A/N: I know it's been way too long, but I had an issue with my hard drive crashing. That sucked. Plus I have finals next week, so stress has been escalating lately. However, I have managed to get this chapter finished and I will try to get another one next week. Summer is almost here so I anticipate having much more time to write! Thanks for the reviews and once again please keep me encouraged with lots and lots of reviews! I'm not greedy…I swear…hmm…maybe just a little hopeful! Anyway, I want to apologize for the mix-up of character labeling for this story. I hadn't meant to put it in the Buffy/Spike romance section! Definitely not where it should be! But yea, so enjoy!

Chapter Forty-Three: Acceptance

"Don't sit up too quickly." Spike instructed in a soft voice. "The drugs they gave you should have worn off mostly be now but they'll probably make you a little light-headed."

Joy opened her eyes and had to take a moment to steady her vision. When she finally managed to focus her vision she focused on his comforting face. It was the most rewarding sight to a long summer of loneliness and depression, and then at the same time it was the most painful because it was the face that had caused her the depression and heartache. She found it difficult to work out her conflicting motions in her mind.

"Hi." She whispered simply.

"Hi back." Spike smiled and reached out a hand to stroke her hair.

"Spike," Joy's cold tone warned him to pull his hand away. "You saved my life and I'm grateful to you, but it doesn't change anything. You left without a word. I didn't know what to think! I didn't know if you would ever be back…"

"I know, I'm sorry." Spike apologized, sounding as sincere as he should be in the circumstance.

"Spike, why did you leave me?" Joy asked pitifully.

"I had things to take care of."

"Like what?" Joy demanded.

He didn't answer.

"Spike, I know I freaked you out with my vision after the whole thing with Angel, but I never intended for you to leave me. I told you that I trusted you."

"You told me that you wanted to trust me. There's a difference." Spike reminded her.

"I still never meant for you to leave. I wanted to figure out a way to trust you and to trust our relationship." Joy told him. "But I needed you to stay with me. How could I trust a relationship with you now?"

"I know. I'm sorry I left you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I left, but I'm back now…"

Joy moved slightly but stopped when she felt a sharp pain at her stomach. She winced and gritted her teeth against the overwhelming burning sensation.

"Sweetie, don't move too much. Before I got to you they had begun some sort of ritual which involved your blood…"

"Of course." Joy nodded, remembering well the pain and terror of feeling the knives cut into her stomach. "Are the cuts very deep?"

Spike seemed hesitant to reply. "They're deep enough to leave scars. Maybe I should take you to a hospital."

"Don't be ridiculous. You know I'll heal fine."

Spike nodded. "I know, but you'll still probably scar."

Joy sighed. "Whatever, I don't really care too much about scars. I've found them to be the least of the worries in my life." She glared at him sharply. "Spike, I have spent the last three months hating you, but even worst, hating myself for missing you so damn much."

"Joy, I'm sorry…"

"No, stop it Spike. It's too late for you to apologize. When I let you into my life you gave me a promise." Joy closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him while she spoke. "I was warned about you. They warned me to be careful and not to trust you, but I did. I gave you a chance when ever reasonable voice around me told me not to…" A tear leaked from her closed eyelids. "I trusted you and I truly cared for you and I had let myself believe that you cared for me…"

"I did, I mean, I do care for you." Spike cut her off. "You have no idea how much it hurt me to leave you."

"Spike, please stop. I have suffered enough because of you. Why can't you just leave me alone now and let me get over you?" Joy cried harder and Spike was silent. Joy felt the tips of her fingers tingling as the feeling increased throughout her body. "I need to get home. Dawn will probably be terrified when she realizes I'm not at the Bronze anymore."

"I'm sure she's realized by now." Spike informed her. "The sun's already up."

Joy frowned. "Then I really need to get home. She's probably got Buffy all worked up by now too." She struggled to sit up.

"Joy, I don't know if you should go by yourself." He hesitated. "If you wait a few hours I can take you home."

"A few hours?"

"Yea, when the sun goes down, I'll take you home myself."

"Spike, I can manage fine on my own." Joy insisted. "Just help me up, please." She held out her arms.

"I know you can manage, but I'm not sure what kind of condition you're in…you let two college guys drug you and cut you open and almost deliver you over to some creature as a sacrifice." Spike pointed out.

"They weren't going to sacrifice me. I'm not pure enough."

"Oh that's right, they were just going to kill you instead." Spike glowered.

