One year ago:
"It won't take long."
Four words punched right into his gut. Sasuke stared at the cracks in the old hard-wood desk in front of him. Humid air flooded the Hokage's office, not allowing him to breathe while his gaze rested upon his former sensei. Leave. Eventually, his heavy tongue moved to push out the only question that stuck in his mind: "How long?"
"A month?" Silver eyebrows tightened in concentration as Kakashi balanced a pen between his fingers. "Maybe two."
"I see," Sasuke said. The room around him seemed to shrink, the walls slowly moving towards him, but he pushed the feeling aside like always. Leave. "Is that all?"
"I'm glad you understand." Kakashi started to sort the pile of documents on his desk. "If anything changes, I'll instantly let you know."
If… Sasuke started to leave the office but a cough behind him urged him to stop in the doorway. "What?"
Releasing a short sigh, Kakashi lifted his head from the papers. "Listen, I know it's not what we hoped for… but it won't be too long. Soon you can go on your atonement. It just takes some time to convince the council. It could be decided any minute. Or maybe after the memorial ceremony?"
The memorial is in three months. There was a silence in the room lurking from the crevices in the walls, sneering at him. Again, Sasuke forced a nod and continued walking.
"You can start atoning here. In the village where it all began," Kakashi's voice echoed behind him. "It might help get to know some people here… Be a part of Konoha again."
Start here. Sasuke dug his fingernails into his palm. He couldn't think of one fucking thing to do in Konoha that could even count as atonement.
He just wanted to leave.
As he crossed the streets of that unfamiliar village, his eyes caught sight of a familiar orange dot somewhere down the road. "Hey!" It came closer and closer. A bandaged arm waved at him, a bright smile spreading over a whiskered face.
"Naruto." At least now Sasuke could think of one thing to do. "Fight me."
Boiling blood pooled on his torn lip before it dripped down, filling his mouth with the well-known taste of iron. Sasuke wiped it away with his hand. Stinging thoughts had distracted him for just one moment, and Naruto had used the opening to shovel his fist right into his face. Gradually, the electricity around his hand vanished but as soon as it disintegrated, the inner current remained. The spar didn't change anything; it calmed him but only physically. Leave. He just wanted to leave.
"Ha! Guess I won." Cracking his shoulders, Naruto flashed that familiar grin. His hand reached out to him. "You know what that means."
With a defeated sigh, Sasuke shuffled toward him. The defeat bothered him but not as much as it once did. Concentrating had become harder for him over the last months. It was one of the reasons he wanted to go––to solve those issues inside of him.
"Hey! I said 'I won.' Don't forget our bet!" Naruto's hoarse voice brought him back to reality as their fingers formed the peaceful sign showing that the spar was over.
"Ramen… again?"
"Nah, not ramen." Naruto plopped down on the wet grass. Sasuke followed his lead and sat down next to him, leaning his arm on his knee. "I wanna talk. And you will listen… and, well, talk. 'kay?"
"Talk," Sasuke repeated. "Fine, start talking."
"Mmm." With eyes shut in concentration, Naruto cleared his throat. "So I'm gonna be honest now."
Sasuke scanned Naruto's expression carefully. Why Naruto had picked an "honest conversation" instead of his usual–a dinner at Ichiraku–was beyond him. Maybe the idiot's becoming more mature?
"Don't put on that face. You can invite me to ramen later, ya know?" Naruto burst out laughing.
The loud noise rang in Sasuke's ears. No. He scoffed. Definitely not maturing. He glared at Naruto, who thankfully went silent. "What. Do. You. Want?"
Blond eyebrows drew together, resulting in a little frown. "I know you're mad. Kakashi-sensei told me. But I gotta say… I think they aren't wrong."
Not wrong? Sasuke clenched his fist, desperately trying to get the strange pressure inside him under control again. Never let it break free again. He was what he was: a wild animal, trapped in a village full of hypocrites and people who couldn't understand him.
"I know that look of yours." A thin smile flashed as Naruto reached out and patted his shoulder. "I know that you want to leave. You're always doin' that when you feel desperate."
Sasuke halted. "Doing what?"
"Well that: tryin' to run away from your problems." Blue eyes shot up to the sky. "You're used to running… and being alone. That's why I think stayin' might help. You should try it."
Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. "There's nothing here for me to do."
"Nah. There is… you should try it out, ya know. Try to understand people and be who you want to be."
"I am what I am."
"You could do whatever you want."
"Do what? We're shinobi."
