At ten o'clock in the morning, the room was hardly dark enough for sleep, but that wasn't going to stop Shuu from trying. Though there was finally a lapse in the rain and he longed to go outside in the sunshine -he couldn't deal with being cooped up for so long- he was too tired to take full advantage of the nice weather. Instead, he was curled up in bed with the blinds shut and the lights off.

Touma was downstairs somewhere, probably in another video game coma, which left Shuu alone in the room. How he was so unaffected by all of this was a mystery to Shuu, who had no clue how to stop the intense guilt he felt every second he was awake and the dream-like memories that assaulted him when he was asleep.

It wasn't fair. Touma should have been just as guilty. Just as restless.

Just as miserable as Shuu felt.

He was curled on his side, staring blankly at the wall. The mound of blankets did nothing to provide any warmth; he felt cold and empty. Hollow. Like he'd lost a part of himself. Maybe he had…Who knew how this would all end? He could lose his best friend over this; lose the person he cared most about. If Shin ever found out…He couldn't bear the thought of losing Shin because he'd done something stupid that he regretted.

Shuu wanted to sleep, but he knew if he shut his eyes, that image of Touma beneath him would be all he could see. Touma's pale face flushed and sweaty. Touma's mouth gaped open in a wide "O," a wordless cry spilling out, his midnight eyes squeezed shut, head tossed back. He didn't want to see that again; he had seen it too much the past few days.

If only he could get lost in the oblivion of dreamless sleep. He hadn't slept more than a few hours a night for three days and it was beginning to take its toll. He was exhausted, on edge, and practically drowning in guilt.

To make matters worse, he desperately wanted Shin. Shin could help him; he could listen and understand and offer advice. Shin excelled in handling situations like this. Except…Shin was the center of all of this drama and Shuu was still terrified of what would happen if he confessed his feelings.

He clenched his fingers around the comforter, tucking it under his chin and shifting in a failed attempt to get more comfortable. This sucked. He buried his face in a pillow. It sucked big time.

And he really had no one to blame but himself.

He lifted his head slightly at the gentle knock on the door, which was followed Shin's disembodied voice asking if he could come in, please.

"It's unlocked." Shuu dropped his head back on to the pillow. He had no idea what he would say to Shin, if anything, but he knew that Shin's presence would at least be comforting. Unless…Unless Touma had told him everything. He felt his heart go plunging into his stomach. Shin didn't sound angry, but then…he rarely did. He pulled the blanket up over his head.

There was a soft click as the door opened and shut again and the gentle sound of Shin's footsteps as he picked his way carefully through the room, a soft sound of disgust slipping out -probably over the empty milk carton or the week-old takeout containers on the floor. The bed dipped slightly with Shin's weight when he sat on the edge of it, but Shuu didn't move, just remained hidden beneath the covers.

"Would you like to tell me what's going on now?" Shin was staring at the cocoon of covers that contained his friend, hands folded in his lap. He knew it was unlikely Shuu would actually tell him anything. He hadn't at all in the past week; why would he now?

Shin's voice sounded so hurt, Shuu couldn't help peering out between the blankets at him. The brown-haired boy offered a gentle, hopeful smile in return. "Come out of there…" Those turquoise eyes were soft and sad, already beginning to draw him in. The oceans of Shin's eyes were always beckoning; always tempting. As if they were saying to him "Give it to me…I will wash it all away and still love you…"

Shuu peered out a bit further, parting the blankets and looking up at Shin's face. So sad…That expression didn't belong on his face. Only smiles should have graced those delicate features. Shuu could feel his chest tightening again; he wanted nothing more than the see a smile cross his friend's face again.

One of Shin's hands darted out, nimble fingers stroking soothingly through Shuu's hair. "I know something is bothering you…" He murmured, "I wish you would tell me what it is." Shuu looked so tired; so frail. He was usually so strong, but at that moment he looked like he could crumble into a million tiny pieces. Shin knew that -no matter how tough- every one was breakable; a sand castle could only last so long before the tide tore it to pieces.

Shuu stared up at him, eyes wide. His mouth was slightly open and he wanted to speak, but his throat was sandpaper-dry. The words he couldn't seem to say were tumbling through his mind, trying to make their way out and failing, remaining stationary somewhere between his brain and his mouth.

"Even if it has something to do with me…" Shin continued, pausing mid-sentence to bite his lip, "I'd like to know." His fingers were still petting -it seemed they'd continued of their own accord- but they wandered down to stroke Shuu's cheek, caressing. He felt his face heat up at the boldness of his own action, but couldn't bring himself to draw his hand away. Shuu needed him.

