Chapter Thirty: Healing
It didn't take Angel long to find Joy since she was still lying on the sidewalk, too sore to move and too exhausted to try. When she saw Angel coming towards her she started struggling to stand, but it was a useless attempt. He knelt by her side and lifted her head into his lap.
"Joy, please just listen to me." Angel whispered. She whimpered and tried to move away from him but he held her still and she finally stopped struggling. "No matter how much you hate me right now, I know that deep down you really do trust me. I know that you can feel my soul, Joy. You know I'm not evil. I also know that you don't hate Buffy and her group. You know that all they want is to help you, Joy." She was crying softly. "I know you're scared and you feel weak, but Buffy and Giles, they need you Joy."
She looked up at him. "They need me?" She sniffled. "Why would they need me?"
"Because you're the slayer Joy, you and Buffy, you're all this world's got to fight off the real evil creatures." He ran a hand through her hair and felt the welt on her head. "Joy, you're in no condition to be on your own now and you know it. You need their help. Please let me take you back to them." He picked her up into his arms and stood. "You know that you're not strong enough to be alone."
Joy sighed and let her aching head drop onto his shoulder. "I'm still not sure I can trust you, Angel."
He nodded. "I know. I promise you, after I take you back to Buffy I will leave and you'll never have to see me again." He started walking back down the sidewalk toward the Summers' house. "I promise they'll help you, Joy."
"Okay," Joy finally gave in to his pleas. "Take me back."
Angel sighed with relief and almost ran back to Buffy's house, carefully carrying Joy the entire way. When he reached the door he struggled to keep her balanced and opened the door with one hand. As soon as he had the door opened he started calling for assistance.
"Did she come back voluntarily?" Buffy asked with concern as Angel brought Joy back to her place on the couch. Everyone gathered around cautiously, still wondering whether or not Joy would become angry and flee again.
"Yes, she wanted to come back." Angel informed the worried group. "I think you'll find her easier to talk to now." He looked at Joy hesitantly before heading back towards the door.
"Angel," Buffy stopped him. "Where're you going?"
He avoided eye contact with Joy but he could feel her eyes on him. "I'm not staying." He explained simply.
Buffy glanced at Joy and nodded. "I'd like to talk to you sometime Angel. I think you could help us with her."
Angel shrugged. "We'll see. But, I can't stay." He lowered his voice so only Buffy could hear. "It was the only way I could get her to come back. I can't stay Buffy."
"It's okay, I understand." She looked back at Joy again. "But seriously Angel, I'd like to talk to you. So come back sometime okay?"
He paused. "We'll see Buffy. But, I'm not going to make any promises." He quickly made his exit.
Buffy returned to the young slayer's side. "Joy, are you feeling any better?"
Joy nodded and tried to sit up. Dawn was instantly at her side to help. "I don't know what to say..." She sighed and bit her lip. "I didn't mean to say all that..." She wasn't crying this time at least. She didn't think she could cry anymore. Her eyes were burning from all the previous tears and the swelling on her eye hadn't lessened any and it hurt her to cry.
"You did though Joy," Buffy decided. "We don't blame you though Joy," She handed Joy a glass of water. "I never knew what you'd gone through Joy. I wish you would have told us sooner. I didn't realize that you didn't trust us."
"I do trust you Buff," Joy insisted. "I'm sorry that I said all that stuff before..." She didn't know what she was saying exactly. She felt bad about the way she had acted earlier, but at the same time she was only speaking her true mind for possibly the first time with the Scoobies.
"Joy don't apologize." Buffy stopped her. "I had no idea what had really happened with your family. It's all terrible really! I wouldn't expect you to trust vampires!" She glanced hesitantly at Spike. "Maybe you should leave, Spike." He nodded and politely headed towards the door. Nobody tried to stop him and in a minute he was gone. "Joy, I am so sorry about everything you've gone through, I wish..."
"Don't pity me Buffy! I hate pity!" Joy interrupted. "You can help me if you want but please do not feel sorry for me!" She sat up straighter and started untying the laces on her shoes. When she felt her ankle she frowned, decided that it was definitely swollen. "All the problems in my life are my problems, okay?"
"Okay," Buffy frowned. "I know I can't do anything about what's happened in your past, even though I am sorry about it, I can't help that, but Joy you can't stop me from wanting to help you now." She noticed Joy's swollen ankle and gave instructions for Anya to bring her ice to try and control the swelling.
