Rating: T
Warnings: Drug use, adult language, implied sexual activity
Song Featured: Torn (as performed by Natalie Imbrulia)
Disclaimer: RENT is the sole property of Jonathan Larson. Also, the song "Torn" does not belong to me either, it belongs to its writer(s).
They sat in the park, Mimi's head on his chest.
"You know what?" Benny asked, stroking her hair.
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
Mimi sat up and looked at him. "What?"
"I love you."
Mimi smiled. "You mean that?"
"Of course I do."
She leaned up and kissed him, happy tears in her eyes. "I love you too."
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
"Look, I said I'm sorry!" Benny said.
"Yeah, I know. You're always sorry, Ben. And somehow it never changes one damn thing."
"Quit bein' so dramatic, okay? I told you I had shit to do."
"Do you even give a damn about me?" she asked quietly.
Benny sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Oh, here we go."
"What? I think it's a fair question when my boyfriend keeps blowing me off." Mimi crossed her arms defensively in front of herself.
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
Mimi opened her eyes slowly. She wasn't surprised that he was already gone. Benny rarely stayed the night. His overnight stays were become even less frequent. She ran a hand delicately over the depression in the bed from where he'd been lying.
She debated about calling him, asking where he was. No point to that, though. They'd just fight about it. He'd insist she's paranoid, she'd insist that he's being an ass.
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing's right, I'm torn
Mimi lay on bed, curled up where Benny had left her. He couldn't be serious. Married? How could she be so stupid? A married man…Mimi's eyes fell to the necklace she always wore. The one he gave her for her birthday. It was a simple silver chain with a small silver heart pendant. In that instant, it seemed a thousand times heavier than she knew it to be. Mimi sat up and slipped off the necklace. She held it in the palm of her hand and let her tears fall on it.
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
"I'm leaving her."
"Thought you already had," Mimi said evenly.
Benny stared at the ground.
"Yeah, forgot you said that, huh? You really should keep your lies straight, Ben."
She got up and walked out of the café as the rain started to fall.
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn
"I thought you loved me," Benny said.
Mimi groaned into the phone. "Benny, I do…I did. There's…I didn't know you were married."
"And that makes you stop loving me?"
Mimi felt tears in her eyes. "Just…just leave me alone, Ben."
She hung up the phone, holding Angel's hand tightly.
"You did good, girl," Angel said.
"I love him, Angel…I still love him…"
Angel's arms slid around her and her hands drifted to Mimi's hair. "Shh…It's okay, chica. It will be okay."
"You were right."
"What?"
"You told me when you met him that you thought he was an asshole. You were right."
"Oh, honey…"
So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should've seen just what was there
And not some holy light to crawl beneath my veins
Mimi jabbed the needle into the vein just like the girl at the club had told her. She felt the drug surge through her and smiled. This shit was expensive, but at least it made her forget about Benny and not care.
She picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?"
"Is this Mimi Marquez?"
"Yeah. Who's this?"
"Alison Coffin. Benjamin's wife."
"Your husband's a lying prick."
She hung up before Alison could respond.
And now I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn
"New boyfriend doesn't know about us," Benny said.
Mimi rolled her eyes. "There's nothing to know."
"Don't you think that we should discuss—"
"It was three months ago, Ben. Get over it."
"He doesn't act like he's with you."
She crossed her arms in front of her. "We're taking it slow."
"Where is he?"
"Right—" Mimi turned to where Roger had been sitting. "Where did he go?"
"That's what I thought."
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor
"What made you change your mind?" Roger asked.
Benny grinned. "Mimi. She came to see me, made quite a case."
Roger's gaze shot to her and back. "You're a liar."
"Ask her. Ask her what she was wearing."
"I was on my way to work!"
He was twisting everything. Roger's gaze turned cold as Benny grinned. "Black leather and lace."
"Roger, I wear that shit to work. You know that!"
He acted like he didn't hear me. Benny was just trying to get back at me. He couldn't stand to see me happy with someone else. And I thought he was actually going to be a friend.
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn
Mimi sat on the edge of the tub trembling. She could do this. She could get clean. She threw up again and made her way slowly to the bed. Memories of Benny circled in her head. He didn't think she could do this, told her there was no way she could do it on her own. She'd show him. As the tears fell, she wondered why she kept thinking of Benny instead of Roger. She was getting clean for Roger, not Benny, right?
There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on, nothing's right, I'm torn
Mimi stood in the alley with her dealer.
"Hey, my favorite girl," he said.
She rolled her eyes. "Got anything for me?"
"You got anything for me?"
Roger had taken her money away the first time she tried to leave during withdrawals. Now, though, Angel was in the hospital. Between taking care of her and sitting at the hospital with Angel, Roger was exhausted. She'd taken the money from his wallet while he slept on the couch.
"Mimi!"
She turned and saw Roger running towards her as the dealer drifted back into the shadows. "Roger, I can explain—"
He yanked the bag from her hand. "No, baby, you can't. You can't do this."
"Roger—"
Roger put a hand on either side of her face. "Mimi, no. I know it's hard, baby. I know it is but you can't do this. You're doing so good. You can't do this."
She copied him, her hands drifting to his face. Tears streamed her face. "You don't understand, Roger! There's too much going on. I just need one hit. Just one. I can't deal with all this. I can't—"
He let go of her and stepped back. "You choose right now: me or the drugs."
Mimi hesitated, staring at the ground. "Please, Roger…"
He threw the baggie at her. "Fine."
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn