Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with the world of JAG, no infringement of any rights intended. Any resemblance to people or events in real life is purely coincidental (or approved by those people)
A/N: Ugh. I know it took forever to post this, but the mood just didn't strike, and though I had it mostly figured out the words wouldn't come. As always, heart-felt thanks to the wonderful people who read and review!
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"What do you mean? She was doing fine! She was practically on her way out, and suddenly one morning she wakes up and doesn't remember anything since the bombing?" Harm was pacing Dr. Reut's office and finally stopped, leaning against a filing cabinet and focusing his stare on the woman seated behind the desk.
"Yes, Commander, it happens. As with many aspects of comatose treatment, it is as of yet unexplained, but it's been known to happen. The patients apparently need to repress the whole recovery process, it being too long or too emotionally scaring. Sometimes they regain those memories." She raised a hand before Harm could interrupt, "but, sometimes they don't. What you need to do right now is to be happy about Ms. MacKenzie's physical condition and help her back to full health, both physical and mental."
Returning the piercing gaze that had been directed at her moments before, Reut knew her point got across when Harm's shoulders sagged slightly, but were immediately straightened with new resolve.
"Thank you, doctor. Once again." His smile wasn't the exuberant one she'd seen him flash over the past week, but it was a smile and it was a start.
Exiting Reut's office, Harm headed back to Mac's room and found her asleep. He walked slowly around her bed and sat down beside her. Tal had excused herself from the awkward situation much earlier and so they'd been left alone. It was a slow day in the hospital and his thoughts echoed louder than usual inside his head.
She was doing so well. There was no point in dwelling on that, he knew, but once the mind starts going it's pretty futile to try and stop it. Earlier, when they were waiting for the doctor to come and see Mac, there was no talking, but they were carefully examining one another, completing a circular bond by holding hands and gazes.
She'd warmed up to his constant touches and shows of affection throughout her recovery, coming to respond very positively to them, he thought. And now she remembered nothing of it. She was completely bewildered when she woke up that morning, and he saw the confusion caused by his touches as well. Decidedly annoyed at his line of thought, Harm pushed it all away and focused back on her physical form. It was only then he noticed she was staring at him.
Without thinking he reached for her hand and was immediately grateful when she didn't flinch or back away.
He was completely heart-broken and Mac looked like she'd lost years of her life. Well, maybe not years, but a month was most certainly lost, probably never to return again. He figured what shocked her most, though, was the way he looked. He'd been in a state of complete and total shock, probably a lot like he looked when he first saw her on that hospital bed, still in a coma. Once again, she put all personal concerns aside and turned her attention to him and whatever was bothering him.
"What's wrong, flyboy? You look like you've just lost your best friend."
Harm, who had momentarily cast his eyes towards their joined hands, quickly looked up and unknowingly sent a charge coursing through her. A sad smile graced his lips and Mac wished he was close enough for her to hold even closer.
Like a country at war; in times of trouble they clung to each other with the resolve of cement drying around an iron pole. All the barriers and obstacles of daily life seemed to fade to the background and all that had been forbidden was suddenly out in the open.
"I still haven't stopped thanking God that I haven't..." Harm finally uttered.
His gaze always had the ability to make her insides flutter, and his warm words only added to that. She reached another hand for him, caressing his cheek. Leaning into her touch, Harm gave a small sigh. When his eyes opened again, Mac had to suppress a gasp at the tears shimmering in his eyes.
"I'm alright." Mac stressed her words by squeezing the hand she held. Surprising her yet again, Harm turned his face in her palm and placed a tender kiss to it.
The man who'd made an art form out of putting up a stoic front was laying bare anything she'd ever wanted to know right before her. But all that would have to wait. First she had to know what her mind was holding back from her, how was it that they'd reached this point. She felt cheated. Like someone just decided she couldn't handle the knowledge and so took it from her. She felt like yelling "I'm a Marine, I can take it!" at that intangible force, but had to force her muscles to unclench, if only for the sake of the man who seemed to occupy most of her thoughts and field of vision.
Gaining his attention by once again squeezing his hand, this time with both of hers, she tried to recharge his mental reserves with her touch and the look in her eyes. He was her rock, had always been and will always be; she had to restore his strength.