"What do you want to say Spike? Don't hold back, just get it out and over with!" Joy demanded.

"What's happened with you? The Joy I knew never would have been such an easy target." He lectured bluntly.

Joy stared at him determinedly. "The Joy you knew had her heart broken. You should learn that loneliness and resentment can do wonders to a girl's defenses."

Spike didn't answer but instantly obliged her by helping her sit up. "I know it isn't going to do any good, but I am truly sorry."

Joy slid off the bed where she had been lying, still at the motel where the guys had brought her (though they were long gone after meeting Spike). She grabbed her stomach in pain as she stood. "It's too late for you apologies Spike. You have lost your place in my life."

Spike watched her leave, helpless to do anything but so desperately wanting to explain. "You seemed happy to see me before, when I saved you."

"I was drugged." Joy explained coldly.

…………

"How is she?" Xander asked the moment he stepped through the door. Anya followed eagerly at his heels.

Buffy frowned. "She's asleep. How did you hear so fast? She's only been home for a few hours. We've barely even gotten the whole story."

Xander looked puzzled. "Who needs the whole story? I think it would be pretty obvious how she's feeling right now."

Anya nodded. "Seriously, what a bastard! Just showing up after all these months and expecting her to what? Take him back with wide open legs?"

"Anya!" Xander reprimanded.

"What?" She asked innocently. "Fine, arms! Wide open arms!"

"Wait, I'm confused. What are you talking about?" Buffy interrupted.

"Spike and Joy of course!" Anya explained.

Willow gasped and stepped up beside Buffy. "Spike's back?"

"Well, yea. We assumed Joy told you…" Xander paused. "What are you two talking about then?"

"Joy was out all night and came back today with her stomach bandaged but no explanation for us." Willow told them.

"You don't think this had anything to do with Spike, do you?" Xander asked with anxiety in his tone.

"Spike would never hurt Joy." Buffy spoke up firmly and unexpectedly.

"Well, of course, not intentionally." Willow agreed. "But Buffy we have to consider…he has been gone for a while. What if he got the chip removed?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "You're right Will. I need to find him, since Joy isn't likely to come out and talk to us anytime soon." She grabbed her jacket from the hall tree. "While I'm gone I want you and Tara to anti-Spike the house. He's not allowed in without an invitation. Just in case."

"I'll come with you." Xander decided quickly.

"I'll stay here. Maybe Joy would like some tea." Anya suggested, heading for the kitchen.

Xander smiled after her. "My girlfriend's so thoughtful."

Buffy tried not to laugh. "Come on loverboy." She grabbed onto his arm and pulled him out the door. "Get on that spell, Will!"

…………

"Hey, it's me." Joy gripped the cordless phone between her chin and shoulder as she slowly un-bandaged her stomach. "I'm sorry to bother you so late."

"Joy, I'm a vampire. It's not late for me." Angel reminded her. Even over the phone she could tell he was grinning. "What's up?"

"You don't know?" She winced slightly as the bandages ripped away from her skin, detaching from the dried blood painfully.

"Oh, you mean Spike."

"Yea, Spike." Joy frowned. "Why didn't you warn me he was back?"

"Because I didn't know until an hour ago. He came to me when the sun went down. But he told me what happened. How're you feeling?" Angel asked.

"Like my stomach's been slashed multiple times by a sharp blade." She grimaced as she inspected herself in the mirror. "There's going to be some great scars." She complained, tracing her finger gingerly over the five slash marks that had begun the central star for the pentagram.

"Joy, he only wanted to help you." Angel told her cautiously. "He cares a lot for you."

"Then why did he abandon me three months ago?"

"Don't be an idiot Joy. He was afraid of hurting you…"

"I'm sorry Angel, but I can't deal with this right now. Not from you." She hung up the phone abruptly and dropped it carelessly to the floor. She pulled on her bathrobe and opened the bedroom door, quickly crossing the hallway. "Dawn?" She rapped her knuckles softly on the closed bedroom door. When there was no answer, Joy continued down the stairs. She heard the murmurs of television and hushed giggles coming from the living room so she followed the noise curiously. "Sorry to interrupt…"

Dawn and Collin quickly untangled themselves from their lip locked embrace and smiled up at Joy. "You're okay!" Dawn leapt from the couch and hugged Joy eagerly. "We were worried about you last night!"

"Yea, what happened to you?" Collin inquired, clearly concerned.

Joy pondered how much to tell them and opted for a brief explanation. "I ran into an old…acquaintance."

