Author's Note:

Hello, wonderful readers! Thanks again for reading and for commenting. (Reading comments is my guilty pleasure haha). This chapter has a whole bunch of potentially triggering content around just generally poor mental health. This includes depression, anxiety, panic disorders, PTSD, etc. In fact, since a big chunk of this story is about Juniper and her mental health, I'll probably just make this a blanket warning for the rest of the fic. (Don't worry! Juniper will be okay, I promise). Cool? Cool! Now please enjoy a chapter I myself have reread dozens of times.

~The Cursed One

"Um, Manderly?" Deku was fidgeting almost aggressively, so I smiled to put him at ease. In the late afternoon warmth, we were both walking toward the track. I imagined it would be full of people working out now that the festival had been announced. In fact, Ida had politely requested Moe's services, since he'd been so helpful last time they'd worked together.

"Hey, Deku."

"Well, I don't mean to mess with your routine, but I thought maybe we could train together today?"

"Who, me?"

"Yeah! You can literally think the fastest out of anyone here, so I think fighting you would be really helpful to me, not to mention you'd get experience against power types, which I'm sure there'll be a lot of at the tournament."

"Ah, I see." I said, teasing, "You figure if you can strategize faster than me, everyone else will seem like they're thinking in slow motion."

"I don't mean it to seem like I'm using you!"

"No, this is good." I told him, "I do want to push myself physically a bit more, so it'll be a good exchange. I mostly had cardio on the docket today anyway, so this'll be more fun."

"Okay!"

"If we're sparring, I'm gonna get something to drink. I'll meet you in the field in ten?"

"Right!"

.

We didn't expect an audience.

Evidently, a few of our classmates had a similar idea, to come and train, and they seemed more than eager to take a break by watching our fight. Well, this would be good practice too. To not falter under scrutiny.

Some started exchanging bets. That lightened the mood for me significantly. I rolled my eyes and started stretching. No need to pull a muscle.

"My money's Deku. Unless he really holds back, his quirk is so strong it even breaks his own bones."

"No way, Manderly can beat him before he even knows what's going on."

"You think he hasn't thought of that?"

"Young Midorya!" A voice you hear more often on toy shelves than real life boomed out. Even I grimaced a bit, but poor Midorya...

"ALL MIGHT?!" Deku became increasingly flustered. The legendary hero approached, hands on his hips like a scolding parent.

"Don't tell me you're picking a fight with a girl!" The boy's face turned beet red and I snickered.

"Wha-no!"

"Calm down, both of you." Mr. Aizawa walked over, beside All Might, and it was my turn to feel a bit nervous. "The two of them are just sparring. And Manderly can hold her own."

"Ah! Manderly, right." All Might did a lousy job of hiding his favoritism for Izuku Midorya, but I didn't really mind. Deku admired the man more than anyone, so I was happy for him. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and stretched a little. All Might cleared his throat. "Please, carry on!"

The two of them sat on the grass to watch as well. I gave a wry grin. Giving Deku a chance to pull himself together, I said,

"Okay, rules are we incapacitate our opponent. This can mean restraining them or getting them to yield." Deku focused a bit and I glanced at him, "Shall we get this show on the road?"

"Right!"

It was easy to forget how dangerous Izuku was, what with his disarming behavior. But his arm shot up instantly, and I reacted almost too late.

Pink lightning crackled around his now-frozen hand. Okay, so he was hitting the air, essentially. If I just got behind him…

I started forward but the wave of force was already traveling toward me. Stupidly, almost hypnotized, I reached a hand out. It bounced back violently and I used that momentum to get the hell out of the way. I jumped over our little audience and rolled onto the grass behind them.

Time resumed and the field was just about ruined, dirt flying, a distance tree losing a branch. That would have hurt. Everyone scrambled to try and figure out what had happened. Deku whirled, pointing his arm at me, and subsequently, the crowd. Several yells of alarm made us both chime,

"Sorry!"

I jogged back around to reset and then quickly sped up. I went in a bit of an arc this time, and standing behind him before he could start the next wave.

Just a little shove and I'd probably win.

I could hear the sounds of bones cracking, of furious wails and the taste of blood. The stench of sweat.

My hand hovered over his back. I could… I could just grab his wrists, but then he'd have direct contact and that would hurt even more. No way he'd give up. Since we had Recovery Girl, and All Might was watching, he wouldn't hold back.

I let time proceed normally.

"Look!"

I dropped my arm. Deku turned sharply with a gasp, his whole arm crackling with power. I braced myself and said,

"I concede."

