Disclaimer in part 1

One Step Back

by imagine

Part 3

From the moment she found out about the Centre, and the life he had before, her world seemed to tilt. Her equilibrium was deteriorating in small increments and, as it did so, it created macabre and violent images that hissed promises he had left out the most harrowing of details. When he realized the stress that his confessions had caused, he apologized profusely for days but refused to further discuss the Centre, or his plans to return. She knew his intent was to spare her the worry and, as a result, could not find the courage to tell him that his silence was increasing her anxiety.

Snuggling closer to him, she rested her head on his shoulder and draped her arm around his bare belly. Though he murmured something she could not understand, in his sleep, she instinctively whispered that everything was all right and closed her eyes. Concentrating on the rhythm of his heart and the vibration of his breaths, she hoped the comforting sounds would lull her to sleep. Instead, she felt his body tense and heard his breaths become shallow and erratic.

"It's okay," she whispered, when her name crossed his lips in a soft whimper. "I'm right here. Open your eyes."

His head bobbed to the left, then to the right, but his eyes never opened. She swallowed hard and slid both hands under his shoulders, lifting the man into her lap like an injured child. The muscles in his face were rigid, beads of sweat saturated his forehead and his hands were balled into fists at his side. When his body began to shake, she held him tighter and began rocking, softly pleading for him to wake up.

"Open your eyes, Jay," she urged, trying to keep her own voice calm and reassuring. "You're dreaming. Open your eyes. I promise, you're safe."

Though his lips were pressed tightly together, he released a string of incoherent sounds of desperation. Kissing him on the forehead, she continued whispering nonsense while gently rocking him in her arms until, suddenly, the man gasped and opened his eyes. Instinctively, he pulled from her hold and scooted to the edge of the bed.

"It's okay," she whispered.

Slowly, his expression deteriorated from fear into confusion, recognition and, finally, relief. He licked his lips and glanced around the room, the muscles in his shoulders rippling as the tension slowly abated.

"Abby," he whispered. There was something in his eyes that made her nod, confirming her identity and, as she did, he let out a soft sigh. "Are . . . are you okay?"

She nodded again, keeping her eyes locked onto his. "It was just another nightmare."

Sitting upright, with his knees bent and his head lowered, he ran his fingers through his hair and nodded. "I know."

"It was just another nightmare," she repeated, sliding her arms around his shoulders. "Everything is all right."

"It was so real."

Kissing him gently on the neck, she waited until his arm slid around her then lowered him to the mattress. "You're safe and so am I."

"I love you," he said. Looking up at her, he used his free hand to push away the strands of hair that covered her eyes. "You know that, right?"

"Yes," she smiled. Bringing the tattooed wrist to her lips, she added, "And I love you."

His grip tightened around her and, without warning, he rolled her to her back. The movement was as gentle as it was quick, resulting in his body positioned across hers. Though he did not burden her with his full weight, she remained still as he delicately traced the lines and curves of her face with his fingers.

For a moment, she felt as if she had not lied to him. They were together. For now, they were safe.

The digits of his free hand slid through her long hair then gathered it in his palm as he leaned forward. A split second before his mouth captured hers, she saw his eyes flash with something she would later decide was a trick of the light. At the time, however, she could not help thinking that he was frightened.

"This isn't a good idea."

"Of course it is. You just don't like that it's mine."

He sighed and, facing her, glared at the woman with annoyance. "Will you please stop? Over the years, you have done things that have both amazed and annoyed me. You have chased me from one end of this country to another, threatened me with bodily harm and protected me in ways I will never forget."

"Was that a compliment?"

He frowned and turned away, dropping his eyes back to the road map spread across the bed. "You are one of the strongest and most capable people I have ever known, Parker. I have never thought of myself as superior to you."

She waited, wondering if he was going to continue. When he was silent, she sighed and moved from the bed. "If this is going to work," she said, "you need to be straight with me."

He looked up at her, his brows furrowing in confusion. "I have never lied to you."