Dawn frowned, clearly not having been filled in by Buffy. "You were gone all night…"

"We had some catching up to do." Joy told her simply. "Sorry I didn't tell you guys when I left the Bronze, it was very unexpected. So, where is everybody?"

"Tara and Willow are asleep already, Anya was here for a while but she went home, and Buffy is out." Dawn answered, emphasizing the word 'out' so that Joy took it to mean out on patrol."

"Right, well, carry on!" Joy waved them back to their cuddling and headed to the kitchen. Soon their sweet nestling noises came again and Joy felt a pang of jealousy as she thought about what she and Spike use to have together. She tried pushing the thoughts out of her mind as she retrieved medical supplies from the cabinet where they were stored.

The front door opened and Joy heard Buffy and Xander discussing their lack of success that night. Joy quickly slipped up the back stairs and locked herself in her bedroom once again.

…………

"Dawn, it's late." Buffy stated simply, surveying her younger sister's cuddle session on the couch.

"Yea, so?" Dawn questioned carelessly.

Buffy rolled her eyes and stared pointedly at the juvenile couple. "Goodnight Collin." Her tone held icy warning and the jock wisely scurried off the couch and towards the front door.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow after work, Dawn!" He grinned at her as she blew him a kiss.

"What the heck, Buffy?" Dawn turned on her sister the moment the door had closed.

"Get over it, Dawn, I'm not in the mood." Buffy declared coldly. "Has Joy come out of her room yet?"

"Yea, just a few minutes ago. She headed for the kitchen." Dawn detailed. "She didn't tell me much thought about where she had been. She just said that she had run into an old acquaintance. Who do you suppose it was?"

Buffy glanced at Xander whose expression betrayed his worry. "Let's not jump to conclusions Buff." He said with a forced calmness in his tone.

"I don't think we have to jump, Xander! All the facts are adding up." Buffy argued.

"I know it looks that way, but we can't be sure until we talk to her about it." Xander decided firmly.

"I agree." Buffy admitted. "But if she doesn't come and talk to me by noon tomorrow I'm torturing her until she does talk!"

Xander rolled his eyes. "That's a very mature way to handle it Buff."

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Dawn exclaimed, finally unable to control her curiosity any longer.

Buffy opened her mouth to explain but before she had a chance, a loud crash of broken glass followed by a terrifying scream erupted from upstairs. The three sprinted for Joy's room.

…………

Joy's first instinct when she had reached the solitude of her room was to lock her door, in order to prevent intrusion. She had managed to avoid Buffy for almost twelve hours, but sooner or later she would have to explain. Joy just wanted one night of peace first.

She had barely started to draw the water for her bath when a crash sounded from her bedroom window, accompanied by a person tumbling to the ground. Joy screamed when she recognized Jason, the young man from the Bronze earlier.

"You screwed with our plans, bitch!" Jason grumbled as he staggered to a leering, standing position. "And you will pay!"

Joy leapt away from him as he lunged at her, but she was still dizzy from the combination of drugs and terror and exhaustion and so she landed wearily and stumbled onto the bed. Jason leapt after her, landing on the bed astride her. He withdrew a knife and held it above her dangerously.

"Joy!" A voice shouted from the window.

The distraction was enough for Joy to slip away from Jason. She headed towards the window, gazing anxiously at Spike. "What are you doing here?"

"I've only ever wanted to protect you!" Spike admitted desperately. "I saw him and his friend lurking outside…"

"Where's the other one?" Joy demanded nervously.

"Down in the yard, unconscious." He shrugged. "I was just trying to keep you safe."

Jason had recovered his senses and grabbed Joy around the waist, wrapping his arm around her neck. Joy gasped for breath and took hold of his arm, pulled hard, and flipped him to the ground.

"And that's why you left me? To protect me?" Joy accused Spike as she straddled Jason and began to punch him hard, pounding his head into the thick carpet. "I'm not a baby Spike. I am more than capable of taking care of myself! I don't need to be coddled…" She emphasized each word with a hard punch.

"Joy, I wasn't trying to coddle you!" Spike insisted. "I was afraid of myself."

She briefly released her prisoner and he instantly crawled away from her, cowering in the corner of the room. "Why were you afraid of yourself?"

His eyes flashed with an emotion she couldn't recognize. "Because of your vision. I couldn't let myself hurt you and I was falling for you so quickly…I was afraid it could become dangerous for you…"

"I told you that I trusted you. You should have told me that you were afraid. We could have worked it out together."

