Hey guys!
So I got some amazing reviews for my last chapter, so I just had to update quickly! Thank you all for the reviews anyway, you seriously make my day when I read them! :)
So Christmas is on Wednesday, wahoo! Santa's coming to town ;) Okay, that sounded a bit weird :P. Anyway, I won't be able to update until after Christmas because the family is coming over...but this chapter is long because of the wait you might have for the next!
I really love this chapter. My idea completely changed for this chapter as I was writing it so it turned out completely different than I expected! I don't think you guys will mind it ;) It's very...Clace.
Anyway, enjoy!
Clary's Pov
Walking slowly towards his room, I let my legs graze against each other as I let my mind wonder over Jace's words. Clary, only one thing can hurt me and I'm pretty sure it's not the door. What did he mean by that? Reaching his room, I opened the door to find a spotless, white room with a bed in the middle and books nicely piled on his bedside cabinet. Walking in, I walked over to his draws and looked closer at the photos he had laid on top. There was one that I couldn't take my eyes off. Picking it up carefully, I examined it. It was of a small boy with blond curls sitting on top of his head, standing happily in front of a female and male-"That's the last photo I got with my parents before they died," Jace's voice spoke up softly behind me, scaring me slightly and nearly causing me to drop the photo.
I quickly turned around to Jace, my eyes coming into contact with his. "I'm sorry, I was just having a look…I didn't mean to pry into your things," I said, apologetically as I placed the photo back down in its original place.
"Don't be," he said softly, picking the photo up. "You're right to be curious."
"No I'm not," I remarked, looking up at him as he search the photo. "It's your business, not mine."
He looked up from the photo and chuckled. "But if I'm willing to share my business, then there's no big problem anyway," he smirked, before walking over to his bed and sitting on the edge patting next to him for me to follow. "I want to share that part of my life with you. I'm not afraid to tell you."
"Why?" I asked softly, slightly confused as I walked over and placed myself next to him. "We've only known each other for a few months."
He shrugged. "I don't feel the need to hide from you Clary," he said quietly, looking up directly into my eyes.
"You don't," I smiled back at him, feeling something bubble inside of me.
"I remember the day this photo was taken," he carried on, looking down at the photo in his grasp; a warm smile touching his angel-like face. "I was ten, just turned it actually, but anyway my parents wanted a day out just as a family because we hadn't done that in a while since my father worked all the time. Do you know this was the day when I realise how vicious ducks are?" He looked up at me, happiness and sadness sparkled in his eyes.
I looked down at my hands, but looked up giving him a wide smile. "You're scared of ducks?" I teased.
"No," he started, shaking his head as he chuckled slightly. "I just learnt how psycho ducks are."
"What happened?" I asked, eager to hear what happened to make Jace scared of ducks. I placed a leg under me as I twisted to face him.
He looked at me cheekily. "Promise not to laugh?"
I held my hands up in defence. "I'm not going to promise something I probably won't be able to keep," I teased.
He smirked at me. "I think you enjoy teasing me," he pointed out.
My smile widened. "Not going to lie, I do enjoy seeing your ego suffer a little," I remarked.
"Oh, so it's not about teasing me, it's about making me suffer for my good looks and awesome personality is it?" He asked, and once I nodded in response he remarked again, but with a big smirk plastered on his face. "Then I should make you suffer for being all smartass all the time."
"And how are you planning on doing that?" I tested, smiling at him.
He seemed to think for a moment before a devilish smile spread onto his lips. "I could test if your ticklish…Actually that could work because if you are then I know your weakness," he commented.
My smile disappeared, and he seemed to notice which gave him all the proof he needed to know I was indeed ticklish. Getting up quickly, I made my way over to the door but before I could reach it, I felt Jace's arms wrap around my hips and lifted me off of the ground easily, carrying me over to the bed. Placing down carefully, he leant over me with the same devilish smirk playing on his lips.
"Please, no-" I started, but before I could beg any longer, he started to tickle me causing laugher to burst from me. His hands moved softly up my sides tickling me until tears erupted from my eyes. "Pleeease," I coughed out, laughing as I tried to stop him.
Finally stopping, he stayed hovering over me and smiled brightly down at me. "I found your weakness," he teased.
"Oh don't you worry, I'll find yours," I said, poking my tongue up at him.
