A New Team Arises
Chapter 8: Satsu Returns
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
Last time: "W-Who are you?"
"My name is Itachi, and I have a proposition for you."
With no further delay…our story…
It has been seven years since Satsu's disappearance. His friends looked for him for the first two years. Sakura and Gaara have gotten married, as have Sendo and Shino, Nakigara and Hinata, and, surprisingly, Kakashi and Saikoro. Tenten and Lee started dating when they turned 18, Shikamaru and Temari the same. On the first of August, Satsu…returned to Konoha.
'Hm, it's been awhile since I've been here, I wonder what's changed.'
"What the…Satsu? Oh my god! Satsu!" Sakura ran up and embraced her old friend.
"Oh, It's been so long! Where've you been!"
"Just honing my skills. Not much other than that." Sakura started laughing.
"You're still a genin!"
"No, I'm not, I took some exams in other villages, I'm Jounin now."
"Really? Oh, that's great! Here come with me, we have to catch up!" Sakura led Satsu into her new home.
"You have to tell me everything."
"I need to know, where's Ino?" Sakura looked down a sad look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Satsu, she's dating Sasuke."
"Oh, well, if she's happy then I am I suppose."
"Listen, I'm really sorry that it didn't work out between you two."
"So, what's happened since I've been gone?"
"Quite a bit. Sendo got married to Shino, and Nakigara got Hinata's hand. I've married Gaara! Oh, here's one that'll get you, Kakashi and Saikoro got married just a few months ago."
"I'm happy for you. I really have been gone awhile, haven't I?"
"Seven years is awhile. I wish you'd have come back sooner."
"Well, I met some friends in my travels, and their training is very strenuous."
"Hm, well, I'm sure you've gotten better with your jutsu."
"Of course, I've learnt quite a few new ones as well."
"Oh that's wonder…"
"Sakura!"
"Gaara-kun! Guess what? Satsu's back!"
"That's wonderful, ah, great to see you again friend!"
"I really must be going, I don't have much time here…"
"Nonsense, you must stay a little while." Gaara held out his hand to shake Satsu's, but Satsu was hesitant.
"I, um, I need to see my old team, I really mustn't stay." He said his goodbyes to Sakura and Gaara, and went with Sakura's directions, to the home of Sendo and Shino, of course, being met with a crushing grip from his former teammate. Then, oddly, Sendo knocked him to the ground.
"Don't you ever do that again! Do you know how worried we all were?"
"Um, no. This isn't the first time I've been gone."
"You've only left once before, and it was for a week, NOT SEVEN YEARS!"
"It is good to see you again."
"Same to you Shino. I know that this is only a short meeting, but I must visit everyone."
"Oh, alright, but you come back!"
"Oh don't worry…I will." Next stop, Nakigara and Hinata!
"Naki-kun! Come here, there's someone you should see!"
"Oh my god. Holy crap. Where in the hell have you been?"
"Training old friend, nothing more. Nothing less."
"Dammit man, you left for so long, you really worried us."
"I'm sorry my friend, I know that it's been awhile and yes, I realize that you're probably pissed off to a massive level."
"Oh yeah. But you're my best friend, as long as you never do it again."
"Not for that length at least. Now, could you direct me to Saikoro sensei."
"She's just down the way, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you again." And she was.
"SATSU!"
"Argh…crushing…me."
"Oh, I'm sorry it's just…"
"You missed me right?"
"Well, yes. Of course, you worried the ever loving hell out of us too."
"Ah, Satsu, good to see you back."
"See? He doesn't have to be nutty to greet me."
"Aw, don't scold her, a team is like a family. If one leaves, the others are sad."
"While I am weirded out by what you just said, I must go, as I have a few more folks to visit." By the time Satsu reached his last stop, the sun had gone down. He knocked on the door, which was opened by Ino. Both were awestruck by what they saw. Ino looked on at the now tall, muscular form that was Satsu, whilst Satsu stared at the well filled out Ino.
"S-Satsu."
"The one and only." Ino almost tackled Satsu with the happiest embrace he'd gotten all day.
"Oh, you big idiot! Why'd you have to leave like that?"
'I-Is she crying?'
"There, there Ino. It's ok."
"No it's not! You left for so long!" Unfortunately, Sasuke walked out to wreak havoc on the moment.
Both: You.
"So you've come back have you?"
"At least for a short while." Ino looked sad at this comment.
"Listen, about what happened the day I left. I want to make peace about that." He held out his hand to Sasuke, who would've shaken it, if he hadn't seen a ring. A horrified look crossed his face.
