Disclaimer in part 1

A/N: For those of you who are still following this story - I'm sorry for the long wait. My muse has been preoccupied with other stories lately and my RL has been a bit hectic. I'll try not to wait a year before posting another chapter ;-P

One Step Back

by imagine

Part 6?

It was still daylight when the car moved from the highway and turned on to the frontage road that ran parallel to it. Though Jon's protests did not begin until they were sitting in the motel parking lot, the knot in his stomach was twisting tighter and tighter by the second.

"I know what the two of you are trying to do and it's not going to work," he announced, when Jarod removed the key from the ignition. "You can build as many delays as you want into this trip, I will not be changing my mind about going back to the Centre."

Then, before anyone could respond, the young man slid from the vehicle and ducked behind the two-story building. After a moment of staring mutely at the spot he'd disappeared, Jarod and Miss Parker exited the car. When the brunette moved to follow Jon, the Pretender took her arm and shook his head.

"I'll go." Motioning toward the motel office, he added, "You get the rooms."

With a small nod of her head, Miss Parker started toward the office. Jarod waited until she was inside before taking a deep breath and following Jon's path to the back of the property. He found the young man sitting on a picnic table, his feet resting on the boards meant as seats, staring at the highway.

"Go away." Jon frowned at the older man as he stepped up onto the picnic bench and sat beside him. "I don't have anything to say to you, Jarod."

"But I have something to say to you." Jarod wrapped his hand around the younger man's wrist, as Jon tried to move away. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

As soon as the words were spoken, Jon froze in a position that was somewhere between standing and sitting, but did not comment on the annuoncment. Instead, he slowly brought his dark eyes to Jarod.

"In the morning, Parker will drive me into town so I can rent a car," Jarod continued, releasing his hold when Jon was, once again, sitting beside him. "The two of you can continue your trip without me."

"Is this a trick?"

The Pretender shook his head. "No. I'm really leaving, Jon."

"In that case, why are you waiting until morning?" he dared. "I'm sure the rent-a-car place is still open."

Ignoring the jab, Jarod forced himself to reply in calmly. "Before I go, I need to understand what you're doing so I can explain it to Dad and Emily. The last time you called home, you sounded happier than you've ever been. You said that life was good."

"It was," he agreed, sadly. "But things change."

Jarod nodded, waiting for the younger man to expand his comment. When Jon remained stonily silent, though, the Pretender pushed away his disappointment and asked, "What could have happened in three short months that would make you think condemning yourself to life at the Centre would be better?"

"I never said it would be better," he corrected, "but life at the Centre is easier than life on the outside."

"Then you and I had completely different experiences because I didn't find anything easy about it," the Pretender replied. "I would much rather have the freedom to make my own choices. Real life experiences - even those that hurt - are infinitely better for a person's soul and self-respect than simulations."

Taking a deep breath, Jon glared at the older man. "I guess that just proves you're a better person than I am, doesn't it? You have more confidence, more intelligence, more determination than I do, Jarod. I'm just a pale reproduction, aren't I?"

Jarod flinched at the harsh, accusatory tone. "I never said any such thing."

"But, you have thought it."

The last thing Jarod wanted was for the discussion to escalate into an argument but, it was obvious that Jon had different plans. Sliding from the picnic bench, he moved in front of the younger man and stared at him. "You are wrong. I have never compared your talents to mine, nor would I ever want to. We are different people, with different experiences and loyalties to motivate us. Neither of us is better than the other."

"Nice speech," he muttered. "How many times have you rehearsed it?"

Jarod scowled at his younger self and shook his head. "Why are you so determined to pick a fight?"

"Why are you so determined to make my business yours?" he shot back. "I don't need your approval, you know. I have been a legal adult for some time now and, I am capable of making my own decisions."

"I am just trying to understand," he replied softly. "What made life on the outside so difficult that you would prefer life with Raines? What changed?"

"It doesn't matter," he sighed, rubbing his face.

