Merged

Chapter 11

On the way back to the apartment, Jontek recalled that he needed to get some food for Porthos, as the food he had brought from Earth had been used during the trip to Vulcan. He was at a loss as to what would be available since there were no dogs on Vulcan. He felt rather sheepish that he hadn't considered this before bringing Porthos with him. T'Pol suggested that Porthos would perhaps appreciate sehlat food as they were carnivores as well. Jontek figured it couldn't hurt to try and they stopped by a Vulcan market to obtain a few cans.

When they arrived back to his apartment, T'Pol indicated that she had an early class. Jontek nodded and brought up the two visits he had the following day as well. They said their goodbyes and T'Pol headed off into the night. Jontek opened the door to his living space finding that the night air had caused the temperature in the rooms to be like an early fall day on Earth. It wasn't exactly hot, but it wasn't cool either. Figuring Porthos could handle the temperature, he let him out of his room.

The dog showed his pleasure that his master had returned. Jontek had found the dog to be the most accepting creature of his situation he'd encountered. The dog provided unconditional love, just as he always had. How he knew this Vulcan and Jon were now one in the same, Jontek had no clue. Dogs were mysterious in their knowledge.

Pulling out another vulcanware bowl, Jontek opened a can of the sehlat food and emptied it into the bowl. Putting it down in front of Porthos, he watched as the dog sniffed it thoroughly then looked up at his master, quizzically. "That's what I could get for tonight, boy. See if you like it."

The dog put his head back to the bowl and pulled a single chunk out. He took it out of the bowl and carried over to the other side of the room, dropping it on the floor. Jontek was certain that this meant that Porthos didn't like it and was trying to figure out how to feed his pal, when the dog finished the morsel and walked back to his bowl. He started eating with relish after that, finishing the contents of the bowl in record time, his tail wagging all along.

"I guess its okay then?" He put his hand down and patted the little dog's head. He went into the bedroom and pulled out a sweatshirt, three of which he'd also packed, and a pair of sweatpants. Dressed warmly enough to sleep in the cooler room, he picked up Porthos and Jontek headed off first to meditate and then to sleep.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

That night, Jon had what started out to be the first pleasant dream he could remember since the accident. He'd had other dreams since that day, of course, some frighteningly real, in which he crashed the shuttle over and over. Early on, these dreams focused on awaking and finding himself as a ghost, living as always but no one being able to see him. This had reminded him of Hoshi's experience early in Enterprise's mission when she'd experienced a transporter buffer issue. After meeting with Gardner, though, they'd either ended with having his rank insignia ripped from his uniform and finding himself the main attraction of a carnival sideshow or reliving the nightmares from the expanse. Tonight was different.

This dream was one that had played through his mind for the past eleven years in one fashion or another. The first time he'd had such a dream was when he'd been on the Enterprise, the night Porthos had almost died. In that dream he and T'Pol had been in decon and things had turned quite erotic. Phlox had pointed out that it was normal to feel sexual tension when on such an extended mission and he had addressed it the best he could. He didn't tell Phlox that the dreams had kept reoccurring.

Over the years, the situations in the dreams changed but they all revolved around he and T'Pol. In his dreams he could taste the sweetness of her lips, feel the silkiness of her skin, smell the spicy scent of her body. In the dreams, she would lean against him and he would feel her nipples taut against him, their breaths labored. He'd feel her body move against his and he would respond knowing that she was all he had ever wanted. More often than not, his dreams would complete with their making love and her lying in his arms afterwards. Those dreams had all but stopped during the time in the Expanse but had resumed full force afterwards and through all the years since then.

Tonight's dream had started in the cave of the Vulcan Forge. Syrran had died but it was before he knew that Surak's katra had been forced into his mind. He awoke to find his head cradled in T'Pol's lap. She saw he was awake and started to kiss him, passionately. He reached for her and brought her down to him, his mouth hungrily seeking hers. He pulled up, his arms around her shoulders, his lips tracing down her neck. He started to remove the top of her uniform when he noticed the IDIC medallion around her neck. It had a mirror quality in the dream and as he looked into it, he screamed. It was not his face he saw, but Sontek's.

Jontek was suddenly awake. He found himself sweating. Porthos was next to the bed, whining. He reached out and pulled the dog up on the bed with him, petting the dog's ears, finding comfort in the action as his emotions rolled through him. Porthos licked his face. He sat there, shaking, trying to find someway to accept what he'd seen.