"Hm?" Satsu's face curled into an evil grin.
"Oh, you noticed. I was going to surprise you later, but it seems I won't get the chance."
"You bastard. Get the hell away from Ino, get away from my house, and leave this village."
"Sasuke what are you…"
"Ino. He wears the ring of the Akatsuki."
"W-What?"
"Yes, I wear the ring, I've been in the Akatsuki for seven years. Oh, by the way…" He yelled as he jumped away.
"…Itachi says hi!"
(On a hill outside of Konoha)
"Did you see what you needed to see Satsu?" Asked the dark voice of his partner.
"Yes, I did."
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
"Almost making Sasuke shit himself in terror was fun."
"Heh, same old Satsu."
"Well, we better report back Zetsu, otherwise the leader might be angry."
"You know something Satsu, I must say, you've been rather fun to be around. But what I don't get, is how you could steal the void ring off of Orochimaru without him finding out."
"All that I had to do was take it while he slept, he took it off every night."
(Tsunade's office)
"Tsunade-sama, Uchiha Sasuke is here to see you."
"Right, send him in Shizune."
"Hokage-sama, we have a serious problem."
"Which would be…"
"Satsu has returned."
"What? That's wonderful! Why would you call it a problem?"
"Hokage-sama, he's joined the Akatsuki."
"But why?"
"Well, the day he left…um…I sort of kissed Ino in front of him…"
"Well, mystery solved, he really loved her Sasuke."
"Yes, well I love her too, and if this is the consequence then I'll accept it."
"Well, what must be done must be done. Anyone in the Akatsuki is an S-rank criminal and must be killed on sight."
(Akatsuki headquarters.)
"Tobi! I've told you a thousand times to stop leaving your socks in my bedroom!"
"Ugh, chill Deidara, it's not like they're gonna hurt your floor."
"Why you…" insert funny cloud anime fight here Satsu and Zetsu were playing Go (a Japanese board game) in the corner.
"They're at it again."
"Yup, I wish they'd quit acting like Naruto and Sasuke. Dammit Zet, you beat me again."
"It's all a matter of placing your pieces wisely."
"Well yes, but I'm not very good at it."
"Yeah, there's that." Itachi and Kisame walked into the room.
"Okay, this is weird."
"What, the good friends or the fighting ones?"
"Fighting, most partners get along with each other. Case in point: Those two." Itachi said as he pointed to Zetsu, desperately trying to teach Satsu how to play Go.
"Well, anyway…ATTENTION!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked to Itachi.
"So, reports for the day." Satsu and Zetsu stood up.
"Went to Konoha to catch up on what I've missed and almost made your brother shit himself in terror." Itachi chuckled a little. Deidara and Tobi stood up.
"Planned attack on Konoha, unfortunately, there's no chance of infiltration without Genjutsu, the guards cover all walls of the city." Itachi frowned at this comment.
"Well, transformations may not work, so this'll probably be a nighttime infiltration."
"How about this, Zetsu and I can scout the forest tomorrow, to account for sentries and find the best possible area for infiltration."
"Hm, that's a good idea Satsu. Tomorrow you and Zetsu can scout out the north side; Deidara, you and Tobi take the South. I'll take the east, Kisame the west."
"Right. Now Satsu, if I move one of my pieces here, what's the best possible move?"
"Um…here?"
"No, try one space higher."
"We'll have to continue this later. I need to see something."
(Konoha, Ichiraku Ramen)
Everyone sat solemnly around the table. Naruto spoke first.
"I don't believe it. Satsu's become the bad guy."
"There's no way, just no way." Said Ino.
"I know why he did this." Saikoro said in a solemn voice.
"Satsu grew up with no family but his mother, and when she died, that was the last straw, he wouldn't hurt the ones he loved, hoping for the same treatment, he looked for something to call family. When he saw Ino kissing Sasuke, he looked for family elsewhere, and I suppose he found it, even if he found it in the wrong place."
"I still can't believe it." Sendo said, on the verge of tears.
"It's like getting one huge punch in the face." Said Nakigara. Even Rock Lee was shocked.
"An S-rank criminal, it's not possible." Kakashi was lost in thought.
"I know how we can stop him. It's obvious why he showed restraint against attacking Sasuke. Ino, Satsu's still in love with you, and if necessary, we can use that against him."
"What? You want me to manipulate my ex-boyfriend's feelings? What do you take me for?"
"A ninja of the leaves, as such, things like this are required of you."
(Later that night)
Ino sat awake, thinking about what Kakashi had told her. (No she doesn't live with Sasuke.)
