Merged

Chapter Four

The next morning Jontek awoke feeling nauseated. The Jon half was suddenly aware that the reason for the nausea was his residual scent in the room. Jontek headed to sickbay knowing that for the mission that had gone so terribly wrong, Vulcan nasal numbing compounds had been stocked. Before leaving, he put in a request that the room be fully cleaned. After obtaining the numbing compound, Jon realized how difficult it must have been for T'Pol in those first few months on Enterprise and suddenly was ashamed of his assumption that it was Vulcan arrogance for her to use them.

"You thought she was being arrogant?" Sontek found the concept to be a curious reaction. "I would have thought you would have understood that Vulcans would not engage in such subterfuge."

"My experience with Vulcan's up to that time had been to see they were capable of much more than subterfuge."

Jontek went into the mess hall, and chose a breakfast of oatmeal and fruit with tea to drink. Carrying his food on a tray, he sat down at a corner table. The room was deserted at that time of day, being a bit after the main breakfast rush. As he ate, the conversation in his head continued.

"Aaahh…your father and his engine."

"Yes. Growing up, I saw how the Vulcans held back the completion of his work. Whenever there was a problem they could have helped him with, they held back just enough information to keep the project behind schedule." Jon thought this with a bit of bitterness.

"And you didn't see that was for your benefit?" Sontek was truly curious.

"WHAT! How could holding him back possibly benefit my father?"

"You humans only appreciate things if you have to struggle for them. If something is given too freely, your species either squanders the opportunity or you abuse the information and use it for negative purposes."

Jon's pride was triggered. "That's not true. Humanity has done great things with technological advances."

Sontek conceded. "That is true. However, you also almost destroyed yourself and your planet with many of those same technologies first."

"So did Vulcan. I saw what happened at the time of the Awakening through Surak's eyes."

"Yes. That is why we didn't want you to make the same mistakes of judgment. Your species is somewhat confusing to us. They have such great potential for achievements in the galaxy. The Federation is one such advance. I don't believe any other species known today could have developed a framework that would work with the long histories between the known galactic species."

Jontek got up and put the breakfast dishes into the recycler. He went over to the beverage dispenser and ordered another tea.

"Maybe if you'd given us the chance instead of holding us back, we'd have helped create the Federation sooner."

"I wasn't finished. After we discovered your species, we fully researched your history. Such violence. So many wars. We were greatly surprised after one such war that you would develop warp capability. We thought for certain that you would destroy yourselves instead."

"What do you mean 'after you discovered our species?' You worked with us contantly after first contact. What could you possibly have needed to research?"

"I see in your mind that T'Pol told you about her ancestor."

"Yes. But she said it was a story."

"Have you even known a Vulcan that could tell a story that is not somewhat based on factual information?"

Jon considered that, "No, but I thought that we'd sort of rubbed off on T'Pol. That this was just a foray for her into telling a fictitious story. She always was fascinated by the ability of humans to write pure fiction, especially scientific speculation stories."

"No. She was correct. Her ancestor returned to Vulcan with information on an interesting race that we should watch. She was sure your species was destined either for great things or for self-destruction. She had witnessed such confounding and conflicting behaviors. One moment, your species is activity beating the brains out of fellow humans and the next you are solving the problem of world hunger. Your constant switching between illogic and logic is confusing to Vulcans. You embrace emotion and yet are able to achieve great technological leaps in shorter times than any other species we have studied"

"You were confused, so you decided to hold us back?"

"Not exactly. We decided that we should try to guide you and make sure you were prepared for what you would find far beyond your solar system. We were afraid you would be a force that would create greater dissension rather than a force of peace. You've seen that space now and know how volatile things can get and how fast things can happen."

"Yes. Then what changed your minds?"

"Three things. One, you didn't destroy the Xindi."

Jon reasoned, "They didn't need to be destroyed. They were mislead and were only following what they thought would save their people."

"Yes. However, many other species that embrace emotions would have found a need to retaliate. The Klingons would have destroyed any species that had tried to destoy them, simply FOR TRYING to destroy them, as would the Andorians. I can name multiple other species that would not have been able to see the other side of the equation."

"You said there were other reasons."

"Yes. The second was Soval's reports on his observations of humans. He was amazed during his years on your planet how paradoxical humans are. You may seem to be going down the wrong path but most times you self correct to reach an acceptable destination. Quite illogical but one can not argue that it has worked for humankind."

"And the last reason?"

"There was the re-discovery of the Kir'Shara. We'd forgotten how to see our path clearly." It was obvious the reverence that Sontek placed upon the Kir'Shara.

This thought triggered the memories that Jon had of his mental conversations with Surak.

