The second violin
A Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin tale
Please note: English is not my first language, I am sorry for any mistakes or wrong grammar
It was not unusual behaviour for Dr. Stephen Maturin to wish for the long sea-journeys to end. He preferred being on land, searching for new species and having new landscape to explore. But for once, his studies were not the reason for him to pray every night that the winds would be on his side.
This time, the reasons were more egoistical: he wanted his old life back. He wanted to be Stephen Maturin, the ships physician and best friend of the captain. The only ships physician on board.
He wanted to play with Jack in the evenings, wanted to be his confidant. Stephen had been analyzing himself thoroughly during the last few weeks. As a scientist he knew that the solution to every problem lay first and foremost in reducing it of its complexity.
The simple bit left over must be the truth. What had stayed after going through all his feelings was indeed simple, but also shocking. He wanted Jack back. He was jealous and he wanted him back.
All of this had started two weeks ago when they had found the only survivor of the H.M.S. Haven, completely wrecked by a storm, unconcsious in a drifting lifeboat. Miraculously, there were no serious injuries for Stephen to treat, with some sick –broth and a good nights sleep his patient, who had introduced himself as Dr. Joseph Baker, was fit to leave sick bay. The next evening, they had both been invited to the Great Cabin to have dinner with the Captain. Jack instantly took a liking in their guest and seemed to grow even more fond of him when Baker, after spotting Jacks Violin in the corner, announced that he played himself.
Although unable to place his feelings then, Stephen had felt unsettled when he heard that.
Joseph Baker had been the ships physician of the Haven and proved to be interesting company. At first, Stephen was overjoyed to have a fellow mind to talk to, especially as the other doctor seemed very well read as well, but as the evening wore on, his excitement vanished quickly.
Dr. Joseph, as he liked to be called, was not at all interested in discussing his studies. "This is my rescue party, Dr. Maturin, as your dear Captain so kindly called it. You must excuse that I prefer singing to any serious discussion." Jack nodded approvingly while topping of their glasses. "Indeed, Stephen, it seems this ship will now learn that there are doctors who know to indulge and enjoy their time!" Dr. Joseph toasted to Jack and said smiling "Captain Aubrey, I am forever grateful that you came along. That I can feel merryness again after the loss of my Captain and his ship due to your hospitality and caring, and I thank you. May your ship always have wind in your sails and you be victorious in your battles." He held up his glass again and stated more softly. "To Captan Jack Aubrey, of whom I heard a lot and like to get to know myself." There was a silence after that speech. Stephen thought that this must be the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. After all, the man had known Jack for a few hours the least.
He looked over to Jack who he was sure had problems holding back his laughter. But what he saw was what he later remembered as the first situation he had felt jealousy at Dr. Joseph. Jack looked touched, a little flustered, obviously prided by this complimentary speech. When he had finally cleared his throat it was to offer Dr. Joseph his first name, which soon evolved into an elated conversation. They were both British, shared similar remembrances of running through Englands green hills as children, had the same taste in port and whiskey. When the conversation drifted from how each of them learned to play the violin to naval topics, Stephen felt more left out than he had in years on any ship. Jack had always made an effort to explain nautic specifics to him; maybe he had tired of that effort. For with Dr. Baker, explanations were not necessary – he understood.
Jack was generous with the wine and Dr. Baker took what was offered with pleasure. At one point, Stephen decided he could take it no longer. When he got up to take his leave, Jack made four long -and somewhat unsteady- strides, as Stephen noticed immediately – to meet him at the door. "Dr. Maturin", he said in a playful imitation of his command voice, only slightly slurred, "you are …ordered… not to leave this party before I end it." The sight of Jack obviously enjoying himself only served to bring up a new wave of anger and jealousy in Stephen. The large figure of the Captain leaning in the doorframe made it impossible to ignore him. "Jack", he said with more sharpness in his voice than he planned for, "you are drunk and so is your guest. I think that now would be a very good time to end this party, before you embaress yourself." Seeing the flash of hurt in Jacks eyes, he regretted his last words. He had not meant to speak this harsh, but as hurt and jealousy had taken over then, it was now pride and anger that kept him from apologizing. Jack made an effort to straighten up and looked sharply at him through half lidded eyes. "I am sorry to be an embaressment to you, Stephen", he said in a low voice "but it might do you well, sir, to remember that it is your Captain you are talking to." Their eyes met for a short moment. Suddenly, the door was free and Stephen escaped without another word. Outside the Cabin he heard Jack cry "Killick, Killick! another round! I have never had this much fun with a doctor before!" The knowledge that Jack had spoken deliberately loud for him to hear did not serve to lessen the impact those words had on Stephen.
