A/N: Wow, this is the longest chapter I think I've ever written. Hmm...well it takes care of a lot. Please review!
Chapter Thirty-Eight: Boys and Girls
"I can't eat anymore!" Dawn whined, pressing her hands against her stomach. "I can't even move!"
"Yea, who's bright idea was it to spend almost a hundred dollars on junk food?" Joy moaned. "Oh yea, that was you!"
"It was your money…" Dawn defended herself.
"Ugh!" Joy groaned and readjusted her position on the couch. "I'm going to be so sick tomorrow!"
"You guys are so weird!" Buffy rolled her eyes as she entered the room carrying a large mug of steaming tea. "I thought you'd know better then to eat yourself sick…oh wait, you're only teenagers. I remember those days!" Buffy grinned and leaned down to pick up the half-empty package of red vines.
"No wait! What're you doing with those?" Dawn flailed out her arm to snatch the licorice back from her sister. "I wasn't done with those!"
"Yea, and would you mind bringing us some more soda?" Joy asked lazily.
"I thought you two were sick!" Buffy laughed and wandered into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a couple cans of coca-cola. "What movie are you watching now?" Buffy gave the girls the drinks and then plopped onto the armchair next to the couch.
"My Fair Lady, it's a classic!" Joy told her, retrieving another chocolate chip cookie from the plate on the coffee table.
Buffy smiled and helped herself to a slice of pizza from the half-empty box on the table. "I love this movie!"
"Well, you should watch it with us." Dawn invited.
Buffy nodded, "Yea, sure, why not!" She stretched her legs out in front of her and settled back in the chair. "I don't have anything better to do tonight."
"Buffy's lonely when Riley's gone. She doesn't have much of a life without him." Dawn grinned.
"That's not true!" Buffy frowned. "I just don't have many plans right now…"
"Because Riley's out of town…" Dawn reasoned.
"Shut up." Buffy threw a piece of popcorn at her sister.
"Quiet you two, this is the best part!" Joy shushed them and all three girls turned their eyes to the television.
"Oh I see how it is, you ask us to patrol for you while the two of you take the night off, painting your bloody nails and eating chocolate." Spike accused, eyeing the open bottles of nail polish on the table as he and Angel entered the house from the front door and joined the girls in the living room.
"Well, why else would we want the two of you to take over patrol for the night?" Buffy grinned.
"Quiet please!" Joy repeated, turning up the volume on the television and waved an oblivious hand towards the guys at the doorway.
The guys glanced at the TV and were politely quiet for a minute before getting bored.
"Well, patrol was slow, so we decided to call it a night. I'm going home." Spike waved to the group of girls who were still intently watching the movie. "If anyone cares…alright. 'Night everyone."
Joy snapped out of her movie daze for a minute to briefly glance up and offer Spike a smile. "Goodnight! See you tomorrow right?"
"Do you want me to patrol tomorrow too?" Spike asked.
"No! Oh, didn't I tell you? Tomorrow, the girls are going to help me pick out paint for my room and then tomorrow night we're going to start painting it. I thought that maybe you'd want to help…but you don't have to, of course, I mean…it's up to you!" Joy stumbled through the explanation and the bit her lip as she stared up at him hopefully.
"Oh right, well yea sure, I'll come and help Gidget." Spike nodded and started backing out. "Then, see you tomorrow."
"Okay, bye!" Joy smiled. "Are you leaving too Angel?"
"Sure, can I come over tomorrow too?" Angel asked jokingly as he started to follow Spike outside.
"Well, yea, of course you can Angel! Do you even have to ask?" Joy grinned and waved to him. "Shut the door on your way out, would you?" She giggled with the other girls as they returned to their girl time in front of the television.
"I haven't been shopping like this in, well, a really long time." Joy held the front door open with her foot while Dawn, Buffy, and Willow filed through, each with hands full of shopping bags. "I actually thought that painting my room would be boring, but I'm so excited now!" Joy let the door slam shut and followed the other girls upstairs where they all deposited their bags in the hallway just outside of Joy's new room.
"I love your paint choices!" Willow started rifling through the shopping bags. She pulled out a couple large plastic sheets that they had bought to cover the Joy's furniture. "Joy, you and Buffy can start moving the furniture into the center of the room and then Dawn and I will cover everything so they don't get messy from the paint."
Buffy nodded and her and Joy quickly had all the pieces of large furniture grouped in the center of the large bedroom so the walls were free to be painted.
"Tara will be back when her classes are over, and Anya and Xander said they would be here as soon as work was over, but I think we have plenty of people to paint your room!" Buffy grinned, "We probably don't need Angel and Spike too…"
Joy shrugged. "But they wanted to come, and I don't mind having them." She actually was very anxious for Spike to come and help, hoping that she might have a change to talk to him alone finally. She hadn't been able to really talk to him since she'd been back from England and since she'd had the discussion with Angel.
"Yea, but you don't really need them. I'm sure they've got better things to do…" Buffy's mind was racing, trying to find some way to keep Joy and Spike apart. No matter what Angel said, she was determined not to let them be together.
"Buffy, if they didn't want to come then they wouldn't. I am not forcing them to come and help!" She smiled.
Buffy sighed, deciding that she just wouldn't let Joy and Spike be alone together, ever. Soon they had the walls cleared and the furniture covered.
With eight people painting a room together, the job was finished fairly quickly. Joy instructed the three guys (Xander, Angel, and Spike) to roll the dark blue paint onto the bedroom walls while the girls began painting the walls of the adjoining bathroom in a shade of a deep red. Once the base colors had dried, Joy instructed everyone to begin decorating the blue walls by painting little silver stars scattered across the walls. And in the bathroom, the red walls were highlighted with random gold swirls and designs. The room was completely painted in only a few hours and all that remained by eleven o'clock that night were a final few touch-ups.