Joy started to speak but then stopped and seemed to change her mind. "I don't know what to do."
Willow smiled. "Admitting it is the first step, sweetie."
Joy nodded. She didn't know what else to say. She had given up trying to avoid help and it was obvious that these people were determined to help her. She decided that she had lost her stubborn struggle for solitary independence and surprisingly, she was discovering that she didn't mind half as much as she had assumed she would. It had been a while since she had people in her life who really seemed to care about her like the Scoobies did.
"How'd you sleep Joy?" Willow was waiting in the kitchen with French toast by time Joy woke up the next morning. "I heard it was your favorite." She explained when Joy's eyes widened at the delicious smelling breakfast.
"Thanks Willow," Joy smiled. "That's really sweet of you." Joy moved slowly, trying to ignore her various pains as she eased into a stool chair at the counter. "I slept okay. I just hope that Riley wasn't too uncomfortable on the couch." She leaned back in her chair to try and see into the living room.
"Don't worry, I'm sure he slept fine." Willow told her. "He got up over an hour ago and went for a jog." She handed Joy a plate with French toast. "He'll probably be back soon."
"Where's everyone else?" Joy asked.
"Tara had a morning class and actually, I think Buffy and Dawn are still asleep." Willow smiled. "Well, we did have a pretty late night last night." She shrugged. "I doubt Dawn will go to school today. She'll probably want to stay home with you."
Joy reached for the maple syrup and drenched her French toast in the sticky liquid. "I can't miss school." She sighed. "Uncle Dale goes crazy if I miss school."
Willow poured Joy a glass of orange juice. "Sweetie, I know it'll probably be hard for you to accept, but I don't think you're going to be going back to your aunt and uncle's. You really can't Joy. They're not safe for you."
"I know they're not the best people, but Willow, if I don't go back to them I have no one!" Joy despairingly swirled the syrup around on her plate with her fork. "They're the only family I have left. Besides, in their will, my parents left me with Dale and Jo. I don't really have a choice!"
"Well, I don't think your parents expected for you to get abused with your aunt and uncle!" Willow argued.
Joy shrugged. "Trust me, they wouldn't have cared." Joy grew strangely quiet for a moment.
"Joy..." Willow turned to the young girl. "Did your parents..." She paused. "Did they beat you too?"
Joy slowly nodded. "Sometimes."
"Joy, I'm so sorry." Willow's eyes looked teary.
"Come on Willow, don't do the pity game, okay?" Joy shook her head. "My parents and I didn't have the best relationship but that's in the past, right?" She stuffed her mouth full of French toast. "Right now, all I have to think about is my current 'parental' relationships." She shrugged. "And there's not much I can do about that, is there?"
Before Willow could answer the hopeless child they were joined in the kitchen by Buffy and Dawn. They took seats on either side of Joy and took the full plates that Willow handed them.
"Is Giles here yet?" Buffy asked immediately. "He said that he would come over in the morning. Xander and Anya both have work today or else they probably would have come over too."
"No he's not here yet, but I'm sure he's on his way."
"Is Riley jogging?" Buffy asked knowingly. Riley never missed any part of his manly morning routine. Willow nodded. "Figures. Anyway, until Giles gets here, I'm not really sure what we're going to do with you." Joy was silent. "But don't worry Joy, we're going to take care of you, whether you want us to or not." Buffy assured her with a grin. "You're sort of stuck with us now."
"Okay, I'll let you help, but seriously Buffy, don't go out of your way for me or anything! I really don't want to put you out!" Joy started to worry.
"Joy, calm down. I won't do anything that I don't want to do." She smiled. "I promise."
Joy shrugged. "I guess that's fair enough."
"Now, today I want you just to relax, okay?" Buffy instructed. "Because if you don't relax you'll never heal and if you don't heal then I'll be patrolling alone and that's no fun!" She grinned. Noticing that Joy had finished eating her breakfast Buffy motioned for the younger girl to follow her into the living room. "Come on, sit here and put your feet up." Buffy helped Joy get situated on the couch and dragged over a cushioned bench for Joy's feet. "Do you want to watch TV?" She brought the remote control to Joy. "Or do you want a magazine or a book to read?"
Joy smiled. "Buff, seriously, you don't have to take care of me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"Okay, first of all, you've got to get over this pride or whatever it is because you're hurt and I am going to take care of you." Buffy demanded.