'A ninja of the leaves, as such, things like this are required of you.'
"Oh Satsu, how could you?" creak
"Huh? Is someone there?" A dark shadow rose behind her.
"Oh, Sasuke, you scared me."
"Wrong."
"S-Satsu?" She jumped up and took a fighting stance.
"No, stop, I don't want to fight." She socked him in the face.
"I deserved that, but wait, I just want to say something."
"What? What do you want to horrid scumbag!"
"I still love you Ino, please don't hate me."
"Well I'm sorry Satsu…" He pulled her in and kissed her, as romantically as when they first kissed. After breaking the kiss she looked up into his eyes. She began to softly cry.
"Satsu, why'd you leave me, I tried to explain, Sasuke just walked up and kissed me, he was hoping this would happen, I'm so sorry."
"Shh, no more crying, please Ino, just don't hate me anymore. I heard you guys earlier."
"Satsu, I could never do that to you, I never hated you, the truth is, I've loved you all along, I had given up hope. I thought you were dead Satsu…I was weak…I-I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologize, Ino, I'm here for you whenever you need me. I have something for you." He took out a small parcel with a necklace inside. It had a little red stone engraved into a heart on it.
"It's a calling stone. It has a special jutsu. Speak my name into it, and I'll be at your side in a heartbeat."
"It's beautiful. Thank you Satsu, I'll cherish this till the end of my days." She quickly placed it around her neck and embraced Satsu.
"Promise you won't ever leave me again."
"I promise Ino."
"Satsu, wouldn't coming to see me be betraying the Akatsuki?"
"Not at all. In fact, every few nights Zetsu sneaks out to see a girl named Mai from the stone village. Even Itachi has a sweetheart named Niina from the sand village, the list goes on through the whole Akatsuki."
"Who's Zetsu?"
"My partner and a very good friend of mine. He's been teaching me to play Go."
"Are you good at it?"
"WWWWeeeellll no."
"Didn't think so, I can't begin to understand that game."
"Hey, I'm getting better."
"Sure."
"Listen, I have to go, I'll come back say…Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays?"
"Wow, you've thought it out." She gave him a quick kiss.
"Sounds fine."
(The next morning…Konoha forest)
"So, we just scout the area right?"
"We need to check for sentries, scout out the area, and of course…wait, that was it."
"Anyway, I was meaning to ask you, where'd you run off to yesterday?"
"Ah, went to see Ino."
"Wait, wouldn't you have to get into Konoha to do that?
"Sentries hadn't heard that I'm an S-class yet. Now it'll be as hard for me as it is for you to visit Mai."
"Yeah, those stone village sentries hate my guts."
"Well, you did off thirty villagers."
"You helped."
"Yeah…that was fun."
"Indeed it was."
"You there!"
"Oh wonderful. Hello Neji."
"So, you dare show your face around here again?"
"Friend of yours?"
"Not really. I just know the guy."
"Listen, Neji was it? We aren't technically doing anything against the law. So…go away."
"Actually, seeing as you're both S-rank criminals, you must be killed."
"Listen Neji, we don't want to hurt you."
"Yes, but I want to hurt you! Byackugan!" Neji let loose with the gentle fist style.
"Zetsu, I'll handle this. I'm sorry Neji." All the Akatsuki training seemed to have paid off, Satsu was much faster than him. Satsu threw a kick at Neji's head, but Neji blocked it.
"That all you've got?"
"You wish!" As the battle raged on, Zetsu got bored. Satsu was surprised when Neji just fell down. Then he looked and saw that both his legs had been broken.
"Ok…that works."
"Can we move on please?"
"Um, ok."
"What? Where're you going, I'm not done yet!"
"Ok." Satsu delivered a swift kick…um…below the belt, effectively silencing Neji.
"Now, we can go."
(20 minutes later)
Tenten walked into the clearing.
"Oh shit, are you alright?" Neji replied in a squeaky voice. (Heh, Heh, crotch shot)
"My legs are broken. Please take me back to the village."
"Hold on, I'll get Lee."
(Konoha Ichiraku Ramen)
"Um, Sasuke…"
"What is it Ino?"
"Well…um…"
"What is it?"
"Well, it isn't working out."
"What?"
"I'm…breaking up with you."
"What!"
"It's just…"
"Satsu."
"No it's not that it's…"
"Yes it is. He's all that stands between us. I'll kill him. I'll kill him!"
"No!"
(On to The clay molder and the idiot.)
"Tobi, hurry it up!"
