Author's Notes: Heloooooooo, HA fans! I'm baaaaaaaaaack! After literally years of waiting for this to continue, I have FINALLY am out continuing with this HA fic and writing the next chapters after this one! Yaaay! Thank you for all those who have supported me and have reviewed this fic, and probably waited sooooo long when the last update came out 3 years ago. :)

I was even surprised that even though this fic is not yet finished, some of you have already have put this out as one of their favorite stories already! The new features of the site tell me who those people are. And to them, well, to tell you the truth, I am so flattered, you guys. :)

To those of you who were wondering where was I after all these years… well, I stepped into this huge dark room. I did not know what it was. But I realized too late that it that looked like a time machine, accidentally activated it, and I was sucked a few years into the future. Finally, here I am:)

Just kidding. Actually, I have started studying 2 full-time years studying in an intensive Master of Business Administration (MBA) program at a world-class institution. I was bombarded with lots of stuff. It really took its toll on my personal schedule (and even my social life), so I had put off writing fanfics then.

Here's a glimpse on how extremely difficult the place is, and this is no joke. We had a business scenario to analyze, given to us on Friday, 5pm. We had to type the answers and solutions to that particular case, until 12nn the following day. Those cases were not easy and not short. Usually, they are two dozen pages long, plus extra pages for financial statements, charts, etc. Therefore, we had exactly 19 hours, whether you actually sleep, eat, and drink (most of us did not sleep at all!). There was a drop box at the school lobby to submit. By exactly 12 noon on Saturday, the box will be taken. If you did not submit by then, tough luck!

Finally, classes are over. I am now writing my post-graduate thesis and after that is over with, I can finally graduate and get back to work! Yaay!

To those who may be worried that I might have lost the train of thought and style of this story? No sireee! I have already determined how the plot of this story would be since chapter 1 and how each chapter should go (complete with notes). The only thing that's stopping me is writing the critical details of each chapter. I want to meticulously craft each chapter well to the best of my ability. Even if it is still far way, I am already thinking of the FINAL chapter and making detailed notes as to how I am going to execute it. The final chapter is going to be my greatest writing challenge.

If you look at my favorite HA fics (among the list in my profile), the final chapter of one of those fics (btw, all are A/H fics just like this current fic so it is a clue already) is a chapter I shall never forget because I really "felt" the romance between Arnold and Helga the most. Guess which one? Eventually, my goal is to execute my final chapter of this fic better than this unforgettably romantic chapter… so I could finally put that out of my head:)

This I promise to everybody - I promise that you will DEFINITELY not wait 3 or more years for this story to end…

… unless I stumble into another time machine. :)

A final word: After years of being dormant on this site, I am surprised that the appearance of the site hardly changed at all. But in fairness, the new editing tools for writers are cool, hehe. (Will somebody please tell me what this new "C2" feature is for? I'll give him/her a lollipop.)

Okay… after years of time travelling, here's the long awaited chapter 7…

- tst :)

Chapter 7: Giving up

There I was, standing in front of Arnold at his boarding house. My hands were still clenched at my sides, with sweat still running across the edges of my face. I bit my lip and mentally counted my breaths so I would not feel too awkward. Arnold, studied at me so intently, that I couldn't look back at him directly. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was getting darker.

Finally, it was Arnold who started talking…

"Oh it's YOU, Helga," he barked as my knees weakened upon hearing it, "What do YOU want?"

"Uh, Football-, oh, Arnold," I stumbled, not wanting to ruffle any more feathers, "About l-last t-time… I-I just wanted to say that I'm… I'm…"

"You're sorry, aren't you?" he guessed, not wanting to waste another moment.

I shivered as I could hardly breathe, "Well, I-I-I-I…"

"You're SORRY, aren't you?"

I could feel my insides boiling. Stop that, Arnold! Stop it!

But I just clenched my fists tighter and I was determined to keep my cool no matter what. Eventually, I was able to release my hands and I managed to slow my breathing back to normal.

"Well, y-you're right!" I finally replied calmly, "I wanted to say, Arnold, that I'm really sorry about last time." He nodded lightly.

Whew! I've finally got that off my chest.