"Fine, I can see that I'm not going to be winning any debates with you right now, so I guess I'll have to shut up." Joy sighed. "But don't get use to bossing me around!" She silenced and settled back into the couch and switched on the television. A moment later she was joined by Dawn, who brought Joy another plate of French toast.
"Willow said you didn't eat enough." Dawn grinned and handed Joy the food.
"She's going to make me fat, isn't she?" Joy laughed and happily accepted the second plate of breakfast.
"She'll definitely try her hardest," Dawn agreed. "So, what're we going to do while sloughing school?"
"Sloughing?" Joy pretended to be offended. "Dawn, dearest, you know I'd never ever consent to skipping school!" She cocked her eyebrow teasingly.
"Of course you wouldn't! You are a very dedicated student!" Dawn joined her friend's joking.
"But, since we have been given strict orders not to go to school today..." Joy grinned. "I saw we take advantage of our day off!"
Dawn reached for the TV guide. "Hmm..." She flipped through the pages of schedules carelessly. "There's not much on..." She stopped and then smiled. "There's a Bewitched marathon on all day..."
Joy grinned and grabbed the guide from Dawn to verify the schedule. "It's perfect!" She flipped to the right channel and they started their lazy day right away.
A short time later they were interrupted by Giles who had just arrived and was eager to discuss the matter of Joy's aunt and uncle. He first came into the living room to greet Joy and then disappeared into the dining room with Buffy. They closed the door. Dawn didn't seem to think anything of it, but Joy was a little worried that they did not ask her to join their discussion, since they were undoubtedly discussing her. She sat for a few minutes, uncomfortably shifting her position, but eventually she forced herself to stand and make her way silently to the door to the dining room. She glanced at Dawn who was watching her curiously and held her finger to her lips to signal her silence. When she put her ear to the dining room door Joy could hear the conversation going on inside.
"There is no possible way I am going to allow that young girl to return to those fearsome people." Giles was saying.
"But, how are we supposed to keep her away from them Giles, they are her legal guardians." Buffy reminded him. "We can't just keep her here forever and not tell them where she is. They'll have the police after us!"
"She can not return to them. I have just come from visiting Spike. Last night after he left the house he went straight to Joy's home to try and speak to her 'guardians'. He claims they were so horribly drunk that they could not even speak properly without yelling or cursing, also they invited him in without realizing it. There were broken items all around the house and Spike believes that they were broken during Joy's abuse." Giles informed. "That is not exactly a safe environment for a young girl to live in."
"I agree but still..." Buffy was at a loss on how to solve Joy's predicament.
"Spike agrees with us also and he insists on being allowed to meet with Joy's relatives to debate her situation. He believes that he could be persuasively successful." Giles explained.
Why would Spike care about my well-being? Joy wondered to herself as she continued to listen at the door. He's a vampire! Vampire's don't have feelings. She remembered how Buffy had told her about Angel's ability to feel. But still...they're vampires and vampires are evil. Pure evil. Aren't they? She listened longer.
"Have you been able to track down Angel?" Buffy asked.
Giles paused for a minute before answering. "Spike told me that Angel was also at the house. He had arrived before Spike." He paused again.
"What happened Giles?" Buffy asked.
"It seems that when Angel arrived he had been furious..." Giles began. "And when Spike arrived...well, it seems that Angel had already administered a rather unfortunate amount of violence upon both of Joy's relatives."
Buffy gasped. "Were they hurt seriously?"
"No of course not. You know Angel would never allow himself to seriously injure anyone, not even someone as terrible as those people are. But they were hurt badly enough for them to be sufficiently frightened."
I can't believe Angel would do something like that for me! Joy felt cared for again. But even so he's a vampire and there's no way that I can ever trust him again. He lied to me for too long. Plus, he's a vampire! Joy was not going to be able to easily let that fact go.
"Both Spike and Angel are determined not to let Joy return to that household." Giles told Buffy. "And I am in complete agreement with them."
"Well, I'm not so sure we're going to be able to keep her from her aunt and uncle." Buffy sighed. "As much as I'd like to, but we have no right!"
"Spike told me that they seem to be the sort of people that could be easily bribed." Giles commented.
"You want to pay them for their niece?" Buffy questioned in shock.