Letting out a small laugh, she looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. "No, but you have kept things from me, haven't you?"

"For your own good."

"I guess it's a good thing that you don't feel superior," she murmured, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's not important," she sighed, facing him. "Right now, we need to concentrate on Jon. He's going to be here in a few hours and, if this has any chance of working, we're going to have to present a united front. When we tell him that you're . . ."

"I don't think I should come along," he interrupted. "It would just make him more antagonistic."

"Or it might make him feel more secure," she countered.

He smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I doubt it."

"How much time have you spent with him, since he left the Centre?"

"You know my situation, Parker. I see my family whenever I am able."

"Do you talk to him?"

"Of course I do," he growled, rising from the bed.

"Stop being so defensive and tell me what you talk about," she pressed.

Jarod shrugged. "I don't know. Sports. The family. Books. Movies."

"Wonderful," she groused. "Exactly what I thought."

"Now who is being superior?" he dared. Folding his arms across his chest, he shook his head. "What did you want us to discuss? World peace?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" she asked. Standing at the far side of the room, she searched his face for some indication he was holding back, trying to make a fool of her. "He was raised by Raines. His entire life was darker than either of us can imagine."

"I can imagine it," he insisted sadly. "And I did my best to counter it. I left him with my father, where you would be safe, where he would feel loved and . . ."

"Your father and Emily don't have a clue about what really happens inside the Centre," she finished, talking over his interruption, "If there is anyone on this planet that understands what life is like, at that place, it's you. Have you ever talked about that?"

When the Pretender was silent, Miss Parker moved closer. "What about his assimilation into the real world? Have you ever discussed, with him, the things you did and felt after your escape?"

"It's never come up," he defended, weakly.

"I don't imagine it has," she conceded. "It cannot be an easy subject for either of you. But, over the years, you've managed to share pieces of your life with total strangers, Jarod. If you can do it with them, you should be able to do it with him."

"I . ."

"Don't try to deny it," she warned, raising one eyebrow. "I'm the one who interviewed the people you helped, after you were gone, remember? I know you told them things about the Centre, about me, about your kidnapping . . ."

His brows furrowed and Jarod looked up at her. "I never told anyone anything that would put them in danger. What I said was always relevant to . . ."

"It's Jon's turn to be relevant," she said, interrupting him again. "He not only deserves a relationship with you, he needs it if he has any chance of surviving on the outside. Jon isn't part of one of your pretends, Jarod. You can't change his life overnight and then disappear. It's not fair."

"I didn't just disappear," he argued. "I've been in contact. I've tried to talk to him."

"Well, try harder," she snapped. "It's been six years since you took him out of that hell hole, it's time you stopped feeling uncomfortable around him."

"I don't . . ."

"Of course you do. If I can sense it, you can be damned sure he can, too."

Jarod's eyes flashed with anger as they met hers. "Are you insinuating that he is going back because of me?"

"No," she admitted, "but are you sure he's not?"

He was sitting at the small kitchen table, staring at the photo he had trapped in his cell phone, when her arms slid around his shoulders.

"When did you take that? I look like death warmed over."

"No," he whispered, his eyes still trained on the picture. "You're beautiful."

"You need your eyes checked."

He waited until she was sitting beside him then snapped the phone closed and slid it into his pocket.

"When do you have to leave?" she asked, tentatively.

Glancing a the backpack he'd left by the door, he took a deep breath and slid his hand into hers. "Soon."

"Don't go," she whispered. "Please. We need you here."

Closing his eyes at her words, he slid his arms around the young woman and pulled her into his lap, "It will be all right. I promise."

"You don't have to go back there," she continued, speaking as if he had not, "We could go somewhere . . ."

He shook his head and pulled her closer. "They'd find us. Besides, it's not forever. I'll be back before . . ."

"Stop making promises you don't know you can keep," she snapped.

