Merged

Chapter 20

T'Pol had returned to Vulcan. While she had wanted to stay on Earth, Phlox had convinced her that until Jontek had dealt with his internal issues, she would be a distraction to his healing. He told her he would let her know when Jontek was ready to deal with the continuation of their relationship. He told her not to worry, that he felt certain that eventually things would be right between them again. She just needed to have patience. When she had first met with Phlox, the day after Sontek had asked Phlox to help out, she had told him her feelings for both Sontek and Jon. He had suspected as much. He knew she was hurting but for the time being, his work was cut out for him with the merged being.

Phlox had cancelled his return to Denobula. He'd moved in with Jontek and was doing his best to help him. He felt Jon deserved the chance to regain his life again, and due to the circumstances defined by the merged reality, it would take more than the week to do it. Besides, this was a medical first. To be able to study the unique situation was more than Phlox could pass up, although he figured it was so unique, he wouldn't be able to write a paper on it without revealing the source. But then again, sometimes knowledge for the sake of knowledge was as important as publishing one's findings.

They were finishing their sixth day of intensive therapy. He had just finished working with Sontek and they were about to try a first session with Jontek. Phlox smiled as he recalled Jon's reluctance years ago to utilize his talents in the psychology field. At that time, Jon had seen psychology as a way to get into his personal space and he didn't want someone spewing psychobabble at him. He could handle things himself. But eventually, their relationship in this realm had grown as Archer had faced ever more challenging events, and by time the Romulan War had broken out a five years before, Phlox was Jon's counselor and sometime confessor.

It hadn't been easy for the man to enter that type of relationship with anyone. He was not one to wallow in the pain of life, rather accepting that things happened and moving on. A private man with private thoughts. However, over time Jon had learned to trust that the Denobulan would help Jon address whatever problems he had in strict confidence and would help lead him to Jon's own decisions and revelations. While Jon would never trust a human psychologist, Phlox was different.

Phlox knew that Jon tended to stuff his emotions deep. He'd seen him do it so many times over the years. Watched whenever darkness descended on this human's soul. Watched as Jonathan Archer would do whatever he had to and damn the cost to his psyche. Phlox had never pushed Jon, respecting his right to live his own life, but at the same time doing his best to provide the mental and physical support the man required. Phlox had warned Jon against stuffing his emotions telling him that it only put them under pressure that would burst under the proverbial last straw. The current situation had left the camels back shattered.

It didn't help that in so many ways, this situation harkened back to a previous one. Phlox had seen Jon fall in love with his first officer and then seen Trip Tucker, Jon's best friend, enter into a relationship with her as Jon held the weight of the Earth on his shoulders, knowing full well that if he failed his species would cease to exist. Phlox hadn't believed that the neuro-pressure treatments would lead to a relationship between the Engineer and the Vulcan but then he hadn't known at the time about T'Pol's Trellium-D addiction. He did know that Jonathan Archer had been unwilling to step between Trip and T'Pol when he'd found out that the two were involved.

This situation brought many of the same issues to the fore. Sontek had in many ways become Jon's best friend, just as Trip had been. The fact that Sontek and T'Pol had a close relationship, that T'Pol was helping each man with an issue, and that this resulted in an exploration of a sexual nature was similar as well. Emotions that Jon had stuffed back then came roaring to the fore. Add to that mix the early anger the man felt towards Vulcans, and a potent jealousy resulted.

The doctor had determined that he needed to work with all three beings involved; Jon, Sontek, and the merged personality, Jontek. He'd spent the last few days working privately with only Sontek or Jon. He'd finally made a breakthrough with Jon two days before. Reaching that point had taken four days when the man's rage had either been tightly concealed or released vehemently. All of the pain and bitterness Jon had pushed down through the years, from multiple sources, was in full play. This experience had become a defining point for Jon. He had reluctantly agreed to follow Phlox's suggested course of healing although he was still angry and unsure of what he truly wanted.