"Dude, shut up, Jesus, I'm just taking a piss."
(Okay, going away. Very fast. On to the night.)
"Satsu."
Poof
"You called?"
"Satsu, you have to run. Sasuke, he's jealous, he's going to kill you."
"Now what possessed you to think that he could do that?"
"He's gotten stronger Satsu."
"So have I, listen Ino, if it meant risking my life every second, I still wouldn't leave you."
"Oh, Satsu, I don't want you to get hurt. It'd kill me."
"I won't, I wouldn't ever do anything to make you sad."
"Thanks for that. So you'll be back tomorrow?"
"Of course." With that, Satsu disappeared in a puff of smoke.
(The next morning)
Ino was sitting in her bedroom thinking.
'Now I know today is important…what was it…August 3rd…SATSU-KUN'S 23rd BIRTHDAY! DUH!'
(Out in Konoha)
'Let's see, what can I get him…hmm…" A smile slowly crept across her face.
'I know…' Ino walked into a shop. (No, I'm not saying what shop.)
"Hey Ino!"
"Hey Sakura!"
"What's up?"
"Nothing just…shopping…"
"Well, I don't know why you'd be shopping here."
"I could say the same to you." Sakura turned red.
"Good point. Hey I'm meeting Hinata, Sendo, Temari, and Tenten in a few, wanna come along."
"I'd love too, just give me a bit."
(Akatsuki place.) (Yes I'm aware that this is a bit out of character.)
All: Happy Birthday Satsu!
"Whoa! Dude! Um, does it mean that I'm a year dumber if I forgot my birthday?" Everyone seemed lost in thought at this comment. Tobi spoke.
"Um, yeah, I think it does." After much partying and festivities, involving many unwrapped kunai and shuriken, oh yeah, one sword, and a cake.
(Sasuke's House)
Sasuke was sitting in a dark room, mentally going over his plan.
"Happy birthday Satsu. It'll be your last. In just a few weeks I'll be ready. Ino will be mine."
(Random Gaara Moment)
'Hm, Sakura said she had a surprise for me tonight. Wonder what it…oh.'
(Back at Akatsuki)
"So, what is it we're doing today?" Asked Tobi to Kisame.
"Well…nothing."
"Oh well. What can we do?"
"Um…5 bucks says you can't beat me at poker."
"How about we get the subordinate girls and play strip poker?"
"Now there's a good idea! Who do you think will play?"
"Well, Ayame, Aiko, and definitely Kaiko. Itachi, Satsu, and Zetsu are no, they're already seeing gals. I bet we could get Deidara though."
(Girls of Konoha)
"So Tenten, where've you been? I haven't seen you in a while."
"Oh, well, just ANBU stuff, sentry work, leading missions…Lee proposing."
Gasp
"Really?"
"Yep!"
"Aw. Now me and Ino are the only ones not married! Or at least we will be soon. But Ino may as well be with her dating Sasuke."
"1- you have Shikamaru stupid. 2-I broke up with Sasuke yesterday."
"You did?"
"Yep. I just don't love him." All the girls look piteously at her.
"Ino, you have to understand, he's the only really available guy out there."
"No he's not."
"Ino, you have to understand, you can't date Satsu, he's dangerous."
"No he's not. My Satsu-kun wouldn't hurt me for all the money in the world. He'd find a way through the gates of hell to get to me if he had to."
"Ino, he's an S-rank criminal. He is a bit out of the league of any Konoha girl."
"Well I don't care. I still love him and he still loves me."
Inner Sakura: She's right you know.
'What, you're taking her side?'
IS: Well, she is right.
(Akatsuki Hideout)
All the guys playing poker were shivering.
"Is it cold in here?"
"Well, it could be due to the fact that you chose the three best poker faces the world has ever know to "take advantage of". And of course, the disturbing fact that we're all in our underwear."
(That night…)
"Ino? Are you here?"
"Hey there Satsu-kun." Ino stepped into the light, to reveal that she wore nothing but Sexy Black Lingerie.
"Ino. You look…wow." She decked him onto her bed and kissed him on the lips.
"Happy birthday Satsu-kun."
(Next morning)
"Mm, good morning Ino-chan…wait…Ino-chan…oh damn."
"What's the matter?"
"Well, when I come here to see you, the cover of darkness is the only reason I can get in here. It is the morning, there is light. No cover."
"Hm, that is a problem. Especially since the girls are coming over today."
"Oh crap."
"Wait! I know, I have this really big cloak, and a wide brim hat."
"Great, dress-up or die."