"Mhmm," he smiled, as he watched me raise a hand and play with his golden locks carefully. I don't know what has gotten into me, but being close to him and being able to touch him gave me a sense of bliss…I don't know, the feelings that are running through me are unidentifiable, well for the time being that is.
"Are you going to tell me about why you're afraid of ducks?" I whispered as my attention went to how his locks curled around my fingers.
I smiled slightly to myself as he reached down and grabbed one of my red locks, tugging it slightly. "You're going to laugh, but I guess you won't stop bugging me about it until I tell you," he said.
"Indeed, you're completely right," I teased.
He rolled his eyes. "Alright, well just after that photo was taken I-uh…well a duck flew up and could have maybe flew into my face knocking me over into the pond," he admit.
That's when I burst out into laughter, causing him to frown. "I knew you'd laugh," he said, a smile starting to appear. Sitting up, he bought me up along with him. "You know, it's quite scary having a duck fly into your face when you're only ten years old."
"It's still funny to know that you're scared of ducks," I laughed, but suddenly stopped frowning as I saw the growing bruise that was starting to form on his cheek. Placing my hand on either side of his face, the night's actions rushed back to me; the image of Jace getting hit seemed to hit me in the gut. Standing up, I grabbed his hand pulling him from the bed. "Come with me." Pulling him into his bathroom, I made him sit on the toilet seat as I poured cold water onto a face flannel and rushed back to him and bent down and dabbed it softly on his bruise.
"Ouch," he stated, tensing up.
"Sorry," I whispered, dabbing it softly on his bruise. "You shouldn't have punched him."
Grabbing my hand, he stopped me from dabbing the wet cloth on his bruise as he stared me in the eyes causing my heart to beat like it hadn't done before. "He deserves more than a few punches after what he did to you," he whispered surely.
Reaching up, I traced the bruise like I had done earlier in the car. "I agree, but I don't want you to get hurt…" I whispered.
Grabbing the other hand he didn't have grasp of, he lowered it from his face before leaning in and resting his forehead against mine. "I don't care if I get hurt, it's you who I care about," he whispered, his warm breathe tingling my skin.
"You should care if you get hurt," I whispered back in almost of a mumble. I felt my eyes get lost in his.
He smirked. "It's sweet how worried you are about my safety," he whispered.
I frowned. "It's because I care about you…"
Standing up, he bought me with him. Smiling down, he leant down and grazed his lips against my forehead, pushing a soft kiss there before looking deeply into my eyes. "I care about you too," he whispered.
Looking back into the goldenness of his eyes, I started feeling sparkles erupt in my stomach as the feeling of his lips still tingled on the skin on my forehead. Why was I feeling like this? Within seconds, Jace's expression turned from warm and caring to confusion and frustration. Stepping back from me, I saw something I couldn't name flicker in his golden eyes before he raised his hand and ran it through his hair. "You better get to bed, I have to go see Max anyway," he mumbled.
"Oh okay," I said, confusion running through me, the same confusion I felt earlier today. "Have I done something wrong?"
Closing his eyes, he shook his head. "It's just been a long day. I just need some alone time to think over the days actions," he said, not convincingly.
Nodding, I stepped around him and as I did something tugged inside my chest. That's when it hit me that whatever this was, I still didn't like feeling that I had something to cause it. "You'd tell me if I have done something wrong right? Because I'd hate to think that I've caused you to be upset or anything," I said, frowning as I stopped at the doorway, but refused to stare directly at him.
I heard him sigh behind me. "Look I'm sorry…I just have a lot on my plate at the moment…," he said, but the way he spoke those words called out that he was holding something back.
I frowned. Before I could think what I was saying, the words exploded from my mouth. "Well don't worry; you have one less thing on your plate. If this is what your weird moods are about, then don't worry I'll stop being a problem for you!" Anger just spilled out with my words, and when I finished, I sped from his room, not letting him have a chance to speak another word.
Jace's Pov
Watching Clary leave, I soon collapsed back onto the toilet sit placing my head into my hands. How could I let this happen? How could I let myself do this? Clary and I had the perfect friendship going on, she was safe with me, I was content being her protector …I admit we've become closer. We laugh and joke, we confide in each other which I have never really done before; and through all this, as Clary looks at me as a friend I'm looking at her completely different. I look at her as if the only way I'd be happy if the world ends tomorrow is if she is by my side, curled up in my arms. I see her beauty that is held on the outside and the inside, and by golly does her laugh just make me want to pull her into my arms and kiss her. I love the way when she smiles, her eyes light up like no other, and when her gentle fingers play softly with my hair. I love how out of everything that has happened to her; she is still worried about the ones around her which proves to me that she's selfless, caring and lovable. Whenever I'm around her, I can't help but inch closer to her, to feel her against me and wish softly for the kiss I couldn't claim. I love, I love…there's so many things I can say I love about her, but there's one thing I haven't confirmed which now more than ever could I. I was falling for Clary, so deeply it hurts to let her go from my sight.
