Merged

Chapter 19

The Vulcan Healer finished his work, turning off the bone regenerator. Although the hand would be functional, it would always carry evidence of the extensive damage that had been done. Indeed, it was likely that arthritis would result, significantly causing pain, especially during air pressure changes.

The Healer was more concerned with the mental health of the merged being, Jontek. He had spoken with the woman, T'Pol who had brought Jontek in earlier that evening. Apparently, up until this male had entered his pon'farr, the two beings had been functioning well together. She indicated that right after the situation had resolved, while she had still been in a meld with the two beings, they had seemed to accept what had transpired. The Healer explained that it was likely that the Human male, being in shock, had used her mental calm to get through the moment but that he was far from accepting the events of the past few days. The Vulcan male, just wanted things to return to normal. Once she had left their mind, this Human, Jon had pulled up shields that were protective in nature. He certainly didn't want to let anyone in at this point, especially Vulcans. The Healer had left that part of the being in that state for the time being, not sure how to proceed with the fragile Human psyche.

He also was concerned about the Vulcan, Sontek, whose body and consciousness the two beings shared. He could feel the guilt the man was feeling, a guilt stronger than he'd seen in most Vulcans. Usually, by childhood's end, a Vulcan was able to manage emotional response much better than how Sontek was handling things at this point. T'Pol had also indicated that over the past few months that the beings had been merged, Sontek had embraced Jonathan Archer and had accepted emotional expression to some extent. At this point, he felt the waves of anger coming from his human half and knew his actions had driven a wedge between them. He felt that the past seven months may have been wasted. That perhaps it was impossible for a Vulcan and Human to coexist after all. He wasn't sure that the Human could really forgive him.

The Healer had yet another concern. The woman herself. As he had examined her to ascertain if she had been injured in the pon'farr, he found that she was conflicted as well mentally. That she cared for Sontek made sense. She had told him that when they had meditated a few days before, she had felt the stirrings of her biological clock and had not been overly surprised to find Sontek in the throes of pon'farr, especially after Jon had indicated the fever symptoms he'd been feeling. She had suspected but had been unsure until she had walked into the room, finding the merged man chained to his bed. She had been willing to meet the needs of pon'farr with him. Yet the Healer found she had an even deeper feeling. The woman believed that she experienced a Human love for the human half of the merged being. She had been shocked when the Healer had initially asked her to try and reach the Human behind his shields and she had been unable to do so. He had pushed her away from him. It had caused her great sadness.

The Healer shook his head. Humans did not easily accept the Vulcan imperative to mate. He knew that one reason bonded couples did not usually share a posting on Earth, at least not during their pon'farr years, was related to an instance that had taken place nearly a hundred years before. A couple had entered their pon'farr and were taking care of their needs. Their cries were overheard by a Human who had called the local law enforcement. The two Vulcans had been pulled away from each other, charges of domestic violence being passed on through subspace to Vulcan. By the time the issue had been figured out, both of the Vulcans had died in the throes of their unmet pon'farr needs. After that, the Vulcan's had insisted on a Vulcan Compound and diplomatic immunity. The story had been passed through what Human's often called 'Urban Legends,' usually with the idea that Vulcan men brutalized their women in ways that Humans could never accept.

The Healer was at a loss of what he could do beyond addressing the physical issues that he could apply his medical arts to. He felt that addressing the Vulcan's mental anguish was within his scope but as to the Human's? He hadn't a clue.

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Sontek walked back into Jon's apartment. The disarray was substantial. He started to clean up the mess when the phone rang. He picked it up.

"Jontek? What's wrong? We just got into message range and I saw your message. What can I do?"

"Captain Reed. This is Sontek. Jon is indisposed at the moment. The situation he called you about has passed."

Malcolm sounded suspicious, "What do you mean he's indisposed?"

Sontek sighed. "Things have changed from last week. I have no idea of what the future holds for us anymore."

He noticed that Reed didn't answer for a moment. "I need to speak with Jon."

"That is not possible at the moment. But I will have him contact you at the first moment he can." The Vulcan man stopped for a moment. "I'm deeply concerned myself. I hope the next time we talk it will be under better circumstances. Goodbye." He hung up the phone.

He sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. He felt such pain. It caused a throb at his temples. He felt a drop rolling down his face. He wiped it away and did what he could to pull himself together. "I am a Vulcan! It is illogical to allow my emotions to take over." He added again, his voice stronger, "I am a Vulcan." The tears stopped but the stress he felt did not lessen.

He was somewhat amazed at the strength of the human's shields. It was if his human half had taken all the pains and hurts he'd ever experienced and funneled the energy into building the walls. He knew at the moment, all of the old feelings the man had felt about Vulcans had come full circle. If Jon had disliked Vulcans before, his anger had at least doubled. Sontek couldn't blame him though. He knew how much Jon loved T'Pol. To see her with him, apparently accepting what had transpired with little more than platitudes to address the human's bruised feelings had only fueled the anger. Sontek had to help Jon, to find someway to heal the ugly wound that had developed between them. He simply did not know how.

The phone rang again, and he picked it up. "Hello?"

"Ah, Jontek. I've been trying to call you since receiving your message."

"Is this Dr. Phlox?"

The overly exuberant physician answered, "Yes! I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but during the sessions, the moderators asked that message devices be turned off. By the time I tried to reach you, I received no answer."

Sontek vaguely recalled the intermittent ringing of the phone during later stages of the pon'farr. Earlier on, he remembered nothing. It was if the previous week had been experienced by someone else. He'd truly been out of his mind. "Yes. It was not possible to answer the phone."

"Is there something I can do for you now, Jontek?"

He knew that this being had been close to Jon. Perhaps Dr. Phlox could be of assistance. "You are speaking to Sontek at the moment, Doctor. I believe if anyone can help Jon right now, you'd be the best candidate. Can you meet with us...with him?"

"Certainly. The conference is over and I have another week on Earth. I would be happy to help out any way I can."

"I believe that the statement, 'the sooner the better' would apply."

"I'll be there within the hour."

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Phlox was concerned. He'd spent the last four days working at regaining Jon's trust. The man was seriously traumatized. On the one hand, Jon had the many years he'd spent with T'Pol developing an unshakeable trust with her. Of putting his life in her hands knowing that she was there for him, no matter what the situation. Jon had believed that to be mutually interactive. He wanted to believe that what she was telling him was the truth, that this was simply a case of Vulcan biology. Something that had been passed along the genetic makeup of Vulcan life through the millennia. The other part of him felt angry, felt deceived, felt betrayed.

Phlox had talked with T'Pol. Jon had refused any of her communiqués, verbal or otherwise. She was upset and confused. She had saved Jon's life the only way she knew how. If she had not addressed Sontek's pon'farr, he would have died and that would have killed Jon as well. She was truly at a loss to understand what she could have done differently.

Complicating matters was the fact that she truly did care for Sontek. Under different circumstances, she knew they would have been a compatible Vulcan couple. She respected his work, his study of Surak, his acceptance of IDIC philosophy. But her feelings for Sontek were not the same as her feelings for Jon. It was the difference between a relationship of convenience and one of love.

In a short week, T'Pol's entire world had come crashing down. This was worse than the Trellium-D addiction. At least then, she simply had to stop taking the poison and then accept the consequences. Now, the fact that she and Sontek had a mutual appreciation for each other was the poison. She ached for Jon, wanted to set things back the way they were, but just like when she'd turned to Trip when she was hurting, this had ended up sending an arrow deep into the heart of the man she loved. She didn't know if this rift could be healed. She feared it might be too deep.

"Phlox?"

Looking over to the man in front of him, he recognized that the human half was present. Since he'd been there, he'd never seen the merged Jontek appear once. It was either the Vulcan or the Human. "Yes, Jon?"

"I want this to end."

"What to end?"

"Existence."

"Jon. You've been through a significant trauma. Actually several of them in the past year. You have to give yourself time to heal."

"I don't want to. I don't want to look at T'Pol and know she'd rather be with him."

"You haven't even spoken to T'Pol. Why would you say that?"

"You weren't there, Phlox. I was. For what I understand was four days, I was there. You don't spend four days with someone unless there's something there."