"Well, that just leaves the fact that you'll have to hide your face. Ah, I have an old Noh mask."
"Um, I have my Akatsuki hat."
"Too obvious."
"Um, Hm, I could get the guys to bail me out."
"Yeah, right out of my house, then I'd be in trouble."
"Good point. Uh, okay we'll use the first one. Your little costume of horror."
"Hey Ino! You home?"
"Oh crap, we don't have much time. Quick!" She threw said costume items at him."
"Son of a…you didn't say the cloak was pink!"
"Put it on or I won't kiss you for a month."
"Err…curse your hotness." Satsu quickly put all these things on, giving him a resemblance to a large pink mushroom.
"This is so wrong. I'll leave ASAP."
"No, that'd be suspicious, you'll have to stay the whole day."
"No. Just plain no."
"Don't make me pout."
"Damn you vile woman!"
"Ino?"
"Coming guys! Hold on a sec! Okay Satsu-kun, just come with me."
"Oh man." They walked down the stairs and Ino opened the door.
"Hey In…who's that?"
"This is, um…my…cousin. Yeah my cousin, he's in town for today, from…the stone village."
"Ok…hi there." Satsu coughed a bit and disguised his voice. He made his voice raspy and a bit airy.
"Um, hello. I'm Ustas." Ino frowned.
'Ustas! Can't you think of anything better than that?'
"What's with the mask?"
"Um, I come from a special net of trackers."
Krsh
'Dammit, I left my walkie-talkie on.'
"Um, could you girls excuse me for a second?" Satsu ran into the bathroom and shut the door.
"Shit, Zetsu, is that you?"
"Yeah, where are you man? You just sort of disappeared."
"Um, went to see Ino, stuff happened…"
"Don't go into detail."
"Won't. Well, we sorta fell asleep, um, so I'll be stuck here till nightfall."
"How are you going to survive the whole day? Sure you can handle a few nin, but a whole village?"
"Ino helped with that, I now resemble a large pink mushroom."
"Ok, I'm not going to ask. I'll inform the others, stay safe bud."
"Got it." He walked out of the bathroom.
"Um cough Um, sorry bout that."
"Okay, so Ino, we were thinking that today we could go to Ichiraku, then maybe spend the day with Sasuke." Satsu twitched.
"Guys I told you I don't love him." Satsu smiled internally.
"Well, we have to go there anyway, so deal, your cousin can come along if he wants to."
(Ichiraku.)
"Hey guys, hello whoever you are."
"He's Ino's cousin."
"Well, ok." Temari piped up.
"Come on Ino, at least Sasuke's better than that no good, smelly, stupid, ugly, evil, horrid Satsu."
twitch
"Excuse me a moment." Satsu walked off.
SNAP Satsu walked back. Temari was confused.
"What was that?"
"Some guy named Shikamaru just broke both his arms and legs. The medic ninjas are gonna have their hands full."
"Shika-kun!" Temari ran for the hospital. Ino elbowed Satsu in the gut. He whispered to her.
"What? I lied. I only broke some rubber bands. They make the same general noise."
"So what's Ino's cousin's name anyway?"
"Um, I think it was Ustas."
"Yes."
"Oh really? Nice anagram jackass." Sasuke threw a kunai, but Satsu easily dodged it.
"Um, Sasuke what the hell?"
"Ustas is Satsu backwards guys." All of a sudden, voices could be heard throughout the restaurant.
"Satsu?"
"As in Kurushimi Satsu?"
"Uh-oh."
"Eek!" Satsu looked back and forth. He noticed the glares and kunai.
"Oh dear." In a flash Satsu was running, losing the costume in favor of his Akatsuki robes.
"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!"
Krsh
"Hello?"
"How goes it?"
"Not so well."
"Then what're you doing?"
"Running."
"Okay, well, I'll get the guys to the…which way are you going?"
"South."
"Oh, we've been scouting there anyway, get out there." Satsu jumped the gate and landed in front of his comrades.
"Already done."
"Hey little bro, how've ya been?"
"Itachi."
"In the flesh." Sakura jumped the gate.
"Hey you're that Sasori guy's partner, Deidara."
"In the flesh." He pointed to his scope eye.
"Sorta." The other ninja jumped the gate and looked at the ones in front of them.
"AKATSUKI!" Then, they ran away.
"So little brother, do you really think you can take all of us?"
"Well, if just one of you runs…"
"Don't flatter yourself, I was running because of the sheer numbers." Hidan took out his scythe and began to spin it in his hand.