Willow and Tara soon abandoned the project, claiming that they were tired and wanted to go to bed early, even though their mischievous winks and flirtatious giggles suggested otherwise. Anya and Xander soon left as well, with Anya coming right out and saying she wanted to go home to have sex with her boyfriend. The others politely withheld their laughter for Xander's sake as he gently quieted his girlfriend and led her quickly out of the house to save himself from further embarrassment. Dawn had left the house almost an hour earlier for a date with Colin, so now the only ones who remained were the two vampires and the two slayers.
"Hey, Buffy, aren't you going to patrol tonight?" Joy asked casually as she touched up one of the silver stars beside the doorway.
Buffy seemed a little surprised by the suggestions. "Oh, umm, I don't know, do you want to?" Joy caught her quick glance towards Angel.
"Well actually, I'd like to finish up my room tonight, you know rearrange my furniture and stuff, but someone should patrol tonight. You could take Angel with you for help…"
"Oh no, I don't need Angel to come. He can stay here and help you with your room." Buffy said instantly.
"There's barely anything left to do and Spike's more then enough help! Take Angel with you Buffy. You never know when you'll need help and you know as well as I do that it's not always safe to patrol alone." Joy was not going to give up until Buffy agreed, but she could tell that Buffy was not too excited to leave her and Spike alone.
"Seriously Joy, I'll be fine by myself…" Buffy could tell that she was losing the argument and she looked at Angel pleadingly but he didn't know what to say to help her so he stayed quiet.
"Look Angel, thanks for all the help with my room, but there's really just nothing else for you to do! You'd be better off going with Buffy!" Joy urged them towards the hallway. "Spike can help me move my furniture back into place. We should be able to have everything done in less then an hour." She smiled as innocently as possible. "We'll be fine here, don't worry!"
Spike wisely kept silent, but he could sense Buffy and Angel's unease as they left the house for patrol, promising to be gone only for one hour. As soon as they were definitely out of the house, Joy closed her bedroom door so that she and Spike could be sure they would not be overheard by Willow or Tara.
"So, Gidget, the room's looking good, huh?" Spike tried to start a normal conversation with the girl who was staring at him with her beautiful turquoise eyes and making him feel quite nervous, which was very strange for the bad-ass vampire. "You'll be at home here in no time, huh?"
"Yea, sure," Joy brushed her long bangs away from her forehead with the back of her hand, trying to avoid the paint blotches on her fingers. "Spike, I didn't make Buffy and Angel leave so we could talk about my room…"
"I didn't think so." Spike grinned, a little relieved that she seemed to be taking control of the awkward situation. "Angel spoke with me."
Joy lifted an eyebrow. "About…"
Spike cleared his throat, now not so certain that he should have brought it up or if Angel had talked to him in confidence. "About what the two of you talked about in England."
"Oh, right…" Joy was a little surprised, considering how reluctant Angel had been to even talk to her about it. "So…"
"So, you're interested in me, huh?" Spike had seemed to regain all of his cocky confidence as he provoked Joy's embarrassment, evident by the rising flush in her cheeks.
"No, it's not like that…" Joy stuttered. She didn't know how to deny what Spike obviously knew was true. "I mean, well…"
"It's okay Joy." Spike quickly interrupted her rambling. "He wouldn't have brought it up if I hadn't have given him reason to…"
It took Joy a minute to realize what he meant but then she smiled. "Oh? So, you expressed an interest in me?" She grinned at his see-through expression.
"I might have mentioned something of the sort…" Spike grinned back.
They were being unusually flirtatious towards each other and neither seemed quite how to be themselves anymore. Joy seemed to have completely forgot about her ambition to quickly finish her room and her detail paintbrush was drooping idly in her hand, and she seemed unaware of the drops of silver paint that were staining her jeans.
"So, Angel told you that I umm, am interested…" Joy faltered for conversation again.
"Something of the sort yea," Spike agreed.
"Let me guess, he warned you stay away from me and all that shit?"
"Surprisingly no. It seems Peaches is a bit more sensitive then he let on to you Gidget." Spike suddenly noticed the dripping paintbrush and pointed it out to Joy who quickly returned her attention to the detail on the wall. "He did threaten me quite a bit, I must say, not that I think too much of his threats though. But he didn't try to make me stay away from you. He just warned me that I better be bloody good to you. Of course, that's not something he had to tell me…"
Joy bit her lip and glanced up at him briefly before blushing and having to look away. "Umm, well, hmm, I don't really know how to respond Spike…"
"I don't ever want you to be nervous around me Joy. I know that Angel told you all 'bout me and I'm sure you're not very comforted knowing what I used to be, but no matter what he told you, I am changed. I'm better then what I used to be…"
"Spike, you don't have to justify yourself to me." Joy shushed him. "I've already explained to Angel that I don't care what you used to be. All that matters to me is what you do now."
"Then I guess I better prove to you that I can be good." Spike grinned. "Well, good enough. I am still evil after all." He winked at her.
"Well you better be a little evil. I've had too many good boys in my life." She smiled back.
"So umm, where do we go from here?" Spike suddenly took on a more serious tone.
