A/N: I really do enjoy writing this story, and I really have a lot of what I believe are fun ideas for the future, but the interest of my readers seems to be dwindling! If I still have any interested readers, please just leave me a comment so I'll know if it's worth continuing! Even just a 'hey, I'm reading' sort of comment would be great! Thanks!

Chapter Forty-One: Separation

Joy dreaded having to explain her vision to Spike so much that she took twice as long as normal to reach his crypt. When she finally did reach it she stood outside for almost a full three minutes before achieving the courage to actually knock on the door. Before she had a chance to knock though the door opened and Spike stood just inside the dark crypt.

"Spike…" Joy seemed to have suddenly lost her voice.

"Did you come here to see me?" He questioned.

"Umm, yea…" Joy nodded. "I did…I mean well…you were going out?"

Spike shook his head. "I…well I wanted to come and see you but I didn't think you'd want me yet…" He looked at the ground. "I smelled you when you got here."

Joy glanced at him quickly and then looked away. "I'm sorry I made you leave…"

"Why did you? I don't understand what I did wrong! It wasn't me that hurt you!" Spike's eyes were red and Joy wondered for a minute if he had actually been crying.

"I need to talk to you Spike." Joy said slowly.

"Fine, come in." He moved away from the doorway and motioned for her to follow him inside the crypt. She stepped inside the door and hesitated for a moment. "Do you want to sit?" He suggested, pointing towards the couch.

She shook her head. "I just need to get this over with."

Spike stared at her hard. "Are you breaking up with me, Joy?"

Joy was silent for a minute. "I don't want to Spike. I really care about you…" She sighed. "I need to know something though. All I know about you is that you were a horribly vicious vampire and then you got this chip in your head and now you don't hurt people anymore…"

Spike frowned but nodded. "Basically, I guess."

"If you didn't have the chip in your head Spike, would you want to hurt me?" Joy asked quickly.

"What?"

"I need to know. I need to know that I can trust more than just your leash. I need to be able to trust you for you and not for what the government did to you. I want to trust you, you have no idea how much, but I need to hear it from you…" She looked at him sincerely. "I need you tell me that you would never hurt me, no matter what."

He sighed. "Joy, there is no way for me to prove it to you because it's true that you only know what you can see. But you have to believe that I would never want to hurt you…"

"But?"

"But to be completely truthful, I have no way of knowing for sure what I would try to do if this chip wasn't here. I want to believe that I would be able to control myself, that my feelings for you would stop me, but honestly, I'm not sure…"

Joy nodded. "That's what I thought. Thank you for being honest."

"Now what?" Spike asked after a minute of silence. "Is that it for us? You don't know if you can trust me so you don't want to be with me?"

"That's not what this was about Spike." Joy sighed. "When Angel bit me I had a vision. A vampire was feeding on me and it was so intense, so wild and out of control…it was the scariest feeling I have ever known…"

"I don't understand, it's obviously because Angel was feeding on you…"

Joy shook her head. "The vampire in my vision was you, Spike."

"But…" Spike didn't know how to respond. "I wouldn't…"

"You just said that you could."

He hung his head. "And that's why you didn't want me around you?"

Joy nodded. "I'm not sure if I can trust you Spike. I don't know if I will ever be able to completely."

"Okay…"

"I want to though!" She assured him. "I want to trust you with all my heart…but…"

"I understand." Spike tried to smile to encourage him. "Don't worry about hurting my feelings Gidget." He carefully moved towards her and kissed her briefly. "I think you should go."

"But Spike…"

"No, it would probably be best for you to go." Spike decided. "You need rest and we probably both need time to think."

Joy nodded. "Fine. I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Let me come to you. I'll come after sunset tomorrow."

"Alright." Joy agreed. "I'll be waiting."

"Goodbye Joy."

Joy frowned at his solemn tone. "Goodbye…"

Joy paced the length of the living room anxiously. The sky had been dark for almost an entire hour and Spike still hadn't shown up.

"Something's wrong! He should have been here by now!" Joy whined, pausing in front of the window and peering out anxiously into the lengthening night shadows.

Angel leaned against the doorframe of the living room, watching the young slayer critically. He frowned. "I'm sure everything's fine, Joy."

Joy shook her head. "No, I don't think so! It just feels wrong…" She stepped back from the window and crossed her arms. "I have to go to him. He wouldn't be this late if something wasn't wrong."

"Joy, I think you're worrying too soon. Just give him some time…" Angel pleaded. He stepped in front of her as she tried to exit the room.

"Why are you stopping me?" Joy demanded.

"I'm not…" Angel hesitated. "I just think you should wait. If he said he'd come, then he will! You're paranoid."