"I needed to work it out alone. I'm sorry. But I knew that I needed to get away, and I knew you wouldn't agree with it." He gazed at her intently. "I never planned to stay away forever. I left so I could come back to you."

Before Joy had a chance to reply, Jason, who had been progressively recovering his nerve, had recovered his knife and lunged at Joy once again. Spike's expression warned her to move, but she didn't move far enough to avoid the knife as it grazed past her neck, cutting her just above her collarbone. When she moved, Jason lost his balance and tumbled out the window, crashing into Spike who was gracefully balanced on the slanted roof. He caught Jason by the neck of his shirt collar and let him dangle in the air for a few moments.

"Spike!" Joy warned.

Spike growled at Jason and let his face transform, flashing his fangs threateningly. "If you so much as think about her again, you will not wake up in the morning."

Jason nodded, clearly terrified. Spike lowered him over the roof to the nearby tree and Jason nearly slid to the ground before fleeing from the yard.

"I don't think he'll be bothering you again."

"Spike…" Joy hesitated, pressing her fingers over her bleeding neck. Before she had a chance to get the sentence out, her door burst open, wobbling on its damaged hinges.

"Joy!" Buffy gasped, seeing Spike at the window and blood seeping between Joy's fingers. The slayer flew to Joy's side and pulled her away from the window.

"We were so worried! We heard you scream, but we didn't know what to do because your door was locked…" Dawn explained in a rush. Her face was flushed and her eyes were red with worried tears.

Joy was too confused to reply. She had been so absorbed with the honest emotion that Spike had been revealing to her, and the abrupt appearance of the other three had left her disorganized.

"Joy, sweetie, are you okay?" Dawn frowned when her friend was silent. She glanced at her sister who instantly reacted.

"Get the hell out of here!" She shouted at Spike, moving briskly towards the window. "I didn't know if it was possible, but I see I was wrong. If you ever come near any of us again, I will finish you…"

"Buffy, what are you talking about?" Spike interrupted.

Joy frowned and moved towards Buffy. "You're overreacting Buffy."

Buffy shook her head. "You can't defend him anymore Joy. You have to accept him for what he is…" She returned her gaze to Spike. "You will never hurt her again."

Spike sighed and hung his head. "I didn't do anything. I can't even come in anymore, no doubt thanks to Red."

Buffy paused. "But, I don't understand. You would be able to figure out some way to get to her…like last night."

"Buffy, please leave him alone!" Joy whined.

"Sooner or later Joy, you'll realize that I'm only trying to protect you." Buffy insisted.

Joy shook her head. "So is he." She exposed her neck to Buffy. "I was cut by a knife."

"But, what about last night, and…"

"Spike, would you please come in." Joy invited him in without taking her eyes off of Buffy. Spike climbed through the window and awkwardly stood to the side of the two slayers. "Last night he saved my life." Joy explained. She reached out to him and he eagerly grasped her hand. "I was an idiot for letting myself doubt him."

The others in the room were too stunned to speak. Buffy watched as Joy pulled Spike closer to herself and he carefully inspected the cut on her neck.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him before he got to you." Spike apologized sincerely. He used the edge of his sleeve to wipe away the blood from her neck.

"You did enough." She smiled up at him. "I'm sorry for running away this morning."

"You were confused." Spike declared kindly.

"Umm, right…well, we'll be downstairs." Xander decided suddenly, pulling Dawn to the door.

Buffy followed reluctantly. "Please come downstairs and let me look at your wounds before bed…"

Joy nodded. "I promise." She smiled at the older slayer reassuringly. "Just give us a minute, okay?"

Buffy gave in and finally left the two alone.

"Joy, if you're still not sure…" Spike started slowly when Buffy had left.

"No," Joy shook her head and took his hands in hers. "I have never really doubted you. I think that I've always trusted you, even when I claimed not to. Sometimes my practical thoughts get in the way of how I really feel." She paused. "Does that make any sense?"

Spike nodded. "Yea, it makes plenty of sense, Gidget." Even though he agreed, his expression betrayed his confusion.

Joy smiled. "The point is, I trust you and I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Spike agreed, grinning so genuinely it was almost uncharacteristic. "Now, I should probably let you get down to Buffy before she goes into bloody hysterics."

Joy nodded. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course, how about we go out and catch up? I'll pick you up after sunset." Spike suggested.

Joy looked skeptical.

"I promise I'll show this time." He gently pulled her into his arms. "I'm not going anywhere."