Merged
Chapter Five
The next few days were definitely different as both sides of Jontek learned more about how a merged being would operate. Jon had read about symbiotic species in the Vulcan database. He knew that in some way, that was what they had become since both had brought something to the union. Both would have died without the other. He had read in the file that Dr. Twaz'a'ka had provided Dr. Shaffer that much of Sontek's brain had been so damaged it had to be removed, leaving room for the transplant in the skull cavity. His own brain had been connected to what was left of Sontek's and the infusion of the Tananite eel TNA had allowed the two disparate biological systems to work together. It was truly a medical miracle but was not one that either Humans or Vulcans would have pursued.
Jon was actually not sure but it seemed that whenever he'd had Vulcans in his mind (which come to think of it, had happened quite a few times,) there seemed to be a wall present that prevented him from going too deep into their thoughts. He felt it now and recalled it being there when Surak resided in his mind. Even when he'd allowed T'Pau or any other Vulcan to mind-meld with him, a wall was present. Only with T'Pol did there seem to be a softening of those walls but he hadn't been willing to follow that thread too deeply with her. He knew that the Trellium had damaged her neuropathways and he didn't want to injure her nor compromise her privacy.
Now that the merging had occurred, both beings had been learning to accept that they were in this situation together. In the most personal of circumstances, there was always someone there. While Jon was still finding it difficult to constantly be in contact with another, to some extent, Sontek had accepted it. After all, Vulcan bonding meant that the two who were bonded were always in contact with each other. The problem for Sontek was that the person he was now in constant contact with was his own gender and a very different species. He was thankful that his mental shields were mostly intact. He had learned much more about Jon than Jon had learned about him. Whereas Jon's thoughts were almost always available to him, he knew most of his own could still be shielded from Jon. What Jon received from him were either surface thoughts, those parts he allowed Jon to experience, or those that leaked out when he was feeling the strain of keeping his own emotions controlled.
It was like that now. Jon was working on reports that he would need to turn in once they arrived back to Earth. Sontek found that he could hide behind his own mental shields and Jon would feel little or no input from the Vulcan. It provided a bit of personal space in a rather crowded mind. However, since Jon was concentrating on his work, Sontek found that if he quietly searched through Jon's mind, the human didn't even realize he was there. He allowed Jon to work and decided to dig deeper into the man who shared his shell.
Sontek was impressed that Jon seemed to fit into the Vulcan mode much better than he believed that a human could. He attributed that to the long years that Jon had spent with the Vulcan Science and First Officer, T'Pol. He could tell from Jon's memories that she had begun to teach him some of the Vulcan mental disciplines including meditation. However, he also realized that the human's fear of hurting or compromising her had resulted in Jon not allowing the lessons go too deep. Sontek followed Jon's memories deeper and realized that T'Pol had been trying to lead Jon to her, the residual traces of her forays into his mind revealing the truth of those moments to him. Jon had obviously not realized that she was doing so and T'Pol had been unwilling to push the simple human mental walls that Jon had erected away, although he could tell her mental disciplines were certainly strong enough to do so if she'd been so inclined.
He also realized that the human still carried a residual of the katra of Surak which had helped Jon understand what Vulcans following the true path were like. He was impressed seeing the lingering mental shields that Surak had kept in place during his sojourn into that human mind, although he was sure that Jon had never realized they were there. Surak had led Jon through flawless logic to make the choice to help his people find their way again but had also quickly figured out that for humans, an emotional imperative must be present for action. Sontek now saw Surak's discovery that it was the channeling those emotions that was a source of power for the homo sapiens of Earth. He became aware that Surak had allowed Jon to believe he was truly the only one that could bring the Kir'Shara and its lessons back to the Vulcan people. This revelation brought about another epiphany about the man whose life was now entwined with his own.
Jon was a truly principled human being. Sontek saw that while the man had a healthy ego, a firm understanding of his abilities, and was confident in his decision making, he also had deeply seated values, morals, and ethics. He could see that Jon did not see these in a rigid black and white, but would rather use whatever it took…logic, emotions, data, and compassion among others to decide what course he would take. He followed this trail of Jon's mind deeper and was shocked at the things the man had faced during his life, especially during the mission to destroy the Xindi weapon.
