I expected to be taken to the lounge where I'd cried in last time. Instead, arm round my shoulders, Mr. Aizawa led me out of the building entirely, to the dorm, and onto a couch in the empty common room.

"Stay here." He jogged up the stairs, returning with DunDun, the stuffed panda Moe had chosen for me. I took the bear and hugged it tightly.

It did make me feel a little better.

"No one will be back here for hours, so no need to worry about pretense." He told me, sitting on a chair beside the sofa, a clipboard and pen in hand. "You and I are going to make a plan."

"Can you tell me what happened yesterday?" I asked numbly, stalling, "After I left?" For some reason, I just wanted to listen to him for a little while. Not to mention fill in the gaps.

He hesitated.

"Alright, fine." My mentor put down his clipboard and leaned back, "You were gone in a blur, but I followed you into the city. You left more of a trail than I think you realize. Cracks on the sidewalk, a scratched cab. I asked around and a lot of people reported a strange wind had passed them by. It led me to a building's fire escape, but the trail ended there. I checked the roof, found scuff marks but nothing else. I overheard Hawks had been sighted with someone at a nearby restaurant, so I went that way." I didn't want to imagine what people might have said about me, the mess I was. "As I'm sure you're aware, your friend the number three hero isn't hard to spot. I saw him just catching you as you collapsed, seeming alarmed."

"Whoa, there." Hawks caught the girl's shoulder and scooped an arm behind her back as she sank. Her head swung limply back, so he rested it against him, frowning. Probably time to take her to get checked.

"She's fine." Hawks blinked up and his face broke into a disarming smile. Though deadpan as always, Eraser Head was a bit out of breath.

"Eraser! Long time no see. This a student of yours?"

"That's right. She seems to have fainted from exhaustion, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Ah, gotcha." He readjusted his grip, pulling her into his arms like a child, "Yeah, with that speed, she must have burned through calories like a fire. Between you and me, I've never seen anyone that fast. Gotta watch my reputation with her around."

"I apologize on her behalf if she got herself into a mess you had to disentangle."

"Nah, just letting off some steam from the looks of it." The two of them walked toward a more secluded area, so they could talk more freely. The hero's voice darkened a bit. "Maybe keep an eye on her, though. I'd wager the USJ hit her harder than she likes to pretend."

"I know."

"Want me to fly her back?"

"No, your face and wings are subtle as a bull in a china shop."

"Haha, ouch my pride."

"The other students would become alarmed if they saw you. I've got it from here." Eraser took the girl onto his back, her chin resting on his shoulder. He turned to go but stopped. "What was she doing on the roof?"

Hawks left a long, tense, silence.

"Totally by bad, dude! I was in hot pursuit, and she's got to work on braking. All's well that ends well." But they met eyes and understood. Eraser Head carried his student back without a word.

"He was very nice." I murmured, "I lost track of the momentum, I might have fallen, but he caught me. Treated me to ramen." I buried my face into the stuffed bear, "Argh, how embarrassing."

"I wasn't going to say this because I don't want it going to your head." Eraser said, frowning, "But do you know what reputation Hawks has?"

"Good eye in the sky?" That was the only thing I'd ever heard anyone say about him.

"Sure, but I meant the less generous ones." I shook my head. "A lot of other pros think he's too young, immature, and light-hearted. For the most part, I agree with them."

"For the most part?"

"The other side of his reputation," He continued, ignoring my question, "Is that he's the quickest pro out there. Never had interns or sidekicks because they just couldn't keep up."

"Huh."

"…he was impressed by your speed." Aizawa grumbled finally. I blinked, astonished.

"He was?"

"I'll deny ever saying it." I looked at my hand, the one he'd grabbed. I'd never seen someone catch up to me. Well, except…

"I want you to know something." I said, eyes on the carpet, "If we're doing this."

"Alright." He picked his cupboard back up. "Go ahead."

"I wasn't lying when I said these have been some of the best days of my life. At UA, I feel like I have a purpose, I'm surrounded by people I respect and like, I feel like I'm improving, doing things, living…" My voice broke a little at the last word so I cleared my throat, "Just… I say this so you don't think it's this that's causing it. I mean, the USJ obviously didn't help, but… I'm better now than I have been in years, maybe ever."

Though I didn't know it at the time, hearing that made Shota Aizawa very sad.

"…noted. I'm glad to hear it, Manderly." He too cleared his throat, "I'd like you to walk me through what you've been experiencing, and how you've been coping." I absolutely did not want to do that.

"…I've never said it out loud."

"Take your time. I'll make us some coffee." I brightened a little, until I saw him pull the coffee from the fruit bowl.

"I knew it was hidden somewhere!"

He might've smiled, then, as he prepared it. With his back turned, it was impossible to tell. But it was also easier to talk.

"I get anxious." I started, "The dumbest thing can set me off. I know it's silly and I know it's not a big deal, but then my mind starts piling on any other possibly worry until…" I paused, listening to the clink of the mugs, "Well, I can feel them coming. I'll, um, usually hide in the bathroom and… wait them out. The… the anxiety attacks." My voice was a whisper, "It's like this excruciating pain in my chest, not to mention I always try to cry quietly and…" Strangely, talking about it didn't upset me. "Thinking back to it always seems strange. When I'm not feeling it, I reason it away. But when my head floods with it, well, that's that. I'm always numb after."

"Have you done anything to help yourself cope?"

"I mean I know what it is." I said, "That helps a little. Honestly, hiding it… well, it forces me to try and get through it quicker. I'm sure that's not healthy but well… Only times I've been able to stop it or, more often, delay it… is either by distracting myself or finding an immediate solution to whatever triggered it."