Joy sighed. "I don't know Spike. I hate to say it because I'm sure you're not going to like to hear it, but I have to be completely honest, I'm not sure if I'm totally ready for any kind of relationship right now…" She turned her back to Spike, not able to handle whatever expression he might be making. "It's just with Blake and Henri…I don't know…too many serious breakups you know? I just don't think I'm quite ready for another one…"
"Dammit Joy that's not fair!" Spike exclaimed. Joy had to turn around. It was one of the few times that Spike had ever called her by her actual name. It was nice for him to lose the nickname once in a while, even if it was preceded by profanity. "You can't predict a breakup before there's even been a bloody relationship!"
"Come on Spike, don't lecture me." Joy felt her temper rising. She had just confessed to Spike that she had feelings for him and now he was bold enough to get mad at her for wanting more time! "My first serious boyfriend turned into a vampire and I staked him. And my last relationship, well, he screwed me. Literally." Spike frowned a little. He hadn't heard much about what had happened with Blake. Joy sighed and decided to explain. "I slept with him and the next day I found him making out with my cheerleading captain."
"I'm sorry Joy…" Spike wasn't very good at serious discussions.
"Don't pity me Spike!" Joy warned. "Just please don't hate me for needing more time." She shrugged. "You have to understand that it's a little weird for me to think about. After all, you are a vampire and I am a vampire slayer. I know that Buffy's done it, but in my mind, I'm still having trouble even thinking about it working out…we're so different Spike!"
He hung his head and sighed. "I understand your reasons, of course. And I don't have much of a choice but to respect your wishes, so…when you feel ready to give me a chance, I'll be here waiting."
Joy smiled at him, her eyes lighting up excitedly. "Really Spike? You're going to wait for me?"
"What else can I do, Gidget?" He grinned, back to his self-assured teasing tone. "You've got my mind all buggered up and I can't stop thinking about you. I'll wait, 'cause I know you'll come around." He grinned.
"You're a little confident in yourself, aren't you William the Bloody?" Joy teased him, turning her back on him and pretending to ignore him as she continued to casually paint another star on the wall.
"You don't scare me Gidget…" Spike told her. "I know you'll come around eventually."
"Spike, I should warn you, even though Angel might be supporting us this far, but he made me promise to be careful and I'm going to." Joy made sure that Spike was aware of her precaution about whatever relationship might eventually form between the two of them.
"Good. You should be careful. But you should know that I promise to do everything I can not to disappoint you." Spike answered.
"Fair enough." Joy smiled. "Now, can we finish my room because I'd kind of like to get some sleep tonight!"
Spike immediately returned to work on the walls, adding more silver stars until Joy was satisfied. Then the two of them returned all the furniture to their appropriate places around the room. By midnight Joy decided to leave the rest of the arranging for the next day, deciding to sleep on the couch for the night so her room could air out the paint fumes.
Buffy returned by twelve thirty, only a few minutes after Spike had left with Joy's promise to give him a chance as long as he promised to give her time. When Buffy found Joy setting up blankets and pillows on the couch she had to fight her urge to confront Joy about what had happened with Spike. But she realized that she had to leave Joy's love life alone and let her make her own choices, however wrong Buffy thought they were, so she said goodnight and let her be, deciding to take out her sisterly frustrations on Dawn when she came home by lecturing her about her late hour; not that she really cared at all what time Dawn came home from her date. But by the time Dawn did come home, Buffy was already asleep and the only person awake to catch her late hour was Joy who hadn't been able to sleep at all since her mind was so busy with thoughts of Spike.
"How was your date?" Joy leaned up on her elbows as Dawn tiptoed through the front door, obviously assuming everybody would be asleep.
She jumped slightly and turned to Joy with wide eyes. "God freak me out why don't you? What are you doing down here?" Dawn slipped out of her high heels and joined Joy in the living room.
"I couldn't sleep with all the paint fumes in my room so I'm staying down here for the night…not that I'm sleeping much though." Joy explained. She moved her feet and motioned for Dawn to sit on the couch. "So, how was your date?"
"Perfect! As always!" Dawn smiled. "I am so in love!"
"Love, really?" Joy smiled. She had already heard from Dawn at least a dozen times already that she had decided that she was 'in love' so it was nothing new for Joy tonight, but for Dawn's sake she pretended to be completely surprised and delighted for her. "And do you think Colin's in love with you?"
"Definitely!" Dawn smiled giddily.
"How do you know?" Joy readjusted her head's position on the pillow and listened to Dawn attentively.
"Well, for one he's told me so." She sighed. "He tells me all the time! It's so sweet! He's so sweet…" Her eyes drifted off towards the ceiling and Joy knew she had finished talking about the night.
"Okay…" Joy rolled over on her side. "Well I'm glad you're so happy with your relationship."
Dawn gazed at her friend with squinted eyes. "What's up sweetie? You seem depressed, or upset, or sick maybe?"
Joy smiled slightly. "I'm not sick, don't worry. I just had a little bit of a strange night. I'm not really sure what my problem is actually, I guess I'm just confused…"
"About what?" When Joy didn't answer right away, Dawn started to tickle her feet until she sat up and confided in her.
"Do you promise that you won't tell anyone!" Joy waited as Dawn nodded emphatically. "Okay, well after you went on your date tonight, Buffy and Angel went patrolling and everyone else left too, so it was just Spike and me in my room…"
"Oh my god!" Dawn exclaimed at once.
"Dawn, you don't even know what I'm going to say!" Joy frowned. Dawn bit her lip and nodded quickly. "We started talking and, well, the topic of, umm, our relationship came up." She noticed Dawn's eyes widen curiously. "I'm sure you've noticed my interest in Spike before and his attraction to me, but we'd never talked about it before now…" Joy sighed. "He wants to have a relationship with me, I'm not sure if I'd go far enough to say boyfriend and girlfriend, it just sounds so simple and lame…I don't know what he wants exactly but I know that he wants to be in my life."