Syrran did something to me, before he died.

He choose you. Jon had answered that with a bitter laugh. You don't trust Vulcan's, Captain. Given your experiences with them, I can't say I blame you. The culture you've come to know isn't the one I helped to create. My people have strayed and someone must restore them to the path.

Jon had answered quietly but with passion. You've got the wrong man.

Sorry, Captain, there's an earth expression 'We're stuck with each other.' Don't fight what's been given to you. Open your mind and your heart and the way will become clear.

Later Surak had explained his logic. You can accomplish what Syrran could not.

Jon still resisted, But Syrran…

Surak had continued, …was a Vulcan, and you're human. Which means you are untouched by a culture that can no longer see its own imminent destruction. You can not let what happened to the Vulcans of my time take place again. Find what my people have lost. It had been hard for Jon to see the man Surak had been succumb to the radiation poisoning and he choose to grant his request. He choose to do what he could to retrieve and return the Kir'Shara to the Vulcans.

"Yes. I spoke with Surak about that when I carried his katra."

If there had been another soul in the mess hall in that moment, they would have seen a somewhat disturbing sight in which the countenance of the Vulcan sitting at the table drinking tea seemed to take on constantly changing emotions mixed with moments of stolicism.

An eyebrow went up. "Jon! You would accuse T'Pol of being arrogant?! Du yemek fi'shal pudva-tor fanet! I can't believe you think YOU returned my people to the true path!"

The eyebrow went down but then both eyes opened and the forehead crinkled a bit. "Well, Surak did choose me to carry his katra and to bring the Kir'Shara back to the Vulcans."

A nod, followed by a considered expression next crossed the Vulcan face. "Yes, but it was you only because Syrran didn't have anyone else to act as a vessel for Surak's katra. The fact that the opportunity to utilize your human strengths was presented to Surak in that serendipitous development and that he decided to ask you to utilize them for the greater good of Vulcan was only logical. We are grateful that you choose to accept that request of course, and honor your actions, but you did not bring about the Vulcan Restoration. Learning the truth of our history and the true words of Surak did that."

Lips pursed and the eyes downcast a bit. "Ummm, well, yeah, hearing you say it that way puts a different spin on it. I guess my being there could be seen as a lucky coincidence."

"Sorry to…ahh…I find an interesting turn of phrase from your thoughts…"burst your bubble?" Am I using that terminology right?"

Jon felt sheepish. "The usage is correct. I suppose I had it coming."

"Indeed." Sontek suddenly switched gears. "Jon. Would you like to see your body?"

"Huh? What? That's a strange question."

"Not really. When a Vulcan's katra leaves its body, it often looks back at the shell it has left. It can provide a sort of peace."

"I've read about humans having similar visions in near death experiences. But all the humans who have talked about it eventually reentered their bodies and lived. It would be strange to see my shell, as you call it, and know I can't go back."

"I didn't think about that aspect of it. Still, the question stands. Would you like to see your body?"

"I imagine I'd be the first human to be able to describe the experience and most probably the last. Yeah, that's worth it if not for any other reason."

Having arrived in the morgue, the body was pulled out of stasis. Jon was shocked at the condition of his body. Severe lacerations and broken bones were evident. He could see where the Tananites had surgically removed his brain to merge it with Sontek's. Otherwise, the head area was the only place where extensive damage had not occurred. Jon suddenly became truly aware for the first time that he would definitely have died in the accident. There was no way he could have been pulled back from the brink other than the merging. Still, if he'd been the one to decide his fate, instead of the Tananites doing it for him, being allowed to die would have been his choice.

"This is harder than I thought it would be."

"Yes. I know you feel many things about our situation and very few are positive. However, we have our reality to face. I do not see how we can change that."

"You're right, Sontek. But I'm still human, even if I only exist within your shell now. I have to grieve my loss of the 'me' I was. That is normal for humans."

"I will grieve with you, Jon. I too find I have lost something of myself as well."

"We will grieve together."

Jon requested a pair of scissors from the morgue staff and cut a clipping of his hair. It seemed somewhat illogical but he felt he needed something of himself to hang onto. Sontek suggested that they return to their room and meditate. Jon remembered again back to the time he shared his shell with Surak's mind. This situation was similar but not the same. He was more than katra and yet was not. It was confusing and disconcerting.

Yes, meditation would be best. Jon suddenly felt what could only be considered a mental hug. He suddenly understood that Sontek had reached into his human mind to find what a human might need at a time like this and was doing his best to provide a supportive role to alleviate the depression than Jon was feeling. He gratefully accepted the gesture as they returned to their quarters.