Hey guys, did you miss me? I know, I've been the slackest updater ever, but I promise you after school and my exams are out of the way I'll update all my stories every week! So just hold on for another few weeks!

Thanks you all for the lovely review! You have no idea how much they encourage me to carry on. You guys are amazing and I appreciate you all sticking by me even though I'm slow at updating.

So this chapter is longer than the others. I've decided to write more for each chapter I do from now on because I've realised that no one likes short chapters, especially when they have to wait a week or so for the next :P

Anyway, enjoy :)

Clary's pov

I followed him through the wide rooms, up the staircase and through the wide open hallway until we reached two wooden doors. Opening it, I pulled myself inside and gasped at what was laid out in front of my eyes. It was a library. A library in their house… Bookcases were spread across the walls and stretched up to the ceiling with each shelf filled with books. On one wall an open fire that blazed as it heated and lightened the room; with a few sofas circling it in a comforting manner. Walking over to a shelf, my eyes scanned the different ranges of books until my eyes landed on a book that had come familiar to me: a book filled with poetry. Picking it up off the shelf, I opened it and traced the delicate pages with my index's finger.

'Come to me in my dreams, and then

By day I shall be well again

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.' I quoted from the book.

"'Longing,' by Matthew Arnold," Jace spoke up behind me.

I turned back to Jace to see him a few steps away with his hands in his pockets lazily. "You know of it?" I asked, shocked.

He nodded. "I've spent quite a lot of time in this library since I first got here…it was sort of like my safe haven," he stated, moving so he could sit himself on one of the sofas so the fire could coat him with warmth.

"Wh-what happened to your parents?" the words stumbled out of my mouth in an obscure way. "No, wait. You don't have to tell me…that's completely private." I walked mindlessly over to him, and sat effortlessly down beside him as I argue with my outspoken words.

He shook his head, causing the light from the flames to make his golden locks even more dominate. "No," he coughed out, before clearing his voice to make it steadier. "If we are going to get through this together we need to know everything about each other."

"Even what I had for tea last night?" I said jokily, with a small grin plastered on my face.

"That's a good question. You look so small and frail, have you been eating at all?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Of course I have," I stated, feeling guilt sink further into the pit of my stomach. I knew I shouldn't have lied, but to be honest it wasn't a complete lie, I have been eating…just not much.

"Are you lying?" Jace asked me firmly, his eyebrows lifting up as he questioned my statement.

"If I was lying and I told you I was lying; then I wouldn't be such a good liar, would I?" I asked, replacing the truth with a question.

A chuckle left his lips. "I haven't heard that much garbage come out of someone's mouth since…well Izzy spoke," Jace commented, giving me a smirk before it formed into a worried line. "Come on Clary, I know you're not. Tell me why."

"I am eating," I said unsteadily.

"How much?" he shot back at me.

"As much as I normally would," I said, looking down at my entangled fingers.

A soft finger brushed under my chin, bringing my face up so my eyes could lock with golden ones. "Which isn't much is it," he said softly. "Why?"

I turned my face slightly away from his touch so I could glare into the fire. "I-I don't want to be how I was anymore…I don't want to look like that," I whispered.

"What? You don't want one of the things that makes beautiful anymore?" Jace said a hint of confusion hitting his strong voice.

"No," I said, turning my gaze back on him.

"Why?" he asked, shifting himself so he was faced directly at me.

"Because-" I started, before ripping my eyes from him afraid of his response after he hears the reply I was about to make. "Because I don't want to look beautiful or hot…or anything that would make a guy find me attractive and want to…hurt me."

Silence ran between us as he just sat there in pure silence. I glanced up to him and his face showed hurt, confusion and anger. Taking a deep breath, I added, "I know it sounds crazy, but as long as I'm not attractive no one will hurt me…" I started.

"You're right," he said, shaking his head. "That does sound crazy. That guy that attacked you, I recall him liking your red hair, are you going to change that too?"

"Actually I was…" I started, but his strong, steady voice sliced through mine once again.