"Of course it does." When Jon looked up, then shook his head, Jarod frowned. There was something about the expression on the younger man's face, and the way he refused to meet his gaze that made Jarod's insides twist. "Tell me."

"Why?" Jon's eyes flared with anger as they shot up to meet Jarod's gaze. "My life never concerned you before, Jarod, so don't expect me to believe it concerns you now."

He hesitated then, folded his arms over his chest. "You have every right to be angry with me but, what about Dad and Emily? Why are you doing this to them? Did they do something to push you away?"

"They haven't done anything."

"That's not the way they will see it," he argued. "Unless you tell me your reasons for going back, Dad and Emily will have no choice but to blame themselves. Is that what you want?"

"My decision has nothing to do with them," he said, his voice suddenly softening.

"No? You left their house in the middle of the night, with no explanation," he countered, watching the boy's confusion. Despite the fact his tactic seemed to be working, Jarod was beginning to feel guilty for using his father and sister against the younger man.

"I explained all of that. Dad said he understood."

"And, now, Dad will think you were lying. He will blame himself. He will think you were in trouble and he didn't recognize the signs. Emily will . . ."

"You can't let them!"

Suddenly, the young man was standing in front of Jarod, his eyes wide and his voice filled with panic. If what Jarod was saying was true, he had miscalculated the affect his leaving would have on his father and sister. If what Jarod was saying was true, he would be hurting the only people, beside Abby, who had ever even tried to care about him.

"I have never lied to Dad or Emily, Jarod. I swear, my decision has nothing to do with them and, if you care for them half as much as I know you do, you will make them understand."

"Understand what?" he pressed. "I have no idea what your real reasons are for going back to the Centre. You keep saying it's to make your life easier but I . . ."

Jarod suddenly fell silent. For a long moment, his eyes skirted across the boy's face, his interest increasing each time the young man averted his gaze. Slowly dropping his hands to his side, he took a step closer to Jon and gently captured his chin in his hand. When the Pretender found his voice, the angry and taunting tone was replaced with an uneasy calm.

"Your decision to return has nothing to do with life at the Centre being easier. It has to do with making someone's life on the outside better, doesn't? Who are you trying to protect?"

Jon suddenly stiffened and took a step back, freeing himself from Jarod's hold. "I told you . . ."

"I know what you told me," he interrupted, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "But I'm not Dad or Emily, or even Miss Parker. You have never had trouble lying to me, have you?"

"You don't know me well enough to accuse me of lying about anything. You don't have the right."

"Maybe not but, if I can see through your act, so will Raines." Crossing his arms in front of him, Jarod purposely blocked Jon's path as the younger man started to move toward the motel. "You are going back in search of a fight. I can see it in your eyes and in the way you move."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"The old man will be suspicious the moment he is told you are on Centre property. He is not going to welcome you with open arms and tell you all is forgiven, Jon. He is going to punish you for leaving, in the first place, and he won't care about the scars he leaves in his wake."

"Get out of my way," he hissed, pushing the older man to the side. "Our conversation is over."

"No, it's not," he countered, grabbing Jon by the arm and swinging him to face him. "What is so important that you are willing to give Raines permission to hurt you?"

"Since when do you care if I'm hurt?" Jon angrily shrugged out of Jarod's hold. "From the moment you handed me over to the Major, you have done your best to distance yourself from me. Sure, you went through the motions - asked me if I was all right, tried to make conversation when it was necessary - but you never made me believe you meant any of it, Jarod."

Tears welled in his eyes and, for a moment, Jarod was speechless. When the young man grunted in disgust and began to turn away, however, the Pretender stepped in front of him. "I'm sorry if you never believed I cared about you, because I did. I promise you, Jay . . ."

"Stop with the promises, Jarod. I don't want them. I don't need them anymore," he said in a too quiet voice. "In a few months, none of it will matter anyway."

"Why? What happens in a few months?"

Jon laughed and shook his head. "When it happens, I'll let you know."