"Wow! That's incredible Joy! I mean, of course, I did notice that he was interested in you, but I didn't really expect him to say anything! That must have taken a lot of courage for him to tell you!" She smiled. "I didn't think he'd take that chance…"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I haven't known him to have an actual girlfriend since Drusilla."
"Who's Drusilla?" Joy asked quickly.
"Drusilla was Spike's sire, Angel was her sire. They were together for like a century!" Dawn shrugged. "She left him a few years ago for some demon or something."
"They were together until a few years ago?" Joy frowned. "Do you think he's over her?"
Dawn nodded. "I'm sure he is. I haven't heard him talk about her in forever! Besides, if he's shown you attention than I'm sure he means it. I can tell that he cares about you Joy, everyone can tell that, even Buffy, and trust me she doesn't like it. And since he cares about you so much, I don't think he'd ever want to hurt you with a meaningless fling, especially after your past. Does he know about Henri and everything?"
"Yea, he knows everything." She sighed. "He does seem to be serious about his feelings for me, and I don't think he'd toy with me either."
"So, what're you going to do about it?" Dawn asked after a moment of silence.
"I don't know yet. I asked him for some time and he told me he'd wait until I was ready. It was really sweet actually…" Joy felt herself slowly giving into the idea of a relationship with Spike.
"Okay, so here's my one attempt at advice and then I'm going to bud out…" Dawn cleared her throat. "Don't be afraid to take a chance just because you've been hurt in the past. Life is all about loving and losing and sometimes you've got to lose a little to gain a lot…"
"God Dawn, deep much?"
Dawn shrugged. "Yea, I think I heard it on a movie or something once. Anyway, it seemed like a good thing to say. So, like I was saying…I think you should give Spike a chance. Just a chance, if things don't work out then you'll move on and wait for someone else to come around."
"Really?" Joy took a deep breath. "You think I should date Spike?" She laughed as she said it out loud. "Buffy's going to flip!"
"Oh well, she could use a good shock every now and then!" Dawn stood up. "I'm going to bed. Think about what I said Joy."
"Goodnight." Joy watched Dawn disappear up the stairs towards her bedroom and then curled her knees tighter into her chest, letting her thoughts roam over the Spike situation. She didn't sleep any better after she had talked to Dawn, and if anything it was only more difficult for her to sleep because she was realizing that she did want to give Spike a chance and she had almost completely convinced herself to.
The next morning she had barely fallen asleep when Dawn was waking her up and insisting that they finish up her room quickly so they could go shopping for a new swimsuit for Dawn. Joy wanted to go back to sleep but she knew that once she was awake she would not be able to fall asleep again, so she stumbled into the kitchen where Tara was making pancakes and found a fresh pot of coffee already made. She poured herself a large mug and then followed Dawn upstairs to the bedroom that had aired out over night.
All the furniture was in place and all that was left for Dawn and Joy to finish was the simple finishing touches such as making the bed and organizing picture frames.
"I love the colors you've chosen!" Dawn smiled, spreading the thick dark blue comforter over the antique four-poster bed and setting up the silver throw-pillows against the headboard.
"Thanks." Joy nodded as she hung the dark blue, velvet curtains over the already hung transparent silver drapery that covered the window. "I wanted a room that felt like it was a starry night all the time! I love the stars!"
"Well, it definitely feels like nighttime." Dawn decided as she started to hang up Joy's large collection of clothing in the closet. "So did you decide what you're going to do about Spike yet?"
Joy nodded. "I guess your words of wisdom really paid off." Joy grinned jokingly. "I think I might give him a chance."
"Good!" Dawn seemed very confident that her advice the previous night had been right.
"Hey girls," Buffy poked her head inside the room. "The room looks great Joy!"
"I know, thanks so much for all the help Buffy!" Joy smiled.
Buffy joined Dawn by the closet and started helping with the clothes. "Hey Dawn, I think Willow could use some help with breakfast, why don't you go down and see?" She nudged her sister slightly with her elbow and Dawn immediately left, understanding her sister's meaning. "So, how long was Spike here last night?"
Joy knew that Buffy would bring it up eventually and she also knew that she'd have to talk to her. "He was only here for about an hour."
"Oh really?" Buffy's face showed her obvious delight but she was trying hard to hide it. She sighed. "Okay, I have to be honest with you Joy. I don't like the idea of you and Spike being together…"
"What do you mean, together?" Joy decided it would be best if she played dumb.
"I know that he's interested in you and from what Angel's told me, you're interested in him too…"
"You talked to Angel about this?" Joy felt betrayed. Angel was supposed to be on her side and now he was going behind her back and talking to Buffy about it!
"Look Joy, you have to understand…I know that Spike might seem great and charming and exciting, but he's dangerous, and he's not the kind of guy you should let yourself get involved with!" Buffy exclaimed.
"Buffy, I do understand. Spike's a vampire, a bad one, but who I let myself get involved with is not a decision for you, or for Angel to make."
"Joy, it's more then the fact that he's a vampire!" Buffy sighed, she was trying to decide how best to explain the situation to Joy without giving too much away about her own past connection with him. She realized there was no easy way around the facts so she just confessed everything. "I'm sure you've heard by now that Spike and I were sort of, umm, involved for a while…" Joy nodded and her left eye twitched a little as though she were trying to control her emotions. "It wasn't a relationship though, no matter what anyone might think. He claimed he loved me so I let him. It was stupid really. It was an obsession. A dangerously disillusioned crush. He had gone through a lot with the government implanting the chip in his head, and losing Drusilla, you have heard about Drusilla right?" Joy nodded, listening intently, curious about Buffy's past with Spike. "And I wasn't any better off! After Riley left I was all alone and under so much stress and well, Spike sort of became a convenient way to release my loneliness and bitterness. I used him and he used me, well it was a mutual decision to use each other to make ourselves happier. Are you understanding me?"
