When I started this, I really only ever saw it as just a one-shot, nothing more, but I'm glad that I kept writing. Hope you enjoy part 3!
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As she sits in the small corner booth next to Castle, she finds her nerves are overwhelming. She is sitting down, and yet constantly shifting her weight back and forth ever so subtly. She keeps playing with the napkins in front of her, pushing them from side to side and rotating them, not sure why. The both are pretty silent until their names are called and Castle gets up to grab the coffees. Beckett may have paid for them for the first time ever, but Castle was still the gentlemen he always was.
Setting the coffee in front of her, he slides back into the booth, making sure to leave a reasonable amount of space between them. Ten years was a long time, but he can still tell when she's unsure about something. So he waits. Like he did after she was shot, like he did after their conversation on the swings, after she lied to him about her memory, and after she told him she was in therapy to help her accept his love. Castle quietly blew on the piping hot coffee before he trying to sip on it, occasionally looking over at her until he realizes that she hasn't even touched hers.
"You know, I can always go get you another cup and some ice if you wanted your coffee cold."
Beckett shakes her head a little and looks up at him a little confused at his attempt for a joke. "What?"
"You haven't touched your coffee and I was feeling a little awkward at the silence. I guess my joke wasn't the right move." Castle says, taking another sip of his coffee only to burn his tongue.
As much as Castle was trying to lighten the mood a little, he could tell that there was something weighing on her mind. He was just about to ask her, but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and practically spewed out the sentence.
"I almost got married last year."
In shock, it takes a minute for Castle to speak, "Almost?"
"Yeah. Spencer was perfect. He was a lawyer, fought for the little guy. Everything I dreamed of being when I was little. He was so smart, and he was so supportive when I needed that most." Beckett says smiling before shaking her head at the memory of their break up.
"He sounds perfect." Castle says with a catch in his voice.
"Yeah he pretty much was."
Taking another sip of his coffee to hide the frown that had graced his face upon hearing that, knowing that while he had been unable to find anyone even remotely close to being someone he could love, she had moved on. "So what happened?"
"We were weeks away from getting married, when the boys came over with Lanie. I had asked them for any old photographs of us when I first started working with them. We were all sitting in our living room looking at the pictures and reminiscing about the good old days when I saw it. I never really realized how many pictures we all took together. You were even in some." Beckett rolls her eyes as she attempts to keep the tears back long enough to get through the breakup. "By the time they all left, Spencer and I were cuddling on the couch while I told him stories about some of the pictures. When he asked about you, I didn't really know what to say. How do you tell the guy you were going to marry that they guy in the pictures was the one?"
"The," Castle starts, quietly, not sure she even hears him, "The one?"
Letting out a short laugh, Beckett takes a breath before continuing her story. "He seemed to accept that I didn't want to talk about it. So we moved on. But then a week later, he was looking through the pictures again, and he came across a few that were just us. I guess the boys had taken a few pictures of just us over the years and we never knew. The amount of different hair styles I went through in four years was insane. But when I came home from work that day, he asked me about them. I don't remember what I told him, but the second I saw the pictures, everything started coming back to me and I knew I couldn't marry him."
Confusion was clearly written all over Castle's face, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he finally found words.
"I'm not sure I'm understanding. You couldn't marry him because you saw a few pictures of us from years ago?"
"Not just a picture Castle. I could see it in our eyes. The way that you used to look at me, that's the way Spencer looked at me. But the way I looked at Spencer, it didn't come even close to how I looked at you back then. And I realized that while I did love Spencer more than I thought I would ever love someone again, I could never marry him. It wasn't fair to him that I was still in love with you."
"Kate," Castle starts, not really sure what he was supposed to say in a situation like this.
"Look Castle, I know that a lot of shit was said that night, and that we probably didn't mean half of what we said, but when I ended things with Spencer, I made a promise to myself that if I ever got the chance, I would tell you how I felt. I would tell you that I never stopped loving you. That I will always love you, even if you had moved on. That even if you didn't feel the same, at least I wouldn't have the kind of regrets I had that night."
By the time Beckett had finished talking, she was slightly out of breath, and looked over to find Castle chuckling. Her eyes scrunched up and her head tilted, Beckett took her hand and swatted his shoulder, "It's not funny Castle."
Still laughing, Castle puts his hands up and says, "You're right, you're right. It's not funny. I'm sorry." But this has him laughing even more, and in turn, Beckett finds herself chuckling along with him. When they finally stop laughing, they find they had shifted slightly in the booth, now inches apart from each other, Beckett's hand resting just inside of Castle's shoulder.
"Castle," She says quietly before looking down at the minimal space between them. "I truly am sorry for what I put you through when we ended our partnership."
"Hey, it's not your fault. We were both stubborn as hell, each thinking we were in the right." He says before placing his hand over top of hers.
Beckett can feel his fingers wrap around her hand, his thumb brushing circles over the back of her hand. She lifts her gaze back up to meet his eyes and can see the sincerity floating around in them. A gaps escapes through her lips when she feels his breath across her lips and feels him slowly closing the distance between them.
His lips are mere millimeters from hers, causing her heart to start racing. It was finally going to happen. She lets her eyes slip closed, but the second she feels the slight pressure of his lips meeting hers, she takes her free hand and presses on his chest. Pushing him back, Beckett can see the look of hurt and confusion on his face.
"Castle, wait." She whispers, holding onto his hand still in an attempt to stop him from completely pulling away from her. "It's been ten years; a lot has changed."
"It's okay. I get it. It's too soon. We just reconnected like an hour ago." He says, still trying to pull away a little more.
"No, Castle that's not what I meant." She says grabbing his other hand and flipping them so that her palms rest in his. "I never thought I would get the chance with you, and now that I have, I want to do it right."
"Kate, nothing about us has ever been right. Nothing about us has ever been easy." Castle says, squeezing her hands in his and once again rubbing circles on the back of her hands. He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and gives her a chance to try and calm hers as well.
"I don't want to lose you again Castle. I can't lose you again."
"You won't I promise." He says dropping one of her hands to run his hand up to her neck and caressing her check with his thumb. "I spent the last ten years trying to find someone else, to be with someone else because I thought I would never get you. You can believe me when I say that I am not letting you go without a fight this time."
Smiling up at him, Beckett covers the hand at her neck with her own and says, "Then Richard Castle, would you like to go to dinner with me?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Castle quips before bringing her face back to his where he places a soft and warm kiss to the corner of her mouth before letting go of her neck. He tightens his grip on her hand and leads her out of the booth, coffees forgotten.
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