"Tell me." She whispered her plea and watched a battle rage behind his eyes. "I want to remember, Harm." Her voice grew stronger. "I need to."
The battle was won, his expression turned decisive and strong willed. With a small nod Harm gave Mac the short version of her hospitalization. She took it all in quietly, never once interrupting him, for fear he'd stop altogether. When he finally ceased talking, he wouldn't look at her, just kept staring at their joined hands as if it was the only thing keeping him from sinking straight through the floor.
Mac was taking her time, slowly dealing with all she'd just heard. No memories came but just looking at Harm was enough to drive home any point he made. She could only imagine what it would've been like had the roles been reversed. She would've been devastated.
So many thoughts and feelings tumbled around her mind, so many strings flailing about, trying to tie together and form the needed connections. But no, it all stayed blank. Her mouth opened to speak several times, but no appropriate sounds would come out.
And so it was in this jumble of thoughts that Harm caught her unaware, with a simple movement of his thumb over her knuckles. As the nerve endings shot the message to her messy mind, her gasp was an impulsive reaction she didn't manage to control.
She was unjustly prevented from reacting fast enough to stop Harm from leaving the room. In the time it took him to drop her hand, mumble an apology, get up and walk away, Mac only managed to close her mouth and belatedly follow his movements. He interpreted her reaction completely wrong, she knew that much, but foremost in her mind was the need to keep him next to her. Her heart was beating in her head and blocking her airways, the fear of being left without him too much to bear.
"Harm." His name was but a whisper on her lips. Her eyes widened, she knew he didn't hear her. He was just past the threshold, every step taking him farther away. With strength she was glad to find she still had, she swallowed her heart down, down still and forced a breath into her lungs. "Harm!"
He turned around and relief flooded her with such vigor, she was actually shaking.
Harm stopped and stood very still. He saw Mac's wide eyes staring at him, from there her face, tightened in an expression he rarely witnessed on his Marine, and her shivering frame, pale against the hospital sheets. He started walking back.
As he neared her bed, Mac's hand lifted slowly and she reached out to him, a small smile on her lips, her breathing a bit ragged. He took her hand in his carefully, still unsure what he should think. He walked away because he felt he was overwhelming her and wanted to regroup and gain control over his feelings, but she called out and reeled him back in and there was nothing he could do to refuse her.
Sitting down, it took Harm a few more minutes to look up at Mac, in hope he was ready to deal with whatever she had to say.
"Please don't leave me." Mac wasn't proud of her inability to keep her voice from breaking at the end of the sentence, and she drew another breath in an effort to stay calm. "Don't leave me, Harm."
Harm on his part, almost broke down there and then. "Never." He covered her hand with both of his and squeezed tight, though he wasn't sure who was giving whom strength at this point. "I'll never leave you, Sarah."
Mac bit back a sob and flashed Harm a watery smile. There was so much to say but her mind was still a mess and there would be enough time for that later. For now she knew everything she needed to know, the rest would come in due time.
Harm brushed her hair back from her face, though it wasn't really in the way, very much relieved when her smile only widened at his touch. They were going to be ok.
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The next two days flew by in a flurry of activity. Mac and Harm both agreed to focus on getting her well enough physically to get out of the hospital and deal with everything else afterwards. They informed the General and family and friends of Mac's current condition, assuring them that this wasn't a step back in any way that mattered. Gil, Tal, Ester and Simon conveyed their sympathies but did not come to visit, choosing together to give the couple the space they needed to deal with this development and fight their way out of it. Also, the idea of facing Mac with more things and people she didn't remember seemed like a bad one.
Once again, Harm and Mac proved to be a spectacular team, two powers of magnificent proportions fused together with one clear goal – going home.
Papers were received and sent back, flights were booked, people were notified, and the world kept on turning.
It was a crisp Friday morning as Harm stood behind Mac, sitting in her wheel chair, outside of the hospital. Dr. Reut had come to see them off and was standing beside them, watching the white military car approach.
"Thank you, doctor." Harm turned to her, "for everything." He shook her hand warmly with an equally warm smile.