"If they would accept it." Giles stated. "If they would be willing to accept bribery money to release the custody of their niece, then yes I would pay them anything!" He cleared his throat and paused again. "She is worth more than a bribe. If those people can not realize that, and Spike seems to believe they can not, then they do not deserve someone as priceless as Joy."
Priceless? Joy gasped and stepped back from the door momentarily in shock. She covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes started to water. He thinks I'm priceless? Would they really be willing to pay my aunt and uncle just to be able to keep me away from them? She smiled at the thought. I guess they really do care about me. She realized how emotional she was becoming and quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes and returned to her solemn listening at the door.
"We should talk to her before anything is decided." Giles concluded. His voice seemed to be coming nearer to the door and Joy quickly started backing away. Before she was farther then a foot from the door though, her injured ankle faltered and she tripped and fell to the floor. The dining room door opened and Giles, Buffy, and Willow emerged.
"Joy?" Buffy arched an eyebrow when she noticed the young slayer lying there in front of the door.
"Eavesdropping?" Giles asked with a slight grin. Joy started to shake her head and then stopped and nodded. "Then I suppose I do not have to repeat everything that we were previously discussing." Joy shook her head. "Buffy, help her up and get her back to the couch." Giles instructed. Buffy quickly helped Joy stand and wobble back to the couch. "Joy, we will not do anything without your permission, but I do think it would be best if you were not to return to your aunt and uncle."
Joy bit her lip hesitantly. "Without my aunt and uncle, I'll have nowhere to go."
"That's not true Joy," Buffy told her. "You'll stay here with us."
"Really?" Joy's eyes widened. "Buffy I don't know..."
"Don't even try to fight this Joy," Buffy demanded. "If we can persuade your aunt and uncle not to push their legal custody of you then you will live here with us."
Joy nodded. "Thank you."
"Now, the only question will be how to pay the bribe." Buffy looked at Giles. "I don't want them to involve the law or else we'll never win." Buffy rolled her eyes. "Social services have a difficult enough time accepting my custody of Dawn, I doubt they'd want me taking on another teen."
Giles agreed, "I am not certain how much your relatives will demand from us, but I will do my best to convince them to leave the law out of it all."
Joy sighed. "Money won't be a problem."
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.
"I have money." Joy stated simply.
"Yes, but Joy, I am certain your relatives are going to wish for a good sum..." Giles began.
Joy shook her head. "Don't worry Rupert, I've got plenty. That's one thing that I've never had a problem with." She shrugged. "In fact that's really the only reason my aunt and uncle actually took me in. My parents' will left them a good amount of money but they're only allowed to receive a little each year until I turn eighteen."
"And what happens when you're eighteen?" Buffy asked.
"They're paid a final amount and I'm set free." Joy explained casually.
Giles cleaned his glasses quickly before speaking. "So, do you suppose your aunt and uncle would 'set you free' earlier if you paid them the entirety now?"
Joy shrugged. "They might. Or they might not just to piss me off. It really depends on their mood I guess."
"Well, we'll talk to them. Don't worry Joy, we'll figure this all out." Buffy assured the young slayer. "Until we do though, you're going to be staying here with us anyway. There's no way you're going back there and that's final."
Giles turned to his demanding slayer with a sigh. "It may not be as simple as that Buffy, but we will definitely do our best." He sat down by Joy on the couch. "Joy, if you are not comfortable with this arrangement, please do not hesitate to let us know."
Joy laughed loudly. "How could I not be? If it works out, I mean, I'll not only be away from my family but I'll be living with my best friend." She smiled at Dawn. "I know I don't always seem that grateful, or well even treat you guys that well, but I do really appreciate all that you're trying to do for me. It's more than anyone else has ever done..." She stopped talking as she realized what she was saying. They have been good to me. They've all been good to me, even Angel and Spike. She looked down at her hands with shame. Especially Angel. "Buffy, I know you're not going to like this, but I have to go somewhere." She struggled to her feet and tried to act as strong as possible.
"Joy, you can't go anywhere right now. You can barely walk by yourself." She shook her head. "Sit back down. You're not going anywhere until you're completely better. Got it?"
"I have to Buff," Joy insisted. "I promise I'm fine, but I have to do something."
"Fine, then I'll come with you just to make sure you're okay." Buffy decided. "Where're you going?"
"Buffy, no offense, but this is something that I've got to do alone." Joy started hobbling towards the door.