Joy frowned. "Not really. Basically you're saying that you were screwed up a while ago and so screwing a vampire made you happy?"
Buffy sighed. "No, that's not what I'm saying!" She tried to figure out exactly what she was trying to say. "Spike is used to using people. He's done it four over a hundred years. He uses them and then is done with them and it doesn't effect him at all because he has no soul." She stared at Joy pointedly. "If your not careful, he will hurt you Joy and it won't mean anything to him like you believe it will."
Joy shook her head. "He's different then you think Buffy. He may have used you, but you just admitted that you used him too! What makes you any better then him for that matter, Buffy?"
"That's not fair! He was a vampire, was I supposed to care about him?"
"You cared about Angel!"
"Angel has a soul! I loved…" She stopped herself and then continued. "I loved Angel and he loved me. It meant something to both of us. Spike doesn't remember what love is!"
"You don't know him."
"I know more about him then you do!"
"About him, sure! You know what you've read in books about his history, but that doesn't make you an expert on his life and his feelings!"
"But because you're attracted to him, you have some deep insight into who he really is, beneath the cruel fact that he's a blood-sucking monster?" Buffy's voice was raising and Joy was not going to back down. The girls stood close to each other with narrowed eyes and harsh voices.
"You have no right to judge him just because he didn't really love you! You took his obsession for granted Buffy and it pisses you off that you let him use you!" Joy yelled.
"I didn't let him use me! I used him! He had everything he wanted, he got to screw a slayer! He's killed slayers and he's screwed them, his life was complete!"
"That's sort of a low blow considering you're the slayer he screwed."
"Shut up!" Buffy shouted in Joy's face.
"Oh, I'm sorry, is that a painful memory for you or are just annoyed that I'm forcing you to face the facts?" Joy screamed back. "You let him in and then you kicked him out and he didn't care enough for your comfort…"
Buffy started to say something and then snapped her mouth shut, glared at Joy fiercely for a minute and then stormed out of the room, pushing past Dawn, Willow, and Tara who had gathered outside the doorway. Joy's body trembled with anger and she couldn't move or speak.
"Joy…" Dawn whispered from the doorway, not sure what to say.
"Not right now Dawn." Joy mumbled, turning around to slam her bedroom door shut so she could have some privacy. She needed to think.
Dawn's already convinced me to give him a chance, and I know that Buffy's just pissed off, but what if she has a point…I mean he is a vampire! I can't just ignore that! Joy finished hanging up all her clothes. I've been so determined to prove something to him or to me, I'm not really sure…what do I have to prove? I don't have to prove anything! Not to me, or to Spike, or to Buffy! It's my life and I can do whatever I want and date whoever I want…She squeezed her eyes shut and flopped onto her bed. But it's more then that. I don't want to just date Spike I want to be with him, and I know that he wants to be with me…no matter what Buffy says about him! He does have a heart…it might not beat but that doesn't mean he doesn't have one. Right? I don't know what I'm saying! She stuffed her head under a pillow and let out a short scream. I can't give him a chance until I have myself figured out! Having a guy in my life right now, especially a vampire, will just screw me up more then I already am! Joy sat up decisively.
Joy finished hanging up all her clothes. She squeezed her eyes shut and flopped onto her bed. She stuffed her head under a pillow and let out a short scream. Joy sat up decisively."Dawn! Ready to go shopping?" Joy opened the door and found Dawn waiting in the hallway.
Her blue eyes widened curiously. "Are you sure you want to Joy? Because I can always go shopping later…"
Joy shook her head and cleared her throat. "No, let's go now! I don't feel like staying in today, so do you want to go to the Bronze tonight too?"
Dawn nodded slowly. "Sure, yea, let's make a day of it."
"Okay, I'll be ready in a half hour." Joy returned to her room and quickly got herself fixed up for the day.
"I can't believe how much we bought!" Dawn giggled excitedly as the girls dumped their shopping bags in Joy's room.
"It's called retail therapy." Joy shrugged. "It's the best remedy I've found for my stress." She started pulling her new clothes from her bags and hanging them in her closet.
"Yea, it's definitely a good way to relieve stress." Dawn smiled. "And so is dancing! I'll go put my stuff away and then change for the Bronze…you still want to go right?"
"Of course."
"Okay, let's leave in about twenty minutes?" Dawn suggested.
"Make it forty."
"Okay!" Dawn skipped from the room, carrying her shopping bags with her and leaving Joy alone to get ready for clubbing.
By eight o'clock the girls had adequately decked themselves out for a long night of stress-relieving dancing and. Dawn had chosen to wear a pair of tight jeans and a new white silk halter that Joy had convinced her to buy that afternoon. She left her soft curls down around her shoulders. Joy dressed in a black leather mini skirt a silky red backless halter that showed off her butterfly tattoo well. She framed her bright eyes with heavy black makeup and left her hair straight down.
"Where are you guys going?" Buffy called out from the kitchen as the girls opened the front door. She hadn't spoke to Joy since the argument and Joy didn't exactly mind.
"We're going to the Bronze. We'll probably be out late." Dawn spoke up quickly when she realized Joy wasn't going to say anything. She left before Buffy had a chance to stop them and hurried down the driveway to Joy's car.
"Did you want to invite Colin?" Joy asked as she sped towards the club.