"So, that's it?" he asked, as the younger man moved around him. "You're going back to the Centre because I didn't know how to build a relationship with you?"

"My going back has nothing to do with you, Jarod," he said tiredly. "And our relationship isn't important enough for me to cross the street, let alone cross the country to fight for it."

"So, you are going back to fight," he murmured, purposely pushing back the rest of the young man's words. "There are other options, Jay. There are people who are willing to fight beside you. All you need to do is ask."

Abruptly, Jon spun in place, his dark eyes taking on a defiant spark as they found Jarod's. "Assuming you're right - which you're not - who would you expect me to ask for help? You?"

"Yes."

The younger man laughed and turned away. After putting a short distance between them, he faced his brother again, not bothering to hide the frustration in his voice. "Why would I trust you, Jarod? Give me one good reason."

"I'm your . . ."

"Yes?" he interrupted. "You're my what?"

"I am your family."

"Nice save," he muttered sarcastically, "but your generalization just proves my point. You have no idea who we are to each other."

"Why is it so difficult for you to accept that I care about you? Why do we need to label the relationship?"

The younger man smiled sadly and shook his head. "You're the genius. Figure it out."

Jarod sighed and took a step toward Jon, only to have the man match the movement, keeping a distance of about thirty yards between them. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss. He had no idea how to make the situation right and, the more he stared at Jon, the more he wondered how he had let things get so bad.

"For what it's worth, I never wanted our relationship to be this strained," he said quietly, when Jon turned away. "I thought I was doing the right thing when I left you with Dad and Emily."

Jon took a deep breath and, glancing over his shoulder said, "Go back to the motel, Jarod. We are done talking."

After a long silence, and realizing he could think of nothing more to say, Jarod reluctantly started to obey the request. He took a few steps then, pivoted and stared at the younger man. Despite the fact that his back was to the Pretender, Jon's arms were tightly crossed over his chest and his shoulders were slumped forward.

As Jarod watched, the urge to return to the boy's side and force a continuation of the discussion grew but, so did the fear that it would completely sever their tenuous relationship. With a heavy sigh, he turned away and began his trek to where Miss Parker was waiting.

She sat in the room, staring at the few items left to be carried to the car. By this time tomorrow she would be done with her classes and on the road for Colorado. The place she'd lived with Jay would become home to someone else.

Moving to the table, she reached into the box and lifted the photo he'd taken months before at their private celebration. They'd gone to the park and, like children, they'd spent hours playing on the swings and slides. She smiled, remembering how much pleasure he had taken in dangling by his legs from the monkey bars.

"You're acting like an eight-year-old," she laughed.

"Not quite," he replied. Reaching out, he took Abby's hand and pulled her closer. Then, while still hanging upside down, he cupped her face with his hands and captured her mouth with his. When he released her, Jon slid his thumb over her lips and whispered, "You have made me happier than I ever imagined was possible."

"So, you're okay with this? Because, if you're not . . ."

Immediately, he dropped from the bars, effectively interrupting the woman.

"I am more than okay with this," he insisted, suddenly taking on a serious tone. "I thought it was obvious, but I don't want you to have any doubts. I love you. We will do this together. I promise."

Absently, she traced the outline of his face with her forefinger.

Though the sun was just beginning to set, Abby sighed and crossed to the bedroom. She slid between the sheets, bringing the blankets to her face as she curled up on his side of the bed. With the photo in one hand and his pillow pressed against her body, she stared at the phone on the night stand and silently willed it to ring.

He had promised to call every night and, until she heard his voice, until she knew he was safe, she knew she would not sleep. In the back of her mind she knew that, eventually, the phone calls would stop coming but she refused to acknowledge that particular fear. At the moment, all she could deal with was that he was safe tonight.

Jon waited until he saw Jarod's silhouette cross into the parking lot before retrieving his cell phone. He glanced at his watch and, after taking a moment to compose himself, hastily punched the number he'd been itching to dial for hours.

"Jay?"