Now I have to tell him that, if he ever needs help, he can just talk to anyone, including me.

But before I could tell him…

"Okay, Helga! Now go away!" he suddenly commanded while he pointed at the empty street.

"Uh, Arnold," I mentioned, while my breathing became faster again, "I also wanted to say that if you ever…"

"Go away," he raised his voice.

"Uh, if you ever need…"

"I said, GO AWAY!"

"If you need help, Arnold, I'm just here and…"

"WHY DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME? " he screamed, "I DON'T NEED (sniff) ANY HELP AND I DON'T (sniff) NEED YOUR HELP EITHER! JUST (sniff) GO AWAY!"

He then wiped his eyes before he slammed the door.

"Arnold… ARNOLD!" I called out while banged on the front door.

There was no answer.

I decided to retreat back home, and went back to my room upstairs.

At my room, I opened my closet and raised the shrine up. I could feel like breaking it into a million pieces again…

But at the last moment, I carefully brought it down. I shook my head. No! I will help Arnold, even if it's the last thing I'll do!

How could I do otherwise? When I mentioned before that I owed you everything, Arnold, I did mean it.

I relaxed down on my bed. I tightly hugged a pillow, and recalled the time when I was in pre-school…

It was the first day of school. I was excited to go but I needed my parents to give me a car ride. At the living room, I watched my parents while they listened to my sister Olga play another of her oh-so-wonderful symphonies on our piano. They were all oblivious that it was my first day of school. No matter how hard I tried, I never got their attention.

So, carrying only my lunch box, I stepped out of the house and decided to march all the way to school anyway. I was alone and I didn't have any friends then. I was wearing a pink dress and pants, with a pink bow tied on the top of my hair.

No one ever loved me then…

I remembered that it was raining at the time. I was soaking wet and my parents neither gave me an umbrella nor a raincoat! I had to endure the muddy splashes from the passing cars, as their wheels ran through the water puddles in the street. I even had lost the fight with a stray dog, who stole my lunch box away.

I remembered weeping in the rain that day and I had nothing…

But then, from out of nowhere, a boy approached and held an umbrella over me. I was still pretty soaked but that umbrella gave me relief from the rain. I looked at my cornflower-haired savior, who wore a yellow raincoat.

"Hi," he smiled, "Nice bow."

I glanced at the unknown figure, whose head was shaped like a football, "W-What?"

"I like your bow… 'cause it's pink like your pants…" he explained, before we headed for school.

Arnold, that's the first time that I met you!

No one else had ever complemented me. No one! Not even my neglectful parents gave me any praise for anything!

It was you. It was you! You were the first one who ever, ever said anything… so nice about me.

That's why from then on, I had never let go of my pink bow. I didn't care if it's out of style through the years. I always wore it to remind me of you.

That is how I fell in love with you. I don't know if you still remember that time, but to me, it was something that I'll never ever forget…

In spite of the words you told me earlier at the boarding house, I always looked back on that very first day of school, as to how nice you really were with my bow and everything.

Sigh!

I still laid my back on my bed. My thoughts have swirled back to the here and now. After having my mind waver back and forth, my mind is now made up. I won't give up on you, Arnold. I WILL go back to the boarding house for you…

…. which I did the following evening…

I knocked at his front door. The street was dark, as the street lamps are broken. Arnold opened promptly…

"Helga?" he was startled when he saw me, "Why are you here again?"

"Well, Arnold, it's just… it's just…"

"You're trying to annoy me again, aren't you?"

"No, Arnold, I just wanted to help…"

"JUST GO AWAY!"

He slammed the door in front of me again!

Sheesh! I won't take this anymore! Whether you like it or not, Arnold. You really need help and I will help you. You hear me, Arnold?

I will help you…

I leaned my back against the front door, unmindful of the loud bangs from outside. I waited patiently until she gave up hitting it. I heard her faint sighs and the fading shuffles of her footsteps. I peeked at the window and saw her strolling away. Exhausted, I headed off to bed, thinking that I've seen the last of her.

