Rating: R

Warnings: Drug use, adult language, character death, suicide, mentions of sexual activity

Song Featured: "Ever the Same" as performed by Rob Thomas

Disclaimer: RENT is the sole property of Jonathan Larson. Also, the song "Ever the Same" is the sole property of its writers.

Roger and April strolled down the sidewalk. He stopped in front of the café.

"What are you—"

Roger leaned in and kissed her softly, backing her against the brick of the café. He pulled back smiling.

"What was that for?" she asked, smiling.

"Just 'cause."

"Just 'cause?"

Roger shrugged. "Yep."

She smiled and linked her arm through his as they continued towards the park.

We were drawn like the weeds

The Man had a strange look on his face when April approached.

"Look, think you should know that ex of yours, Bobby?"

"Billy," she corrected.

The Man rolled his eyes. "Whatever. He stopped by lookin' for you."

"Lookin' for me? Why?"

"Tested positive."

"What? Positive for what?"

"AIDS."

We were brave like soldiers

April shoved the money at him, grabbed the bag, and jogged back to Roger. She stormed down the sidewalk to their favorite alleyway, practically dragging Roger along behind her.

She sat on the crate and bit her lip.

"What? What's that look for?"

"Billy. My ex…he…he's got AIDS."

Roger sank to his knees. He stared at the ground for a minute but looked up when he heard her tears. He reached up with one hand and brushed the cheeks away.

"It's okay. We'll get you tested. It'll be okay."

"What if…"

Roger tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Then I'll take care of you."

They both stared at the bag in her lap. Their happiness, their salvation, their key to happiness, their nirvana. They both knew they only had one needle.

"You do it first," she said softly.

Roger nodded and quickly complied, prepping the syringe and tying off with the belt April kept in her oversized purse. He shot up, sighing with relief at the vague euphoria. April heated the remaining powder and, with Roger's sad eyes watching her, slid the needle into her arm. His head fell to her lap as they whispered reassurances to one another in the darkness.

Falling down under the pale moonlight

You were holding to me like someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

They stood in the clinic, waiting for the blood draw. April was shaking. Partly from fear, partly from withdrawals. She hadn't shot up with him in the morning and now it as almost two in the afternoon.

They left the clinic and went quietly back to April's apartment. She started to cry once they were inside. Roger wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

It was the first night since they'd met that they spent together without having sex. Instead, they used separate needles to shoot up and then lay in April's bed, holding each other until they fell asleep.

Fall on me

Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me, ever the same

Two weeks later, the clinic called and asked her to come in. Roger kept an arm around her waist. They walked in silence to the clinic. April tried to hide the shaking but Roger could feel it. It wasn't withdrawals. Only fear.

He kept his arm around her as the nurse handed her a folded piece of paper.

"The doctor will be with you in a minute," the nurse said, backing out of the room.

April stared down at the paper. With trembling hands, she unfolded the paper. One hand went to her mouth when she saw the word: positive.

Roger saw it too. He kept his arm around her and kissed her head. She turned into him, sobbing into his chest, her hand still clutching the paper.

"Remember when we went to the beach together last summer?" he asked softly.

"Wha…"

"We promised to be together forever."

She pulled back to look at him, shaking her head. "Forever just got a hell of a lot shorter."

"So we better make it count."

Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us, man, this doesn't need to be the end

When they returned to her apartment, April was still crying. Roger held her tightly, fighting his own tears.

"I don't want to die…I don't want to die…" she cried.

"I know, baby. I know."

"Please don't leave me. Please…please don't leave me."

"Never. Not going anywhere," he whispered into her hair.

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

April went downhill fast after her diagnosis. By the time she was tested, she was nearly in full-blown AIDS. Three weeks after her diagnosis, she found the first lesion. Right over the oldest track marks.

She stopped leaving her apartment. Roger went out in the mornings and bought smack and needles. There was no more sex. They were both too afraid. Roger hadn't been tested yet. April wanted to quit but didn't see the point.

"At least it makes the pain better," she said, tears in her eyes.

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, Forever in me, Ever the same
Call on me, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you, forever in me, ever the same

She stayed in bed nearly all the time. Roger made soup and whatever else she wanted. He didn't leave her side. Mark called a few times and Maureen stopped by once, but Roger didn't want anyone else there. Neither did April. She didn't want her friends to see her like this, remember her like this.

"Roger?" she said one afternoon.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you still here?"

"What?"

"Why…why haven't you left?"

"And gone where?"

"Away from me…back to the others. Where you don't have to deal with me…"

Roger leaned over and kissed her tears. "Because I love you. And I promised you I wouldn't."

You may need me there to carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over with a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

April insisted Roger go visit Mark.

"You haven't seen him…in over a month."

"So what?"

She smiled. "He's your best friend…I'll be fine. I'll just sleep."

Roger was hesitant but went anyway, promising to return as soon as he could. When he'd gone, she gathered her strength and went to the living room. She found a pen and a notepad.

Roger,

I can't do this. It hurts too much and I'm too tired. Please don't be too sad. Please move on. I just want this to end. Baby we got AIDS…I don't want to be like this.

I love you,

April

She tore out the paper and folded it in half, hands shaking. She wrote Roger's name on it and set it on the table. Taking a shaky breath, April went to the bathroom and searched the drawer for the razor. Freeing the blade, she set it on the edge of the tub and stripped down. She folded her clothes neatly and sat in the empty tub. Holding her breath and blinking back tears, April dragged the blade up one arm and then the other. She just wanted it to end, to go back to how it was before the drugs.

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me, ever the same

Roger came home a couple of hours later. It had felt good to see Mark and Maureen again, though he spent most of the visit worrying about April. He still hadn't told anyone about Mark and Maureen that he could be positive, that they hadn't used condoms, that they'd shared needles.

He went to April's room, frowning when he saw it empty. "April? Babe?"

Going back to the living room, Roger saw the folded paper on the coffee table. He picked it up and read it, tears filling his eyes.

"April! April, where the fuck are you? Answer me!"

There was no answer. Roger saw the light on in the bathroom. The door was slightly open. Roger pushed it open and screamed.

"April! No!"

He ran to the phone and called 911. It was too late. They questioned Roger, took her body, and gave him the medical examiner's phone number. He made his way back to the loft, shaking from withdrawals and grief. He climbed the stairs and realized he didn't have a key. Roger knocked on the door and waited for Mark to open it.

"Hey! Back so…what's going on?"

Roger fell against him, sobbing.

Call on me, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you, forever in me, ever the same

Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same