Her voice sounded so soft, so unsure that his voice caught in his throat for a second. "I'm here, Baby."

"Are you all right?"

He smiled and nodded, glancing at the motel as he moved back to the picnic bench. "Except for the fact that I miss you, I'm fine. Are you all right?"

"No. I'm a wreck," she admitted. "Come home."

He heard her voice crack and felt his insides clench. His conversation with Jarod had taken more out of him than he expected. When he spoke, his voice came out as a whisper, "Abby, you know that I can't come home. Not yet."

"Yes, you can. Please, Jay, we . . . need you."

Her words were broken by sobs and heavy gasps for breath as she tried to regain control of her voice. He waited, using the time to wipe his own tears away while silently chastising himself for causing her pain.

Leaving her was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do but he believed it was for the best. All day he'd wanted to hear her voice, to talk to her as if none of this were happening and pretend that they were apart only for the day. One day at a time was his plan and it was deteriorating as quickly as their conversation.

"Abby, what happened?" he murmured. "When we said . . . goodbye . . . you understood what I was doing. You told me you understood."

"I'm trying," she sighed. "I promise, Jay, I'm trying but I'm scared."

"You don't need to be scared," he promised. "As long as you follow the plan, and leave immediately after your last class, you'll be safe."

"I'm not afraid for me. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid of losing you, of losing. . . . everything."

He hesitated long enough to wipe his face with his hands. When he brought the phone back to his ear, his hands were shaking. "You are not going to lose me."

"I already have," she said softly. "At least, I've lost a part of you."

He hesitated, trying to determine if the weight of her words were deliberate. "You haven't lost me."

"Yes, I have."

"Abby, what are you trying to say?" he whispered, hesitantly. "Did something happen to . . ."

"What if it had?" she asked, purposely interrupting him. "What if I told you that I'd gone to the doctor and he told me there was a problem? What would you do?"

His heart jumped into his throat. "What kind of problem? Are you all right? If something happened you need to tell me."

"That's just it," she pressed, her words becoming more distorted by her panic. "A week from now, I won't be able to tell you. What if I need you, and you're not here? What if . . . "

"Abby!"

His fear startled her into silence and, suddenly, she felt ashamed. These were not the things she had planned to say to him. She had never intended to frighten him and, until that moment, she had not realized the things she'd been saying to him. Her eyes searched the image of his face in the photo she held and, swallowing hard, Abby admitted softly, "Nothing has happened, Jay. I'm fine. We're fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Relief washed through him for only a moment before the full impact of the conversation hit him. She knew they were apart because he was trying to keep their family safe. She knew he wanted to be with her and, whether it had been premeditated or not, she had tried to manipulate him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You've only been gone twelve hours and I'm already acting like a shrew. I didn't think it would be this hard."

He heard the tears in her voice and took a deep breath, hoping to keep them from infecting his own words. "I know. I'm sorry, too."

"Things will be better once I get used to not having you here," she told him, though she doubted she sounded convincing.

"Don't get too used to it," he smiled, forcing a lightness to his voice. "I'll be back in a few months."

She hugged the pillow and told herself that he believed what he was saying. She owed it to him to do the same. "And I'll be waiting."

Though she'd tried to hide it, Jon heard her hesitation and raked the fingers of his free hand through his hair. He had not expected conversations with Abby to be this taxing. Suddenly, he could not help wondering what else he might have not considered.

"I wish there was another way to do this," he admitted.

"Me, too."

"I have to go," he whispered, glancing toward the motel. "Jarod and Miss Parker are probably wondering where I am."

"Let them wonder."

"I don't want them to come looking for me and overhear us talking."

Abby sighed and took a deep breath. She'd heard the distracted tone in his voice enough to recognize that he was trying to reconcile something in his mind. Under normal circumstances, she would have asked him to share his thoughts but, these were not normal circumstances and Abby was afraid of what he might tell her. "Will you call me tomorrow?"

"Of course," he smiled. "Hearing your voice, even if it's yelling at me, is still the best sound in the world to me."