"I have reasons to be." Joy argued. "This isn't the first time I've been stood up. Last time my boyfriend was becoming a vampire…obviously that's not the case here, but…"

Angel stared at her hard. "Joy, just wait for a few more minutes. He's got a lot to work through and I'm sure he's just taking his time coming because of everything that's happened…"

"Do you think he won't come?" Joy asked, suddenly afraid for a whole different reason. "Angel, why don't you want me to go to him?"

Angel didn't answer.

"What do you know?" Joy demanded.

"Nothing. I just don't want you to get hurt." Angel answered.

"You think Spike's going to hurt me?"

"I don't know." Angel shrugged. "He's unpredictable Joy. He always has been."

"I trust him." Joy decided firmly. "He cares about me. He would never hurt me." Her eyes were filling with fiery tears.

"Of course he wouldn't want to but…" Angel's words faltered as the door front door opened and Buffy slipped into the house. She didn't seem to notice the other two.

"Where've you been?" Joy questioned quickly.

Buffy gasped slightly as she spotted Joy and Angel standing in the doorway of the adjoining room. "Oh, just out, you know."

"It's too early for patrolling. Were you with Riley?" Joy asked. Angel's jaw tensed, but the girls didn't notice.

"No. I wasn't." Buffy answered simply.

"Where were you Buffy?" Joy asked again.

"I just had something to take care of…" Buffy replied swiftly. She eyed Angel briefly before hurrying up the stairs to her room.

Joy stared at Angel for a moment, trying to read his blank expression then her eyes narrowed darkly and she darted to the front door.

"Joy wait!" Angel ran after her as she rushed down the street.

"Don't follow me Angel! You and Buffy are keeping something from me…" Joy shouted back at him.

Angel stopped running after her. "I didn't want you to get hurt Joy! I was only thinking of you!" He called after her as she disappeared farther down the street.

Joy didn't reply but only ran faster. When she reached the door to Spike's crypt she paused. She could feel something was wrong. Joy knocked quickly. "Spike!" She called out loudly, knocking again. When there was no answer she pushed the door opened and stepped into the dark crypt. "Spike, answer me!" She shouted frantically, moving quickly across the floor to the trap door that led down to his more personal living quarters. She hurried down the steps and peered into the dark space. She pulled the lighter out of her pocket and flicked on the flame. "Spike?" Her eyes burned with tears as she realized that the room was stripped bear of all his personal belongings. The only thing left was the furniture that he had stockpiled over the years. She lit a candle on a nearby table and returned her lighter to the pocket of her jeans. "Spike…you promised not to disappoint me…" Joy whispered as tears spilled from her eyes. She dropped onto the bed in the center of the room and curled up, muffling her sobs into the mattress.

"Joy…" A soft whisper startled her out of her solitary sobs. "Have you been down here this whole time?" Angel asked her as he sat on the edge of the bed. Joy had lost track of how long she had been crying for and so she just shrugged and kept her chin tucked down against her chest. "Joy, why don't you come home with me now?"

"You knew he was leaving. You were a part of it somehow." Joy mumbled. "You and Buffy…and you were keeping me at the house so I couldn't stop him!"

Angel didn't answer. In a way she was absolutely correct, but at the same time it hadn't been his idea so he didn't feel it was completely fair of her to accuse him. But he still knew that her anger was justified.

"You let me stand there and worry and all that time you knew that he was leaving…" Joy coughed as tears gurgled in her throat. "How could you betray me like this?"

Angel hung his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you Joy."

"You wanted him to seem like the bad guy." Joy sat up suddenly. "You kept me back so I would hate him and blame him for leaving and not realize that you were probably the reason he left in the first place! I don't know what you and Buffy did to get rid of him, but I want you to know that I blame you." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood quickly. "This was your fault. You are the reason he is gone and I will not forgive you for that!"

Angel stood and followed her as she started towards the steps, leading up out of the underground bedroom. "Joy, this isn't my fault. He would have left eventually anyway. I can't tell you what made him leave now. I really wasn't a part of it. The only thing I am guilty of is keeping you at the house so you wouldn't be hurt by seeing him leave."

Joy shook her head and started up. "I don't believe you. He never would have left me. He promised."

"But he did leave." Angel insisted. It was his choice! You have to realize that nothing I could say to him would make him leave! He doesn't give a damn what I say!"

Joy escaped into the fresh night air and blinked back the new tears that were burning her eyes. She hated to admit that Angel was right. Spike would never have listened to him on something like this. But he promised! She argued with herself. He promised not to leave me. Not to disappoint me…or to hurt me…

"Joy, please don't hate me forever." Angel called after her from the doorway of Spike's crypt.

