Don't own Naruto… just as well…
THANK YOU TO ALL MY KIND REVIEWERS!
tsukiraven: Kakashi says the darndest things! hahaha!
Aki the Whackso: (fending Aki off) Don't eat me! Here's an update! Hope you like!
Pimp Troyce: Seems like everybody loves that line... hmmm... one-liners... gotta love 'em...
Iris.D and Inuyashafeudalgirl: Glad you're laughing! Hope you think this is funny too!
Anya Urameshi: Heh heh heh! Just wait until you see how dumb Jounins and Chuunins can be! But yeah, Shika would've figured it out first, right?
svartkitten: Glad you're laughing... well... anybody can guess who Iruka's lovebirdie is... hahaha! yeah... Just so cute!
chidorimaniac: You like KakaSaku, right? Maybe this fic isn't for you! Check out Gentle Lesson. I've put a new chapter up!
Chapter 4: Gossiping Sensei
Meanwhile, Gai, Asuma and Kurenai, sitting in a café drinking some tea….
As Gai recounted (painful blow by painful blow) the account of Neji, TenTen and Lee's introduction to the Maito clan – he proclaimed it to nobody in particular – Asuma and Kurenai just stared.
After a moment.
"Something's up. I can feel it," Kurenai said.
"Ahh…"
"This is just –" A pause. "Unnatural."
"Ahh…"
"And there's something wrong with Hinata too…"
"Hmmmm…" Asuma inhaled his cigarette smoke serenely.
"She swiped my photo of Yuki."
"Yuki?"
"I know. AFTER asking about whether I had any white-haired relatives living – mostly girls…"
There was a moment of relative silence (Gai was winding down).
"Funny. Ino asked me if I had any white-haired males or females still living in my clan… or seen any in the shinobi ranks…"
There was another moment of silent (total: Gai had stopped).
"So I pointed out to her Hira."
An ear twitched underneath a bowl cut.
Gai turned.
"That's how the whole family reunion things started! TenTen asked if I had any white-haired relatives. I'm afraid the only white-haired relatives I have are too old for her interest, though."
"Perhaps it's a fanclub…"
"Dumb fanclubs."
A huge pack of girls passed screaming Sasuke's name.
"Damn fanclubs."
"Yes, I must agree with you, Asuma. The fanclub of my eternal rival Kakashi is indeed very scary." Gai nodded very seriously.
"Either way," Kurenai said impatiently. "It seems as if all of our girls have gone crazy looking for white-haired ninjas – male or female."
"Very bizarre. But then – look at them – they're to be the future Konoha ninja – bizarreness is a must."
Gai nodded. Thanks to him – the legend of the Green Beast of Konoha would continue.
Kakashi passed by.
"Yo!"
He didn't sit down – he was obviously on his way home – bearing a bag full of meat, rice, sauces, sake and candles.
Kurenai blinked.
Since when did Kakashi go all out for himself?
"I was wondering, my eternal rival, if you noticed – as I have – the strange interests of our Genin."
Kakashi blinked.
"Eh? What strange interests? Aren't they all strange?"
Asuma chuckled.
"It's about the girls really – well – the boys seemed interested too – but the girls were asking about white-haired relatives – grey or silver-ish, too…. Living and ninja preferably…"
"Were you approached?" asked Kurenai.
But from the shift in Kakashi's eye, the ninjas could already tell that he had been approached as well.
And it can't have been a nice reminder either… all of his relatives are dead – the white hair of the Hatake is well nigh extinct, Asuma sighed as he pondered Kakashi's past.
Kakashi's eye suddenly came to earth as Gai turned to him (obviously at the end of a sentence) saying, "- and what do you think of that, eh, Kakashi?"
"Eh? What did you say?"
"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Stop being so hip and cool, my eternal rival! You always respond in such a relaxed and hip way!"
Gai burst into flames.
Kakashi blinked.
Asuma rolled his eyes.
Kurenai sighed.
Boys will be boys.
Kakashi passed on without further adieu. Gai watched him walk away.
"I think he's got a girl."
"Maybe."
"Or he's deluded."
"Aren't we all?" asked Genma as he sat down beside them.
The Examiner looked hassled. His eyes were slightly baggy and spacey – his senbon quirked up and down madly. Even his bandana was slightly askew.
"What have you been doing?" asked Asuma. "Wait! I don't want to know…"
Genma smirked.
"You don't know what you're missing, guys!"
He paused.
"Why the solemn faces?"
"Something weird's been happening."
"And we've been trying to solve it!" Gai said, sparkling his teeth.
"I'm in!"
"It's something to do with an enquiry about white-haired ninja relatives – not too old - not too young…."
"An enquiry made by our Genin girls – well, the boys seemed interesting… even Kakashi's team inquired about it…"
"I'm out!"
"But you said you wanted to help."
"I will help – anything that doesn't have to do with bratty kids – I'll help with. Orochimaru has nothing on them."
"You love being the sarcastic Chuunin examiner – other than the war thing, it hasn't been that bad," Raido sat down. "Even then you did nothing but stare at Baki and look cool! You didn't even get a scratch!"
" 'The war thing'?" asked Kurenai. "That wasn't JUST a thing…"
"Denial," mouthed Genma.
"I can lip read you know," grumbled Raido.
"Anyway. I hate kids. I had to deal with them ALL morning – I don't think I could deal with them in my spare time."