It was along that thread that he unburied a memory. He saw what Jon had faced on the Selaya. There had been rumors ever since that time on Vulcan. It was said that Jonathan Archer disliked Vulcans so much that he'd killed an entire ship of them instead of stopping his mission to save Earth. Seeing the memory of what had happened, Sontek understood how hard it was for Jon to give the order and only did so once he understood from Dr. Phlox that there was no physical way to help them. Ever. He also began to understand how much this human truly cared for the Vulcan woman, T'Pol. He could see the human's fear that she was becoming like the Vulcans they'd found on the ship, that he would lose her to the Trellium poisoning. He saw how much it hurt him to think that he may have been the cause of her Trellium addition.
The Vulcan continued to explore the human's mind and saw Jon's struggle to hold fast to his values, how ultimately Jon had made decisions which he felt were forced upon him, and how following those decisions had cut him deeply and brutally. Sontek felt the buried pain that Jon had pushed down and built walls around. Examining it, he felt despair, sadness, and Jon's fear that he would ultimately be damned for doing the things he had done. That the man had been able to continue as the Captain of the Enterprise, had found a way to work with the Xindi, had been able to play a pivotal role in bringing about peace with the Romulans, had been deeply involved in bringing about the Federation of Planets, and had his diplomacy skills utilized as an Admiral was impressive. Sontek understood that this was a man who had earned the respect of so many and realized how unfair many of the Vulcans had been to discount the human and his compassion.
Suddenly Sontek felt the stirrings of the human mind asking for him.
"Sontek?"
"Yes, Jon?"
"I wondered what had happened. I didn't feel you there. It was strange."
"I wanted to give you some time to be you, to allow you to do your work."
"Thanks. I didn't know you could do that."
"Well, I believe that T'Pol may have shown you some Vulcan mind disciplines."
Hearing the name in his mind brought a vision to Jon of those times after the Forge when he and T'Pol had spent some time learning how to meditate. That was just before Trip and T'Pol's daughter had been discovered. He recalled the joy and the pain that his two friends had faced upon learning of and then losing her. He had cut off further sessions with T'Pol feeling that he might be intruding upon Trip and T'Pol's relationship. He'd instead indicated to T'Pol that he felt he had learned what he needed to be able to continue on his own. He had turned to those techniques many times over the years and had found that they helped to keep the demons from the past from playing upon his conscious mind.
"Yes. I'll be eternally grateful to T'Pol for her help."
"Jon, you forget that I know you love her. You admitted it."
Sontek felt Jon's discomfort with that. "Ummm, yeah. I guess you do. But you need to know that T'Pol has never shown that she would reciprocate."
"That's not true, Jon."
"What?"
"T'Pol has tried to reach you before."
"A long time ago, maybe. Before the Xindi, before the Romulans, before Trip and their baby, before Trip died."
"Well, when we get to Vulcan, we can find out for sure."
"NO! I won't subject T'Pol to anything that might be uncomfortable to her. We're friends and I don't want to risk losing that."
"Jon. If I'm right about this, it is only logical to find out."
"And what if you're wrong? I don't want to take the chance."
Their conversation was cut short by a knock at the door. When Jontek opened it, he found Dr. Shaffer on the other side.
"I wanted to see how you were doing. Other than the visit to sickbay the other day, you haven't been into sickbay. According to Captain Clark, it seems you've been avoiding people on the ship."
"Well, there hasn't exactly been a path beaten to our door."
"I think that most on the ship are trying to follow your led. This is a most unusual circumstance and I'm not sure anyone really knows how to address it."
"I know you find it immoral."
"Yes. It was wrong of the Tananites to do this to you without your permission. But what has been done has been done. At this point, I want to know if I can help you in anyway. You know we'll be arriving back to Earth tomorrow."
"Yes. We have an appointment with Admiral Gardner in the afternoon. And we have been requested to meet with Ambassador Soval at the Vulcan Compound afterwards."
"Well, Jontek, if there is anything I or anyone else can do to help, please let us know. I can't imagine that this situation is easy for either of you."
"It's getting somewhat easier, now that we're getting to know one another."
"Hmmm. I suppose that is inevitable. Until later." With that, the Dr. Shaffer left.
"Jon?"
"Yes, Sontek?"