"Judging by your face, I'm going to take a wild guess and say things didn't go well."

Jarod shook his head and moved into the open room. Crossing to the King sized bed in the middle of the room, he sat down then immediately stood again and moved to the window. The anxiety he had felt while talking with Jon had intensified, rather than diminished, and Jarod had no idea how to deal with the excess energy.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"In the field, behind the building."

She stared at him, watching intently as Jarod moved back to the bed. In a matter of seconds, he was on his feet again and in the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. When he returned to the room and lowered his head to his hands, she asked, "What happened out there?"

Slowly Jarod raised his gaze to hers and, in an even tone, relayed the conversation he'd had with his younger self. Miss Parker listened patiently, noticing the emotions that flickered on his face for only a second before the Pretender attempted to mask them. When she sat beside him, he rose from the bed and returned to the window, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I tried to get through to him," he murmured. "I really did try."

"I know, but you don't know that you didn't succeed," she replied. When Jarod looked at her, over his shoulder, she crooked an eyebrow and crossed to his side. "Don't assume he wasn't listening to you. He might just need time to digest it all."

"That's the problem. We're running out of time, Parker," he sighed, facing the window again.

"We still have a few days."

Jarod shook his head and faced the woman, leaning backward on the windowsill as he spoke. "It's not enough."

"It has to be."

"Do you really think you're going to be able to get him to change his mind?"

"I won't know until I try," she sighed. "And, while I'm trying, you're going to be retracing his steps. His reasons for going back to the Centre must be in his recent past."

Jarod nodded and pushed away from the window. "I'll start at the university. We know he was auditing classes. He must have interacted with some of the other students."

"I'm sure he has. It would help if I could get my hands on his cell phone for a few minutes."

"Jon is smart enough to delete the call logs, Parker, and I doubt he would have programmed a speed call list."

"Maybe not, but he has at least one photo saved to the memory."

Jarod frowned and looked at the woman.

"Your little brother has a girlfriend," she said.

Almost an hour after he had disconnected the call with Abby, her voice was still echoing in his head, begging him to come home. Even when he tried to concentrate on her words, later in their conversation, when their emotions had calmed, his mind brought him back to the moment he'd been trying to avoid.

"Come home. Please, Jay, we . . . need you."

She'd sounded so desperate, so frightened, that it took all of his energy to refuse her. And, once he had, he found he didn't have enough left to combat the guilt it spawned.

Wiping his eyes, Jon looked up and, for the first time, noticed the darkness around him. At some point, during his conversation with Abby, the sun had completely set. The temperature had dropped considerably, enhanced by a light breeze from the West. Glancing to his right, he stared at the lights of the motel. Though he knew Miss Parker and Jarod were waiting for him, the soft glow was comforting in the thick darkness.

Pushing himself to his feet, the young man crossed the shallow field and steeled himself for what might be waiting for him. He doubted Jarod would try to initiate another heart-to-heart but he didn't have the same confidence regarding Miss Parker.

He found the brunette sitting in one of the white plastic chairs that decorated the walk way that ran in front of the rooms. When she saw him approaching, she glanced in his direction, then took a sip from the plastic glass in her hand, and turned her focus back to the road that ran in front of the buildings..

"What are you drinking?"

She looked at the beverage and shrugged. "Dr. Pepper, I think. There's another one in my room, if you want it. Jarod got them out of the vending machine before he left."

"Jarod left? When?"

"Don't get excited," she sighed, frowning at the young man as he scanned the parking lot. "He just went to get dinner. He'll be back in about half an hour. I hope you like Chinese, because that's what we're having."

"I'm not really hungry," he replied, tiredly. "I'm just going to take a shower and . . ."

"Fine. Take your shower but, I don't care if you're hungry or not, you will be eating with us." She took another sip of her drink, then looked up at the young man. The muscles in his jaw had stiffened and his mouth was pressed into a tight straight line. She shook her head and looked back at the parking lot. "Save it. I am neither impressed nor intimidated by your talent for facial expressions. The bottom line is that Jarod is leaving tomorrow. You won. The least you could do is have a meal with him before he goes."