"You really want to change what makes you you because of some fucken monster of a guy?" he said, his voice now evident that he was angry, but as soon as he saw my face of shock, his expression softened. "You can't change because of what happened, or else you're letting him win."

I shook my head. "No Jace. Just because I'm changing my appearance, doesn't mean I won't be me anymore, because I will be," I stated.

"That's where you're wrong," he said, glancing at the fire. "This obsession of wanting to look not appealing to guys will affect you, torment you with fear that it will never be enough, and finally it'll wear you down so much, Clary won't be there anymore. Just an empty shell."

"But-"

"Clary," Jace continued. "That guy didn't want you for what you looked like. He wanted you because of how you stood up to him. That's one thing that appeals to guys the most; it's not always about appearances."

"Why do guys act like it is then?" I asked, glancing at the hungry flames that ate its way through the wood that had been placed there. "I'm sure you do it."

My glance went back to him and saw the offended expression that stuck to his face. "You really think like that?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You probably can get whoever you want, so why wouldn't you have preference," I stated lamely.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to lie, I was a player and I could get whoever I wanted, but I'm not like that anymore," he stated without ripping his gaze from mine.

"What changed?" I asked.

He then removed his eyes from mine and stared blankly into the flames. "The accident…you," he said quietly.

"Me?" I asked confused.

"Seeing what that jerk of a guy did to you, I knew I didn't want to be like that anymore," he said looking down at his hands.

"What?" I asked, staring at him with questionable eyes. "Even though I didn't know you before that night, I know you wouldn't have been like that…that monster."

"Are you sure?" he asked me questioningly as he stared into my eyes. "He treated you as if you were nothing and that's exactly how I treated girls."

"Why?" I asked, moving one of my legs underneath me on the sofa.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why did you treat them like nothing?" I asked softly.

"Because-" he paused for a moment as if he was collecting the right words to say. "I never wanted them…I just needed to be wanted…"

"So you treated them like nothing…why? What caused you to be like that?" I asked, staring down at my entwined fingers then back at him.

A small smile crossed his face. "Another story for another time maybe?" he chuckled.

"Okay, I'll let you off this one time," I said jokily, trying to lighten the mood. I looked more closer at him and realised with shocking reality that we've known each other for ages yet know hardly anything about one another, that's when a brilliant plan entered my mind. "Let's play twenty questions," I said excitedly with a huge grin plastered over my face.

He seemed to try hold back a chuckle, but his smirk was evident. "Such a childish game, but I'm game. You start," he smirked widely at me.

I smiled. "Most embarrassing moment?"

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. "How did I know you'd ask this? Well…a few years ago at my old school I was hated by all the jocks, but there's no guessing why; it was simple because they were jealous of my good looks."

Now it was my time to roll my eyes. "And here comes the cockiness," I stated.

He smiled at me before carrying on. "Anyway, one day after gym we all took a shower because there had been a really sweaty game. I was the last to have a shower and last to get out, and guess what happened next? I went to put on my clothes and they were gone. What made it worse is that there was nothing around to cover my…you know what. By then I knew it was the jocks."

"So what did you do?" I laughed slightly.

A chuckle echoed from his lips as he ran his fingers through his locks, an expression on his face showing the awkwardness of what he was about to say. "I walked out into the hall," he mumbled.

"What?" I asked, bursting out laughing. "You walked nude into a hallway? Hope it wasn't filled with people."

He smiled up at me. "The bell had just rung, so people were everywhere," he laughed.

I placed my hand against my mouth as I tried to force back a laugh. "I'm sorry Jace, but I officially think you're a loser," I muffled into my hand.

He gasped, and held a hand to his heart as to show the 'hurt' he felt from my statement. "Why would you say such a thing?" he asked, trying to hold back a smile.

"Why would you walk into a hallway filled with people naked?" I asked, letting the laughter escape from my mouth.

"Hey," he smiled widely at me, as he moved his hands seductively down his torso. "I'm not ashamed of this body."