"You do if you're Vulcan." Phlox decided that perhaps getting away from the personal might help matters. Give Jon something else to focus on. The Jonathan Archer he knew was a man of science and that might be one way to get him to come to grips with the situation. "Vulcan life evolved in a much harsher environment then Earth."

"So, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Think about it, Jon. Vulcan life forms had to claw their way up out of an environment that was not especially conducive to life. The resources available were limited. When Vulcan primates first arose, it was necessary to copulate often to assure the survival of the species."

"Why was it so brutal?"

"Survival of the fittest. Both the male and female would have to fight off other life forms to survive to adulthood and to pass on their genetic material. They would have to protect their young. Having what human's would consider a violent copulation period was nothing more than a survival technique that Vulcan primates developed. It is only brutal if you come from a point of view where there is another way. For Vulcans, this is their reality."

"You'd think that after millions of years that it would change. After all, they embraced logic."

"Have Humans really changed all that much from their own beginnings? The stress reactions that Humans have developed have their origins back in the days where fight or flight was a survival technique. Eat or be eaten. Many of the things that make Humans human are like that. Emotions are just one of those as well."

Jon nodded. "I understand all of this on a cognitive level, Phlox. But this hurts. Really hurts. I..I still love T'Pol. I've been trying to convince myself that I don't but…" He stopped his eyes closed tightly as pain crossed his face. "…Oh God, I do love her. And now I know. She'd be better off with Sontek. Someone that understands 'Vulcan biology.'"

"She does love you, Jon."

Jon shook his head. "No. You weren't there."

Phlox shrugged. "Neither were you. Not really."

Jon looked over to his physician, his counselor, his friend, looking at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Excuse me?"

Phlox explained. "You were there as a human looking on. You weren't there as a Vulcan trying to save each other's life. Actually, trying to save three peoples lives."

Jon's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Do you know what would have happened if T'Pol had done what you asked her, had run away?"

A bitter laugh escaped Jon's lips. "Yeah. She wouldn't have had the monster I'm in brutalize her."

Phlox shook his head. "No. You and Sontek would have died. And once T'Pol was in the throes of pon'farr herself, to stop would have killed her as well."

Looking up toward the ceiling, he stated with finality, "I think I'd have rather died then have her put herself through that."

"That was not your decision." Phlox looked at Jon, his gaze unwavering. "You fell in love with a being alien to your world, to your culture. Why do you insist on expecting that the alien be compatible to your ways? T'Pol is not Human. She is Vulcan. She must follow her biology. Sontek is Vulcan, not Human. He must follow Vulcan biology as well. Yet both of these beings have tried to find a way to accept you and your ways. I think there is a bigger issue here."

"What do you mean?"

Phlox stated simply, "You're jealous, Jon."

Annoyance appeared on Jon's face as he declared, "I am not. I'm being realistic."

The Denobulan looked at him again, placing the figurative mirror in front of him again. "Are you?"

"Well, yeah. If I was jealous, I'd…." he trailed off. "Oh, God! You're right."

Phlox reached out to, Jon, throwing him the only life preserver he could. "You love, T'Pol, Jon. If you could have your desire, she should be only with you. But your circumstances rather prevent that. You had found a way to reconcile the differences between your Vulcan and Human halves before. Can't you try once more? It will take time, but what else is there in life?"

Jon sighed. "How would you proceed, Phlox."

"First, I think you and Sontek need to become comfortable with each other again."

The Human part of him rebelled. "How can I after what he did to T'Pol?"

Phlox took a deep breath before continuing. "We're back into circular logic. You're going to have to come to grips that this was just biology. Not Earth biology, Vulcan biology. You have to understand it from a Vulcan point of view. I know that will be hard for you, Jon. But it is the first step to healing."

Jon nodded. "Then what?"

"Once you and Sontek are able to accept the merged being again, you'll be able to deal with T'Pol."

Jon looked down. "I'm not sure I want to do this, Phlox."

Phlox smiled at him. "If there's one thing I know about Jonathan Archer, it's that he doesn't give up. Where there's hope, there's life. At least try."

It would be a struggle, but Phlox was right. Up to last week, things hadn't been too bad. Maybe he could get over this. Maybe there was hope. He could also choose the other way out if it didn't work.