Shuu's eyes went even wider at the intimacy of the touch. Touma's voice -"And besides, there's always that chance he might feel the same way"- flitted through his mind. His heart was pounding; maybe Shin did…That was almost too impossible to believe. "I…" The word sounded strangled to his own ears, but Shin smiled encouragingly; one of those little smiles that made Shuu's stomach squirm. Staring up at that smile, he could feel himself sinking further into the depths of Shin's eyes, drowning now, and the filter between his mind and his mouth was malfunctioning. Words were about to come out with no way of stopping them.

"I think I'm in love with you!"

For a moment, time seemed to stop. Shin's eyes went impossibly wide, his mouth falling open. He stared down at Shuu, stunned, unsure whether to squeal with excitement or start convincing himself the blurted out confession was solely a product of Shuu's sleep deprivation. His heart had thrilled at the word "love," but now it was sinking. There was no possible way Shuu could have meant that. He wasn't gay, after all. "You're teasing me." He turned away, wounded, arms wrapping around himself.

"No!" Too late to go back now; it was time to press on. Shuu sat up, heart still pounding, fingers nervously twisting in the blankets. "I wouldn't tease about something like that." Shin had to understand…Shuu would never do anything to hurt him. Not on purpose, at least.

"You like girls." Shin's voice was tight and slightly accusing. He still couldn't help himself from hoping. He wanted to believe that his own feelings were returned, but he was forcing himself not to get too excited, for fear of this being some sort of dream or, worse yet, a nightmare.

"I like you." Shuu reached a hand towards him, then drew it back, unsure if Shin would appreciate the contact.

"I'm not a girl!" Shin turned to face him, eyes pooling with tears, "You can't love me…I'm not a girl…" He was going to cry in a moment; his chest felt tight and it was hard to get the words out.

"No, you're not…" Shuu said slowly, "But you're you and that's better than a girl." This was going to take some explaining. He hoped he could make everything make sense. It still didn't even all make sense to him, so how was he supposed to make Shin understand it? He took a deep breath. "You're just…It's the way you do nice things for every one. You take care of us all, and look out for us, and I know you would do anything for any of us. You're a good listener. A good cook. A good friend." He paused, glancing up at Shin again and, for the first time in his life, feeling shy, "It's just things about you…The way you don't make me feel stupid. The way you smile when you're happy…"

Shin's eyes were growing wider and wider as Shuu continued, still shimmering like he was about to cry. No one had ever said such nice things about him; no one outside of his family, and they didn't count. Was this really how Shuu saw him, as this wonderful, considerate, warm person? He could feel himself falling more in love with each word and it was making him want to cry more, even if for a totally different reason.

"It…It was the way you looked when I made you stop crying the other night." Here Shuu blushed, ducking his head, "That look on your face and knowing I made you happy…I want to be the only one who does that. I want to be the one to take care of you and make sure you don't cry and…stuff." He looked up again, grinning sheepishly, "And that wasn't very romantic at all, was it?"

Shuu suddenly found himself with an armful of seemingly-hysterical Shin as the other boy dove forwards in a hug, burying his face in Shuu's shoulder. He was sobbing and laughing at the same time, slim body shaking and Shuu didn't know what to do other than put his arms around him and hold him close. "It was perfect," Shin sighed, arms tightening.

"You think so?" Shuu was a bit bewildered at that point, but relieved that Shin seemed okay with it all. Once he'd got going, that really hadn't been all that bad. Everything that had been swimming around in his mind just came tumbling out, and it felt good now, especially since Shin was clinging to him, burrowed close. He suddenly realized he was petting Shin's hair and that the older boy didn't seem to mind.

"If it had been any other way, it wouldn't have been you." To Shin, this made perfect sense. Shuu was so straightforward and spoke his mind so easily. Those must have been all the things he'd been brooding on recently, or they wouldn't have been the things he'd said. He snuggled closer, resting his head on Shuu's shoulder and smiling shyly. "I love you too, by the way."

Shuu grinned in triumph, loving the soft blush that spread across Shin's face. "I kinda figured that out when you tackled me." All of a sudden, the whole world seemed so much better. The guilt was still there, but this beautiful, elated feeling was much stronger. Everything was just perfect now. Brighter. Happier. It was all okay again.

Shin laughed that soft, musical laugh that made Shuu want to melt. He couldn't seem to stop grinning as he looked down at Shin, who was still curled against his chest. Shin smiled back up at him, still shy and blushing. He was so cute…Shuu found himself lost in those eyes again -they were bright now, the ocean at sunrise- and he leaned in, shy, nervous and slightly scared…

And kissed him.

It was awkward and a bit messy, not at all like a theatrical first kiss. Shin didn't mind.

It was perfect, for now.