"Of course you're not," I rolled my eyes still laughing. "So what did you do when you got into the hallway?"

"Well after overlooking all the stares I was getting, I walked up to the guys and took my clothes back from them," he said simply.

"And they just gave them to you?" I asked slowly.

"Well, the teachers weren't too happy to see a naked student so the guys were forced to give my clothes back," he smiled cheekily at me.

My grin grew immensely as I commented, "You're a totally loser."

Poking his tongue at me, his eyes sparked cheekiness at mine. "Your turn then you smart ass," he said.

My cheeks suddenly reddened as the horrifying experience shot back into my mind. Burying my face into the palms of my hands, I shook my head, too embarrassed to say it.

"Oh come on, I told you mine. You have to share," Jace pointed out with a chuckle as he pulled my hands softly away from my face.

"Fine…" I said stubbornly staring up into his face. "It happened at school. Class had just finished and everyone was rushing to their next class. Anyway while I was heading towards the stairs, I slipped on something and as I fell I grabbed onto the nearest thing which I didn't know at the time was the teacher's pants. So his pants went down and he lost balance, and being at the top of the stairs he fell down them…"

Jace just sat there, mouth wide. "Is that it?" he asked.

"What do you mean is that it?" I asked, confused.

His wide mouth then curled into a smirk. "Clary, you pushed someone down the stairs, that's nothing. My experience on the other hand was," he pointed out with a chuckle.

"You must not understand. I pulled my teachers pants down and then pushed him down the stairs…he could have gotten hurt," I pointed out seriously.

"Okay, I must admit. Your seriousness towards your story makes it all the funnier," he laughed out loud.

I slapped him on the arm. "Just because I didn't get my junk out doesn't mean it wasn't embarrassing," I stated, poking my tongue at him.

He raised his hands. "Oh no you didn't, you just got someone else's junk in your face," he said semi-seriously.

I gasped. "No," slap. "I," slap, "didn't," I said playfully hitting him on the arm. "You twisted my story."

"Oh, did I?" he asked cheekily, standing up. "Did you not say that you pulled his pants down? So you must have had his ass in your face at one point."

I stood up, but he took a step away from me. "Stop twisting it!" I said. I couldn't help it, but a small smile played against my lips as I took a dangerous step closer towards Jace.

A smirk widened on his lips. "What are you going to do? Pull my pants down and push me down the stairs?" he laughed.

"You did not just say that?" I said, taking another step towards him.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't have just asked me that. Silly, Clary," he laughed.

My smile grew as I held back a laugh. "That's it…" I started, before quickly moving towards him. He quickly moved out of reach, so I picked up a pillow off of the sofa and threw it at him.

Poking his tongue at me, he threw it back. "Your throws do not hurt, Clary," he teased.

"Oh really? So you want it to hurt?" I asked, with a smirk showing on my face as I reached down and slipped off one of my shoes. Without realising what I was about to do, he didn't have time to move out of the way when my shoe flew at him, smacking him square in the chest.

Shock filled his expression as he picked up my shoe. "Did you just throw your shoe at me?" he asked, still shocked.

"Well that's what you're holding isn't it?" I pointed out, laughing.

A devilish grin appeared on his face, as he hovered my shoe near the fire place. "Don't you dare," I warned, knowing exactly what his plan to do was. Moving closer to him, I reached for my shoe, but he raised it above his head.

"Hey, you were the one that threw it at me in the first place," he stated, smirking down at me.

I grabbed hold of his upper arm and tried to lower it as I jumped for my shoe, but it was no use; he was far too strong and tall for me to get it. "You need to jump higher Clary," he laughed at me.

I jumped once again, but like last time it was no use. Landing back onto my feet, I lost balance slipping on the edge of the fireplace. I felt my small frame sail backwards and one of my legs flew upwards until hands reached out and grabbed my upper leg and my wrist trying to balance me again. Reality seemed to blur but not enough to not know or feel what was forced upon my small figure. Hands searched my bare skin of my legs before fire shot through me; pain shooting through my small frail body... My breath hitched as my heart pounded against my chest, flooding my head with throbbing memories and pain. I forcefully bought my knee up, connecting it with something and pulled weightily away from the hands. I closed my eyes trying to get my breath back.