Dawn shook her head slowly. "No, tonight's all about the girls…" She glanced sideways at Joy. "Of course Colin could bring a friend along for you to enjoy…"
"No thanks," Joy shook her head quickly. "I've had enough experience with Colin's friends."
"Oh, right…well he and Blake aren't really friends anymore you know. I'm sure he knows some guys that love to go out with you…" Dawn noticed Joy's teeth clenching and stopped talking. "Never mind. Tonight's just the girls. I'll pretend like I'm single and enjoy hitting on hot guys with you, okay?"
Joy smiled. "Thanks Dawn."
And true to her word, Dawn spent the majority of the night on the dance floor with Joy, finding single guys who seemed interested in dancing with them, and completely ignoring the fact that she was in a perfect relationship with a guy that she was in love with. Joy was trying hard to forget about her conflicting emotions concerning Spike and just enjoy her night out with her best friend.
"Hey girls," A deep, smooth voice spoke up from behind the girls as they sat at a small table, sipping on their sodas.
Dawn glanced at the three guys briefly, shrugged and then looked to Joy for her response. Joy turned to the guys and smiled at them flirtatiously. She didn't say anything though but with a small nod of her head they pulled three stools over to the girls' table.
"So, since our shopping today was so successful I think that tomorrow we should go to the beach and try out our new swimsuits…" Joy continued her conversation with Dawn as though the guys weren't even there.
"You girls wouldn't be interested in some company at the beach would you?" One of the guys asked.
"Do you mind? We're in the middle of a conversation." Joy arched an eyebrow and stared hard at the intruding guys who pulled back, a little surprised at her curtness.
"Right, umm, okay…" The guy frowned.
"Oh I'm sorry, I suppose that your motion of sitting with us was your first attempt to hit on us which you would then follow with an invitation for us to dance with you?" Joy smiled teasingly and fluttered her eyelashes.
"Right…" The guys were stunned by her forwardness and didn't know how to respond.
"So are you going to ask or not?" Joy asked.
"Huh?"
"Fine, let's dance!" Joy stood and motioned for Dawn to join her. The guys quickly stood and followed the girls out to the dance floor.
The instant they joined the throng of wild dancers the guys seemed to loosen up and take control. One of the guys, the only one with blonde hair, wrapped his arms around Dawn's waist and started swaying with the upbeat rock music. The other two guys, both with dark hair, moved to Joy. One of them moved in behind her, slithering his hands down her body until the rested on her his and the other danced facing her, pressing his body close to hers so that she was tightly sandwiched between the two young men. Their three bodies moved together, rocking and swaying to the beat, feeling the strong rhythm pulse through one another's bodies. While the music was slow it was easy for the three of them to sway in motion together, but as the beat picked up, it became difficult for the three to stay in unison and Joy soon decided that the guys' dancing was sloppy and boring and mostly just a mess of sleazy grinding and groping. She became tense and irritated but didn't make the guys leave her. She had come to the Bronze to dance and to forget about Spike, and she would dance with every looser it took to make her forget. She tried to close her eyes and lose herself in the music and the dance but when she felt hands on her waist, and her stomach, and lips on her neck, she realized that these losers were not what she needed to forget her problems. She opened her eyes and pushed the guys' hands away from her body.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not really in the mood for dancing right now…" She spun out of their reach and shrugged as she started walking towards the bar.
"Wait, come on!" One of the guys called out as both the guys followed her off of the dance floor. Dawn still seemed content dancing with her partner.
"I'm sorry!" Joy shook her head again and turned her attention to the bartender who was waiting to take her order. She put on her most flirtatious smile leaned forward on her elbows, giving the bartender a perfect view of her cleavage. "Hey there…" She drawled, licking her lips seductively. "I'll have a martini with two olives."
"Uh…" The bartender looked hesitant but he was also clearly captivated by her sultry beauty. He nodded slowly and turned away to fix her the drink that she ordered.
"Come on back and dance with us babe," One of the guys dropped into the seat next to her at the bar.
The other guy stood just behind her, breathing heavily down her neck. She sighed in frustration and shook her head.
"I'm not interested, alright." Joy smiled at the bartender as he served her the drink. "Thanks hon." She picked up the stick that speared the two olives and slid one off with her teeth and tongue, very slowly, making sure that was watching her. "You wouldn't be interested in dancing later would you?"
"Umm, well, I have to close tonight…so I really wouldn't have time…" The bartender stuttered and Joy sighed.
"What a shame." She slid off her barstool and walked away from the bar, glancing over her shoulder briefly and flipping her hair.
"What the hell is that?" One of the young guys demanded, following her away from the bar.
"What?" Joy asked innocently.
"You'd dance with him but now with us?" The other guy frowned. "We found you first!"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Joy shook her head. "I get bored if I'm with the same person for too long. And you guys have bored me." She shrugged with mock apology. She sipped from her drink and turned away from them again.
One of the guys grabbed at her arm and pulled her around forcefully, making her spill her drink. She made a move to hit him but before she had a chance he was shoved aside by another.
"Spike!" Joy gasped when she recognized the intruder.
The two guys angrily jumped to attention, ready to fight Spike, but he glared fiercely and shoved them both again with a low growl of warning and they backed off without another warning.
"Spike, umm, thanks, but you know that…"
"You can take care of yourself…" Spike finished Joy's sentence with a sigh. "That tune's getting' old Gidget."
"Right…" Joy smiled. "Well, thanks."
"Sure, anytime, pet…" He started backing up. "I guess I should be going now, and leave you to your, umm, fun…" He turned away and started walking slowly away.
