Chapter Nine: Fools of April

To Harry's surprise, weeks passed with no further attacks, or sign of Slytherin's heir. Also to his surprise, Black, if he was Black, didn't seem to be up to anything at all. Perhaps he thought Harry would suffice as a substitute Voldemort. Perhaps he still held some affection for the Potter line. Maybe he was just biding his time- or perhaps he wasn't Black at all. In any case, the dog was good enough company, and he had Silas to keep an eye out while he slept.

The dog's presence had gone surprisingly unquestioned, which Harry suspected probably had a great deal to do with the information he held over the head of the Slytherin Head of House, as well as the fact that it seemed logical for him to have a guard dog, especially in light of the attacks which had taken place earlier in the year.

Harry continued to practice "sixth sense" development, aided by instincts and reflexes built up by years of living a life far from easy or simple. He could now walk pretty stably with his eyes closed, and was fairly adept at sensing things around him when he focused on it. He still was no where near good enough to really be alerted by anything other than the usual senses, as he needed to consciously decide to check his surroundings, and he suspected that would take years. It seemed an interesting enough type of study that he continued to devote a few minutes each day to practice. There were, of course, plenty of other skills he wanted to learn eventually- to transform into an animal, for example, would be amazingly useful- but that would have to wait.

Black, Slytherin's heir, and Slytherin's monster weren't the only threat to the occupants of Hogwarts, however. On April first- their birthday- the Weasley twins struck.

The day started ordinarily enough. Almost ordinarily, anyhow, until Harry (with Silas and Padfoot), Nott, and Tracey entered the Great Hall and were immediately dragged to a table that had appeared in the middle of the hall (between the regular tables and the staff table) by Fred and George. Apparently they had insisted they have a table where they might sit with all of their friends and family on their birthday- and Dumbledore had backed them up.

Several minutes into the meal the occupants of all the tables with the exception of their own began to float. Ginny Weasley gasped, looking up at the people in the air.

"George- Fred-"

"We had the house elves mix fizzing whizbees into their food," George explained.

"We're not going to start floating suddenly, are we?" asked Ron apprehensively, examining the food left on his plate suspiciously.

"Of course not, Ronniekins. Just sit back and watch the show."

Ron simply glared at the twins mistrustfully. He'd lived with them long enough to know better than to trust them. It was then Harry noticed the changing hair-colors of the people at their table- and of everyone else in the hall with the exception of Snape, who had apparently removed the enchantment from his food. Everyone in the Great Hall now wore a head of Weasley-red hair except for Snape, who had evaded the hair dieing, but not the floating, and Lockhart, whose hair had fallen out. Looking up at the Great Hall's floating occupants, Harry noted with amusement that the Headmaster had simply summoned their tables into the air so that they could continue eating, and was completely ignoring Lockhart's furious gestures.

Then the doors burst open, and in entered five of the dwarves Lockhart had hired for Valentine's Day. Glancing over at the twins, Harry found they were both smirking openly. They must have been planning this for a long time. The dwarfs marched to the center of the hall, where they looked up at the floating staff table and began to sing:

"Lockhart, Gilderoy

Is nothing but a useless toy.

He can't teach the girls and boys

Because he knows nothing himself.

He's scared of pixies and everything else

His books are better left on the shelf

There isn't a single wizard or elf

That couldn't teach better.

All he studies is what to wear

Spends all his free time curling his hair

Never a sign of wear or tear

Or brains in Gilderoy Lockhart."

A large portion of the Great Hall applauded. The dwarves bowed, then walked over to the table where the twins sat with Lee Jordan, Harry, Hermione, Neville, Tracey, Nott, Dean, Ron, and Ginny. The twins tossed them a small bag of coins, which one of them caught, then they marched from the hall, leaving a red-faced Gilderoy Lockhart trying- and failing- to storm out of the hall from his place in mid air. Even Hermione was having difficulty sympathizing with the bald, red-faced, shouting figure.

There was a knock on the door of Dumbledore's office.

"Come in, Gilderoy."

"Dumbledore, I simply cannot deal with this anymore. I'm quitting."

"Wasn't your contract for a full year, Gilderoy?" said Dumbledore, looking up.

"Yes, but I resign all the same. This has been a total outrage-"

"Very well, I shall send a letter to the Daily Prophet detailing the circumstances."

"You can't-"

"Of course I can. I'll need to get out the word that I need a new Defense teacher, won't I?"

"I- very well, I'll stay, but only for the remainder of the year." Lockhart pronounced stiffly, then marched from the room.

"Thank goodness for that," Dumbledore muttered under his breath once he had gone.

The day continued to be a little less than normal. Not only did nearly the entire population of Hogwarts have red hair for the remainder of the, but both Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions were canceled for the day. Harry might have thought the former to be just because of Lockhart's current state of baldness if the twins hadn't confided to him that they'd also hid a boggart in the defense classroom. Potions had been canceled for the day a few minutes into the first class, due to a supply of Filibusters wet-start fireworks that the twins had transfigured and mixed in with the ingredients on the supply table. After five fireworks went off upon being added into the student's potions, Snape had apparently decided he'd best cancel class until he'd had time to sort out the real ingredients. The remaining classes, although they took place, were routinely disrupted as teachers discovered their quills had been replaced with sugar quills, and when they picked up what they though were their wands to demonstrate spells to the class, only to have them squawk and turn into rubber chickens. It was, in short, the sort of day that made Harry glad to be at Hogwarts.

A/N: So I posted a bit early... Happy Easter/Spring/whatever, folks!

Many thanks to:s

jbfritz, anti-thule, Mee Yah, FairyQilan, I-Y-T-Y, firmin, FreeDaChickens, FroBoy, baeryl, Barranca, GoddessMoonLady, albert87, Scary Vampiress, chtit-draco, thsunami, MarauderinglyMagical, NamelessHeretic, ranma hibiki, azntgr01, Lurk, akunamatata, Shadow Lighthawk, The Sleeping Creature, korrd, Aqua Mage, Nights Silhouette,