"I think I should let you know more about me."
"I have been getting to know you."
"No, you've learned mostly unimportant things or pieces I've wanted you to see. I think I need to be more open with you. You've been very open with me."
"Humans often are."
"Well, I think that I should teach you some mental disciplines to allow you to only be open when you wish to be."
"Are you saying there are ways to block thoughts?"
"Yes. We call them mental shields."
"Does that explain those mental walls I've felt whenever I've been in mental contact with Vulcans?"
"Yes. We learn how to create and use them from childhood. By the time a Vulcan reaches the time of bonding, we are able to shield our thoughts. As we grow older, the ability to do so becomes greater. We all strive to become as adept in the mental disciplines as Surak."
"And you're saying your walls have been up since we were merged."
"Yes. I believe I need to lower them now to let you learn more about me. And I need to teach you how to shield your thoughts."
"Why?"
Jon felt an emotion from Sontek that seemed to almost be shame. "I've been learning about you Jon. Your memories are too easy to enter. If this had been a mind meld, I would have asked your permission before entering your mind. I guess that since you are a part of me now that I felt I had the right to do this. Now I'm not sure it was the right thing to do."
"If we are to coexist, we'll have to be comfortable with each other. I am willing to learn."
"Good." A growl from Sontek's stomach made them realize it had been awhile since they'd eaten. "But let's go have lunch first."
"Ok. I just need to send this report onto Admiral Gardner." Jon hit the send button and the report of the mission was off to his superior. He figured it would be a major topic of conversation at the meeting the next day. Then Jontek headed out the door to fulfill the natural need to eat.
XoXoXoXoXo
Entering the mess hall, they found the room was full. Well, no time like the present to stop avoiding people. They chose a vegetable lasagna, obtained a glass of water, and then turned toward the crowd to find a table. As they did so, the room became silent. Jontek quickly scanned for a table but there didn't seem to be a free one.
A young woman lieutenant with red striping at her shoulders stood up from one of the tables she was sharing with a young man and walked over to Jontek. "Sir, if you'd like to join us, we'd be honoured."
"Thank you Lieutenant…"
"Sawyer, Sir. I'm one of the engineers on the ship."
"Thank you. We accept."
As they sat down at the open spot closest to the wall, they noted that conversations started around them again although at a much quieter level then before. The man who'd been eating with Lt. Sawyer also had red striping on the shoulder. Jontek asked him, "Are you also an engineer?"
"Yes Sir. I'm Ensign Martin."
"How long have you been on the Trafalgar?"
Lieutenant Sawyer answered, "I've been one the ship for about a year. Ensign Martin joined us right before this mission."
Jontek nodded. He cut a piece of his lasagna and placed it into his mouth. He noted as he chewed that glances were being made around the room. It was obvious that the people in the room were curious to see them. Jontek put down his fork, closed his eyes, and breathed out.
"Are you alright Sir?" Ensign Martin held concern.
"Yes. I guess this is just something we have to get used to."
Lt. Sawyer said, almost apologetically, "Well, it isn't everyday that a Vulcan and a Human end up sharing a body."
"That is an understatement." Jontek picked up his fork again to try to get through the meal. He took another bite of the Lasagna, chewed and swallowed. After a sip of the water, he speared another piece. The silence at the table was palpable.
Ensign Martin looked over to Lt. Sawyer. He started shifting in his chair. "Uh, Sir. I hope you don't mind the question but the crew has been wondering…"
"Yes?"
"Well, since Admiral Archer's body is, uh, well…"
"Dead?"
"Yes. Dead, will there be a funeral?"
This was surreal. If it wasn't really happening, Jon was certain he would have thought it was the strangest dream he'd ever had. He'd never even remotely thought such a question would be asked but he could understand the morbid curiosity. Sontek waited to see how Jon would handle this. "I'm not sure. It hasn't been decided."
Ensign Martin nodded his head and then kept his eyes firmly on his food. "I see."
Lt. Sawyer spoke up, "Do you have any plans when we get to Earth tomorrow?"
"I suppose I'm not sure about that either other than reporting to Admiral Gardner." He took one more bite, another sip of water and then decided that perhaps it would be best to come back when there were fewer persons in the mess hall. Small steps. "If you'll excuse me, I do need to be going."