The following sunny morning, I burst out of the boarding house to do some errands. The Tuesday sky was clear as I eagerly paced along the stony brick sidewalk, visiting the stores one by one to buy stuff. I was somewhat relieved that today I haven't seen anyone familiar as I passed through those shops.

But when I got out of one store, however, I noticed a pink-dressed girl with a pink bow on her blonde hair, standing humbly across the street. My heart pounded fast as I observed from Helga a calm yet concerned glare as she followed me from a safe distance as I went.

Dark clouds formed up in the sky as I started to lose her. My feet were as quick as the wind, as I made haphazard turns, mindlessly passing through every dark alley and blind corner I knew. But somehow, she would always find out where I was, and strangely kept a watchful eye at me from afar, puppy-eyed, as if she was in love, or something. I shook my head to disprove myself.

One feeble attempt after another had to happen until I decided that if losing her doesn't work, perhaps minding my own business would. So, I just made off with my groceries, pretending not to notice and without looking back. But that didn't work as I hoped. Innocently enough, she was always there, gleaming with those strangely fixated eyes. Even when I was finally inside the boarding house, she stayed outside with those same pair of eyes as before. She didn't try to badger on the door again.

The rest of the day, I just sat in front of the television, until bedtime. I couldn't study, as I was so immersed in my worries, that I could hardly sleep. But of all this time, why was I running from Helga? I realized that it wasn't really because of her. But it was because she reminded me with all of the problems that I still had yet to deal with at school. I felt so weary when I finally slept.

In the days that followed, whenever I was out of the boarding house, she watched me like a hawk, tracking me down wherever I went. She wanted to reach out to me. In the evenings, the desire to get away affected even my sleep.

I was so drowsy and well embroiled in TV to think about the upcoming test. Wednesday and Thursday fleetingly passed and so were the days left that I had before Monday's upcoming exams. She only bothered me whenever I was outside the boarding house…

…until that fateful Friday night that is. Huge grayish storm clouds were brewing on that seemingly dark, moonless, starless evening. I was about to sleep comfortably that night when I was jolted and disturbed by a sudden, loud noise from the boarding house front door.

I approached the door anyway. But no, it couldn't be…that couldn't be…

…yes it's me Arnold. I didn't want to do this. I really wish to talk to you, my beloved. I want to help you. Oh please, just give me a chance to prove myself.

I never really thought that he would open the door. I was about to go, when I heard the turn of the knob and the creak of the door. I held my throat as I gulped, seeing a drowsy-looking Football-head pull the door away.

"Helga," he groaned as he was direct to the point, "It's you again. Why do you following me these past few days, anyway, huh?"

"Arnold," I spiced things up, "Hey, Football-head. I just… want to know what's… going on with 'ya?"

"What's going on?" he brayed as he started to close the door, "It's none of your business, Helga."

"But," I countered, "I just want to know whether you're still alright?"

"Am I alright? After all of what happened?" he spun around and laughed to himself as he stopped the door halfway and drummed his fingers by the edge of the door. He stared up to the grayish clouds and then back to me, "Hmm, let's see… Hmm… No! Helloooo? Of course not!"

"Err…" I sensitively said, "Well… okay."

I began to see tears from his eyes. Something's surely up.

"Helga, since when were you this concerned for me, huh?"

"But Arnold…"

"That's it, Helga," he didn't even let me finish as he covered his face with one hand, "Just go away. Please…(sniff) leave me alone…"

"But Arnold…"

Too late! He slammed the door shut again.

Sheesh! I won't take this anymore! Whether you like it or not, Arnold, I'm going to find a way. You do need help and I'm going to do everything to help you. You hear me, Arnold?

I will help you…

I marched to my room, and I was straight to bed. Why is Helga knocking at the door trying to annoy me? Couldn't she just leave me alone?

Oh! Problems, problems, problems! They just keep knocking at my head everyday to annoy me? Couldn't THEY all just LEAVE ME ALONE? Sniff.

While in bed I covered my ears, to stop them from hearing all the sounds she made at the front door of the boarding house. I couldn't sleep. Even when she stopped, and all was silent, I still couldn't sleep. Strange that it was hard to sleep tonight. Maybe a bit of fresh air would do some good? So I got out of bed, and took a flight of steps though a small glass door in the ceiling.