"You're most welcome, come visit if you're ever in Israel again." Reut smiled back at them both with a twinkle in her eye, and reached down to shake Mac's outstretched hand as well.
All three chuckled lightly as the white car came to a stop in front of them and a harried looking young man jumped out of it with a flood of activity and words.
"Sir, Ma'am, I'm so sorry I'm late, there was traffic because of an accident and then the car had trouble climbing uphill and I had to stop and let it cool down and-"
"Gil!" Harm and Mac's voices were joined by Reut's, who'd managed to hear the kid quite a few times over the Colonel's stay under her care, and the young man quieted immediately.
"It's good to see you, Gil." Mac broke the awkward silence. "Thank you for coming to take us to the airport."
Slightly exuberant yet again, Gil smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way. I got all of your things that were left in Tel Aviv and all your papers and everything. Shall we?"
Mac looked up at Harm, who carefully helped her into a standing position and guided her in the few steps needed to get into the car. With a last wave and thanks to Reut, they were off.
Her arms crossed in front of her, the doctor squinted her eyes against the sun and watched the car drive away. When it finally disappeared she shook her head in amusement and headed back inside. It was days like this that made her really love her job, though she had little to do with the miraculous recovery. Some people were a true inspiration.
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It seemed like the flight from Jordan to Israel was only a few days ago. Mac watched the mainly yellow land beneath the plane's wing, becoming smaller and farther away, replaced by the blue of the Mediterranean Sea. She had one hand deeply entrenched in Harm's, while the other fingered a small white envelope.
The envelope held a simple greeting card. A simple greeting card filled with plain handwriting in three languages that would always remind her of a small troubled country and of four dedicated and warm human beings who had gotten them both through one of the harder times in their lives.
"Thank you." She whispered quietly, mostly to herself.
"Did you say something?"
Oh how she loved him. So attentive, so everything she ever wished for. Looking up into his eyes, for once no thoughts of inadequacy flooded her mind; life was just too short to ignore what you really want. For any reason.
Blue eyes followed her head as it left the headrest and drew closer. A small tilt upwards was all it took to bring their lips together.
The pressure on her hand from his suddenly increased as he added pressure against her lips. She had managed to surprise him and his immediate and unrestrained response made her giddy all over.
Not daring to deepen the kiss without further reassurance from Mac, Harm only whispered her given name, unable to think or utter anything else.
"I love you, Harm."
And there it was. In a moment of emotion and guards that were down, the truth tumbled out and it was the most natural phrase she had ever expressed. She did, she loved him, in every sense of the word. Obstacles were plenty and varied but she knew she couldn't keep it locked away anymore.
Harm's only reaction was to cup her face in both hands and kiss her as if his very life depended on it. With her hands at his arms, it was all Mac could do to hold on and receive his heady injection.
"Wow, sailor." She breathed when he let her up for air. "Recovering comatose patient here... have some compassion..."
He accepted her gasping tease with a chuckle and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you so much, Mac. I just can't-"
The touch of her lips on his quieted Harm, and the rest of his sentence was replaced by an expelled breath of slight frustration.
"I know, Harm... I know." Reveling in the sudden freedom, Mac caressed his cheek softly, as she loved to do and did whenever she figured the situation allowed it. "One step at a time."
Still enjoying the newness in his kisses, she met him for another one – slow and deep and full of emotion.
They both knew it would take time and patience to rebuild the relationship they longed for, but they were up for the challenge. One of them had the memories to prove that point, the other had a card and a pair of unwavering pools of truth.
The aircraft ascended higher and higher, above the clouds and into the true blue of the earth's sky. The sun sent its rays towards the aircraft's windows among other things, filtering through the double glass to warm an already steaming union of hearts and minds.
Blood flushed Mac's cheeks as Harms tongue skimmed her upper lip from the inside. The warmth was beginning to become unbearable and they were only kissing, still aware of their public location. Stealing a breath she leaned even more into Harm's arms and reached out, trying to cool them down somewhat.
Those stray rays of light suddenly found themselves reflected off an opaque window and turned elsewhere, leaving one couple in a newfound peace that in an ironic sort of way was created by a hateful act of war.
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Not quite the end – epilogue to follow.
Thanks so much for sticking with me and this story so far!