Chapter Four: First Classes or Lemo ain't a seer but she knows how y'all gonna die.

As breakfast ended, Steve suddenly squeaked and fled from the Great Hall.

Cheesy, Ambo, Jub and Mr. Sexy (who had joined them 10 minuets into the breakfasting) all stared at the doors Steve had exited in silence.

"What the fuck was that?" Ambo asked after 2.879 seconds of silence.

"That was Steve, fleeing from the great hall as if rats were eating his shoes and he was standing on lava." Cheesy answered, picking at her toast.

"Well that explains the squeaking…" Ambo muttered, turning back to her breakfast pie.

"…How can the rats eat his shoes if they're on lava?" Mr. Sexy inquired.

"They're supa-fire-pwa-rats. Duh." Cheesy said, looking over her toast at Mr. Sexy with a 'Jeez, you retard' look.

"I knew it all along…" Jub muttered, looking around the room suspiciously as if she expected one supa-fire-pwa-rats to jump out of the shadows and eat her precious breakfast goods.

"Can someone pass me a toasted muffin?" Lemo asked from her seat between Cheesy and Ambo.

"Sure!" Cheesy said cheerfully, before freezing, shrieking, and leaping back away from Lemo. "LEMEH! Where'd j00 come from!"

Lemo shrugged. "Hell, I guess."

"Oh, ok." Cheesy passed her the toasted muffin.

"Aaah toasted m00ffin goodnss." Lemo murmured, petting the muffin with surprising tenderness, before stuffing the whole thing into her mouth while chewing loudly and laughing manically.

Ambo petted Lemo's head. "Lemo enjoys her m00fins of toastedness so very muchly."

Jub stood up, "Well I'm off to that class where stuff happens!"

"You mean Muggle Studies?"

"Yeah! Internet here I come!"

"I'll come too!" Mr. Sexy declared.

Cheesy and Ambo glared at Jub and Mr. Sexy's retreating backs. "Luckeh…" The muttered.

Lemo just stuffed another muffin in her mouth.

Lemo, Cheesy and Ambo sat in Transfiguration class and waited for the teacher to arrive. Cheesy glared across the room at Timmy who cowered further into the corner of the classroom.

Does anyone feel bad for Timmy?

…No?

I thought not.

The door flew open and Professor McGonagall strode into the room.

"Good morning, class, and welcome to your first Transfiguration lesson of the year, we're going to start off with-" she paused and looked at Lemo who was waving her arm around in the air like it was on fire.

But this wasn't potions class, so it wasn't.

"Yes, Miss Lemon?" McGonagall sighed. She knew what was coming, everyone did. Lemo asked the same question every year.

"Are we gonna learn how to turn desks into piggehs?" Lemo asked.

"No." The teacher – who was, by now, considering retirement- answered. "We learn that in sixth year."

"But none of us are gonna live that long! Teach us NOW, BITCH!" Lemo yelled, standing up and pointing her finger at McGonagall.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes, "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "What's happening before sixth year?"

"Apocalypse." Lemo shrugged calmly. "Mombob and Mr. God Pants are clearing out the earth in a couple of years.

"What! Why!" That Finnigan kid yelled out.

"Coz you all suck." Lemo said sitting down. "Oh. They're letting all meh friendlies live, though, coz I lobe them."

Ambo and Cheesy grinned.

Finnigan laughed nervously. "I'm your friend, right?"

Lemo raised and eyebrow. "Can't you read? The great and pwafull author can't even remember your first name!" (A/N: it's true, I can't. Whoever CAN remember it gets a prize!) "So I don't think you're all that important."

Finnigan visibly drooped. "Oh."

Cheesy rolled her eyes. "Oh suck it up, you wenis. An eternity in Hell ain't all that bad; Mrs. Lemo's Mumbob only tortures a few poor souls nowadays, most peoples just become minions. J00 get a pitchfork and everything!"

"There's a special rule though," Ambo began. "If you know how to turn a desk into a piggeh, you get invited to all the best partehs."

Needless to say, but I will, they spent the rest of the lesson learning how to turn a desk into a piggeh.

A/N: I dedicate this chapter to Ambo! Even though she can't read it coz she has no access to a 'puter over in America!

Prize may be totally crappy, worthless, and my just be a hug. Or a reference to a hug.