In spending time on the other side, Phlox had found that Sontek felt horrible about what had happened. He was learning what the term 20-20 hindsight meant. He wished he could turn back the clock; wished he had warned Jon what they would eventually face when the blood fever came upon him. He recognized that the human had become closer to Vulcan culture than any other Earthling ever had. Still, Sontek had not said anything about pon'farr and what it would mean. This was still a subject shrouded in secrecy where off-worlder's were concerned. Vulcans seldom spoke about it even with other Vulcans. Sontek had somehow felt that he would be able to deal with the reality as a Vulcan when the time arrived. But his expectations had been based on what he knew as a bonded Vulcan. He had not taken into consideration the changes that would occur as an unbonded male. Now he knew his plan of action had been flawed and he'd caused a great harm to another by his actions. He had been the one to turn to Phlox to help them regain the ground that had been lost, relying on those memories he had shared previously with Jon that indicated the doctor's and Jon's close relationship.

As the two beings shared the consciousness of the merged Jontek, Phlox knew that Jon was not happy to be with Sontek. Jon had understood what Phlox had told him about Vulcan biology on one level but emotionally, he was still angry and hurt. Sontek took his place and Jon his. They were further apart than they had been the day they had both awoken in the Tananite medical facility. While both had been fearful, they'd felt that somehow they were in the situation together. Phlox decided to explore that and try to strengthen that memory of being united when faced with a common goal.

"Tell me about when you awoke together on Tanansis V?"

Neither of the merged personas spoke.

Phlox reiterated the plan, "If healing is to occur, you both must be willing to put the issues on the table and talk about them."

Jon spoke, reluctantly. "I'd crashed the shuttle and killed the crew except for Sontek. When I awoke he greeted me with kindness. We decided to try to work together."

Phlox nodded. "Good. Now Sontek?"

"When the shuttle fell, I thought they would be my last minutes alive. I respected Jon for trying to do what he could to save us and the choices he made not to hit a populated area. When I awoke to find him in my head, I can not say I was pleased but I was willing to see if coexistence was possible."

"Jon, did you respect Sontek as well?

"I had only met him a few days prior but felt he was a scientist that was very good at what he did. I respected his abilities. When I got to know him after the merging, I learned he was a caring man. One that did his best to embrace a new reality."

Phlox was pleased. At least they were talking. "Very good. Has anything truly changed?"

The expression on the merged being clearly indicated a human response, "Everything has changed."

"A generic statement like that doesn't help, Jon. Why don't you elaborate?"

Lips pulled in tight and eyes narrowed, "He didn't tell me about this 'Vulcan biology.' He should have warned me."

Phlox, noting the anger responded. "Would you have accepted it?"

The head shook. "I don't accept it now. I can't."

Phlox stated simply, "We've discussed this before. What Sontek faced was something he couldn't control. Sontek why didn't you tell Jon?"

The countenance changed. Vulcan calm prevailed. "It is not something we discuss."

"This was a bit of a different situation though wasn't it? After all, Jon is a part of you."

"Yes. I see now that my decisions were illogical and detrimental to our coexistence. I can not change the past, however. I am sorry that my actions have caused this harm."

"Too little, too late, Sontek!"

"Jon, what can I do to show you I am truly contrite?"

The feeling of betrayal was too strong. With a wave of despair, Jon mind cried out, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Guilt and sadness mixed with confusion. "I wasn't sure what was happening. It was the first time to experience this and without my bond mate, I didn't know what to expect. By the time I was sure, it was too late. And…"

"And?"

"…And I didn't want you to know I desired T'Pol," Sontek admitted.

Jon jumped on it. "There it is. You wanted her you son of a bitch!"

"Jon, how could I not care for her when you love her?" The plea was heartfelt.

Still not wanting to accept the reality of what Sontek had faced, Jon spit back, "You could have stopped yourself."

"That would have been impossible. Pon'farr is not something one can stop"

Phlox was asking, "Jon, can you accept that Sontek made a mistake?"

"I think this is bigger than just a mistake."

"What do you want Sontek to do?"