The two Junior officers nodded. Jon understood that they'd been trying to do their best under an extremely difficult set of circumstances. The fact that they were still young and relatively inexperienced certainly played a part in their questions. Still, he admired their willingness to try to embrace the unknowns that space travel always planted firmly at the door of humankind. In a room full of people they were the only ones who invited them to sit at their table. As he put his dishes and the almost untouched block of lasagna into the recycler, he grinned. In the work of the ship's grapevine, Lt. Sawyer and Ensign Martin were sure to get some points with the crew. He turned and walked back to his cabin.
XoXoXoXoXo
The rest of the day had found Sontek teaching Jon how to create simple mental shields. He didn't let Jon know that these were similar to the ones that a Vulcan toddler would use. For Jon, they were difficult to master. Finally after about two hours, Jon asked to stop. "Do you feel that headache?"
"I've been feeling some discomfort but I didn't know what it was."
"Don't Vulcans get headaches?"
"No."
"I see. Well humans do."
"How do you deal with them?"
"We usually take an analgesic. I think we should go to sickbay for one that is compatible with Vulcan physiology."
"I concur."
They headed out toward sickbay. As they walked Jon asked, "So, Sontek, what type of things would you like to let me know about yourself?"
"I suppose we could start with my childhood."
"Okay. You were probably a cute kid."
"Vulcans are not…cute."
"Sure they are. I think T'Pol is cute sometimes."
Sontek sent a withering mental look towards Jon. "It is a Human attribute to do so. As I say, Vulcans are not cute."
"Okay, okay. I'll stop. Let's start again. Tell me about your family."
"Both of my parents are dead. They were on separate ships during the Romulan War. Unfortunately both were destroyed over the course of the war."
"Any brothers or sisters?"
"I have one sister. She is older than me by about 15 Earthyears."
"Are you bonded?"
"I had been bonded as a child but we had not experienced our Kun-ut Kali-fi. She was also killed during the Romulan War. Her name was T'Salin."
"That's a beautiful name."
"She was a beautiful woman. She came from a powerful clan. It would have brought great honor to my family to marry her."
"Did you love her?"
"It doesn't matter. We were bonded."
They arrived at sickbay. Entering, they found Dr. Shaffer treating a minor abrasion. "I'll be right with you, Jontek."
They nodded. Sitting down in a chair to wait, they continued their mental dialogue. "What do you mean it doesn't matter?"
"Vulcans do not put the same emphasis on love that humans do. It is enough to be compatible. Since Vulcans mate every seven years, if two people choose not to cohabitate, it is an acceptable arrangement."
"So you have separations? Getting together only for sexual relations?"
Sontek sighed. "You do not understand. Once we are bonded, we are never away from each other. Physically we may be parsecs apart. Mentally we are joined. That is why compatibility is more important than love. Vulcan's mate for life. If a Vulcan was to…to use an Earth expression, 'fall out of love,' they would still be joined. Thus compatibility is what Vulcan parents look for when they determine who will bond."
"There is no divorce?"
"None. Although if a Vulcan mate dies, it is considered acceptable for the one who lives to find another. Although that is seldom practiced, unless they are still in the early stages of marriage."
"Like the first year?"
"No. For Vulcans, it would be during what in Earth time would be the first few decades."
"How can I help you?" The question was unexpected this quickly and Jontek was pulled out of his thoughts.
"Um, I have what I'm told is a head ache."
"Vulcan's usually don't have headaches."
"Yes. I'm sure I will experience many things that Vulcans don't usually experience."
Dr. Shaffer laughed. "I suppose that is true. Well, let me get a Vulcan painkiller." He went to a cabinet and came back with a hypospray. Placing it to the Vulcan's neck, he administered the drug. "Better?"
"Yes. I no longer feel the discomfort."
"Glad to be of assistance. Anything else you need?"
"No. Thank you, Doctor." Jontek left sickbay and started to head back to his cabin. Jon suddenly stopped and looked at his watch. "There shouldn't be a crowd in the mess hall now."
"I am feeling a bit hungry. Three bites of lasagna does not make a meal."
"No it doesn't. Let's go remedy that situation." With that they headed to the messhall feeling a bit more positive than before.
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