Yay! 5 reviews! I was expecting around three.

Elbereth Gilthoniel thanks for the review! Btw, I fixed the anonymous review thing.

Christipotter INSANE INSANE INSANE…aren't we all, darling?

Mrs. Radcliffe 13 never thought it was that funny :)…nice warm feeling inside tummy

HiPeoples001 Actually, I didn't dream it up, the first chapter is based on this really wacky day I had at school the same day I wrote it. Yeah. Thanks!

Buffy the Mary Sue Slayer thanks! You sounded like you were a bit surprised. Random sometimes does this to people. Ah well.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or his multiple Hogwarts buddies, lines from the Godfather, or places and characters from Alice in Wonderland. If you think so, you have the same IQ level as the average Mary Sue fanfic.

 I do not own Harry Potter or his multiple Hogwarts buddies, lines from , or places and characters from . If you think so, you have the same IQ level as the average Mary Sue fanfic.
Harry woke up and for a perfect second thought that Hogwarts was normal, and that he was late for History of Magic classes.

He soon realized, of course, that this was not the case.

Ron swanned into the dormitory and started to sing Santa's Super Sleigh.

Harry groaned and buried his head in his arms. Would Hogwarts never be the same?

He suddenly was struck by a fantastic idea.

I could murder Dumbledore, and be headmaster of Hogwarts! Then I could make everything okay!

Unfortunately for Harry, some of the new Hogwart's insaneness had started to rub off on him, because only the heavily deranged think with five exclamation marks in a row.

Inspired by his wonderful new idea, Harry jumped out of bed and ran to the Headmaster's room.

When the stone gargoyle refused to let him in without a password, Harry made it an offer it couldn't refuse.

Once in the Headmaster's room, Harry murdered Dumbledore and Voldemort, in a brief pause where the author conveniently forgets that Dumbledore proclaimed that he was immortal in the previous chapter.

Harry then turned on the Intercom system, also in a brief pause where the author also conveniently forgets that Hogwarts is not your typical boring muggle school, and therefore has no intercom.

"Students, teachers and ghosts," Harry said to the whole school. "I have just killed Dumbledore and the Headmastership is now mine. Hogwarts is going back to normal. Please go back to whatever classes you are supposed to be going to now."

Hardly a minute had passed when Professor McGonagall strode into the room, wearing a bright pink David Crockett hat and ugly electric blue slippers that made the sound of hippos wading whenever she took a step.

"Harry! This is an outrage!" said P. McGonagall.

"No, it isn't." said Harry. "And that's Headmaster Harry to you."

"Headmaster Harry my…" said McGonagall, and then she remembered that she was supposed to be ancient and old-fashioned, so she said, "…underwear."

And even then she turned red.

There was a pause, which means that the author can't think of anything to write about at the moment.

Hermione and Draco strode in.

"Harry," said Hermione very seriously, "We were going to ask Professor Dumbledore if he could do this, but since he's dead now, we think that you should be the one to, because you're the headmaster now."
"Okay." Said Harry. "What is it?"

"We want you to bless our first baby." Said Draco, giving him a screaming pink bundle.

"Her name is Princess." Said Hermione nervously.

"Oh." Said Harry, and threw the poor baby out the window, as he had done to Ginny the day before.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! MY BABY!" shrieked Hermione.

Draco stood there, shocked and silent.

Professor McGonagall fainted.

There was a banging on the door. Harry got up and answered it. Over a thousand angry students stood in front of him, holding pitchforks and burning torches, although it was nearly lunchtime and the sun was shining so hard the grass and trees were withering.

"Your money or your life!" said an angry Seamus Finnigan, waving his pitchfork in Harry's face.

"Oooh, life. No, money. Life. Money. Life. Money." said Harry, thinking hard and twiddling his fingers.

"Let's not give him a choice." said Goyle, miraculously being able to speak.

"YEAH!" cheered the students.

"Everyone hates me." Said Harry in a sulky way and threw himself out the window.

There was a stunned silence.

"What do we do now?" asked Cho Chang.

"We party." said a previously unknown character.

So they partied.

Meanwhile, Harry was having a very difficult time. He had fallen down a rabbit hole in the Hogwarts grounds, and was floating down the long well that Alice had gone through before she'd landed in Wonderland.

"What's this?" said Harry, picking a jar off a cupboard as he floated by.

It was labeled ORANGE MARMALADE.

Harry held the jar in his hands for a moment, then dropped the jar to see if he would kill anyone.

He was very disappointed when he didn't hear any fatal screams from below.

Suddenly, he landed on a walking picture frame. The picture frame shook him off and slapped him angrily for his intrusion on its daily meditation on the meaning of life. Then it waddled away.

Harry was now officially in Wonderland.

I am now trying to eat less chocolate, and the chocolate cookies I have laid out in front of me in the kitchen really aren't helping. I know I should put them away in a cupboard somewhere, but seeing if I can resist the pull of evil Gluttony is kind of fun, in a weird and…(failing to think of another word) weirder way. Still, how tempting…

Okay, that talk was just pointless. I don't know where it came from. Probably from my lack of sugar right now. Anyway, to all reviewers and reviewers-to-be, I grovel at your feet. And I've adopted a new policy called Tolerating Flamers, so flamers-to-be, I grovel at your feet as well.

I really did mean that.

-love, Sammi