Chapter 7: Fear

Muttering curses, Raphael trudged through the slush of newly-melting snow. He hated when snow started melting. It no longer had the aesthetic appeal of fresh-fallen snow, pure and white. It became dingy gray from being walked upon, and its wetness seeped through his shoes. He scowled at the ground.

But when he reached his destination, the scowl slid from his face and was replaced by a faint smile. He reached out a hand and touched the tombstone. "Just wanted to say that I decided to forgive ya, bonehead," Raph told the tombstone, almost as if expecting a response. "And that I'm real sorry about what happened with April. I'll do better. I'll look after her better. Promise."

"I'm proud of you, you know."

Raph turned to his companion. "That so?"

Leonardo stepped forward and placed a hand on Shadow's tombstone. "Yes. That's so."

"Huh." Raph cracked a grin. "Well, wonders never cease."

"Speaking of wonders … I wonder what Sensei wanted to talk to Mikey about." Leo's eyes narrowed in thought. His long coat fluttered in the breeze. "It has to be serious, for us to be asked to leave the lair to give them alone time."

"Maybe it's about Mike's cooking. Sensei's probably getting tired of so much chicken noodle soup."

Leo rolled his eyes and assumed a look that, in a human, would probably be described as pursing his lips.

Raph laughed and slung an affectionate arm around his older brother's shoulders. "Seriously?"

Leonardo nodded.

"It probably ain't none of our business, Leo." He glanced down at his best friend's grave and shivered a little—from the cold. Only from the cold. "And it's probably better that we don't know. Probably don't wanna know."

Leo shivered too.

---

She ran from the lair, through the sewers, through the streets, through the city. Still she could not outrun the questions that plagued her mind. What did it mean? Did it, in fact, mean anything at all? Why had he kissed her back? What was he thinking right now? Was he mad? Upset? Hurt?

Most of all, why was a simple kiss the most frightening thing to happen since Casey and Shadow died?

Then her mind and her legs both slammed to a complete halt. She'd arrived at her destination, her getaway and her refuge over the past year, but she hadn't anticipated having company.

"April!"

"Raph! Leo!"

Leo frowned, noticing the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

Desperately she tried to think of a single, semi-plausible lie. It was simple enough. She was a widow, after all, a widow who'd lost her child as well. She had lots of things to be upset over. Instead, she found herself blurting out, "I kissed him!"

"What? Who?" Raph asked in confusion while, simultaneously, Leo groaned, "Oh, hell."

---

Mike was humming to himself, stirring the soup that was going to be the family's dinner, when he felt a light smack on the back of his head. He whipped around and glared at the brother who'd just hit him.

"Um, ow?" Mikey put down his spoon and placed his hands on his hips.

But Don only glared back. "Tell her, you said! Great idea, you said! You … are … you're … " He waved his hands around a bit, floundering, before he found his traction again. "I am going to murder you. In an especially painful fashion. And I know deadly chemicals. Oh yes, my friend, I know all of them. Not to mention my acquired ad hoc medical knowledge. So don't for one second think that this is some idle threat that—"

"Donatello." The younger turtle's voice was the epitome of calm and benevolence.

"Yes, Michelangelo?"

"What the heck are you talking about?"

Donatello shut his eyes, his chest heaving. He was breathing rapidly—too rapidly. Don seemed hysterical and close to hyperventilating, Mike realized with a sudden twinge of fear. This was so very unlike his brother's usual calm self. Taking Don's arm, Mike gently led his brother to a chair and forced him to sit down. "Deep breaths, Donny," he murmured, rubbing Don's shell in comforting circles.

Don nodded. After a few moments, his breathing slowed. When he finally looked up, Mikey gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Don coughed to cover up his embarrassment. "Uh, thanks."

"Sure. Anytime, bro." Mike bit his lip thoughtfully. To ask or not to ask? That was the question. "So, Donny …"

The other turtle quickly averted his eyes. Hmm. Not to ask, then.

But then, just as Mike was going to let it go, Don whispered in a voice filled with awe and terror, "I kissed her, Mikey."

---

"Damn."

Leo shot his brother a dirty look. "Stop saying that," he snapped.

"Just … damn."

"I mean it, Raph."

But Raph just shook his head as though he hadn't heard. "Donny? Good old Don? Guy who likes his soldering iron just a little too much? That guy?"

April shot him the same dirty look Leo had a moment before.

"Uh, what I mean is," Raph tried again, "what's the problem?"

Leo raised an eyebrow while April's jaw dropped.

"No, really. What's the problem here exactly? You like him, he likes you. Ain't no secret. S'all good, right?"

April's jaw snapped up again. "He likes me? How do you—wait, what makes you say I like him?" She sat down on the ground, resting her back against Casey's tombstone. She'd wondered about Don's feelings but hadn't known with any degree of certainty. He liked her? How much? For how long? Oh, this was getting complicated.

Leo punched Raphael in the arm.

---

"Let go of my arm!"

"Lemme think about it." Mike paused. "Hmm. Sorry. No can do, bro."

Don glowered, trying to look intimidating and mostly failing. "Remember the chemicals? The deadly chemicals?"