Come on Joy, don't be an idiot! Joy told herself as she watched Spike getting farther away from her. But he's not good. Remember everything that Buffy said…and she knows him well! I can't get involved with him…She started chewing on the inside of her lip. Hanging out with him wouldn't be getting involved with him though…maybe just a drink…but nothing else…I am not going to let myself fall for him…He was getting farther away and she was starting to regret letting him go.
Joy told herself as she watched Spike getting farther away from her. She started chewing on the inside of her lip. He was getting farther away and she was starting to regret letting him go."Hey Spike!" Joy called after him. "You know, the jerks made me spill my drink, and I kind of forgot to bring a lot of money with me tonight…" He had stopped and was slowly walking back towards her.
"And what do you expect me to do about it?"
"Well, maybe if you wanted to talk for a little, we could talk over drinks?" Joy grinned.
"I am not buying you any more alcohol! You're too young!" Spike insisted.
"Whatever! You drink more then anyone I've ever known! I just like to have a martini every now and then when I'm out with the girls…" She shrugged.
"Or out by yourself…or when your out flirting with other guys!" Spike reminded her.
"Well, yea…" She stared at him with her bright eyes and he grinned, giving in.
"Fine, but only one drink and then I'm out of here. I'm not going to sit around and talk with you when you're not really sure if you even want to be with me." He headed over to the bar and ordered Joy another Martini and himself a beer.
"Thank you Spike." Joy took her drink and motioned to an empty table where she and Spike sat down. "And Spike, I know that I want to be with you, but…"
"You're not ready to trust me."
"I don't know. I guess it's something like that."
"It is that Joy. You don't trust me, and honestly, you probably never will. But see, I'm alright with that." Spike sighed. "I know what I am and I realize that you have had plenty of bad experiences with other vampires…so I don't expect for you to be able to trust me…"
"Spike," Joy mumbled very quietly. She took a long sip of her drink and avoided eye contact with the vampire as she spoke. "That's not why I don't trust you."
"Really?" Spike was obviously surprised.
"Umm, it's not just you that I don't trust Spike…" Joy sighed. "I'm not sure I really trust guys, or umm, relationships right now." She quickly tried to hide her blushing face by bending over her glass and trying to take a sip, but the glass was already empty.
"Wait, what?" Spike seemed about to laugh. "You're afraid of relationships?"
"Well, no…I mean…" Joy lost whatever she wanted to say and snapped her mouth shut quickly. "Yea."
"Why?" Spike frowned. "I always got the impression you were pretty sure of yourself and of guys. From what Dawn says, you seem to be quite the dating guru!"
"From what Dawn says?" Joy frowned. "Do you think I'm a slut, Spike?"
"No! Not at all Joy…" Spike was not very convincing. "Well, not really…"
"How is that fair?" Joy sounded more despairing then upset. "A girl sleeps with her boyfriends, a couple of times, and she's labeled a slut. A guy sleeps with a different hoe every night and he's lauded as a sexy bad-ass!"
"Now that's not fair!" Spike insisted. "I am not with a different girl every night!"
"Spike, I wasn't necessarily talking about you…"
"I haven't even been with a girl since…well, it's been a while, let me tell you!" He gulped down half his beer nervously. "But anyway, I don't think you're a slut Joy…it's just that you didn't seem to be necessarily cautious when it came to men…" He nodded towards the dance floor where the two guys that had earlier been dancing with Joy were now dancing with two other girls.
"Okay, fine…" Joy nodded. "So I might be a little on the flirtatious side, but…these guys, these clubs guys, they're just for fun…" She eyed the guys with a scowl. "They aren't why I don't want to trust you, or other men…"
"I get that you've been hurt Joy, but I don't think you've actually been fair to relationships! I don't think you've really given men a fair chance!"
"What about Henri? And Blake?" Joy shook her head. "I'm sorry Spike, I don't think I've healed from my last two male disappointments."
"They're lame, Gidget." Spike told her softly. "They're just boys. They aren't worth your time and they aren't worth giving up on all relationships!"
"And what are you? This incredible man that will save me from my past pain and show me the meaning of…" She stopped herself. "Of what exactly? Of love maybe?"
"Perhaps." Spike shrugged. "I don't know Joy. I'm not saying that I have all the answers, and I'm not saying that it'll work out with us but, how will we know if you don't trust me enough to give me a fair chance?"
Joy smiled briefly but as she started to give in, a memory of staking Henri flashed through her mind and the smile faded instantly. She shook her head decisively. "I'm sorry Spike…" She stood up quickly. "You're still a vampire and even though I don't want to kick you out of my life completely, I'm very sure that I'm not ready to have a relationship with…"
"A vampire." Spike finished unnecessarily.
"I'm sorry." Joy walked away from him, grabbing Dawn's hand as she passed her and pulled her away from the dance floor. "I've got to shut down our girls' night out Dawn…" Joy stated simply as she led the way out to the car.
"What's wrong?" Dawn asked as she climbed into the passenger seat obediently.
"I can't be around him right now." Joy informed her friend. Dawn nodded her understanding and turned up the radio as they drove away from the Bronze. "I'm going to drop you off at home and then go patrol for a bit. Would you mind telling Buffy where I'm at? She can take the night off."
"Take me with you!" Dawn pleaded. "Just for one night!"
"Absolutely not!" Joy shook her head. "Buffy's mad enough at me right now!"
"Come on! Buffy never even has to know!" Dawn continued to beg as Joy neared the graveyard.
"Nope. Not tonight Dawn." Joy decided, speeding up until she had safely passed the cemetery and reached the Summers' house. "Out." She ordered. Dawn sighed and slipped out of the car.
