Rating: R
Warnings: Mild language, mentions of alcohol use, implied sexual activity, mention of suicide
Song Featured: "How Long Must This Go On?" from the stage musical of Beauty and the Beast
Disclaimer: RENT is the sole property of Jonathan Larson. Also, the song "How Long Must This Go On?" is the sole property of its writers.
He lay in bed, the doctor's words echoing in his head. Around couple more years. His mom damned near had a nervous breakdown when he told her. All he can think about now is how disappointed she must be. She won't say it, but how could she not? All those years when he was growing up and promised he would take good care of himself...
How long must this go on?
This cruel trick of fate?
The first time, he'd just been drunk out of his mind. Still, he couldn't blame it all on alcohol. He wasn't drunk the second time or the third or the fourth…
I made one careless wrong decision
April killed herself. He's not as sad as he thinks he should be. He's pissed. He's pissed because she took the easy out. She didn't talk to him, didn't tell him what happened, didn't tell him about her test—the test that changed his life too. No, she took the easy way out and didn't even care enough to tell him. He had to hear it from Collins.
And then the witch was gone
And left me in this state
He's afraid to tell anyone. Including Collins, which seems a little ridiculous since Collins is positive too. He knows his friends won't understand. At least, he's afraid they won't. If he tells them, they'll be angry…they'll hate him. At least he'll hate him. His best friend will hate him.
An object of revulsion and derision
Hated…
He wants to make up for it. To make up for the mistakes he made with April. He knows that if he told them what happened, they'd say it just happened and that they all forgive him. But his best friend wouldn't. He knows that. So he decides that he'll find some way to make it right, to make peace with it.
Is there no one who can show me
How to win the world's forgiveness?
The phone in the living room rings. He hesitates but gets up and goes to get it.
"Hello?"
"Mark?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"I want to get clean."
A few minutes later, Mark hangs up the phone. He's found his redemption. He'll help Roger get clean. And no one, especially Roger, will ever know about the affair.