Mikey ignored the look and continued dragging his brother along like a disobedient child across the rooftops. "Sure, I remember," he said, with the hint of a laugh in his voice. "They're the ones that will ensure I have an especially painful death."

"This is crazy." Don pulled his scarf higher up with his free hand. He glanced down below to see if anyone was paying them any particular mind but, as it was a fairly late hour, the streets were fairly empty. The only distinguishable sound, other than a distant car alarm and some police sirens, was the soft crunching of their boots sinking into melting snow.

They reached the edge of the roof. Mike let go of Don and pointed to the next rooftop. Don rolled his eyes. "You want me to jump?" he asked, incredulous. Mike nodded. "I've got a hurt side, remember? I can't jump that."

"Dude, you're totally not hurt that bad. Stop being a baby."

Don swore in Japanese, and this time Mikey definitely knew what Don was calling him. It wasn't very nice. But Don gave in, as Mike knew he would, and jumped across to the next roof. And he only winced a little when he landed. Mike followed right behind, gracefully alighting with a small splash.

"I don't think I should see her, Mike. At least, not so soon."

"You were never a good liar, Don. Be honest. You just don't want to see her."

"Fine! I don't want to see her."

A pause. Then just above a whisper, Mikey began singing in his best Mick Jagger impersonation, "You can't always get what you want …"

After a few moments of the serenade, Don heaved a sigh of defeat. "What makes you so sure she'll be there anyways?"

"Because, dear brother," Mike said, enjoying his momentary sense of superiority, "I know about these kinda things. I know people. I know feelings. Trust me."

"Famous last words," groused Don.

---

As it turned out, Michelangelo had been right. But he almost wished he hadn't.

April scrambled up off the ground, while behind her Raph and Leo traded worried glances. Mike put on a shaky smile and grabbed Don by the wrist, holding firmly until he felt reasonably certain that Don wouldn't bolt.

"Hey, Mike," croaked April.

"Hey, April." Mike tugged hard on Don's wrist, and Don lurched forward, losing his balance and almost falling. "Sorry to barge in on you guys, but Donny here wanted to talk to you."

Raph opened his mouth but shut it when Leo punched his arm again. Mikey shot them both a glare. Don stared at the ground, and April kept her eyes glued to Mike's.

"Well," said Leo.

"Guess we better … uh … " Raph trailed off.

"Check on Master Splinter," finished Mikey, letting go of Don and grabbing his two eldest brothers by the shoulders. "Gotta go, y'know, check on Sensei. It's been at least a half hour since he's had any soup. And you know how Sensei loves his soup. So we'll just, uh … go."

Leo nodded vigorously.

As the trio fairly tripped over themselves to get away, Don and April traded nervous looks. "Hi," April said finally.

"Hi."

Only the wind spoke, whistling through the naked branches of some nearby trees. They both shivered.

At last Don cleared his throat. "You know what?" he began, tentatively.

She shook her head.

"It's kind of a secret, but Sensei doesn't really like soup much. Actually, he hates it."

April laughed so hard she snorted.

---

"He's in love with her? I mean, I knew he wanted in her pants—"

"Raphael!"

"—but I didn't know it went as deep as all that. That's heavy stuff."

Mildly exasperated, with a stomach growling its protest at having missed dinner, Mikey turned to his two brothers. "If you both keep talking," he complained, "then we can't hear what April and Donny are saying. Now can we?"

Raph and Leo fell silent. Mike turned around again and peeked out from behind the bushes they'd hidden behind. Some ninjas they were. Could his brothers possibly be any louder? Or any less stealthy?

"Spying on them is wrong, you know."

"Leo, shut up," Mike snapped back, straining to hear.

---

She leaned back against Casey's grave, and he leaned back against Shadow's. It wasn't disrespectful. It was companionable. Comforting. Like a hug from an old dear friend. And it meant that they could talk without having to look one another in the eye.

"I'm sorry I ran off," April said. "Pretty crappy thing for me to do."

"It's okay."

"No. No, it's not. We both know it's not."

He didn't respond for a moment. Then, in the same soft voice she'd heard the day he woke up from Raph's attack, he said, "I forgive you."

She looked down and studied the tips of her boots. "I'm scared," she told him.

"Of me?" He sounded distressed at the thought.

"No! Donny, no!" She turned to him and touched his forearm. He glanced down at her hand, and she jerked it away as if she'd been burned. "At least, not scared like that. Of course not like that."

"Oh."

"I'm scared of what I'm feeling."

Another long pause. "So. What are you feeling?"

She shut her eyes and told herself it was because of the wind. She had lied about being scared. She wasn't scared, she was terrified. Terrified of kissing him. Terrified of seeing him. Terrified of losing him, like she'd lost Casey and lost Shadow.

"I'm sorry," Don offered unexpectedly.

"You're sorry? Why?"

He drew his knees up to his chest and looked, for all the world, like a lost little boy. "Because," he whispered, "I'm a monster."

---

Author's Notes: Glad everyone seems okay with the Don/April, 'cause there's even more coming. Also, while I greatly appreciate the reviews, please don't feel you're obligated to leave one. It's enough that you're reading and enjoying, I promise.