Both halves of Jontek had been disturbed by the dream but for different reasons. Jon felt jealousy. Sontek felt confusion. Jon's jealousy could certainly be understood. He was a human and was in love with the woman in his dream. Sontek's confusion was much deeper. It spoke to ancient Vulcan desires. Sontek knew that he was not ready for pon farr, although it was likely to become a reality sometime within the next year. The fact that he had equally found the experience enjoyable up to the point when Jon had screamed indicated that he felt something for T'Pol. They were both unbonded Vulcans. That he would feel attracted to her was logical, even if the circumstances made it disconcerting.

Sontek reached out to Jon. He could feel the jealousy there. "Jon. I know you are feeling hurt. I don't know what to say."

"What is there to say? She obviously loves you, not me."

"It was a dream. I do not believe we can take it at face value."

Bitterness poured from Jon. "It was you she was kissing, Sontek. Not me. She's Vulcan. You're Vulcan. It makes complete sense."

Sontek disagreed. "No. I know what I saw, Jon, in your memories. The traces she left behind. She tried to lead you to her, but she wasn't willing to push you. She does care about you."

Jon seemed not to hear Sontek. Instead, in anguish, his mind cried, "Do you want her? Is that what the dream was about then?"

Confusion again. "I don't know what I want. She is a remarkable woman."

Jon thought softly, "She is that. I guess that means you do." The depths of his despair presented a crevasse in his soul.

"No. I spoke the truth. I do not know what I want." His mind turned towards his human companion. "Jon, we're going to have to make this work. Perhaps I can shield myself when we're around T'Pol, unless there is a compelling reason for me to be there."

"Compelling reason? Like what?"

"Well, until you can fit into the Vulcan culture, I'll have to help you act as a well mannered Vulcan male would when you're with her in public and not a human one. Otherwise there could be repercussions for her. A teacher is expected to present themselves with dignity and decorum and to associate with like persons. I'll help you learn as much as I can. Perhaps we should not go out in Public too much when T'Pol is around. Not for awhile."

Jon nodded, still unsure of where things were going but understanding that Sontek was trying to make their situation work. "Okay. I know I shouldn't be jealous. You've never been anything but supportive to me..." Softer, the thought resonated, "...but my emotions are strong where T'Pol is concerned."

"I know. Let's try to get some sleep now. We have a long day ahead of us."

Jontek was relieved that the dream did not reoccur. The aftermath, though, was still felt and he did not get the restful sleep he'd been hoping for.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

The next morning they got themselves ready, choosing to wear the robe that was slightly nicer than the everyday ones. After assuring that Porthos had water and food and was settled in his room, Jontek took off for the first appointment. They would be meeting with T'Vlan's family first.

They arrived at a tidy Vulcan home, and walked into the courtyard, ringing the gong to announce their arrival. They'd carried the box of T'Vlan's possessions with them. Jon had more experience in delivering sad news to families when loved ones had been lost. The Expanse and the Romulan War had both provided ample opportunities for him to be the man families didn't want to hear from. He was surprised to find the Vulcan woman's family greeting them without any sign of discomfort. While it had been a month since the accident occurred, his experience had been that it was not nearly long enough to go through the process of grief.

Sontek, reading Jon's thoughts, explained. "They are Vulcan. They are grieving deeply. T'Vlan was to be married when she returned. Now they do not even have the comfort of knowing her katra is on Vulcan."

Jon continued with his observation. "They do not seem to be grieving."

"Vulcans do not show grief the same way as humans. It is, however, profound. I will try to convey to you what is said so you can see the Vulcan heart in pain."

They were asked to come into the home and water was offered. Jontek took it with reverence and thanked the woman who had given it to him. An older man and younger man were also present.

"This is T'Vlan's mother, father, and fiancé. Her mother will be the one to speak with me and will convey the encounter to the family after we leave."

T'Vlan's mother spoke. "Sontek. T'Vlan se pula-tusa"

"T'Vlan is mourned"

Jontek answered reaching his hand to her. "S'ti th'laktra

"I grieve with thee."

The woman held his hand. "Etwel itar-bosh du tra T'Vlan tevakh."

"We are thankful you were there with T'Vlan at her death."

Jontek recalled T'Vlan's final actions as he watched her drop into a meditative state. "T'Vlan Katra tvi-sochya ha'kiv."

"T'Vlan's Katra lives in peace."

"T'Vlan Sa-kugalsu kah ral p'pil'la'ai, Ko fu fai tor sochya." The woman stopped for a moment and looked Jontek directly in the eyes. "Etwel nirsh tenah komihn hashsu ko fu tevakh.. "Etwel ken tor sa-nakarat korsau T'Vlan. Var-tor-sa."