"I'm up for a fight if you guys are." Kisame took out his sword.
"Sounds fun." Satsu took out his new sword. (Think transformed Tetsusaiga for those of you who watch Inuyasha, Cloud's sword for Final Fantasy players, or just sword roughly the size of Kisame's…without bandages)
"Yes, I'm a bit tired of you Sasuke, you treated me like dirt before, and you do now. Time to end it. Plus, I need to break this thing in." Itachi stepped forward.
"No! When the time comes, I will kill him, until then, the he remains living." The Akatsuki left. Sakura ran back to Ino, still sitting at the table.
"You have some explaining to do."
(Town Hall)
Ino was being taken to the Hokage's office by Sasuke and Sakura. Outside the building, Neji and Lee guarded the door. At the door to Tsunade's office, Choji and Shikamaru were guarding.
"Ino, this is serious."
"No it's not."
"Yes Ino it is. You can't just date an S-class criminal."
"I can do as I please."
"INO! THIS IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT! SATSU IS AN S-CLASS CRIMINAL! HE IS THE BAD GUY AND YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE THAT!"
"Hokage-sama, please calm down, you can't lose your temper like this." Said Shizune.
"Alright, I'm sorry. Ino, please, you must stop seeing him. He is a horrible person, he has killed people."
"As have you."
"Yes but…"
"You've killed people for money. For contracts. From his point of view, you might be the bad guy."
"The point is not what you've thought, it's what must be done. Please just help us get him."
"SCREW YOU, YOU SICK WHORE! I WILL NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER HELP YOU KILL SOMEONE I LOVE!" Outside, Choji stopped eating. Both his and Shikamaru's mouths hung open as Ino stormed out of the office. Outside Ino stormed past Neji and Lee.
Crash
And then the chair came falling down. Landing on Neji's head.
"Are you alright my youthful friend?"
"Ugh…"
"Guess not."
(The Next Day)
"Akatsuki. Attention."
All: Yes sir! (Sounds like military)
"Alright, here's the deal. We've been given a spy contract on the owner of a teahouse in Konoha. This area is very sparsely populated when it comes to ninja, as is, there is no need for disguise. A similar contract has been brought out for the stone village, an assassination job, on the owner of an inn. Volunteers for either one?" Itachi raised his hand.
"I volunteer for the teahouse mission." Zetsu raised his hand.
"Satsu and I can take the assassination in the Stone Village."
"It's all settled then. Itachi and Kisame will take the teahouse, whilst Zetsu and Satsu, you take the restaurant." The leader left the room. Satsu walked to Itachi.
"Hey guys. While you're there, could you tell Ino I'll be back ASAP."
"No problem Satsu. Come on Kisame, we have work to do."
"Satsu, you coming?"
"Yeah, come on, let's go. It'll probably take 2 days to get there."
(Do that thing where the picture phases out and the guys are somewhere else)
(The Stone Village) (Nighttime)
"Wow, that was one hectic 2 days."
"Still can't believe a midget-ninja from the cloud village attacked us."
"My shins are still recovering."
"So, what's this place called anyway?"
"Hm, Green Dragon Bed and Breakfast."
"Well, let's go see Mai, she lives here, and I'm certain she'll help me. You, I dunno."
"Shut up. Hey, if someone touches the inside of your flytrap thing, does it snap shut?"
"You'd be the first dumb enough to put your hand in there."
"Your girlfriend's dumb enough to put her lips in there."
"Touché."
"So where do we go for the night?"
"Well, what time is it?"
"Around nine."
"Well then, Mai probably will be awake, but let's get something to eat first."
(Random Restaurant)
"M-May I t-take your o-order."
"Um, just some Apple Blossom tea please."
"I'll have the chicken, and some water." The waitress practically sprinted away.
"Well, they seem to remember us."
"It was only three months ago, 30 ninja, two hours. Plus, she'd be pretty scared anyway…with the whole…flytrap thing." Zetsu pointed to his head.
"Hm, you're right." The waitress quickly returned with their food. After eating they went to a small house on the outskirts of the village.
knock, knock, knock A pretty girl with red hair in a white dress answered the door, looking down at the ground.
"Hello, um, I'm not really feeling up to company today, sorry to disappoint you…"
"Oh really? I thought you said that you're always happy to see me."
"Wha…ZETSU-KUN!" Now at this point, Zetsu was nearly knocked to the ground.
"Whoa! Hey, good to see you again too Mai."
"Oh, you've been gone for a whole month! I missed you!" Of course, considering the circumstances, she kissed Zetsu right on the lips. Satsu turned away from the two.