A hand went to Jontek's face, covering his eyes. "I don't know, Phlox. This situation is so wrong. I can't stand it that Sontek was with T'Pol. I thought Tri…I mean Sontek was my friend. That he'd do this just isn't right."

Phlox jumped on the mental slip. "Are you still upset because of Commander Tucker's and T'Pol's relationship?"

Jon answered with surprise. "How could I be? Trip's dead."

"Are you sure you're not transferring some of your feelings to this new situation?" Phlox was probing. His instincts were on target, this was likely the critical thread.

"That was nine years ago, Phlox!"

The Denobulan conceded, "Yes and you've been through a great deal in those nine years. You don't tend to deal with emotions healthily, Jon. You push those emotions down instead." He decided to try a slightly different line of questioning. "Would you say that up to last week, Sontek was your friend?

"Yes."

"Just like Commander Tucker."

Jon considered this concept. "I don't know. Probably closer. I never lived in Trip's head."

"And Commander Tucker had a relationship with T'Pol."

"Yes." The answer had an edge to it, as if it were a blade drawn across a sharpening tool.

"Just like Sontek had a relationship with T'Pol."

The edge became sharper, 'No. This was different. Trip didn't hurt her."

"Neither did Sontek."

With a vehemence, the answer shot back, "I saw her fight back."

"You saw her in pon'farr."

"She scratched us and drew blood."

"It is part of the blood fever."

"More 'Vulcan biology?'"

"Yes It was to be expected."

Phlox was sure he was onto something. "Did you want T'Pol to fight back when she was with Commander Tucker?"

Jon answered, "I wanted to believe she'd see it was a mistake to go to Trip. That she really didn't care for him." He stopped and then added, "And then Lorian and Elizabeth came along."

"What about T'Pol and Commander Tucker's children?" At the word children, Jontek's face tensed.

"I didn't want to face what they meant, to face that Trip and T'Pol could have had a life together." He stopped. "It made me feel jealous."

"When Trip died, how did you feel?"

The answer was swift and hard. "Angry!"

"What's underneath the Anger, Jon?"

Jontek looked down. "I don't know."

"Don't you? If you had to call it something, what would it be?"

"Relief I guess."

"Relief…because?"

"Because they never would have a life together."

"Did the relief make you feel good?"

"No. It made me feel guilty."

"Because…"

"Because I didn't want him to have that life with her. I wanted it! I wanted to knock the crap out of Trip Tucker because she'd turned to him when she was hurting and he let her! He was my best friend! I didn't want to believe they would have children together, I…"

"You were afraid their children would strengthen their bond."

"Yeah. I know, it was selfish. I didn't want them to have children. Children mean commitment. Seeing T'Pol with them, I knew she'd make a great mother but I didn't want her to have them with him."

"And how do you feel about Sontek?"

"They have the same biology. The same culture. The same origins."

"And you feel like an outsider?"

"Yes."

Sontek was surprised. "How could you be outside? You're a part of me."

"But you didn't tell me anything about this. You didn't tell me what you'd do to T'Pol…" He stopped a beat and then added, "…and then you tried to kill me so you could have her yourself!"

"That was the blood fever. I was out of my mind."

"So you say, but I still was outside, looking in. What I saw sickened me. You don't even love her."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"Vulcan's don't love like humans. The best that T'Pol and I would have even if you weren't a part of me is a committed relationship. You're the one she wants. I'm just the package you come in.

"So you're saying T'Pol doesn't care about you."

"I didn't say that. I said that you are the one she wants. She can't separate you from me so she cares for me as well. It is only logical to care for both."

Jon had enough. "Phlox, I think we need to stop for now."

"All right, Jon. Do you agree, Sontek."

"Yes. There is much to consider."

"I'd like to go behind shields for awhile."

"If you think that is best." Sontek waited until Jon was gone then asked, "Phlox, would you like to go to Madame Wong's?

"I'd be delighted, Sontek."

