."
She must have made about a hundred folds in the brochure.
"Did you want to talk about what's in your hand?"
"Yeah. And I can't very well do it with Dina…I'm afraid we'll argue. This scares me so
much."
"I know. I have the same pamphlet too. You're not alone, honey. This step frightens me
the most of all the steps. Come on, let me take you to third floor and we'll grab a
coffee—better make that decaf—and we can sit and talk about things."
Mindy sighed, "Thank you, Audrey. I didn't want to add to your plate."
"No worries. We're all in this together."
They were. Except for Drake and Walter who decided to make it all about them with no
cares for Dina, Audrey, Megan, and anyone else in the family who dared to be pro in
this con mainstream world.
It was three hours later when Audrey came home. It was good to be able to have a
sounding board in Mindy. Both were concerned for Dina's welfare and only wanted the
best for her.
The house was quiet. Megan was in her room doing her homework racking up empty 'A'
pluses for subjects that didn't really matter. Audrey knocked on Dina's door. She'd have
done the same if it were Josh.
"Come in." Josh/Dina started his/her online diary. It was one thing to be able to talk on
discussion boards and have meetings in Santa Monica with the ones who lived close.
And talking in therapy could be just as much overly clinical as it was helpful. But writing
ones own thoughts out was a form of therapy itself.
…The shocked people say they can't see this happening. In their world all they can
see is Josh Nichols and they can't get passed that. These are the well-meaning
people. Sometimes I prefer the stone and insult throwers at least they're genuine. The
ones who start a sentence with "I don't hate you, but…"—I wonder at night, when they
say that, they really mean they do hate me and they can't accept who I really am…It
reminds me of the brave homosexual coming out stories, you really can tell who your
real friends are…Later
"Hi." Audrey sat on the bed.
"Is everything all right, Mom?"
"I had a talk with Mindy."
"I knew it," He/She threw a pencil in the air, "She wants to break up with me…I can't say I
blame her----"
"Dina, Mindy does not want to break up with you."
Josh/Dina would blame the hormones if it weren't the fact that nervous worry was part of
his/her personality since day one.
"What is it then?"
"You've been very honest and that's very admirable. So, I want to be just as honest and
say we're both apprehensive about the surgery."
"You mean the vaginoplasty?"
"No—well yes, but not in the way you think. Mindy and I are worried about the FFS."
The facial feminization surgery seemed to have more risks than any of the other
surgeries combined. A person could just as well die from a tonsillectomy. But tell that to
a concerned parent and girlfriend.
"Mom," Josh/Dina sat on the bed next to her and put his/head on Audrey's shoulder, "I'm
scared too. I really am."
You needed the face to be believable. Otherwise everything else was moot.
Most people in the community said it was more important to have the face. If your face
wasn't done correctly or if you thought you could pass without any surgery more doors
were open for ridicule as well as the doors that closed for job interviews. Granted a
good lawyer could get you out of the latter problem but who wants to spend their whole
life in litigation?
"Blood clots, pneumonia, necrosis, facial paralysis, allergic reactions that cause
shock….the list goes on. We just want you to know there are other options."
"What other options, Mom? The face is the key to my new life. If I had an effeminate face
I might be able to get away with it. Just like some people I know who don't need the
bony work done and only need soft tissue work. I know there's many risks involved…it's
what keeps me up at night the most. But I cannot run away now."
"I know, Honey. I love you so much. If anything happened to you---"
"I love the both of you for caring so."
She hugged her daughter tight. Noticing the feel of the small developing breasts from
the hormone therapy. Audrey hoped that Dina wouldn't go too far on the breast
augmentation surgery. If you weren't believable you were destined to a life of scorn
forever.
You couldn't stop the bigots of the world. Whether they protested in the streets throwing
tomatoes (or worse) or they were just armchair name callers like Archie Bunker you
were powerless to stop them.
"You will have the best care that money can buy."
Josh/Dina wished at that moment for a cigarette. Who cared about a 'little lung cancer'
at this point?
"Mom---I don't get why you care so much. You were supportive right from the start with
no grieving time. My question is why?"
"Because," Audrey smoothed her bangs, "I love you. But I don't think that's what you're
getting at." She had to stand up to stretch her legs.
"No. There's something else."
"You're right, Dina, and I should have told you this the moment you bared your soul a few
months ago. When I was a freshmen at USC my roommate was Louise Duncan, I had
no idea she was born Louis Dougan. Even back then if you could get a great surgeon it
made all of the difference. She was able to get her surgery at sixteen in Europe. But,
what I remember most was the vivid hatred from our classmates when the word came
out. And how most of the staff was not supportive. She never finished that semester and
one morning when I woke up she was gone. This was before the days of instant
messaging and the internet and I've tried looking for her. Just to tell her I remember our
brief friendship and that I'm sorry for all the terrible things that happened to her."
Josh/Dina stood up, "I'm sorry too. This is complicated enough without having to deal
with prejudice. It hurts a great deal when they are in your own family."
"I had a feeling Louise ran—even though she already had the surgery and could pass. I
think she retreated to where no one would know her name. And I don't want you to run,
Dina. We'll get through this."
"If I can put up with four hour painful electrolysis sessions…I know I can get through the
rest."
"That's my GIRL."
"You're the best, Mom."
Audrey Nichols was the best mom ever. Josh/Dina was lucky to have that much needed
support. He/She wanted to ask about Drake, but Mom was always hesitant with the
information. All that was known was that she reunited her son with his guitars. One of the
worst complications of all transition wasn't the physical; it was the mental part of the
equation.
Drake was needed and due to his own ignorance and intolerance he was a miserable
angry teen in Washington.
"What's wrong? You look like you want to cry." Maybe it was just hormonal. Birth women
went through those feelings all the time, transgendered male to females were no
different.
More hugs as Audrey felt the solid sobs on her shoulder.
"I miss Drake. Sometimes, I need him more than I do Dad. We shared so many
moments together. I miss Drake so much, Mom. I need him. I really could use his
support right now. I need him..."
And the band played on….