"I can see you two want to be alone, don't worry, I'm not lookin."
"Oh, formal introductions, Mai this is Satsu, my partner. Satsu, this is Mai."
"Charmed."
"Ditto." Satsu shook Mai's hand.
"So, where's the nearest inn, I'm sure you both have a lot of…catching up…to do."
"Oh nonsense, its not like…just got that."
"Took ya long enough Zet."
"So what brings you two here?"
"Just an assassination."
"Well, you two have to stay with me! Or…at least Zetsu!"
"Well, if it's ok with you…" Mai practically dragged Zetsu through the door. Satsu was surprise by the overly-cleanliness of the house.
"Wow…clean. It looks like the reverse of Ino's place."
"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you have a sweetheart yourself?"
"Ah, the most beautiful girl in the world, long blonde hair, beautiful eyes…"
"Um, Mai is the most beautiful."
"No, no offence Mai, Ino is!"
"Mai!"
"Ino!"
"Mai!"
"Is still standing here."
"Oh, um, sorry babe."
'Hm, should I accept his apology? Or make him sleep in the attic?'
"Aw, it's okay Zetsu, you were defending my honor."
"And you're not mad at Satsu why?"
"Because he's defending his girl's honor. Hey it's getting late, we should get to bed, Satsu, the guest room is down the hall, second door on the right, bathroom's the first door, my room's the third. Zetsu, the dog house is out back" Zetsu's jaw dropped.
"I'm joking Zetty, you're bunking with me!" Satsu chuckled a little.
"Zetty?"
"Don't tell me Ino doesn't have a pet name for you?"
"Um, well, she calls me Lazy occasionally."
"That's not a pet name, that's a fact of life."
"Ha-ha."
"Aw, Zetty has nothing to be ashamed of. Come on, we should all get some rest."
"Yeah, g-night lazy."
"Hey! Only Ino may call me that."
"Whatever."
"Goodnight you two."
(Okay, let's go back in time to Itachi and Kisame in Konoha.)
"So, The Rose Teahouse?"
"Yep."
"Question?"
"What?"
"How come you get lusty stares, and I get cringes?"
"Probably has to do with the blue skin and the gills."
"I know."
"Well, we have one contact here and that's Satsu's girlfriend, let's ask her."
(Ino's Room)
Ino had just gotten out of the shower and was walking across her bedroom in a towel.
poof
"Excuse us but…" Both Itachi and Kisame turned red. (Even though I'm sure Itachi had seen Niina, similarly, or less, clothed)
"AH! HOLY DAMMIT! BAD TIMING!" Ino just sat there, red as a cherry.
"Um, hi guys…please tell me why you two are in my bedroom."
"We just need to know where the Rose Teahouse is…"
"Straight from the center of town, west about half a mile."
"Uh, thanks, oh and Satsu's on a mission, he's gonna be gone for a few days."
"Awww…Eh, I'll kill him when he gets back. Ugh, you guys can go now."
"Uh, yeah, sorry."
poof
(Okay, we're going to leave that scene. Right now. Next morning in the stone village.)
Around 9 a.m. on the roof of the Green Dragon…
"Man, you look like shit, did you sleep at all."
"3 things. I missed Ino. The wall kept shaking and hitting me in the head, wonder what that could've been? Oh, of course, someone was screaming "Oh Zetsu!" all night."
"1-Shut up. 2-my sex life is none of your business. 3-earplugs…oh, and 4-you suck."
"Nice. So where is this guy?"
"Down there. Ya know what, you take care of this one, you need some fame as an Akatsuki member." Satsu jumped from the roof and entered the owner's office.
"Hello there."
"What the? Oh shit. I know who you are! You're one of the Akatsuki! Wait, you're the one from three months ago!"
"Well, yes."
"W-What're you doing in my office!" Satsu sat down and put his feet on the man's desk.
"Are you or are you not the owner of this restaurant?"
"I am."
"And three weeks ago, were you in the village hidden beneath the falls?"
"I was."
"And while there did you meet a young woman?"
"I did."
"Well my friend, it seems that this woman's brother happened to find out that you raped and killed her. As such he wanted penance, and contacted the Akatsuki."
"G-Get to the p-point."
"Now is that any way to treat a guest?"
"WHAT'S YOUR POINT DAMMIT?"
"Simply this. Your sand has run out so to speak, your hourglass is empty. In other words, I'm here to kill you."
"N-No! I have a family! Please!"
"If you have a family you have even more reason to die. Oh, and I happen to know that you have no wife or children. That means you lied to me too. I don't like liars."
