Charlie

Charlie walked into the hatch. "Claire? Are you in here Claire?" Charlie called. He then noticed a stool lit by a spotlight in the middle of the room and decided to sit down on it.

'Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars."

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

'Charlie Pace, he has an irrational fear of killer whales.'

"It's bees. I'm afraid of bees. Have you even watched the show? Or are you one of those people who think that 2 years has already gone by on the island?"

'Charlie Pace, he was the owner of the Jif peanut butter company.'

"No, I wasn't. I was a rock star."

'Charlie Pace, he was the owner of the Pace salsa company.'

"No, I wasn't, so will you just quit it?"

'Charlie Pace, he likes his salsa extra chunky, just like his peanut butter.'

"Well, I do like chunky salsa, but not chunky peanut butter. I take mine extra smooth, thank you."

'Charlie Pace, he made a small fortune on his salsa company.'

"I wasn't the owner of some bloody imitation salsa company."

'But I thought Pace salsa was supposed to be authentic. And if you didn't own it, then why is it named after you?'

"Just because it has the same name as me, doesn't mean I owned it! I was a bloody rock god!"

'Let's go with that. It's good. Charlie Pace, he's a bloody rock god.'

"That's right. I still am a rock god. My band, Driveshaft, we're in the middle of a comeback."

'Bloody Rock God, he is the ruler of rocks.'

"That's not what I meant!"

'Bloody Rock God, he commands boulders and stones with a single word.'

"I'm not a rock god!"

'But you just said you were. And how did you cause that cave-in right after you said that you're a rock god if it's not true?'

From out of nowhere, a bunch of stones came hurling at Charlie, hitting him.

"Ow! Stop! That hurts!"

The bodiless voice cackled hysterically. 'Command them, you bloody rock god! Command them with your bloody rock powers.'

"I don't have any powers! Stop it!" Charlie then ran out of the hatch, the owner of the bodiless voice throwing stones after him.

'And now you know the Bloody Rock God.'