Chapter…Whatever.: The actual plot begins.

A/N: There's meant to be another chapter before this, but I accidentally threw it in the bin when I was cleaning my lair- I mean room. All that happened was, they went flying, Lemo sucked at it and read Manga instead, and the author popped up to answer questions. Actually, I might re-write it and put it up one day. There was some important stuff there….

It was a normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well, as normal as it can get with children on broomsticks in the air; people in robes waving wands around; and a group of teenagers being pulled into a nefarious plot full of drama, romance, murder and rabid fleas. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Our story starts with a bang. Well, an earthquake.

Cheesy, Ambo, Jub, Poofy, Bookbag and Mr., Sexy were all sitting under a tree on the Hogwarts grounds. It was a steaming hot day, so they were all lounging around in the shade. Cheesy and Ambo were moping because there had been distinct lack of Lemo lately, Mr. Sexy was moping because of the distinct lack of Steve.

"Hey, Mr. Sexy?" Jub called from under a pile of ice cubes.

"Wha'?" he mumbled around the ice block he was currently licking. That's right; licking. Licking in that drool-inducing way only gay men can.

"Is it weird dating Steve?"

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, Steve and Lemo share a body, right?" Nods all around. "So if you're dating Steve, aren't you dating Lemo as well?"

"FUCK OFF, SHE'S MINE!" Cheesy shouted, leaping to her feet. There was silence for a moment before she calmly sat back down. "You didn't hear that."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight," Mr. Sexy, er, righted. "Well anyway… Lemo's not there when Steve is; she's in hell. So it's not really like dating both of them."

"Where is Lemo, anyway?" Poofy asked.

"Well…I dunno," Bookbag answered. "I haven't really seen her or Steve since yesterday."

"Hold the phone," Ambo said. "So neither Lemo nor Steve are here? Does that mean they're both in hell?"

As if on cue, chaos struck.

The ground ripped open, flames burst out from beneath the earth. Children that were outside screamed and ran back to the castle, but the group of teens under the tree were all either frozen in fear, or lazy and stupid. Slytherins were never really known for their courage…

"AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME COMMON DECENCY!" A thunderous voice yelled from within the burning cavern, and two dark shapes were thrown from bellow the Earths crust and into a pile on the grass. The flames retreated and the ground closed up, leaving to evidence that the very flames of hell had just risen up onto the mortal plane.

From within the pile of dark clothes and limbs a head poked out. "You couldn't just read fanfiction like a normal alternative personality, could you? Noooo you had to look up GAY PORN!"

"Shut up! You were looking at it too!"

"Lemo!" Cheesy and Ambo cried, leaping up from beneath the tree and throwing themselves at their third trio member.

"Steve!" Mr. Sexy cried, following suit and tackling his gay-lover-man to the ground.

"Lemo and Steve!" Bookbag, Poofy and Jub cried, leaping up to greet their friends. Halfway to their destination they paused.

"Wait…" Bookbag muttered.

"Something's not right," Poofy continues for her.

"Lemo and Steve!" Jub cried.

Sure enough, there sat Lemo and Steve; side by side, in two different bodies.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! What has caused this? What will happen? Where are the flies? I don't know! I wrote this randomly! I'm WINGING IT ALL!