"I-I'll a-alert the v-village n-ninja if you e-even t-try." Satsu took on a mocking voice.
"I-I'm s-so s-scared. My partner and I killed 30 ninja 3 months ago, wanna try for getting us again? By the way, Zetsu's on the roof, so don't try to run."
"W-Wait, I thought t-that b-blue g-guy carried the huge sword."
"Oh this? Like it? It was his present, my birthday was 5 days ago. You've given me an idea, I haven't tested this thing yet, but I just thought of a fitting end for you. I'm gonna cut off all your fingers and toes, then your nose and tongue, then your arms then your legs."
"No, please!"
"Oh, alright, ya caught me on a good day. I'll just cut you in half and watch you bleed instead." Satsu pulled his sword off his back.
"No!" He swung it in a huge circle, slashing the man in two.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" As Satsu watched the man bleed to death, a girl walked in with a tray of food, probably the owner's lunch. She dropped the tray when she saw the room. Satsu looked at her and smiled.
"Hi there, would you mind cleaning this up?"
"W-Who the h-hell are you?"
"Why, I'm Satsu Kurushimi."
"The human corpse?"
"The one and only."
"B-But why?"
"Well, I've joined the Akatsuki, it's a responsibility I have. Tell your Kage, to inform the other Kage about my little enrolment, I think they may want to mark me in their criminal file."
"Y-Yes, t-they w-would."
"Oh and tell your friends, they'll want to know if they see me, I'll probably be the last person they see. Plus, if you don't tell them…" He pointed to the body.
"…that could become you."
"B-But why my b-boss."
"Contract. I'd get to cleaning you don't have long before the poison in my sword's blade causes the body too…" All of a sudden what was left of the body exploded in a shower of gore.
"…do that. I recommend using a mop, some Windex…and a vacuum. Later, I have to wash these robes." He gave her another smile and a friendly wave and jumped to meet Zetsu.
"Yo."
"Took you longer than expected."
"Why?"
"We talked a bit before I cleaved him in half. Then his body exploded. And thanks to a waitress bringing him lunch, the whole continent's gonna know about me."
"Good work so I guess we should head back." Zetsu looked at the ground.
"Ya know what, spend a couple days with Mai. I'll do the same with Ino. Then contact me on your walkie-talkie, meet me outside Konoha, and say the mission took longer than expected."
"You sure that's a good idea?"
"I won't tell if you won't."
"Thanks man. I owe you one."
"Hey no problem, now, if you'll excuse me, I have one hell of a run ahead of me." After Satsu had jumped away, Zetsu headed into the flower-shop and bought a bouquet of roses. After this he wrote a fake note, dropped both of them off in front of Mai's door. After knocking, he jumped to the roof. Mai answered the door and read the note.
Dearest Mai,
It pains me to have to leave so soon, but I have responsibilities to uphold.
See you soon,
Zetsu
Mai looked at the ground.
"Oh Zetty, how soon is soon?"
"Four seconds good enough?" Zetsu jumped down from the roof, and before Mai knew what was happening, he'd picked her up bridal style.
"I'll be sticking around a few more days, hope that's alright."
"Yay!"
"Thought you'd say something like that."
"Well of course, I couldn't be happier."
"Neither could I."
"I bet I'm happier."
"Are not."
"Am too."
"Whatever."
"Come on let's go inside." Zetsu carried her through the door.
(2 days later in Konoha)
Ino was, once again, walking through her room in a towel.
"Man, that was weird a couple days ago. Those guys sure have bad timing."
Poof
"I SWEAR TO GOD ITACHI, IF THAT'S YOU AND KISAME AGAIN I'LL…"
"Well, someone's trying a different welcome speech."
"Huh? SATSU-KUN!" Ino actually (not just almost this time) knocked Satsu to the ground with a BBBIIIGGG hug. Satsu started laughing.
"I missed you too." Satsu then, realizing the circumstances, turned red.
"Um, Ino, you're in a towel…and nothing else."
"What's the issue, you've seen more of me than this."
"Now, out of curiosity, why'd you yell at "Itachi"?"
"Well, I was walking to my closet in a towel. They sort of jumped in here, looking for info."
"Ok…" Ino kissed Satsu.
"Oh, by the way, I have 3 days to kill. Any ideas where I might stay?"
"Hm, there's a few trees outside I could recommend."
"Okay, which direction would these be in?"
"Oh, you know I'm joking, you're staying with me."
Okay, another day, a 15 page chapter. REVIEW!