My classmate caught his own arm, holding it back with obvious effort.

"What?" He asked.

"What?" Asked a few people watching us. My hands were shaking.

"Already?"

"She totally had him!"

"That didn't take thirty seconds!"

"He would have messed her up though."

"No way, she could have dodged."

"Why'd she concede?"

"I feel like I missed something."

"Manderly?" Deku's voice sounded both far away and far too close. It felt hard to breathe. Shit. Not here, not now. "Are you okay?"

I gave a jerky nod, but when I opened my mouth to speak I winced at the painful tightening in my chest.

I was panicking. I slowed time, trying to escape it, but the sensation didn't fade. I closed my eyes and grabbed my hair, crouching down to try and catch my breath. Just for a moment…

Whoosh!

"Whoa!"

Dammit, I'd slipped. They could all see me. Why couldn't I move?

It took me a second, but I straightened, eyes on the ground.

"Ah, sorry." I said, "Just got dizzy for a second there. I guess I am short on calories, I have to start those bigger meals. I'll just go lay down, sorry Deku."

"Not at all!"

"I can come with you." Asui offered.

"It's okay."

"You sure?" Uraraka asked, "You're pale as a sheet!"

I forced a smile as I felt like my lungs collapsed. Somewhat breathlessly, I said,

"I'm sure! Just gonna head to my room." I wasn't sure I could move my legs. I wanted… I didn't know what I wanted. I needed to be alone so I could freak out properly. What the hell was wrong with me, getting like this in front of everyone? I'd been fine a minute ago. Totally fine. Fine, fine, fine-

"Manderly." Hearing Eraser Head's voice almost broke me. He was stern and patient, and it made me want to break down. Not yet… not here… please… "Walk with me."

He wasn't asking. And part of me wanted to. I was still holding my breath. But what would that fix? He'd think I couldn't do this. He'd make me modify my training regimen again. And how would I get stronger then? I'd never get stronger at this rate, anyway. If I couldn't even fight…

Not knowing why, and wishing I didn't, I said,

"Ah, um, I'll get back to you, professor." I forced my legs to start moving, turning away since my tears were starting to break through, "I really just need to lie down."

I glanced briefly at him, despite myself, and when our eyes locked, a sort of mutual understanding passed between us.

We knew exactly what the other was about to do.

"Shit." I breathed, acting quickly. I sped myself up and ran, propelling myself toward the gate. Past the gate were the stairs. Everyone would look for me in my room, I had to go somewhere else. Somewhere I wouldn't be followed.

The fact that I was breathing with any semblance of regularity like this told me I must have been hyperventilating. But I ran nonetheless.

Time crashed back and I rolled with the momentum, trying to fall with some semblance of grace.

He'd taken my quirk, just as I knew he would the moment we'd locked eyes.

I let out a gasp of breath, then stood and ran normally instead. I'd have seconds before his scarf got me.

My chest burned. My sight was blurry. But, as I turned into the gate, I knew his view of me would be briefly obscured. I sped up.

At the top of the stairs, I leapt.

And for a moment, I was flying.

Approaching a step, I pushed off, jumping again, and it was like swimming in freezing water on a hot day. At the bottom of the stairs, I propelled myself forward the moment I hit the ground, knowing I had to keep this steady distribution of weight or it would break me.

No more walking or jogging or dancing, I was running.

I ran down the street, grabbed a streetlamp to help me turn, looking, going, searching. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going but it felt visceral and good. I was tired but I pushed on, unwilling to let go of this sensation. I wove through traffic, jumped onto a taxi, then hopped back off. Just never stopping, never…

A familiar shade of red filled me with excitement followed by immediate dread.

Seeing Hawks on the street was a pleasant surprise, for sure, but when I glanced to get a better look, I saw his head turning toward me, his wings beginning to unfurl.

Shit, he was fast.

Not even my stupid safe haven was safe or mine or empty anymore.

I kept running.

Spotting a fire escape down an alley, I tried something, jumping up to reach the ladder. I grabbed hold and pushed myself up again. I nearly missed this time, gripping the ladder tightly, trying not to look down. I hurried up the fire escape, and soon I was on a roof. I could be alone here. I was at the end of my rope anyways. I'd just recover here and walk back later.

I walked to the edge of the building; it was pretty high alright. The sun was starting to set.

Beyond exhausted, I dropped my speed.

I didn't expect the momentum to push me forward.

Balance lost, I pitched over the edge of the roof…

A warm hand caught mine.

For several moments, I hung there, one foot on the ledge, the other dangling. One arm dangling, the other anchored. My hair had come loose and framed my face. My eyes were wide as saucers. It was a long way down.