The thing is though, even though my feelings and body called for her, I couldn't let myself give in. I couldn't knowing that this is not something Clary needs or wants…I was her friend, and nothing more or less. That's why I guess I have been acting differently. Being around her, I can feel my guard spilt and feel the need for her egg me forward and just claim what I've been dreaming and wishing for.
She deserves better, and I won't let her have any less. So keeping my distance is the plain for now, just until I figure out how to stop my feelings from revealing themselves.
Clary's Pov
Walking out into the dim hallway, frustration boiled in me causing the need to explode. How could he be so amazing and nice then turn all of a sudden? Over the past few weeks I have really thought we had been getting closer. We joked more, and well I felt like my old self around him which made me feel great and unbreakable. Did he not want to become close friends with me? Or had I done something wrong that caused him to be like this? I know he said he had a lot on his plate at the moment, but some reason when he said that, it seemed more like a lie than the truth, so what was he actually hiding from me?
"Deep in thought, I'm guessing," I heard Izzy's voice pop up from behind me causing me to jump slightly. Turning around, I faced Izzy who had her black hair tied neatly in a ponytail with her pyjamas on.
"Yeah I was," I said quietly.
"Do you need to talk about anything? I know you talk to Jace about a lot of things but something's are nice to talk to a girl about, you know?" Izzy said, leading against the wall.
I shook my head. "I'm fine but thanks for the offer," I smiled at her kind offer, but then I thought suddenly that there was something I could ask her. "Could we go somewhere more private?" I asked, knowing Jace could be listening at the door.
"Sure," she said, turning slightly around. "My rooms just down the hall." Walking behind her, she entered her bedroom and I followed silently. Glancing around, I noted her bedroom was nothing but the opposite to jaces, it was a mess.
"So what do you want to talk about?" Izzy asked, sitting down on her unmade bed.
Walking over, I placed myself on the desk chair. "Has anything been up with Jace lately? Like anything that could stress him out?"
Izzy sat there and thought for a moment before shaking her head. "He's been fine, actually more than fine; he's actually been smiling for once and my guess is it's because of you," Izzy commented, smiling slightly. "Why do you ask?"
I shrugged. "I guess I must have done something wrong then," I said, frowning.
"Why do you think that?" she asked me.
"Well, Jace has been acting strange for some reason, like he can act all normal but then get all cold and refused to tell me why," I commented, looking down at my hands. "Do you think me being dependant on him for support is putting too much pressure on him?"
"Let me ask you, do you think that's really the only reason you like hanging with him? Sure he makes you feel safe and comfortable, but is there some feelings that are more than that?" she asked, curiously.
I thought for a moment and shook my head. "I don't use him because I feel safe with him; I'm friends with him because he makes me laugh and well, I can be myself around him," I commented, giving out a small smile.
"Do you think he's hot?" She asked her grin widening.
Shock passed through me at how easily she could change the mood of a conversation. "What?"
"Come on, you must admit he's not bad on the eyes," she teased.
I felt blush come upon my cheeks. "Of course I'm not going to lie and say he's not good looking," I admitted.
Her grin caused her eyes to sparkle with satisfaction. "Have you two kissed?" she asked, eager to know.
"What is this, twenty one questions?" I asked sarcastically.
"No. I'm just curious. You both have it bad for the other, so I thought you guys would have," Izzy commented, pulling her hair from her ponytail.
"We do not have it bad for each other," I said, blushing.
Izzy shrugged while starting to plait her hair. "If you say so," she smiled cheekily at me. "Anyway, I have two things to tell you."
My brows knotted together, confused as in what she has to tell me. "Okay, shoot," I said, letting her go on with what she needed to tell me.
"Okay, well I'll tell you the quick one first since the other one will take more time," she said, before her smile became innocent. "Simon asked me out."
"What?" I asked, completely in shock. "You guys just met… like today."
She rolled her eyes. "I know," she commented, pushing herself further onto the bed. "But I waited for him until his appointment was finished and we went for coffee and talked. He's really quite a nice guy."