While there was still much work and a long road ahead, Phlox felt for the first time since he had started working with Jontek that things would eventually work out, although he'd voiced a similar thought to T'Pol earlier. He looked forward to enjoying Sesame Chicken at Madame Wong's

XoXoXoXoXoXoXo

The next three weeks saw more joint meetings and at the end of them, Jontek was making an appearance more often then not. While Jon was still rather wary of the situation, he had to admit, a lot of his anger and rage had its origins deep in the past. He was at least willing to make a go of it with Sontek again. They planned to return to Vulcan. Phlox had agreed to accompany them back to Vulcan feeling there could be some issues in meeting with T'Pol.

Before leaving, Jon contacted Malcolm again. Malcolm had told him that Phlox had called and said it might be awhile before Jon could talk to him, so he waited for his call. He asked Jon what was wrong but his former commanding officer wasn't willing to say, only indicating that the problem was resolving. Malcolm didn't push. Jon asked him if he knew anymore about the Andorian Epidemic and Malcolm stated that another planet was showing symptoms. Jon told Malcolm he was going to have Phlox look over the data and to see if the doctor could see any possible cause. Malcolm agreed that would be a great idea. As they hung up, Malcolm wished Jontek a safe journey back to Vulcan.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Jontek opened the door to his apartment. There was, as expected after such a long time away, multiple communiqués and other concerns. He called Savan to let him know he had returned. When Savan heard that Phlox had come to Vulcan with Jontek, he offered the fellow physician a place to stay. Phlox had agreed. He was interested to see the research that Porthos had been an integral part of. Jon took Phlox over and picked up Porthos who was thrilled to see him. Savan gave him a supply of the cheddar flavored treats that Porthos had obviously been enjoying a bit too much. They would have to take a few walks to remove the evidence.

Arriving back at the apartment, Jontek started to dig into the various packages and letters. He found a rather large package had been delivered. It was in a shallow square box. He sat in the seating area and opened it. What he found inside stunned him. Sontek's nephew had painted a picture of the IDIC and had sent it to him framed. The circle had been painted as the planet Vulcan. He had chosen to paint what was typically the jewel at the top of Mt. Seleya as the Earth. It spoke to the reality of Jontek's life.

Jontek took down an abstract painting that had been in the seating area. He put the IDIC painting up in its place.

Jon admired the picture. "He's quite talented."

"Yes. A sensitive boy. He seems in tune to seeing the other side of things. Embracing the different."

"Must run in the family."

The two had come to a truce. Jon had found that if he took away that one situation, Sontek was still a pretty decent person to be around. He chose not to think about the other issues for now. Besides, Phlox had confirmed that this activity only took place every seven years so he knew there wouldn't be a repeat any time soon. Sontek had retreated somewhat into his Vulcan calm, not about to rock the boat of Jon's tentative acceptance of their reality again. Sontek had talked with Phlox at length, telling him his concerns and receiving what he believed to be good counsel in return. Sometimes, you had to give Jonathan Archer space.

Jon had come to the conclusion that there were probably a lot more issues he should address between he and his host, but had again somewhat returned to his preferred method of dealing with personal issues. Bury them until later. If the results of this situation were any indication, though, it would be best to find a way to relieve the pressure occasionally. He'd consider that later. For now relative peace had been restored and both beings hoped that trust would build from that.

Jontek found in the correspondence another communiqué from T'Nar. He'd promised to meet with her but that was before his return to Vulcan had been postponed by 22 extra days. He sent a communiqué back indicating he was currently on Vulcan and asking when she would like to meet.

S'Bont had not been happy when Dr. Phlox had contacted him about a medical situation that had affected Jontek. He had been assured that it wasn't anything contagious and there was no risk to his continuing to do his duties, but Jontek required medical leave, although, in keeping with Vulcan privacy laws, very little could be disclosed. Over the past few years, some of the groundbreaking work that Phlox had presented to the Vulcan Science Academy indicated to S'Bont that it would be a politically unwise move not to accept the Denobulan doctor's recommendation. Thus, he had not pushed back on the request and Jontek had another week before he was to return to the lab.