"Yeah, but not only that! I can ask Kakashi-sensei for a nice job for you, don't worry. I heard they're searching for somebody at Ichiraku. You could serve me some ramen. How does that sound?" A loud annoying cackle followed, interrupted by a slap. "Hey, we said no hittin'!"
"Then don't act like an idiot."
"Pah! You're acting like a hungry bastard. Let's go. You can invite me again." With a wink, Naruto stood up and dusted off his clothes before reaching out his hand to Sasuke. "Come."
They walked down the streets in unfamiliar silence before Sasuke stopped in front of the Yamanaka flower shop.
Naruto gave him a nod. "See ya for dinner then? You know where you can find me."
"Hn."
Naruto laughed. "Don't ditch me. I'll be waitin' for you, ya know?"
"Yeah." Sasuke sighed in an attempt to cover a little smirk rising. What was he thinking earlier? Naruto would never grow up.
"Good afterno–" When Ino saw him, she instantly jumped up from her seat and reached for one of two white bouquets standing in a vase in the back of the store. "Ah, it's you. The usual?"
"The usual." His hand dove into his pocket to fish out the money and lay it on the counter. Every other day he came for new flowers for Itachi's grave.
Ino clicked her tongue, quickly handing out the change. "Umm. So… As you know, I usually don't interfere with people's private lives"––she huffed when he furrowed an eyebrow––"but I wanted to tell you something."
Sasuke groaned. Why was everybody eager to talk as if their life depended on it? "Yes?"
"It's about Sakura."
That again. Remaining silent, Sasuke waited for Ino's unsolicited opinion. If there had been another shop to buy flowers, he wouldn't have to listen to stupid gossip and countless speeches on his teammate's crush on him.
"I think Sakura's ready to move on. We talked, and she's going out with… somebody, you know."
"Good." Sasuke felt his face relaxing, and his lips suddenly curled up. Finally.
"Is this really how you feel about it?" Ino slowly shook her head, placing her hands above her hips. "You don't care about her at all."
"I do."
"Huh? Wait, but then, tell her you love her and––"
"It's not the love she wants." Sasuke shrugged. That strange concept of romantic love Sakura and every other woman he met babbled about was nothing he had ever experienced and knew he never would. It wasn't that he had not tried. He had spent time with Sakura, but it never grew to something else. He loved her like he loved Naruto. That was all he would be ever capable of.
"Oh." Ino folded her arms in front of her chest. "I see. Well… If it's like that, I guess it's a good thing she's moving on?"
"Yeah." It really is. Sasuke took the flowers and started to march out of the shop.
"No worries, you'll find that kind of love someday." Ino giggled behind him. "And with that handsome face, she'll fall for you too! Everybody falls in love one day… eventually. And then I'm going to sell you red roses instead of white lilies."
Sasuke tsk-ed, refraining from rolling his eyes. Just as he stepped out the front door, he collided with a short woman with dark hair. Her fingertips lightly pressed against his chest, leaving an unfamiliar spark of electricity at the soft touch. Looking down at her head, his brain still tried to figure out why he hadn't sensed her and ran into her. Was he injured from the spar with Naruto, or had he let his guard down in the village? Before he could react, she stepped to the side and apologized with a quick but silent bow, avoiding eye contact by hiding them under her bangs. Still, he caught a glimpse of pale eyes––Hyuga eyes.
"Oh, hello, Hinata," Ino chirped. "How are you doing today? I already prepared––"
Without another word, Sasuke walked out of the shop and left the two alone. The talk with Ino made him grateful that at least Sakura and Ino stopped "loving" him over time. Perhaps they finally got who he really was and that there wasn't much to "love" about him in the first place.
Love. Sasuke shook his head as he made his way to the cemetery. His heart wasn't capable of that kind of love. Crushes seemed to be for people having enough spare time or… at least a family.
The only thing he wanted was to atone. Leave. He counted the hours until Kakashi would give him notice. He imagined it to be four words: "You can leave, Sasuke." A smirk pulled up the corner of his lips as he thought about it.
Sleep was difficult. The darkness would turn into moving pictures showing Sasuke how his brother reached out a bloody hand to poke his forehead one more time before falling. Dying. Everytime Sasuke would become more restless, reliving that day he had looked forward to. Foolish. He tried to remember what his brother had wanted for him. What he had said when he had been brought back with Edo Tensei.
His apartment had become a place Sasuke dreaded, a mere prison for his soul. At least he could go outside, but apart from that, everything in Konoha–including himself–felt useless. Even though it was still dark outside, he decided to take a walk. His destination was a wide field near a pond.