Suddenly freeing herself from his hold, she stood and stared down at him. Her red hair was pushed behind her ears, perfectly framing the pale, but chiseled, features of her face, and her green eyes sparkled with defiance. Despite the photo that offered him a completely different image of her, he knew that this was the way he would remember her.

"Abby, we've been over this. I know what I'm doing. Please, trust me," he begged. Reaching out for her hand, he frowned when she pulled away and moved to the far side of the kitchen. With her back to him, he saw her shoulders begin to tremble and found himself fighting the urge to do as she asked.

"There has to be another way," she managed.

"You don't know these people. If they find out about you and the . . ."

"They won't."

"They will," he countered, moving back to her side. Turning her to face him, he bent his knees so they were at eye level and cupped her face in his hands. "The only way we can be together is if I leave now."

"What about your family? If we . . ."

"I can't involve them in this. Not yet," he answered. "It's bad enough Jarod is involved but, at least, I can handle him."

"I'm glad he's involved," she admitted, "Maybe he and that Miss Parker can talk some sense into you."

"Neither of them know why I'm going back," he replied, "and I need it to stay that way."

"Like I could tell them, even if I wanted to," she complained. "They don't know about me, do they?"

"No. I told you, the fewer people who know, the better."

"Y'know, if the circumstances were different, I would think you were ashamed of me."

He smiled and brought her to his chest. "But you know that's not true. When this is over, I promise, I'll take out a full page ad in every major newspaper in the country if you want."

"I just want you to come back," she whispered. Looking up at him, she kept her arms around his waist and added, "And the best way for that to happen is for you to have help. Please, tell them what you're doing."

"I can't. I have to do this alone."

"Why?"

"I just do and I need to know that everyone I love is safe. That's why you have to promise me that you're going to go back to your parents. As soon as . . ."

"And tell them what?" she dared. "That you abandoned me? Aside from the fact that I'm a horrible liar, they liked you, Jay. They are not going to believe you would leave me, not now."

When they met, her biggest worry had been getting a passing grade in Physics. Now, thanks to him, her grade point average was up and her feeling of security was down. He had turned her entire world upside down for no reason except he loved her.

If he was less selfish, and more like Jarod, he told himself, he would have seen this coming. But, despite their common DNA, he wasn't Jarod. He had let himself become consumed by Abby and, in a very short time, she became the most important person in his life. When they were together, he managed to avoid thinking about the Centre and the danger he was putting her in. When he was alone, however, he was quite aware of what he was doing. It took almost three months before he confessed and offered to disappear from her life, forever.

By Jarod's standards, there was no doubt that he had manipulated her. He had simmed her, at various times during their relationship and, as a result, continually postponed telling her about the Centre and his life. Though he promised he would abide by her decision, deep down, he knew that she was as immersed in their relationship as he was. So, when she told him she loved him and would stand by him, regardless of the danger, he had not been surprised. Neither of them wanted to be without the other and the thought of undoing what they had done was never voiced.

He knew he should feel guilty but told himself that what he was doing would make up for his selfishness. He wanted her to be in his life so badly that he was willing to return to the Centre to make it happen.

Slipping his hand into hers, he led the woman into the kitchen. When she was sitting at the table, he knelt at her feet and gently wiped away the tears that were starting to trickle down her face.

"Your parents will believe anything you tell them and they will take care of you," he promised. "But, if you don't feel safe, if the hairs on the back of your neck suddenly stand up, I want you to leave. Trust your instincts. You remember what we talked about, right? You remember what I told you to do?"

She nodded.

"Good. Do you have the phone numbers I gave you?"

She nodded.

"If you need help, you call them. Just don't tell them where I am."

"I don't like this, Jay."

"I know. Neither do I," he replied, slipping onto a nearby chair. "But I don't have any choice."

"There's always a choice."

"Not this time. I promise."

TBC

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Note: Once again - thanks for all the great feedback on this story. I'm going to be gone for about two weeks, starting Friday so there won't be another post to this story, until after I get back. And- for those of you getting ready to ask about "Guilty" I'll try to get a chapter out before I go ;-)