"You were with kids today?" asked Asuma. "I should have guessed. Normally you don't look so wiped out after –"
Asuma twitched his cigarette.
The senbon twitched sympathetically – Genma moved his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other.
"Well… there was THAT too… But let me tell you, I'm never subbing for Iruka again! Why does the guy have to get sick?"
A pause. Gai was still trying to figure out the innuendos.
"Anyway – we need help figuring out why our bright, youthful students are behaving in such odd mannerisms. To be sure, the questioning brought our hearts closer in understanding and appreciation of the strength of Konoha's clans, but still – it worries me that our kawaii students – such as our cute Lee – need our help and haven't come to us yet."
"Fear not – they're coming…." Genma murmured looking out the window in a very abstract manner.
"I would have reached out and given them all the help they needed," Gai sighed theatrically. "I'm the teacher who is willing to spend any hour of the day helping a student even with the most private matters…"
"You can help them now…" Genma edged away, Raido grabbed him and pulled him close.
"No life," Kurenai whispered.
"Agree," mumbled Raido.
"I would like to think that the bond of teacher and student has become more like family so that they would feel it alright to come to us for anything."
"It can grow on you but not on me!" Genma said as the three Genin teams came in, obviously looking for their sensei.
There was a moment of silence as the children looked at their sensei (and Genma and Raido) with a frightening intensity. No doubt because a large part of them WERE frightened.
Genma was trying to edge away – but Raido just stared at the kids as he pinned Genma's hand in his lap. Genma gave up.
"Shit. What do we do now? They weren't supposed to be together…"
"Woof."
"Shhh…. Akamaru! They'll hear you."
"Not that they'd understand him anyway, stupid dog."
Another momentous pause.
"Is there anything you'd like us to help you with?" asked Kurenai, jumping the gun with a sweet smile before Gai could scare them all away with the teacher/student closeness crap.
"K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-"
HInata couldn't get it out.
Genma looked pained.
"We just wanted to talk to our sensei." TenTen said.
A pause.
"Privately." Ino said.
"Well – we all know you're going to ask about the same thing so why don't we just bring it out into the open?" asked Kurenai again.
"Damn! They know something's up!"
"How do they do it?"
"Wuf!"
"Hell, yeah! Akamaru!"
"Have you ever heard of the proverb, 'Silence is golden'?"
"Shino (snarl)…"
"K-k-k-k-kiba-kun!"
Neji stepped forward.
"It seems that Naruto was told by Konohamaru that a white-haired – or grey-haired person was leaving Iruka's classroom during lunch time."
He paused.
The sensei, the examiner and the guard blinked.
The drama was intense.
"Iruka is a spy?" asked Raido, disbelievingly.
"Iruka is accepting bribes?" asked Genma.
"Iruka just met with a parent?" asked Kurenai.
"It wasn't Iruka?" asked Asuma.
"Iruka has got an eternal rival?"
Neji sighed.
"He left after, presumably giving Iruka his lunch AND giving him a full mouth to mouth kiss."
"A girlfriend?" Raido asked. "He got a girlfriend?"
"Why didn't he tell me?" wailed Kurenai.
"Good for him…. So envious…" Asuma sighed, casting a hopeful eye on Kurenai.
"Lucky bastard – keeping it in the dark too –" Genma wondered.
"Celebration! Iruka-sensei has found someone to share his springtime of youth with!"
"But the person had a man's voice."
Everybody froze.
Gai mid-pose, Asuma mid-way through the sake bottle opening, Genma mid-kiss with Raido, Kurenai mid – nothing…
"Ehhhh? A guy?"
"Well… we thought it was a henge maybe…" Ino broke in.
All the sensei leaned forward and the couple of Chuunins at the bar.
Neji was enjoying his importance. Sasuke could never one up him on this!
"Anyhow, Naruto and his team went to spy on Iruka – and it was a white-haired person with a green vest."
"Kakashi?"
"Noo… couldn't have been him. He never gets up before 12 o'clock, according to Naruto."
"Plus – he's a pervert – but hetero – if you go by his reading material…"
Kurenai sniffed in disgust.
Genma smirked.
"Kakashi and Iruka – impossible."
"Why?" asked Shikamaru. "Is it too troublesome?"
"Chuunin and Jounin don't mix well. It never lasts…"
"So romantic…"
"No. Not possible…."
"Plus… Kakashi's hair is more grey-ish, isn't it?"
"Well, some days it looks white…."
"Maybe he just doesn't wash it when he should…"
"Or dyes it…"
"Okay, okay, so my eternal rival is NOT the lucky one who has stolen Iruka-sensei's heart! It is obviously henge. But henge cannot disguise the voice – unless it's superior henge. It is obvious we must infiltrate the class room and catch the two lovebirds in the deed."
"The deed…" Genma sighed. "Sounds hot…"
"Hmmmm…. I wonder what happens in that classroom…."
"Yeah…"
"Sounds like a good plan, eh, Akamaru!"
"That's Gai-sensei! Always smart! I hope to shine for you one day, Gai-sensei!"
All the Genin cringed as Lee looked up adoringly at his idol.
Gai placing his arms around Lee (everybody shivered), smiled and said, "Don't worry, Lee! We'll reach the sunset together!"
Somewhere cheesy music played, a large sun set, the waves beat upon the rocks and gulls cried.
NEXT UP: Jounin's plan of action. The Action. The Genin's plan of Action. Their Action. What's going to happen to Iruka? Will they find out the lover?