That's when I heard a groan and my eyes opened. Stepping back, my eyes widened. I gasped as I let myself fall to my knees and crawl over to Jace who had pain throbbing through him from where I kneed him in his privates. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I said, touching his arm lightly. "It was just your hand…" I paused. His hand. I sat up and pushed my back up against the sofa, placing my face in the palms of my hands and let a hard laugh escape from my mouth. What was I kidding? I let myself forget what had happened to me and think the memory of what happen would disappear forever? I shook my head. And Jace. His hands were like everyone else's. The one person that I felt comfortable and safe with, my mind and body closes to them when they touch my leg…

"It's okay Clary. I'm the one who should be apologising. I shouldn't have touched you," Jace mumbled on his place on the floor.

I shook my head. "Do you know what's funny? I forgot that I'm broken, scarred…whatever you like to call it, for the tiniest bit of time and I was having fun, but then what happened just rushed back at me like it was just waiting in the shadows just for a slip up," I said, disgusted.

Pulling himself up off the ground he crawled over to me, and placed himself next to me. "You know, I don't think there's one time in life that there's nothing bad shadowing you. Like even if it's bad grades or an argument with your parents, it follows you until another thing replaces it," he commented softly.

"So I'm always going to be haunted by a memory?" I asked, turning my head to look at him.

Staring back at me, he asked me simply, "don't we all?"

"So what memory's haunting you?" I asked softly.

He shook his head with a smile. "Another story for another time, didn't I say?"

I nodded. Thoughts swirled through my head of what happened and I knew then I didn't want to be like this. I was scared of everyone, except Jace. I couldn't bear having no one and feeling as if I'm in a shell on my own.

Taking a deep breath in, I knew it was the worst plain, but I needed to do it. I needed to do it for myself. Reaching over, I softly grabbed Jace's closest hand and slowly pulling it over to me, placing it just above my knee, my hand resting on top of it.

I closed my eyes as the memory of the other hands coursed through me. "Clary…" Jace whispered as he tried to pull his hand away.

Tightening my hold on his hand, I opened my eyes and blinked away the silent tears. "No, please. I need you to leave it there…please. I don't want to be afraid of you…I can't be afraid of everyone," I begged.

Bringing his other hand up, he wiped away one of the tears. "Clary, you're not afraid of me or anyone close to you. You're afraid of what happened to you and getting hurt again, but I can promise you this that no one who cares about you including me, will hurt you in any way or form," he assured me as he rubbed his thumb around in small, soft circles on my leg.

My breath seemed to settle with each word that he spoke. I leant my head against his shoulder and stared into the flames. "I just feel like this thing is eating me up and isolating me from everyone I love and care about…" I said.

"You know, the first time I came to live with the Lightwoods I felt isolated too. I didn't feel they understood who I was or what had happened to me, but then I learnt that they would never understand me because what happened to me was in the past and who I was wasn't me anymore, I was changing into a Lightwood without me even realising," he said softly.

"And your point is?" I asked.

He let out a soft laugh. "My point is, your friends and family are going to look past this because what happened is in the past and because of it you'll grow in yourself," he said.

"Into a scared, helpless little girl?" I asked with a sarcastic laugh.

"If you don't remember, but that girl back there moments ago at the fireplace was determined not to get hurt again. You fought for yourself Clary and because of that, I think you're not growing weaker, but stronger," he stated strongly.

"You think?" I asked raising my head so I could lock my eyes with his to see if his answer was true or not.

"I know," he smiled.

My smile widened, but before I could let a single word leave my mouth, a scream ripped through the house causing both of our eyes to widen.

Cliff hanger? I think so :) Who do you think it is and what do you think has happened? Review and tell me!

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! At times it was difficult to write, but I overly enjoyed writing it :)

Review please lovelies.

Ex oh ex