"Fine, but be safe, and don't be out too late." Dawn called as Joy put the car in reverse and backed quickly out of the driveway, waving reassuringly toward Dawn.
Joy figured that patrol would help to calm her down that night, as fighting always seemed to do for her, and Buffy as well. She found herself being pleased as a group of vampires approached her, eager for the challenge. However, the fight ended up being a little harder then she had anticipated, mostly due to the fact that her mind was muddled with her emotions and thoughts about Spike and the relationship that he seemed so desperate to form with her.
The leader of the small band of vampires was unusually large, in both height and width, and much stronger then the ordinary vampire. He was bulky but swift and Joy had a very difficult time pinning him down to one place so she could stake him. It took her almost twenty minutes before she could even get a good punch at him. His backup vampires were simply watching in the slayer fighting with mocking glares and eager criticisms. As the large vampire lunged at her and managed to knock her to her feet, the group of vampires cheered and whistled for their leader.
Joy grimaced as a sharp pain shot through the back of her head when she landed on a marble headstone. After a split-second blackout Joy managed to roll over just in time to avoid the piece of broken marble that the vampire attempted to launch at her head. She pushed herself up to her feet and unconsciously allowed herself to briefly wish that Spike was there beside her. That moment of wavering thoughts was all that the vampire needed to knock Joy off her feet again.
"I thought the Slayer was supposed to be tough." The vampire mocked as Joy collapsed, trying to blink away the black spots that had appeared in her vision as her head once again hit something hard. She was surprised she still had consciousness.
I am tough. Joy thought to herself angrily as she pushed herself up to her feet and instantly jump-kicked the vampire hard in the chest.
He staggered backwards but caught himself and as Joy took a moment to feel for any signs of bleeding where she felt pain at the base of her skull, the annoying vampire threw the other half of the broken headstone at her, which caught her hard in the stomach and sent her flying backwards until the trunk of a tree stopped her. Joy whimpered as she slumped to the ground. She had never been so easily beaten in a fight but she couldn't seem to gain any momentum tonight.
The vampire approached and loomed over her, sneering viciously. "I've always wondered how it'd be to have myself a helpless little slayer…" He licked his lips, or rather, his fangs.
Before Joy had any chance to retort, she heard a familiar voice speak up from the shadows behind the tree. "You're going to pay for that one mate…"
"Spike…" Joy felt a relieved smile cross her face as she witnessed the bleached-blonde vampire lunge at her attacker and dust him within seconds, instantly turning to the rest of the group who had just been waiting for their leader to be destroyed so they could play.
Just the sight of Spike seemed to have given Joy an extra boost of motivation that was enough to pull her to her feet and gave her the energy she needed to help Spike finish off the rest of the gang.
In under ten minutes Spike and Joy were surrounded by small piles of dust. Spike glanced at Joy with a victorious grin which was quickly replaced by one of the most melancholy expressions that Joy had ever seen him use. He turned and started to automatically walk away from her.
"Spike…" Joy called out to him before had a chance to disappear into the darkness.
He paused briefly and turned back to her with a shrug. "I was just trying to help. You were a bit off your game Gidget." He seemed to instantly assume that she wanted to argue with him for helping her.
She caught up to him quickly but slowed when she was still a couple of feet away from him. "Umm…I should have been able to handle them…" Her eyes flickered briefly to the ground, and then to the trees, and then up to the starry sky. She was looking everywhere except at Spike. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, because she knew what she would feel if she did…
"Look, I'm not trying to lecture, I just wanted to make sure you were all right…" Spike shook his head. "Forget it, I'll stay out of your way from now on."
"Spike!" Joy's eyes connected with his just before he tried to move away again and without any thought about what she was doing Joy's arms wrapped tightly around his neck and she pulled him down for a deep kiss.
Spike pushed her back in shock. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know!" Joy whined as she pulled her hands away from him and tensely pulled her fingers through her long hair.
"What about all that stuff you were saying earlier?" Spike took a step backwards uncertainly as he watched Joy nervously shift her weight between feet. "What about you not being ready for a relationship with a vampire and all that…"
"I don't know what I'm doing Spike…" Joy cut him off quickly. "I just…" She sighed. "All I know is that I can't get you out of my head, and well, I think that's sort of dangerous, considering how poorly I was fighting…" During her ranting she didn't notice the slight, satisfied smile that had crept onto Spike's face. "But…"
"But…" Spike urged.
"Look, I might not be entirely comfortable with what you are, but then again I'm not really comfortable with what I am yet…" Joy decided with a slight shrug. "I don't know what I'm getting myself into here but, I can't help it…"
"Joy, I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. I know you're nervous about me being a vampire and all so…" Spike was trying to be so understanding but Joy knew he didn't exactly realize what she was so afraid of.
She shook her head. "Spike, I want to be with you. I am not sure about too many things right now in my life, but I am sure that I want to be with you."
"But I'm a vampire and you're a slayer…"
Joy shook her head again and then gazed deeply into his eyes. "You're just a boy and I'm just a girl and all we want is to be together…" Spike's mouth dropped open hopefully. "And I can't think of a reason enough for us not to have what we want."
"Are you sure?" Spike asked in a soft voice, as if afraid she would change her mind.
Joy took a deep breath and then nodded firmly. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life!"
Spike didn't ask again. He knew that she meant it and he honestly couldn't remember the last time that he had felt so thrilled. His arms circled her waist and he lifted her into the air easily, hugging her tightly.
This is the right thing to do. Joy told herself as she let Spike spin her around. She was perfectly content and at the moment it seemed as thought nothing bad would ever happen to her again.