"Well, you can't drive yourself. At least let me drive you and then you can go and do whatever it is that you just have to do, alone, okay?" Buffy put her hands on her hips. "That's my final offer.
Joy sighed. "Fine."
Buffy grinned. "Alright, just let me find my keys."
"Take my car," Joy suggested. "I'm sort of in a hurry."
"Aren't you going to change first?" Buffy asked.
Joy glanced down at the borrowed pajamas she was wearing. "No, I just want to get this over with. It's important."
"Okay," Buffy shrugged. "I guess we'll be home soon."
Dawn frowned. "I thought we were going to spend our day not at school together."
"Sorry," Joy apologized. "I guess you can come if you want. But you'll have to stay in the car with Buffy..."
"Okay!" Dawn leapt off the couch and rushed to the front door to join them. "Let's go."
Giles and Willow waved as the three girls headed out to Joy's car, with Joy leaning on Buffy for support.
"So, where exactly are we going, Joy?" Buffy asked as she started backing the car out of the driveway.
Joy hesitated. "Umm, actually, I know it's going to sound weird, but I don't know exactly."
"Umm, okay..." Buffy frowned. "So where am I supposed to be driving to? You've got to give me some sort of information, Joy."
"I need to see Angel." Joy stated. "But, I don't know where he lives. He's never told me. But, I have to find him."
Buffy sighed. "Alright, I've got an idea how we can find him, but I can't make you any promises."
Joy didn't questions Buffy's idea and they drove quickly to the cemetery. As Buffy parked the car Joy frowned. She didn't understand how they would be able to find Angel at the cemetery in the middle of the day. But, she didn't debate the matter with Buffy as the older slayer helped the injured out of the car. Dawn followed eagerly. Buffy led the way through the maze of marble gravestones until she reached the door of an ancient looking crypt.
"Umm..." Joy hesitated at the door but Buffy opened it boldly and helped Joy hobble in. Dawn also seemed rather confident about entering the dark, musty space. "What're we doing, Buff?"
"Just trust me, okay, Joy?" Buffy hurried Joy past the shabby 'decorations' of cobweb covered broken furniture and tall candlesticks. Joy thought they were strange items to be found in an old crypt but Buffy seemed very sure of herself and so Joy didn't question again. Dawn pranced ahead of the two slayers towards the far end of the crypt. She stopped and bent down to open a type of door in the floor.
Joy frowned. "Is that a trap door, in a crypt?"
Buffy shrugged. "Yea, I guess you could call it that." She motioned for Dawn to proceed and in a moment Dawn had disappeared through the opening into whatever existed below. "Come on Joy, I promise that it's perfectly safe." Buffy reassured Joy when she noticed the young girl's redundant apprehension. She helped Joy over to the opening and down the crudely carved steps that led downwards into a dimly lit space below.
"Buffy..." Joy was still confused but she allowed Buffy to continue leading her into the strange underground area. It seemed like a room of some sort. It was in much better order than the entrance of the crypt was. The downstairs of the crypt opened up into a living space, actually furnished with a television, decorative rugs, and even a bed in the far corner. Ornate candelabras were mixed in with ordinary lamps for light. "Where are we?" Before Buffy had a chance to answer Joy noticed something moving in one of the few shadows in the corners of the room.
"Slayers," The familiar voice emerged with the person from the shadows.
"Spike?" Joy held back a gasp.
"Okay, Joy, I know you probably weren't expecting for me to bring you here and I would have told you, but I didn't want you to get mad. It's just that, you want to see Angel and I don't have a clue who else to ask!" Buffy whispered in a rushed explanation. Spike had cautiously started to approach the three girls. He kept a nervous eye on Joy who was watching him with equal hesitance.
"Umm, well, this is enjoyably awkward now isn't it." Spike grunted as he lit up a cigarette. The pain in Joy's ankle had returned with seemingly full force and her legs started to tremble. Spike rolled his eyes. "Come on and get her seated. She's going to collapse if you keep her standing any bloody longer." He motioned to the bed and Buffy let Joy sit. "Now, maybe you can explain to me what you're doing here, 'cause if I remember correctly, not too long ago I was kicked out of your home." His voice didn't really sound as irritated or as angry as his words would imply. The way his eyes kept darting towards Joy and then back to Buffy quickly made him actually seem quite concerned about the young girl. Joy felt certain that he was worried about her and that feeling almost made her smile.