The grass tickled Sasuke's calves as he leaned back on it, groaning quietly. A fresh breeze from the water stroked through his hair. It was a quiet night with a bright shining moon. Still, all the pictures from his dream––from his past––weighed heavy on his soul as they flashed before his eyes. To access a purer darkness, he shut them, trying to meditate.
A soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Good evening, Sasuke."
Instinctively, his hand snapped to his sword. Apart from Sakura, Naruto or Kakashi, nobody would approach him here at this time, but this voice wasn't familiar to him. Irritation quickly rose as he tried to match the voice. Turning his head, he caught sight of pale eyes characteristic of one clan.
Hyuga. Hyuga Hinata. That girl from the flower shop.
"Hyuga." He shot her a sharp look from the corner of his eye. With that dark hair, she blended in perfectly into the night. Maybe that was why he hadn't sensed her? Again… He clenched his jaw. "What is it?"
"I…" Full lips opened and closed without releasing another word. She looked like a deer ready to flee.
Sasuke stared at her, a sudden hope growing inside of him. The message from Kakashi! It must have been that. There was no other reason for Hinata Hyuga to approach him; they'd never talked before.
The moonlight enhanced the paleness of her skin that looked like it longed for sunlight. Or maybe she knew that Kakashi's message wouldn't amuse him. A sour feeling started to rise in his gut.
"So?" he asked, getting more impatient. "What is it?"
"Please excuse me for disturbing. Um, I…" She shifted her weight from one foot to another.
Get it over with. Sasuke pressed his teeth together. So Kakashi's response can't be positive. "What did he say, Hyuga?"
"E-Excuse me?" Hinata blinked, eyelashes fluttering like pitch-black crow wings.
At the odd realization that his mind had drawn a mental line to his brother, Sasuke ground his teeth. "What did he say?" he probed again.
"Um. Who?"
"Kakashi."
Her fingers fiddled before she hid her hands behind her back. "No, I'm sorry. I… It's not Lord Hokage, it's…"
Sasuke's frown grew, and he stood up. What does she want then? He decided it was enough. Talking to her was useless, and he wondered how such a person had managed to survive as a ninja. Due to his Sharingan, he remembered her being there during the war. "I'm taking my leave then."
"No! Wait. Please." Hinata pulled her eyebrows together, biting on her quivering bottom lip.
What else? He decided to grant her one more minute, but his patience was running out.
"I looked for you because… I have a question."
Me too: When will you leave?
Sasuke expected the usual. Crushes. Love. Since she didn't have a message from Kakashi, that must have been the reason she searched for him. At first glance, she didn't seem like the other fangirls—she was quiet and shy—and they never even talked, but that didn't stop the others from annoying him either. Maybe it was their accidental collision at the flower shop earlier? As for Hinata, it didn't surprise him that she would look for him in the middle of the night to annoy him with her foolish requests.
After the war, the demands of his fangirls often became oddly specific and inappropriate. The usual included "Go out with me; be my boyfriend, or"––he shuddered––"let's restore your clan together."
For a second, a different thought crossed Sasuke's mind. Hinata Hyuga… Wasn't she often blushing when they were in school? Right now, she didn't, though she did seem nervous.
Why else would she approach him? Like the others, the Hyuga girl would also confess to him without ever having a real conversation. For the first time since school, he examined her. Her skin appeared flawless in the moonlight, dark blue hair contrasting it and shiny eyes that had a unique coloring. She looked like she belonged on the moon.
Hinata nodded as if she had decided something after an inner discussion. Her posture straightened, not wavering under his glare any longer. She took some steps toward him as if she was about to tell him a secret, and suddenly she stood close enough that her long hair tickled his neck because the wind lifted it up. The mental image of the sea flashed before his eyes when her scent rose to his nose. Odd. He wanted to step back, but somehow he couldn't. There was something familiar in those half-dimmed light eyes that he couldn't read. Like an invisible curtain, her presence enclosed him even though she wasn't touching him at all. Strange.
"Sasuke…" she said. "Can you… erase memories?"
He froze, the world around him came to a sudden stop. Again four words managed to strike him, but the effect couldn't compare to Kakashi's words.
This was not what he had expected.
Sommer: Wow. First of all, thank you so much for all the comments after the tiny prologue; I didn't expect that at all. Let's hope I won't disappoint. I'm always happy to hear your thoughts etc.
I got the idea some months ago while listening to a podcast on memories. Further, I always wondered whether the Sharingan could erase memories. Well, and then I saw that Sasuke erased Naruto's and Jiraiya's memories after time-traveling in a filler episode in Boruto and got the answer.
This chapter was beta-ed by my friend IcyQueenWriter. Your positive feedback encouraged me to start publishing this story so thank you so much.