"T'Vlan's fiancé sensed her sudden death. Our daughter knows peace…We do not blame the human pilot for our daughter's death. We understand he tried to save T'Vlan."

Jon was startled. "Why would she say that?"

Sontek answered. "She senses you are here. She senses you feel responsible."

"How?"

"Vulcans are touch telepaths. This is not the same as a mind-meld but it does convey information. You are here with me. She can sense your presence"

Jon's heart reached out to the grieving family. "Let her know I grieve with T'Vlan's family as well. That I knew T'Vlan as a fine scientist and a brave woman."

"She understands your words. And she is thankful for your kindness."

The visit lasted a little longer with Sontek recalling moments with the deceased scientist. These thoughts would be shared with the family in private after they left. Jontek returned the possessions, arose, and bowed to the family. He completed the visit by reiterating his sorrow at the loss of his colleague and indicated his wish that her journey would continue peacefully. The family thanked him again for coming.

As they walked away, Jon was silent.

Sontek softly asked, "Do you understand now?"

"I think I'm beginning to. You are a good man, Sontek."

"As are you, Jon."

They continued in silence to the next appointment.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

The visit with Sprong's family was similar and yet had its own poignancy. Jontek let Sprong's wife know the final moments his life, showed him trying to fix the shuttle until the very moment they hit the bog. It gave comfort to his wife and children that he had lived his duty to the end. Sprong's wife also knew her husband had died at the moment of his death, the connection stronger for her since they had been bondmates for many years.

Sprong's wife had also sensed Jon's presence and conveyed that they did not feel he was to blame for the loss of their family member. It filled Jon with gratitude that they would reach out to him in their own grief. This was not the way he had understood Vulcans at all when he was younger. He had thought them cold and heartless, ruled by their own decisions of what was logical and not willing to see another specie's point of view. After they left, Jon let Sontek know he would be putting up mental shields during their drive back to the apartment. Sontek had indicated his understanding and then helped Jon to put himself into a private space.

When they arrived back, Sontek softly asked if Jon was ready to join him again but was told he needed more time. The Vulcan spent the next hour preparing their noon meal and catching up on correspondence. Finally, Jon lowered his shields and rejoined Sontek.

"I guess I wasn't very fair to Vulcans when I was growing up."

"You assumed what the Vulcans actions meant based on what you knew. Human culture. That is logical."

"I could have tried to understand more."

"You loved your father and didn't want to see him hurt. You saw and felt things and put them into context which made sense to you."

Jon mentally nodded but said nothing. It was obvious to Sontek that the experience with the Vulcan families had made a profound impression on his human half.

"Ri vath kau eh ri vath rok nam-tor na'etek hi etek kau-tor."

"What does that mean?"

"It is a saying of Surak's. It means 'There is no other wisdom and no other hope for us but that we grow wise.' The fact that you are willing to learn now is what is important. You can not change the past, but you can accept a different present."

"You are kind, Sontek"

"I am learning as much from you, Human. I now understand why Surak choose to work through you to bring the Kir'Shara back to his people. I wonder now if fate played a role in you being on Vulcan at that moment, with Syrran at his death. I know it is not logical, but still it makes one think."

A growl from their stomach made both aware that they had not yet eaten. Jon suddenly noticed the smell of food cooking. "Lunch?"

"Yes. I've made us a palt-vla-buj. I believe it is similar to a calzone from Earth."

"That type of dish is common in many Earth cultures. Calzone's are Italian. The Spanish have empanadas, the English, Cornish pasties. There are others throughout the world."

"And now you will experience one from Vulcan. Now let's stop talking and eat."

Jon couldn't agree more, finding that his appreciation of Vulcan cuisine was increasing by the minute.

They spent the rest of the day preparing for the following day and meeting with their new boss, S'Bont, at the lab. Jon brought up the offer that T'Pol had made to have him work for her in the Department of Federation Studies. Sontek agreed that this would provide both of them with a vocation that would fulfill their needs. It was still difficult for Jon to accept that he was no longer actively in Starfleet, so teaching would provide an outlet to utilize the skills he had honed over many years of service. Sontek indicated that the only constraint that he could see would be scheduling of their time. Either T'Pol, S'Bont, or both would need to be flexible to allow this to work out. Jon felt certain that T'Pol would do everything she could to make it work.

With his immediate future laid out, Jon and Sontek spent a good part of their evening in meditation. So much had happened so quickly that getting centered was important. Both beings were finding that although the dynamic they were living was not the optimum from either's standpoint, they were growing used to it and it wasn't nearly as horrific as they had believed at the beginning. They had come a long way in a month. The future did not look totally grim.