"How do you know if you're gay?"
The car Touma had been driving veered off the road, crashing into a wall in a pixilated explosion. The question had been enough to bring him back to the land of the living and he swiveled to look at Shuu in surprise, the day's choice game -a racing game- forgotten. Shuu was by far the last person Touma ever would have expected to ask such a question.
Shuu, on the other hand, was counting on Touma to have all the answers. He'd come to the conclusion long ago that the archer was gay. Touma had never asked a girl out, talked to a girl, or so much as even gave a girl a second glance in all the time Shuu had known him. Besides, he saw the way Touma looked at Seiji. Shuu was far more observant than every one gave him credit for and there wasn't a single doubt in his mind that not only was Touma gay, he had a thing for Seiji as well. That was fine for him…Shuu just hoped this meant Touma could give him some answers.
With a cursory glance back at the screen -and a squawk at the sight of the totaled car- Touma set aside the game controller and turned around fully to face his companion. He hugged his legs, chin resting on his knees, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. Shuu was hovering around the couch, as if he was too antsy to sit down, but wanted to. Touma ignored that, wriggling his bare toes in the plush carpet as he turned the situation over in his mind.
"A good indication is if you're attracted more to other guys than girls." Though he was rather curious, Touma's slightly-bored expression never wavered and his tone remained neutral. He'd known he was gay for as long as he could remember, was probably the best person Shuu could have come to for a question like this and had a feeling that this conversation could get interesting.
Shuu mulled that over for a moment. Touma watched him, noting how his wide eyes glazed over and a small, confused frown crossed his face. He was thinking and thinking hard and Touma knew he was about to ask another question.
"What if it's, um, just one guy? You know, that you like…" Shuu had finally sat down on the couch, but he was perched on the edge of the cushion as if he would jump to his feet at any second. One foot was tapping nervously on the floor and he was gnawing on either a fingernail or a hangnail as he waited for an answer.
Touma grinned. Forget "could;" the conversation had most definitely just taken a very interesting turn. "Who are we talking about here, Shuu?"
"Nuh-uh." Shuu shook his head. Touma's grin was making him nervous and he suddenly regretted asking for his help, but he really didn't have much of a choice if he ever wanted to figure this all out. "You don't need to know that."
"Come on…How am I supposed to help if I don't know what's going on?" It had to be one of them, and Touma was dying to know who. Seiji was hot, Ryo was adorable. And Shin was just, well, Shin. Horribly domestic and annoyingly thoughtful. The perfect wife. Touma would bet money that it was Shin that Shuu was crushing on; Shuu had the most normal, close-knit family and Shin was all about making them into a family, so he must have been a comforting presence. And it just made sense…They were close. Spent a lot of time together. Trained together as well.
Besides…Touma had a striking suspicion that Shin was gay as well. He didn't have much in the line of facts to back this up; it was more of a feeling, really. Shin was soft, kind, polite…Motherly. Really domestic. He wore a frickin' apron when he was cooking. No straight guy did that. No straight guy did a lot of the things Shin did.
"No way…Not telling." Shuu's head swung back and forth again, beefy arms folding across his broad chest stubbornly. Touma was good at keeping secrets, but he would occasionally blurt things out when his over-active mind could no longer contain them and Shuu didn't particularly want this getting around.
"Shuu…Seriously. I can't help you unless I know who. The situation might be different, depending on the person." This would take some careful manipulation on Touma's part. Shuu was pretty stubborn and if he said he wasn't going to tell, he wasn't going to tell. An admirable trait, but not in this situation. Getting him to spill it would be like pulling teeth.
"No." Shuu scowled, "That's none of your business."
"Oh, come on!" Touma put on an all-too-innocent expression, "You can tell me…It's not like I'll tell Ryo you have a thing for him."
"I don't!"
It was very hard for Touma not to laugh at the absolutely horrified expression on Shuu's face. He looked like he was ready to fall off the couch, eyes wide. Oh, this was fun! No wonder Seiji was always nagging at him to interact more with every one.
Without missing a beat, Touma plowed on. "Okay, so it's Seiji then. I can understand that…He is attractive. But man, you're going to have to start being less of a slob if you-"
"Shut up!" Shuu stared at him, aghast. "I don't like Ryo or Seiji like that!" The hangnail he'd been gnawing on was bleeding now, but he ignored that in favor of glaring at his friend.
"Well," Touma shrugged casually, "Then I must say I am flattered, but you're not really my type at all…"
"That's not funny, you jerk!" Shuu's face was an interesting shade of red, though Touma wasn't sure if it was from anger or embarrassment, and his hands were clenched into fists.