I was still shaking.

"Watch your step." Hawks said, somewhere between joking and eerily serious. With a tug, he pulled me straight, back onto solid ground.

My knees gave out and I grabbed his hand in both of mine. He didn't say anything, just let me kneel there and take over his hand for a minute. It was just so firm and grounding and blistering hot… I felt like a helium balloon that had been about to be lost to space, but he'd caught me.

"…shit." I breathed, and finally cried. I could collapse any moment. Only adrenaline was keeping me awake, and it was painful.

This reminded me too much of that window a few years ago.

"You're shivering." Now his voice was definitely light, devoid of seriousness, "It's cool out today and you don't even have a coat. Let's get some hot ramen." Not waiting for an answer, he pulled at his hand. I let go of it, unwilling to move, but he didn't let go of me. I let him pull me to my feet, eyes still stuck on my shoes. "I know a great place just around the corner. You're not vegetarian right? The broth is chicken based and so good."

He walked me back over to the fire escape and made to help me.

"I can do it." That came out much meaner than I intended and my lip trembled, but I kept it together and slowly, very slowly, climbed back down. I must have looked disgusting; covered in sweat and tears, probably some snot, plenty of dirt. My hair was a bird's nest, but at least it somewhat covered my face.

Hawks climbed down too, though he obviously didn't have to. He kept talking,

"The agency, they tell me I have to watch my weight, it'll affect my flying, but what can I say? I like a good meal. Chicken is pretty good for you too, most of the time."

He placed a casual arm on my shoulder, like we were old friends, as we walked. He guided me around the corner to a ramen place. I didn't have the energy to argue.

Some whispering followed us; he was a celebrity after all. How embarrassing. How pathetic of me.

He seemed to be friends with the owner because he got us a fairly secluded table. The chairs were comfortable, cushioned. The table was small. I stared at the menu.

"I see you got into UA, congratulations." He said, "How's the little bro?"

I let down my guard, smiled faintly.

"He's good."

"I swear, back then I thought I had the situation under control, but then he just jumps right at you! And you caught him like a pro too!" Hawks gave a good laugh, "I bet his teachers have fun with him."

"Ms. Joke wants a child leash for Christmas." I provided mutely. He gave a jolly laugh.

"Don't envy her!"

The owner came to take our orders. I quietly asked for the ramen soup, knowing I'd get an earful if I refused to eat.

Strangely, I finally felt a little hungry.

When I sipped the first bit of broth, the words tumbled out of my mouth without filter,

"Oh my god."

"I know right?" Hawks agreed excitedly, "It's great stuff."

"I could chug this broth like water." I agreed, eating bit more eagerly now. But then I paused. "I owe you an explanation."

"I'd settle for a pinky promise you'll be more careful. Man, are you fast!" He had an almost childlike grin, and I realized, only as I looked up at him now for the first time, at his visor was up, so I could see his eyes for the first time. They were like dark honey, with black markings. "I see this living gust of wind and how could I resist? I followed."

"I guess I... panicked." I said quietly. I'd never talked about this out loud to anyone, not with these words. "I don't know. It felt stronger than usual. I was just trying to train and I realized I was terrified. I couldn't do it." I played with my spoon. "I can't become a hero if I can't even spar. If I can't even open my mouth to ask for help." My eyes had filled with tears again so I quickly blinked them away, clearing my throat, "I promise I didn't try to jump, I just don't usually go that fast."

"Did you think about it?" I bit my tongue.

"I… I don't know."

"Man!" He returned to light-hearted, "You must really want to be a hero, huh?" I looked up at him, startled by the conclusion. "You were at the USJ, right?" I nodded. "Why haven't you quit? No one would blame you." He was so blunt!

"I don't want to quit." I whispered. I swallowed hard, then met his eyes with a resigned smile, "I want to find frightened people and tell them they're okay."

I turned back to my ramen when he didn't say anything for a moment, seeming surprised.

"…this is probably the best meal I've ever had." I said when I finished. "Um, guess I haven't said it yet, but thank you."

"You're okay."

I sniffled.

"…yeah. I am now."

I didn't have any money on me so Hawks covered the bill, and I thanked him profusely. As we stepped outside, the cool air feeling less like an electric shock and more like a breeze, I could feel the adrenaline fading and exhaustion taking over.

"Hey." I murmured, hand falling on his coated arm, "I'm… really grateful. This is, um, embarrassing, but I overdid it with my quirk and I might…"

That's the last thing I remember.