"What else?"

"Then there's just the sadness." He put the mug down in front of me and this part of the discussion did make me a bit more upset. I gave a sigh, "What can I say? The aggressive positivity comes from… need, not inherent kindness. I'll get hopeless about my future, about being able to provide for Moe, about random accidents or my worth compared to my peers, even if reasonably I know I'm overthinking. Objectively, I recognize it's pessimistic. Which is why I…" I gave my best fake smile, almost believing it myself, "I say everything I want to believe." I dropped it. "I didn't always, I was a pretty quiet kid, but… well, for Moe, I made an effort to better myself. To be someone better, someone warm though I get cold." I heaved big sigh, leaning back to stare at the ceiling, trying to shut up my inner critic, who told me I sounded cheesy and whiney, "But hey, there are days there's really nothing I can do. I'll feel down, no matter what. Slow, heavy, nothing interests me. Those days are scary because even when I try my hardest, when something goes right and I should feel happy… I just don't. I can't." I reached out to the coffee from my position; it was just out of reach, "That's what scares me the most. That's what…" I changed the subject, "So the only thing I do those days is sleep. I'll make an excuse, usually a migraine, and lie down and try to sleep." I drank the coffee, rewarding myself since I'd finished.

"I'm making an appointment with a psychiatrist today." He informed me, after a long pause, reading off his clipboard, "Antidepressants should greatly lessen the frequency of your off days and anxiety attacks." I nodded mutely. "But we'll have a system in place in case it happens anyway, which it will. There is no catch-all solution." I nodded again. "No more bathroom stalls. If you really feel the need to take moment, go to the lounge I brought you to last week. I'll get you a key; the room's yours whenever you need it."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll make sure your psychiatrist knows to talk you through some techniques to get through those anxiety attacks. You have to promise you'll be open to trying, no matter how little you believe in their efficacy."

"I promise."

"Good. Now if you don't want to piss me off, we'll get something very clear. When Moe needs you, when he has a nightmare or he's nervous, does it ever bother you to help him?

"I love helping him."

"Then understand that you're not making my job harder, Manderly, you're making it worthwhile."

I blinked, stared. Then I snapped out of it and hurriedly nodded.

"Good, now as for the USJ, I'm sure the trauma will continue to pop up unexpectedly. This, you won't like: talk about it."

I gave a wry grin.

"Ah."

"Remember, all of your classmates went through similar experiences, many saw or heard what you did. If you had told Midorya yesterday that you felt uncomfortable, that it was your first time fighting since the villain attack, I assure you he not only would have understood, but your classmates may have confided their own insecurities."

"I couldn't breathe." I whispered, "So I tried to treat it like… like the anxiety but…"

"But it wasn't an anxiety attack. It was a panic attack. You can't hide those so easily. Mostly, because I'd wager it was an unfamiliar feeling." I nodded. "But you can deal with in in similar ways; get some air in the lounge. Better yet, get a friend to pull you aside and distract you. Panic attacks, unlike anxiety attacks, tend to dissipate once you snap out of it once."

"I didn't know that."

I squirmed in my seat, wondering if I should keep my thought to myself and deciding not to,

"I know you'll tell me off." I said, "But I… god, it just seems like so much trouble… and I know, I know you don't mind it. I actually believe you on that. It's just… the fact that a hero would need so much support just to stand straight, it makes me feel like I'll never be able to stand on my own two feet and…"

"You're afraid to rely on others because you've only ever been able to rely on yourself. But-"

"I told Mrs. Bead." I blurted out, "The orphanage head. Before I met Moe, when I was miserable at school, I told her I thought something was wrong and that sometimes I got very upset for no reason and she said, Don't be silly. And… and I have this terrible feeling that if I let the tiniest bit of my weight onto someone or something else, then when it comes crashing back onto my shoulders, it'll break me."

"Manderly, you've proven you can hold your own for nearly two decades. If you lighten your load, you can recuperate, regain some strength."

"I guess…" Eraser Head stood up, tidying the kitchen as he spoke.

"At the USJ, when you sprang into action, fighting these villains with every ounce of technique, desperation, and power you had, I could do nothing but watch. The Nomu had broken many of my bones. You got one iron bar, I got three. And then, as soon as it had begun, you were knocked out and thrown into the lake. I tried to move and the effort made me lose consciousness. I was quite certain you were dead." I hadn't even contemplated that. "When I heard you had survived, well, the crash of adrenaline and absolute stress I'd felt triggered a panic attack of my own. I was in the hospital at the time, so they sedated me. That moment, watching you fall into the lake, felt like my greatest possible failure, and I can't say the feeling has entirely faded. Since then, I've reasoned that you knew what you were doing, not charging blindly in, and your training and instincts allowed you to survive. That's something to feel proud of." His voice was the same as ever, but I was transfixed, "All that is well and good, but it won't stop me from waking in a cold sweat, wondering which had been the dream: your death or your survival?" Oh god.

"I…"

"The point is, I'm a seasoned pro. I don't get frightened by villains anymore, that came with years of experience. But I've been to therapy ever since the incident. I've asked Mike to sub for me when I need some air. I went off on All Might for being late. We're human, Manderly. Even All Might."

"…can I hug you?" Eraser Head scowled, seeming torn between very much wanting to say no, and not wanting to disappoint me. "Please?" I added, in case it would help my chances.

"You have one second."

I slowed time, gently put my arms around him and slowed myself so I could squeeze without worrying. He stumbled back a step, in surprise, or at the momentum. A hand fell on my head.

"You're going to be just fine, Manderly."