I found myself standing at the boarding house rooftop. I faced up, watched the night sky, feeling the cold wind brushing fleetingly at my face and hair. The sky showered across the horizon and the dark clouds covered the shimmering stars and the flickering moonlight.

Sigh! I wish I could be a pilot…someone who could soar above the clouds. I wish I were one right now, even just for a minute… to be high above those clouds, away from all the problems of the world that I have.

But instead, I felt like I'm right in the middle of the rough seas, being pummeled away by the huge tempests around me. Everything now seemed so out of my control. Whatever direction I steered my ship into, I somehow always got swept away, at the mercy of the waves.

Now, with everyone in PS118 knew what I did, it's a shame for me to go back there again.

I knew you're trying to help me, Helga. You want me to go back to school, right? But no, Helga! I can't go back. I won't!

I took deep breaths before sliding down to my room again. I still couldn't sleep on my bed. So I headed towards the TV and I grabbed the TV remote control. Hmm, I wonder what's on today? Click!

"In the news, there was fighting and civil unrest today as protesters march through the streets. Citizens are up at arms against the government of…"

Click! Next.

"In business, stocks plunged overnight as investors sold on panic as fears of an economic recession seemed to materialize…"

Click! Next…

"The earth is now in a fragile state. World governments are still struggling to come up with an agreed plan to combat global warming and… "

Click! I turned the TV off.

The problems of the world… oh so many.

Before, I wanted to solve those problems when I grow up. I really wanted to!

But now, it seemed so odd to me that I can't even help myself with those of mine.

It was no good. I kept turning myself around on my bed. Back and forth, I squirmed to try to sleep, but I just couldn't.

Couldn't I just get that peace that I've been longing for a very, very long time?

I rose from my bed once more, and from my window, I could see flashes of lightning between the blankets of gray clouds that now litter the sky.

I turned on the TV again and switched to a different channel. Maybe this would get me to sleep?

Across the screen, I saw a line of people lifting a brown coffin, pacing on the green grass, approaching an open hole in the earth. There was a crowd near the hole, with grayish-white tombstones surrounding them, their dark clothes absorbing the bright sunlight.

"He was hated by everyone before he committed suicide, but in today's wake, he was visited by everyone who knew him. People here say that he wasn't really that bad. He was just misunderstood. They regretted that they were somehow partly to blame for his demise…"

Click! I turned the TV off again.

Tsk, tsk! Poor guy!

I mean, yeah, he was misunderstood. Maybe he wasn't really that bad. Looks like he had this crazy idea of taking himself out in order for make everyone understand him.

Now, I'm just another guy down on his luck. Just like… that guy on TV.

He was probably so distraught or something. Whoever he was, maybe it was his way of letting go. Maybe it was his way of conceding to life, as he knew it. Maybe it was just…

But hey! Wait a minute! I think he's got something there.

I mean, yeah. Everyone finally understood him. They finally gave him the attention and understanding that he badly deserved - the same attention and understanding I once had.

What a way to do it! The problems could not get to him anymore because he's already gone. What an idea! No wonder…

He maybe weird, but come to think of it, some of it does make sense.

In fact, the strangest thing about it is that…

…it... it somehow worked!

Yeah!

I take that back. He's actually lucky!

Hmm, I wonder how he did it? There are probably a million ways of doing so.

Click!

Oh I missed it! Maybe there's other news on that one. Click!

On the screen, I saw a commercial that somehow put my gears in motion…

"These pills are the best! They will give you soothing relief from all your troubles. You'll have a good night's sleep. Now available at… "

Click!

Pills? Of course!

I don't know if that's how he did it but that sure is a painless way of doing it. Sigh!

I started searching around the cabinets and drawers of the boarding house. I was able to find a small plastic bottle of them, that Grandpa used when he was here.

I opened the cap and took a peek inside. There were many of those pills.

Maybe that guy on TV took them all at once.

Maybe…

Despite the crack of thunder and some rumbling from the skies above, I climbed from my room to the roof anyway. The winds howled stronger as they blew on my face, my hair swaying with them. I didn't care about getting wet later or anything soon. Besides, the world doesn't seem to care about me, right?

