A/N: Hello again readers! I've been wanting to delve into that rocky period of Jim and Johanna's marriage for some time now; I was able to delve into the beginnings of it in my Christmas story Let Your Heart Be Light; and then touched upon it again in a three chapter arc of And Many More and a brief chapter of Snapshots. A few details have been mentioned in other stories as well and now it's time to flesh it all out like I've been wanting to. I don't usually write prologue's but was compelled to this time…and don't worry, the first chapter will go back in time (set right after chapters 7-9 of And Many More if you need a re-read) and go forward. Thanks for sticking with me as always!

Prologue - Late May 1984

Johanna Beckett breathed deeply, her pen hovering over the papers lying in front of her on her desk. She kept hesitating; this wasn't something that she wanted to do. In fact, it was the last thing she wanted to do…and yet her battered heart was beginning to agree with that little voice in the back of her head that was telling her that she should get it done...just in case. She didn't plan on using the documents right away…in fact she hoped not to use them at all…but her heart and her mind seemed to be so in sync lately when usually they battled between decisions; both of them telling her that it was best to be prepared for that inevitable moment when her last remaining shred of hope was lost and she had no choice but to produce them. She closed her eyes, the house was still and quiet as night settled in around it, making her ache with loneliness. She wasn't sure that she had ever felt as lonely as she had the last few months.

Johanna glanced across the room at Jim's desk; the top of it cluttered and unorganized as usual but his chair was empty…just like his chair had been vacant at the kitchen table that evening. Another weighted breath slipped across her lips; her husband was off again on yet another business trip…Richmond this time, if she recalled correctly…and she could admit that she might be wrong…because she got so tired of those last minute announcements of his departures that sometimes her anger burned the names of the cities he rattled off while packing his suitcase. Another night without him…another night spent waiting for the phone to ring…waiting to hear if he was drunk or sober…harsh or the man she used to know…the man he rarely showed her anymore. Another night of wondering why this life he was chasing now was so much more appealing than the one he had built with her. More hours spent analyzing everything she had said and done since last summer; trying to find that moment when it had gone wrong; wondering what she could've done to keep it from falling apart…wondering what she could do to save it or if she even could at this point no matter how desperately she wanted to save it.

Tears stung her eyes and she forced herself to look away from his desk; her gaze landing on a small pile of blocks that Katie had abandoned beneath the window the evening before when she had played in there while she had done some work. The house already felt empty with Jim's absence…and it was positively hollow without the chatter and energy of her four year old daughter. She could've kept Katie home that evening but her little girl had been so excited by the idea of a sleepover with her cousin Claire that she didn't have the heart to say no. She always enjoyed her time with her cousins so much and it was good for her…especially now when tensions had been so high. She didn't blame Katie for wanting to go; she needed playtime with her cousins…and she knew her child was feeling the tension and the absence of her father. If she had a place to escape to for awhile she'd probably run with the opportunity too…but for her there was no escape…just lonely nights, regrets, desperation.

Johanna leaned back in her chair; she had a feeling that she wasn't hiding the mess that her life was becoming very well. Her mother was watching her cautiously, commenting that she looked thinner…her father occasionally blatantly questioning if she was being abused. Her brother was looking at her with a hint of worry and so was Valerie. Valerie thought she was giving her a reprieve that evening by taking Katie for a sleepover. She had hugged her tightly; told her to take the evening for herself…go see a movie, go out with friends…stay home and take a bubble bath and enjoy a glass of wine. She told her to ignore the chores…not to sit by the phone…to not worry about Katie or work or anything; that she should just be for the evening. Take time for herself to relax and unwind, knowing that her baby was in safe capable hands. Her suggestions were easier said than done however. She didn't feel like going out to some bar or club…her husband did enough of that for both of them. She didn't want to see a movie alone…didn't want to go out and eat alone either. So in effort to follow her sister-in-law's advice, she had made a fast food run for her dinner. She had ignored the dishes in the sink and the rest of the chores that she could've gotten done quickly without Katie underfoot. She took the bubble bath…the glass of wine was setting on her desk…next to the phone that wouldn't ring and a framed family photo taken two years before.

With that thought in mind, Johanna reached for her glass and took a long sip before positioning her pen over the papers once more; forcing it to touch them this time.

Full name of Petitioner: Johanna Elizabeth Beckett

Her stomach churned as she filled in her birthdate, address, length of residency and listed her occupation before the pen hovered over the next section of lines until she forced the pen to move once again.

Full name of Spouse/Respondent: James Robert Beckett

Date of Marriage: August 18, 1977

Johanna filled in the details of his birth and residency and where their marriage had taken place and who had performed it, marking the box that she did have a copy of their marriage certificate. She moved further down the page, her heart aching more as she reached the next section.

Children under the age of eighteen: Yes

Full name and Birthdate of Minor Children: Katherine Houghton Beckett – November 17, 1979

Her eyes stung with tears as she read over what she had already written before moving on to the next line.

Reason for Petition of Divorce:

Johanna took a shuddering breath, her heart speeding up a little as she put her pen against the line; praying that she was doing this for nothing…that somehow things would turn out alright before she was pushed to the absolute limit and had no choice but to hand him the papers…but her hope was dimming more every day and she forced her pen to move across the line; preparing for the worst as the silence of the phone mocked her.

Irreconcilable Differences.

Her throat grew tight and she reached for her glass of wine once more, taking a long sip and allowing a tear to spill down her cheek. She felt like they could mend those differences if Jim would just meet her halfway…or even a quarter of the way. She could compromise if he'd just try…but he just kept letting her down time after time and it was tearing her apart inside. With that thought in mind, she continued through the paperwork, working her way through each page as she detailed her complaint and then reached the section of what she wanted to retain from the marriage.

-Petitioner is seeking full legal and physical custody of the minor child, Katherine Houghton Beckett; with an agreement for visitation and reasonable child support from the respondent.

-Petitioner is asking to retain the family home.

-Petitioner is asking to retain personal vehicle.

-Petitioner is asking for equal division of marital accounts.

Her eyes skimmed the lines, making sure she hadn't missed anything in her small list of demands and checking no beside the box asking if she was petitioning for spousal support or alimony. That was the last thing she wanted…she didn't even really like including a request for child support but Katie was his child and he should continue to help raise her in the financial sense if nothing else.

She blew out a breath as she continued on; already aware of which documents she would need to provide; the length of time her husband would have to respond…that there would have to be mediation and a settlement that they were both happy with before the judge would grant a divorce.

Divorce…good God, how had they gotten to this place where she was actually filling out divorce papers? This wasn't what she wanted. She loved him; she loved the life they had built together…at least she had loved it up until he had changed so drastically in his quest to keep climbing the ladder of success. Chasing that success had turned him into a man obsessed with work. It was turning him into a drunk…it was making him into someone who lied, broke promises and was harsh and judgmental. She still loved him with all of her heart though; she didn't want to imagine a life without him. Her husband had been her best friend, her confidant…he had been her everything…and now he seemed like a stranger more often than not; a roommate who came home once in awhile to complain and then leave again. She wasn't sure if he still loved her…wasn't even sure he was all that interested in being a father to his daughter anymore. More tears spilled down her cheeks as she stared at the papers, her mind traveling back a few months, reminding her of just how they had gotten to this place.