"That just leaves Shin, then…" Bingo! Touma watched as the blush on Shuu's face deepened and his arms folded across his chest again. He looked away, staring at an invisible and nonexistent spot on the carpet and Touma couldn't help feeling a little bad for him.
"I don't know what to do." Shuu's voice was tight, controlled, as if he was trying to keep it steady. Touma wondered if he had taken the teasing a bit too far. If Shuu would cry. He'd seen Ryo cry enough to know what the beginnings of tears sounded like in a person's voice.
Touma unfurled from his spot on the floor, shuffling over to the couch and plopping next to Shuu, hesitantly resting a hand on Shuu's shoulder in an inept attempt at comfort. Touma wished Shin was there. He was too socially awkward to be very good at this sort of thing and Shin would know better what to do.
"What am I supposed to do?" Shuu flinched slightly under the touch and Touma moved his hand away. "I'm not gay…I like girls."
"Shin is not a girl."
"I know that!" Shuu's hands balled into fists again and he finally looked at Touma. He looked upset. And a bit scared. "I know that, Touma. That's why this is a problem!"
"But you like him." Touma wasn't teasing any more, just trying his best to be helpful.
With that, Shuu seemed to deflate. He sagged back, sinking into the couch cushions and looking horribly lost and confused. "Yeah…Or I wouldn't be in this mess." He ran a hand through his hair, causing his thick bangs to stick up.
"You should talk to him." Was Touma's helpful suggestion.
Shuu paled significantly. "I can't do that!" Talking to Shin about this was the last thing he wanted to do, because it seemed so ridiculous. Besides, what was he supposed to say? I'm not gay and you're not a girl, but I really, really like you…
"I think he'd be pretty understanding and I don't think he'd hold it against you." Touma said slowly, "And besides, there's always that chance he might feel the same way."
This caused another blush to blossom across Shuu's chubby face. He wasn't quite sure if that would make the whole situation better or worse. "And what if he doesn't? Or what if he does and I'm just being stupid…I don't want to hurt him. And what if everything works out and…" He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. This was too much to think about. Entirely too much. "I'm not gay!"
Touma watched him for a moment. To say this was surprising was a bit of an understatement. For one thing, he never in a million years would have expected Shuu to be in crisis over having a crush on a guy. Shuu was probably the most heterosexual person he knew and this whole admission sort of threw him for a loop. Besides that, Shuu was constantly pursuing any girl he found remotely interesting. Of course, he was turned down more often than not, but that had never stopped him before. Touma pursed his lips. This must have been serious, if Shuu was so afraid of it.
Shuu was peering through his fingers at the carpet, studying it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He needed to focus on something boring, or he wouldn't be able to think without getting distracted. And this required all of his brain power; he couldn't afford to make any mistakes here.
Why did he like girls? Well, they were pretty. So was Shin, in his own Shin-way. Kind of like a girl…Only without boobs. Prettier, sometimes, especially when he was happy. He was a good cook, too. A good listener. And a quiet, constant, reassuring presence in Shuu's life. He wasn't quite sure he really wanted to mess with what they already had, in case it all went horribly wrong. Shin was a wonderful friend, and Shuu didn't want to lose him, especially not if he discovered there was no way he could ever actually be with another boy.
It was a double-edged sword, really. He didn't want to try anything with Shin, for fear of it not working. But he didn't want to spend the rest of his life wondering because he was afraid to try. Shin didn't deserve to be used for experimenting, or to be hurt. He was better than all of that, and only deserved to be loved and treated well.
Shuu's brows knit at the thought of any one else loving and taking care of Shin. Shin deserved that, but Shuu didn't like the idea of any one else being the one to make him happy. He wanted that all for himself; wanted to be the one to cause those dazzling, blushing smiles. It was selfish, and he knew that, but he didn't want any one to take Shin away.
The more he thought about it, the more Shuu disliked the thought that Shin might leave them to be with some one else. Might leave him to be with some one else. The thought was a painful one. Just thinking about it made Shuu feel slightly empty inside.
That cinched it. He wasn't going to let Shin get away so easily; not if it was going to make him so miserable.
Of course, there was still the issue of the fact that they were both men. He'd have to sort that out…Maybe he was gay. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe it was just Shin…He could live with that. He could live with that indeed. But he still wanted to be sure. He needed some sort of test…
Touma was watching him, thoughtful. He had one leg tucked beneath him, an elbow rested on his knee. His hand was tucked beneath his chin, brows drawn together and making his eyes look a darker blue. He looked so serious. Shuu looked at him for a moment. Not at all like Shin, who was light and cheery and almost always positive about everything. But he was a boy and he was Shuu's friend, and who better to help him out?
"Hey Touma…" Swallowing his pride and tempering his nerves, Shuu plunged right in, "What's it like to, you know, kiss another guy?"