"And, if I don't?"

Slowly, Miss Parker rose from her seat. Her eyes sparkled as they locked on to his but he saw nothing comforting in the gaze. In fact, until he saw the small smile of satisfaction on her lips, he did not realize he had taken a step away from the woman.

"If you have any hope of having any allies in this war you've planned against the Centre, I would suggest you pick your battles very carefully, Jon," she warned.

His eyes flashed in defiance. "Who said I was planning anything?"

"Oh, please, just stop pretending, okay? You're not as good at it as you think you are," she growled, returning to her seat. "We all know you're not going back because you miss Raines' bedtime stories. It's the only reason we're here."

"What?"

She clinked the ice cubes in her glass and took another swallow of her drink before looking up at him. "You're a bright kid. We know you well enough to know that you have a damned good reason for what you're doing. When you're ready to tell us, we'll be ready to help."

"What if I don't need, or want, your help?"

"What if you do?" Miss Parker smiled and looked back at the parking lot. Before Jon could respond, she added, "Now, go take your shower. Jarod will be back soon and I don't like cold Chinese food."

Miss Parker forced herself to wait almost ten minutes before entering the room Jarod and Jon would be sharing. Quickly crossing the room, she listened to the steady stream of water running in the bathroom while scanning the desk and bed stand for Jon's cell phone. She found forty three cents in change, his wallet and wristwatch, but there was no sign of the phone.

Frustrated, and very aware that the young man could emerge from the bathroom at any moment, she grabbed his backpack and methodically searched the outside compartments. The flip phone was in the front pocket with his iPod and, as soon as her hand slid around the object, she let out a sigh of relief.

Splitting her attention between the bathroom door and the phone, she moved quickly through the device's menu until she found three saved photos. Each of the images was of the same young woman. Red hair, green eyes and a light patch of freckles across her forehead.

The first of the photos was obviously taken without the girl's knowledge. Curled on the floor, with a blanket drawn to her shoulders, the mop of red locks obscured most of her face and, yet, Miss Parker had no trouble determining that the woman was smiling.

In the other two of the photos, the woman's face was bright and, her smile was broad, giving the impression of someone much younger than a college student. Miss Parker flipped through each of the three images, then at the closed door and sighed. Jon not only had a girlfriend, he was in love with her.

If - when - he found out she'd invaded his privacy and, once again, betrayed his trust, Jon would be furious. But, despite the tirade that would be inflicted upon her later, Miss Parker knew that the identity of the woman trapped in his cell phone was the key to keeping Jon safe. Before she could convince herself otherwise, she pressed the series of buttons that sent the images to Jarod's cell phone, as well as her own.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, as she returned Jon's phone to his backpack. "You gave me no other choice."

Lyle pressed the button that lowered the window of the Town Car. Keeping his eyes focused on the iron benches that adorned the grassy area between the administration building and the student union, he nodded when he was ready for the man's report.

"The building is locked," the man said, nervously. "The guards at the front door told me that there are guards and dogs roaming the halls at regular intervals, to prevent anyone from infiltrating the offices."

"And you believed him?"

He nodded. "I saw the dogs."

Lyle sighed and looked at the man beside him. "Did you show him the photo?"

Again, the man nodded. "The guard doesn't recognize him but admitted that the only students he would recognize are those that caused him some kind of problem."

Taking the photo, Lyle stared at the frowning image of Gemini and shook his head. "He's too smart to call attention to himself."

"Yes, Sir."

With a heavy sigh, he looked out at the campus and watched a group of students crossing into the library. "Show his picture around campus, the library, and any restaurant or bar within walking distance," he ordered. "Maybe we'll get lucky and someone will give us a lead."

"And, if they don't?"

"Then, we'll come back tomorrow and search the administration files. Someone, somewhere, knows where he is and I intend to find them."

TBC

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