Maybe he went to the roof like this… and took them all.

Maybe…

At the roof, I looked around. There's no one else here.

I staggered towards the edge of the roof and surveyed the street. I was so dark that I couldn't see anything from here. If there were any street lamps, I'd say they were broken. The street was pitch black. Even another lightning flash doesn't give much help either, to illuminate it up even for a second.

It's so dark… it's so empty… it's so…

…perfect!

I let all the pills drop from the bottle and into my hand. My heart began to pound quicker as I felt the tingling sensation from the pills as they bounced off my palm. I could feel like I was holding a lot of gold coins.

I threw the empty bottle away into the darkness… towards the street. I felt as if I've just thrown my problems away.

My heartbeats had slowed… but then had beaten faster again. Now, my heart was now pounding harder than ever as I was holding the pills in my hand, being careful not to drop any of them, while I took a few steps away from the roof's edge.

All this time, those words on TV kept ringing and ringing, many times, all within the depths of my heart.

"They will give you soothing relief from all your troubles. You'll have a good night's sleep …"

Yeah! That's something I really wanted to have for a long, long time – a good night's sleep!

My heart began to race even faster for the inevitable fate that awaits me. Quicker my heart went. It had never been this fast ever. It took me awhile to come to terms with this. Oh don't you worry my poor fast-beating heart. Soon, you won't need to worry at all.

Besides, no matter if my heart was beating a million times more than what it's beating now, I'm ready.

Yes I'm ready… ready to face destiny…

With eternity in my hands, I took one last look at the pills. They seemed soft enough so I could swallow them all at once… and that is I would do!

I took one huge breath and here I began… first slowly lifting my hand and putting the pills closer to my mouth. Then, closer those pills were, as the non-stop winds were even stronger. They seemed to wail in the darkness.

But when my lips touched the pills for the first time, I suddenly pulled the pills away, and tightly grasped them… Wait a minute! Stop!

Was I sure that I really deserved this?

I mean, maybe there's still a chance for me to do something? Maybe there's still a better way for me out of this complicated puzzle I'm in? Maybe there's a way out of these rough seas my ship had sailed into?

From out of the blue, I had flashes of thoughts echoing within the inner reaches of my soul… hearing the voices of the people I knew so well…

"Arnold, you're the nicest friend anyone could ever have."

"Arnold, you're the greatest!"

"You're always there for everyone, Arnold!"

"You're a bold kid, Arnold."

… yeah! Hmm…

I am nice. I am really so helpful to others. I am so friendly and caring to everyone I meet.

Yes, they are right!

Correction, they WERE right!

It seemed pretty ironic that I could help others with their problems then, but I could not even help myself.

And now, I CAN'T handle my own problems anymore. I'll put it in plain English.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

ARGH!

CAN'T LIFE STOP EVEN FOR AWHILE?

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Alright! Let's get on with it!

"Pilot to control tower!" I loudly cried out to the thunderous winds, bringing the pills closer to my mouth again, "I'm now cleared for take-off. I'm now ready to soar through the heavens… if you know what I mean. Ha, ha, ha."

That was a laugh… My last laugh…

I also grinned with a smile… My last smile…

But now, I say…

Goodbye… goodbye everyone…

I'll miss you all, but don't I think you'll miss me after everything that I did wrong…

But don't you all worry. In fact, I'm actually doing this troubled world a favor.

How? It's just that I'm simply giving this world one less problem to worry about…

Me…

Author's Notes: Oh no! What happens now? What if someone finds out? What if his friends find out? What if HELGA finds out? Ooohh. The suspense is… err… killing… but hey! Don't worry guys! The next chapter holds the answers…

On another note, I'm not really a fan of songfics (unless I know the song to go with a particular fanfic), but I've been playing Linkin Park's "In the End" as my background music and it seems appropriate for this chapter, especially when the lyrics, "I had to fall, to lose it all, but in the end if doesn't even matter" and when Arnold well did that, you know – ooooohhh.

Actually, the next chapter is almost finished, but I want to make the next one as perfect as can be. When you guys read it, you'll find out why...

- tst :)