I nodded. "He really is," I commented, smiling how much confidence Simon must have summoned to be able to ask Izzy out. "I'm happy for both of you. Will you tell me how it goes?"
She nodded. "Of course," she smiled, before her expression went serious. "So the other thing I have to discuss is about your fear of touching people."
"What about it?" I asked.
"You touched me tonight, can you remember that?" she asked. I shook my head and frowned, making her go on with what she was saying. "Well when your attacker came up you seem to freeze and well you clutched onto me. I even have the finger nail marks to prove it," she stated, pulling up her sleeve and showing me the little red marks that were caused from nails-my nails.
I placed a hand on my mouth. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realise," I said, apologetically.
She waved her hand. "Forget about it, but it did lead me into thinking something that I think you can look into trying," she commented, waiting for me to nod so she could carry on. "I think the only touch you're truly afraid of is those of your attacker, everyone else's are just a reminder of them. So, I was thinking we could try something out…"
I nodded, getting slightly with what she's getting at. "Try what exactly?"
"I personally think it'd work better trying it on your mom first, but this is what I think you should do: Try touch someone like your mom but before you do think of something happy you've done with them that involved touching in a way. Like with your mom you can think of when you were little and when she would hold you when you were sick or hurt…Get what I mean?" she asked, looking pretty happy with her idea.
I nodded and smiled. "It sounds good, really good actually, but I don't know if it'd work," I admitted.
She shrugged. "It's worth a shot, doesn't it?"
After talking to Izzy about her plan then about her date with Simon, I decided to leave and head to bed after feeling the heaviness of sleep come upon me. After saying goodnight to Izzy, I headed out into the hallway that was still dim lighted as everyone else was already in bed. Closing my eyes slightly, I longed to be in bed. Looking up, my breathe hitched as my eyes landed on Golden. Jace was standing at the bathroom that he had broken down the door, and was examining the damage. My eyes skimmed across his face and then down his body to see that he was only in pyjama pants. My eyes stared at the way his muscles in his arms and shoulders moved as he bent to look at the damage. Looking at his chest and stomach, I saw the perfect amount of muscle that made me scream out mentally that Izzy was right, Jace was drop dead gorgeous.
He finally looked up and saw me standing there. Blushing, I moved my eyes from his naked top half and moved them to his eyes, which immediately caused the anger and confusion from earlier to rush back. Looking down to the ground, I rushed passed him to the room I was staying in for the night.
As I reach the door, I heard Jace's voice speak up softly. "Clary, look…"
Before he could carry on with what he planned on saying, I butted in. "Don't worry about it, really," I said quickly, wanting to just forget that tonight even happened. "Night." Opening the door, I moved myself inside and closed the door firmly behind me. Letting out a loud sigh, I shook my head and walked over to the bed and collapsed onto it. I didn't want to be mad at Jace, especially after he protected me earlier on, but the way he has been acting has made me question what I had done, causing frustration to dig into place. As Jace washed over my mind, sleep overtook me twisting me into a dark pit of hunger-filled eyes.
I was taken back to earlier that night to when Jace stood dangerously close to my attacker, Raphael. I saw Jace's arm fly back, ready to come forward with it with an overpowering crunch, but when he bought it forward Jace disappeared altogether into the thin air. Glancing to my side, my horror became real with Izzy gone too which meant that I was now alone with my attacker who I couldn't defend myself from.
He advanced on me. I tried to move but something seemed to force my body still, as if some magic was put forth and cursed me to become frozen. A smile crossed his face, making the winkles he had more dominate. Tracing my face that held the never ending fear with his hunger-filled eyes, he then moved them onto my small, delicate body. I searched his eyes to see what his next move was, but my answer came quick. His hands came forth, and grabbed my frozen body roughly, bringing me flat against his body as he breathed down my neck and spoke words that were filled with hunger and desire. 'I'm going to enjoy this,' his voice hissed at me.
My scream came free as I felt his hands upon my body as we were transported back to the bus from that night, but the only difference, it was only us; meaning no one to stop him. My scream came out in an endless cry for help as he shook my body as he prepares for my torture.
"Clary, wake up," a voice cut into my dream, but the voice that was more dominate was of my attacker that kept laugher the same thing over and over again. 'You're mine, red. Mine. I'll see you soon, very soon.'