Joy glanced over her shoulder at Angel and frowned. "When will you learn to stay out of my way and let me make my own decision? I don't need you to protect me from getting hurt!" She took off running, leaving him behind.

"Joy, where've you been?" Dawn looked up anxiously from the couch where she was watching TV with Willow.

Joy didn't pause to answer Dawn as she banged through the front door and rushed up the stairs. Without even hesitating to knock on Buffy's bedroom door, Joy barged in, cornering the older slayer in front of her window.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Joy demanded instantly.

Buffy turned around slowly to face the fiery young slayer. "I didn't do anything."

"Like hell you didn't! You were with him before he left. You made him leave!" Joy argued. "What did you do to make him leave?"

"We talked. That's all." Buffy insisted firmly. "I went to see him this afternoon and he told me about your vision and then asked me for my opinion." She glanced away from Joy. "I didn't want to give him my opinion because I knew that you'd be angry at me for stepping in, but he was very determined and so we talked. And then he decided to leave…"

"What did you tell him?" Joy asked through gritted teeth.

"I told him to make up his own mind, but to be careful in deciding too quickly." Buffy answered solemnly. "That's all."

Joy glared. "You're lying. I don't believe you! You made him leave! He wouldn't leave me without a reason!"

Buffy sighed in despair as she watched the young slayer flee from the room and then listened to her feet pounding down the stairs and slamming the front door on her way out of the house.

"I'm sorry." Buffy whispered into the air, sinking down on the bed. "You should have listened to me in the first place…"

"Slayer," Spike opened the door in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Buffy hesitated at the doorway of Spike's crypt. "I needed to talk to you." She glanced around the darkening cemetery before proceeding into Spike's dark 'home'. "About Joy."

Spike sighed and took a step back, allowing Buffy to enter farther and take a seat on his surprisingly comfortable couch. "Are you here to try and warn me off again?" He lit up a cigarette and leaned against the wall across from where she was sitting.

"I'm not here to give you a lecture, or to tell you to stay away from her, or any of that type of thing. I'm just here to talk." Buffy told him plainly.

"About what?" Spike asked with a frown.

"Do you believe that you love her, Spike?" Buffy asked slowly. Spike was confused by her question and answered her with silence. "Spike, do you remember when you believed you love me?"

Spike frowned. "I never loved you like that Buffy. I cared about you, I probably always will, but only in the way that I realize you are a special woman. Romantically you were nothing but a good shag." Spike's truthfulness shocked Buffy and now it was her turn to be silent. "Don't look so bloody offended Slayer, you know it's true."

Buffy nodded. "I know. That's all that it was for me too."

"Good, then since we have that sorted out…" Spike rolled his eyes. "What you need to understand is that the feelings I have for Joy is so much more than a physical desire…" He took a deep breath. "I haven't given it much consideration really, but I think that I might truly love her, as you say."

"Spike, I have a difficult time believing that you could have sincere feelings for anyone." Buffy interrupted.

"That's your prerogative Slayer."

"You know that if you didn't have the chip in your head, you would hurt her Spike." Buffy reminded him. "I've seen her suffering already, why?"

Spike hung his head. "She had another vision. I thought she might have told you all by now, but I guess not."

Buffy shook her head. "What was her vision?" She felt a little betrayed that the younger slayer hadn't confessed this information yet.

"When she was with Angel, in the cemetery, and he was biting her…" Spike cringed at the memory of watching the two of them together. "She had a vision of me feeding on her."

Buffy closed her eyes, imagining the fear that Joy must have experienced from that vision. "So now she won't trust you again?"

"She said she would, well she said she wants to be able to, but I know she'll always be afraid." Spike admitted.

Buffy gasped, suddenly understanding. "You weren't going to her tonight, were you?" Spike shook his head. "You were leaving."

Spike nodded. "I was just waiting to get up enough courage. She won't understand…"

"She'll have to eventually." Buffy decided.

"You'll look after her, won't you?" Spike asked firmly. "She isn't as strong as she likes to believe she is."

Buffy nodded. "I know. I'll take care of her Spike." She stood and analyzed Spike's hopeless expression carefully. "You're serious about this aren't you? I mean you really do care about her…"

Spike nodded. "I assumed I had made that point."

Buffy shrugged. "You claim to care about her, but I'm unfortunately blinded by my past experiences with you, Spike."

"I understand." Spike stated. Buffy started towards the door. "Slayer, not that I feel it's any of your bloody business, but…Joy and I…we have never slept together."

Buffy tried to mask the look of surprise that she knew had formed on her face. "How long will you be gone, Spike?"

"As long as it takes."