Rating: R

Warnings: Adult language, drug use, implied sexual activity

Song Featured: "God Blessed the Broken Road" as performed by Rascal Flatts

Disclaimer: RENT is the sole property of Jonathan Larson. Also, the song "God Blessed the Broken Road" is the sole property of its writers.

When I was seventeen, I graduated and left home. The plan was simple: join a band, play some local gigs, get a record deal. That was all step one. Then I'd find a girl, get married, go on tour, retire to a mansion and live out my days with my girl. Guess you could say I was a bit idealistic, a bit naïve, a bit innocent.

I set out on a narrow road many years ago

The band and gigs came easy enough. Then there was a detour. Drugs. It never crossed my mind to say no. I mean, I knew drugs were stupid. This was different though. This was shit that made me feel good. Something bad for you wouldn't feel so good, right? That and my friends were giving it to me. I'm not saying it was peer pressure—that's a copout. I'm saying I always figured friends looked out for each other. My friends wouldn't let me hurt myself, right?

I was already an addict by the time I met Mark. Not quite a deadbeat junkie, but not far from it. Mark's the one who introduced me to April. She was in some classes with him at NYU. Beautiful redhead. For a while, I straightened my ass out. I didn't want to screw things up with her. Then I found out she was using. Using harder shit than me. Mark had no idea. I think he blames himself for me going back to drugs and everything with April, but I made my own choices. I'm a big boy.

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

April really was my first love. When she died, part of me did too. At least, that's how I felt. For a while, the drugs got worse after she killed herself. If it wasn't for my friends, I probably—no, definitely—would've followed her. Collins had to leave for M.I.T. before I quit, but he spent many nights on the phone with me just so I could talk or listen, whichever I needed.

Mark was awesome, better than a mother. He held my head while I puked, held my arms when I tried to fight, spent every waking moment taking care of me. And not once did he treat me like an invalid or like the worthless piece of shit I felt like.

Maureen and Mark had just gotten together then. I was terrified that she'd leave him because of me, because I was too fucked up and taking up too much of his time. She didn't. She stroked my hair till I fell asleep, piled blankets on me when I shivered, and made sure Mark and I ate and slept.

Then when I met Mimi, it's like something in me came back to life. She was this spitfire. She challenged me. We fought like crazy but we also loved like crazy. Mimi had more passion in her than I thought possible. She was sweet but she'd kick your ass if you got out of line. Of course, she wasn't perfect. A big part of why we fought was the drugs. She wouldn't quit. Couple of times I tried to get her to, but she always went back to them. Being completely honest, I nearly went back to the drugs when I found out that Mimi used. I mean, free stash and I could shoot up with her so no one would know. I didn't. But I wanted to. I didn't because I knew how disappointed they'd be.

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed me straight to you

After Mimi died, it was like when April died all over again. The same crying. The same aching. The same emptiness. The same pointlessness to everything. Mark thought I was dwelling too much, being selfish because they were in mourning too. Collins and Mark grew closer. I think Collins has always understood Mark a bit better than I have. Benny, of course, wasn't there. He all but accused me of killing her at the funeral. I know he loved her too. At least he still had Allison. I was alone. Except for Maureen.

Maureen and Joanne broke up for good after Mimi's funeral. Joanne accepted a job offer from a firm in D.C. Not too far away, but she and Maureen decided to call it quits on a good note rather than try the long distance thing. Nobody blamed Joanne when she stopped calling. What was there to say? Collins's T-cells were dropping, Mark was depressed, and Maureen was trying to hold us all together.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

Looking back, it seems so obvious. She was always there for me. When Mark, who I'll be the first to tell you should be named a saint, lost patience with me or thought I would go back to my old ways, Maureen never doubted me. She's seen me at my best and my worst. Seen my highs and lows, literally. I've never been good at the whole relationship thing. Sounds funny, I know, since I loved April and Mimi so much. But it's true. With April, it was always sex, drugs, rock and roll. We didn't just hang out or talk. Mimi was a little different. Always love or war, sex or fighting, lots of talking but those talks usually ended in fights.

Maureen was different. Maureen could just sit with me, without either of us saying anything. She'd hold my hand while we walked down the street. We didn't have to fight every time we talked. Neither of us used drugs. She's always been a mystery to me. She's sexy but doesn't know it. She's aggressive but not pushy. She challenges me but she doesn't make everything a battle.

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I can't believe now that it took me so long to realize it. When I was seventeen, I left home. When I was nineteen, I fell in love for the first time. When I was twenty-four, I fell in love for the second time. It wasn't until I was twenty-seven that I realized that my love, my real love, my all-encompassing-earth-shattering-sing-to-the-heavens love was right in front of me. Right where she'd been all along.

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

I told Mark first. If I was going to tell Maureen how I felt, I needed his blessing. I'm big on loyalty. My buddy's ex was off-limits until he said otherwise. So I told him that I loved her. All he said was "It's about damn time you figure that out."

I told Maureen. I told her how much I loved her and that part of me always had. I loved April and Mimi but this was above and beyond anything I'd ever felt. She was more than my friend or my crush. She's my love, my heart, my spirit, my music, my soul. I told her how sorry I am that it took me so long to figure it out. She just smiled and said "better late than never."

But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

When I first went to Life Support, they said "Forget regret." I figured that was a bunch of bullshit they told themselves to be able to cope. Then I realized they were right. Every mistake I've made, every fucked up thing I've done has led me here. Every needle, every hit, every tear, every heartache, every breath. It's all led me here. The band led me to drugs. But also to Mark. Mark led me to April. April led me to Mimi. Mimi led me to Maureen.

When they first found a cure for the HIV-virus, Maureen and I didn't talk about it. She didn't bring it up and I was afraid to. I was terrified that it wouldn't work. I didn't want to be let down. So I talked to Mark and we saved up some money together, he and I, and I got the treatment. Figured the worst that would happen is that it wouldn't work. That thought terrified me but I thought at least I'd be able to tell Maureen I tried. I didn't tell her I was getting treated until after the treatment was complete. Mark and I told her I was visiting my mom for a few weeks. I still don't think she bought it, but she didn't say anything. Then my first results came back. Negative.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

The day after I came home from the hospital—Mom's as we told Maureen—Mark and I went shopping. I sold my guitar and took the cash to the jewelry store. I called and told Maureen I wanted us to have dinner together at the Life that night with Mark. She met us there. I handed her the folded up test results and waited for her to read them before explaining. Then I proposed.

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

So here we are, my thirtieth birthday. One I never thought I'd see. For the first time in a long time, I am truly and completely happy. I have my friends, I have my wife, and I have our baby on the way. I never thought I'd be here. There's so much I want to say but I am speechless. I look around this room and I feel so much love and so much peace. After everything we've all gone through, everything Maureen and I have gone through, to be standing here with all of you is beyond words.

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms

I said I wanted to make a quick toast, so I guess I should wrap this up. I'd like to ask everyone to raise a glass not to me, but to everyone who's made me who I am today.

To April, my first innocent love.

To Mimi, my passionate, tempestuous love.

To Angel, guardian and friend.

To Collins, my friend, my mentor, my brother from another mother.

To Mark, my best friend and partner in crime.

To Benny, recovering yuppie scum and friend.

To Joanne, friend and advisor.

To my Maureen, my everything, my girl.

Cheers.

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

The small group echoed "cheers!" and clinked glasses. I sat down again with Maureen and rested a hand on her belly as I leaned over to kiss her. "I love you."

She wiped away tears. "I love you too, baby."

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you