"Clary," Jace's voice suddenly appeared as my eyes flew open pushing the body away from me.
"Stop it!" I screamed, tears running down my face as I sat up and buried my head into my arms.
"Clary, it's me, Jace," Jace's voice came from right in front of me, exactly where Raphael was moments ago.
"Jace?" I whispered as I looked up from my arms. He sat on the edge on the bed, looking down at me with tiredness and worry.
"I'm here," he whispered back, wiping a tear that had flowed down my cheek.
More tears erupted from my eyes as I pulled myself up and crawled onto his lap and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck while hiding my face in the nook of his neck. "He's coming back for me," I cried into him. "Even tonight he said he was."
Pulling me back from his neck, he looked me deeply in the eyes. "Do you think I'll let that happen? He's not coming anywhere near you, I won't let that happen," he assured me, resting his forehead against mine.
Nodded slightly, I raised a hand and curled my fingers softly through his hair. "I know, and I know I shouldn't be like this still, but I guess these nightmares are playing with my mind a bit," I whispered back.
He nodded and closed his eyes as he rubbed small circles on my back. I was more at peace like this, with the only sound being his voice and the softness of his breathing. I felt content being in his arms as if any worry I had before had been taken away from me, but that's not it. I like being in his arms, and I like being able to be so close to him…I actually like it a little too much. Breathing in a shaky breath, I remembered his confession earlier on, how he had too much on his plate. I suddenly felt like this wasn't right, not when I'm being too much for him to handle.
"Am I really stressing you out?" I finally asked, moving off him and sitting next to him. "Before you said you had too much on your plate, and well I don't want to add to that."
"Look Clary, I didn't mean that," he said, in a half whisper.
"Then what did you mean," I asked, curious to know why he had been acting so different.
He paused before answering. "I can't tell you," he whispered.
"Why not?" I asked, slightly annoyed. I know I was being pathetic, but I needed to know.
He shook his head. "I can't Clary," he said, looking up into my eyes. "I'm sorry okay."
I just nodded, and lied back down onto the bed, looking up to the ceiling. "I wish we hadn't met the way we did," I whispered.
Lying down beside me, he whispered back, "but the outcome of that night could have been different if we didn't."
I shrugged. "I know," I whispered, before looking at him sideways. "But I don't like it how we're friends because of the accident…, because I feel like if it didn't happen, we won't be here right now, side by side."
Turning on his side, he held his head up on his arm and looked down at me. "Well I think most people that have been put in that position like the accident would wish it didn't happen, that they chose to go or do something else to have prevented themselves from being in that position in the first place. In my case it's completely different," he said, smiling down at me. "I don't regret being on that bus because if I wasn't I wouldn't have met the smartass, beautiful girl that I did."
Everything froze, but the fast beating of my heart. "You think I'm beautiful?" I asked in a whisper.
Even in the dimness of the room, I saw the blush that rushed to his cheeks. "It's not like it's an unknown fact Clary, you are beautiful," he whispered down to me.
Butterflies erupted into my stomach as I smiled softly up to him, and before I knew what I was doing, I leant up to him and kissed him softly on the cheek, the corner of our mouths touching by accident. Pulling slightly away, I saw shock in his eyes, but something else. We were speechless as we searched each other's eyes, looking for what the other felt. I felt a tingle on the corner of my mouth where it touched his, giving me a desire to see what it felt like to actually kiss him. All of a sudden, all the unknown feelings I've been feeling rushed back to me. Looking down from his eyes, my eyes travelled down to his lips. I looked back at his eyes, to see he had done the same; he was staring at my lips as I had done with his. Placing a hand softly on the side of his head, I brushed the cheek the bruise was forming on. Leading up slightly, he seemed to get what I was trying to do because he then slowly leant down. Our noses touched as I slowly let my eyes flutter closed, feeling his warm breath tingle my lips. Just as I felt his lips ghost mine, a voice disrupted the longed kiss.
"Well I actually think I'm good at telling when two people have the hot's for each other, don't you think?" Izzy said, her voice full of humour.
They nearly kissed! Wahoo :)
What did you all think? Too fast? Too slow? Let me know by review or PM!
Okay, a few questions:
Is Clary and Jace happening too fast? Or too slow?
What do you think I have planned for Clace next? ;)
Is there something you want me to change or add in?
Do you think the bad guys more interested in Jace or Clary? (Look back in the previous chapter)
Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS for Wednesday!
Ex oh ex