"Spike, you know why I sent you away," Buffy admonished the vampire. She glanced at Joy. "We're here because we need your help."
"My help, eh?" He shrugged. "I'm not sure how much help I'd be good for."
"Actually, we just have a question for you." Buffy explained. She glanced at Joy again wondering if the young slayer would talk to Spike or not. Joy didn't seem to be much in a talking mood. She was tensely perched on the end of the bed, nervously picking the chipped black nail polish off of her fingernails. "Joy wants to find Angel, but she doesn't have any idea where he's been staying. I thought that maybe you would know since you were with him last night."
Spike glanced at Joy who was watching him steadily. He nodded slowly. "Yea, sure I know where's he staying. But, I'm not sure he'd care to have you all knowing."
"Spike please," Joy surprised herself by speaking to the vampire. "Last night was...a mess...I'm really not sure I meant anything I said..." She shook her head. "Anyway, I really need to find Angel. He needs to understand how disoriented I was. I've never had a better friend then Angel and I need him to know that." Her voice caught with the threat of tears and she quickly cleared her throat, struggling to stay controlled. "I need to apologize to him. Please tell me where he is."
"Do you think I should have apologized to Spike?" Joy asked as Buffy helped the young slayer back into the car after leaving the crypt.
"I'm sure he understood, Joy." Buffy decided. "Spike's good with that sort of thing."
"Yea, he's had to deal with plenty of Buffy's pissy moods." Dawn piped in from the back seat.
"Quiet Dawn," Buffy snapped calmly. "But she's right, Joy. Spike's been through plenty with me and I'm sure that he can handle your moods just as well."
Joy nodded silently and contemplated her various 'moods' as Buffy drove the short distance to the apartment complex that Spike had directed them to. The surprisingly nice apartment building was only a couple of minutes away from 'downtown' Sunnydale. The four story high apartment building was probably one of the few actually decent living complexes in the tiny town of Sunnydale.
"I'd like to go up alone, Buffy." Joy told the slayer as Buffy helped her out of the car.
"He's on the third floor, Joy," Buffy reminded the younger girl. "You'd have to walk up all those stairs and you can barely even walk." She shook her head. "I'll take you up to his room and then leave you two alone."
Joy nodded her approval to the plan and let Buffy half-carry her up the stairs to Angel's apartment. Joy leaned against the door as Buffy started to back away. "I'll try not to take too long, okay?"
Buffy shrugged. "Take all the time you need, Joy. We'll be waiting in the car."
"Thanks," Joy smiled faintly as she nervously knocked on the door. Buffy walked away slowly, waiting to make sure that they had come to the right place.
"Who's there?" Angel's unmistakable voice called from inside the closed apartment door. Buffy smiled reassuringly to Joy and hurried away.
"Umm, Angel, it's me...Joy." She put her mouth close to the door to reply. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
There was momentary silence and then a shuffling sound and then the unlocking of the door. He pulled open the door and stayed inside the shadows of his apartment, staring at Joy curiously. Neither of them spoke for a minute. Joy wasn't sure what to say and Angel wasn't sure what to expect.
"Are you going to invite me in?" Joy asked hesitantly.
Angel didn't budge even an inch. "I'm the vampire Joy, you don't have to wait for an invitation, you know?"
Joy nodded. "I know, but I would still like to be invited."
Angel stepped back slightly. "Come in then."
Joy sighed and entered the dark room. "Were you sleeping?" She asked, glancing around for any signs of life in the sparsely furnished room. To the right of the entryway was a full kitchen that would have been perfect for a catalog setting, mostly because of its immaculate cleanliness. It looked like the kitchen had never actually been used, then again vampires didn't do much cooking. The dining room was connected to the kitchen without a dividing door. Joy was impressed by the surprisingly nice dining room table and chairs and the equally nice quality of the sofa and television. An open door at the other side of the room showed a back room, probably a bedroom. "Nice place." Angel sighed and didn't answer. "Okay, so you're not in the mood for small talk, understandable, but I don't really know how to start. I'm a little nervous okay?" She wandered over to the couch and sat down. "Last night was, umm, a disaster. I didn't mean for you to find out any of that stuff about me. I never meant for it to become your problem." She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry about freaking out on you too." She stopped. That was all that she could think to say at the moment.
Angel slowly strolled over to the couch and sat down at the opposite end from Joy. "Look, I can't completely blame you." His deep brown eyes seemed to be trying to penetrate into her soul. "I should have told you about me. I'm sorry for hiding it from you for so long."
"I trusted you," Joy momentarily seemed to forget her apologetic mission.
"I know, and I'm sorry," Angel said again. "I just didn't think you'd understand if I told you the truth."
Joy took a deep breath, trying to calm her frustration. "You're right. I wouldn't have understood, and I probably wouldn't have trusted you as much as I did, or do..." She rolled her eyes. "I'm being way too stubborn, I just need to say what I came here to say and get it over with." She stood suddenly and turned her back to Angel so he couldn't see her face. It seemed like it would be easier that way. "The reason I'm here is to apologize, obviously, and to tell you that I really didn't mean anything I said. Well, okay maybe I did a little bit, but really I was just freaking out about the whole vamp thing. Honestly, I do believe that you're good, I shouldn't have reacted like that." She paused to take a deep breath.
"Joy..." Angel tried to interrupt but she was on a roll and wouldn't stop to listen to him.
"Okay, so what I came here to say is that I'm sorry." She bit her lip. "I'm so sorry Angel..." The tears started flowing down her cheeks and she couldn't control them. Angel seemed to understand her emotions and he didn't try to speak again. He just let her say everything that she felt she needed to say without interruptions. "I never wanted you to think that I hated you, Angel, I don't hate you!" She sobbed and her shoulders shook tragically. "You have done more for me than anybody that has ever been in my life, Angel! You have treated me better than anyone, you have cared for me more than anyone, and you have done nothing but give me reason to trust you!" Her sobs caught in her throat and she started coughing. Angel quickly stood and hurried to the kitchen, returning seconds later with a glass of water to help her clear her throat. "All I'm trying to say Angel, is that I do trust you. I trust you possibly more than I've ever trusted anyone in my entire life! I don't care that you're a vampire. Honestly, I didn't need Buffy to convince me that you are good, I knew that already." Joy whimpered as her sobs started dying down. "I have never sensed anything but good in you, Angel! I'm so sorry that I ever let myself doubt you!" She gasped with her tears.
"Are you done now?" Angel asked slowly.
Joy nodded. "Yea, I think so. For now, until I think of more ways to apologize."
"Alright, then it's my turn, okay?" Angel asked. "Let me talk for a minute?" Joy nodded again. "Joy, you have every right to be angry with me. I never should have kept so much from you." He took her hands comfortingly. "I am so glad that you came here and told me all this. I was certain that you hated me and that you'd never speak to me again. You have to know that I have really enjoyed getting to know you..."
"You're like my best friend Angel!" Joy interrupted.
"I know Joy," Angel grinned. "Believe me, you mean a lot to me too." He awkwardly patted her hand. It was a friendly gesture, brotherly. "The fact that you came back to me and gave me back your trust after I lied to you for so long...that means a lot." He sighed. "I never wanted to lie to you Joy, it just seemed easier somehow. I knew that you'd been through a lot and I knew that you were going through a lot, though I didn't realize how much you had actually experienced, with vampires that is." He seemed unsure what to say exactly. His words were jumbled and unorganized. "If I had known about your parents, and everything," he shook his head, "I would have told you..."
"Would you have? Really?" Joy sounded doubtful.
"No, you're right, I would have tried harder to hide it from you." Angel decided. "But you know now and you say that you trust me, but Joy, how do you really feel? Don't try to cover up your emotions for my sake. I need to know now, in all honesty, what do you want to do about me? Just say the words and I'm gone, for good. You'll never see me again Joy. Just tell me what to do." He waited.
She didn't respond immediately. She didn't know how to respond. It was a giant question to respond to. Of course, she knew exactly what she wanted to say. There was no way that she wanted Angel to leave! He meant way too much to her. But at the same time...it scared her to think about how much he meant. How important his friendship was. He was still a vampire, no matter how good he was and how much she trusted him. He was the same type of creature that murdered her parents...no. He's different! She told herself determinedly. Angel is good. I know that. He knows I know that. There is nothing bad in him! It's not just his soul. I can tell that he cares about me and about Buffy and about doing good. He's not some pathetic evil vampire. He saved me from myself and my misery. He has been my angel. "Please don't leave Angel." She finally answered. Softly and with certainty. "I need you to stay."