Stephen did not get much sleep that night. Even after the sounds of more or less sklilled violin playing had receded, every loud thud he heard made him worry over Jacks welfare. It would not be the first time that he had to treat crewmembers who drank themselves into a stupor and hit their head badly when loosing consciosness. It was one of those damned marine traditions that he would never understand, whatever reason Jack might bring forth to him. Another thud followed by muffled cries. "This is it! I can not believe he got me doing this."
When he bolted into the great cabin he hoped that he was the only one to see this disgrace. Lucky Jack Aubrey was sprawled on the floor, sleeping soundly, oblivious to his small wooden world around them. In spite of himself, Stephen was relieved beyond words that he could not find any injury on Jacks head, that the crash must have been from a toppled chair. After making sure that Baker was fine as well, sleeping it off across the room, Stephen decided to rouse Jack.
"If I wasn´t this angry with him, the whole situation could well be amusing," he thought. Jack seldomly got drunk enough to actually pass out, he was – on the contrary – known for holding his liquor just fine. Finally, the Captain reacted to the claps on his face, the shakes on his shoulder. "Stephen" he squinted. "What is it?" "Well, sir, I came to tell you that it would be much more proper for the Captain to sleep in his berth than on the floor." He could see that Jack had just started to take in where he was.
Sighing, he propelled Jacks arm over his shoulder and hauled him up. " Oooh, Jack, don´t make yourself so heavy! I shall indeed set you on a diet, my dear!" Together they staggered into the sleeping cabin, Jack appearing a bit more sober now, but still unsteady on his feet. With Jack leaning onto him, in turns whispering endearments and hiccuping in his ear, Stephen could not help the wave of warmth and love he felt for this man wash over him.
He had known men of power, men in command, who became aggressive and evil when drunk. To Stephen it showed where they took their ability to command from, and he despised it from his heart.
But Jack Aubrey was diferent. He governed the loyalties of his crew and officers with his heart and gained the power to command from love. Under the influence of alcohol, he became even more generous with food and drinks for his friends, and more generous with his love. Stephen had seen the eyes of midshipmen come aglow when that full watt smile of a tipsy Jack Aubrey hit them. It did warm the soul indeed.
When he finally had the Captain undressed and tucked in he decided to work in his lab for a while, for he was far too awake to sleep now. Nearly at the door, he heard Jacks voice. "Is Dr. Baker all right, Stephen?" "Shh, go to sleep, joy, stop thinking. Your guest is sleeping it off, as you should." A little annoyed at the remembrance of Dr. Baker he decided not to care if the man had a stiff back tomorrow. "He´s a doctor, he should have known better" Stephen reassured himself. "Stephen?" "What, Jack?" "Its nice to have a second violin with us, don't you think?" A little stiff, Stephen answered "If you think so, Captain", but Jack was asleep again, snoring slightly, and Stephen stood there for a time, bereft of the chance to vent his frustration on the fact that Jacks last thoghts before sleep claimed him had been with their guest.
In the days that followed, Stephen did not see much of "Dr. Joseph", who obviously shared his feelings of dislike, and also did he not see much of Jack. Granted, Killick came to down a few times to voice Jacks invitations for dinner or breakfast, but since Killick confirmed that Dr. Baker would also be there, Stephen declined, using his studies as an excuse. Not that he got much work done. Most of the time he was either dissecting his emotions towards the whole situation or listening to the sounds of laughter coming from the Great Cabin many of the nights.
The doctors attempts to hide away in his cabin had not gone unnoticed by the crew. Although no one said anything negative about the other doctor – his preferences in drinking and dancing had easily earned him the crews sympathy – Stephen found himself well informed on everything that was going on during his absence. One of the crew might come to his lab, asking innocent questions about his studies and then dropping a line like "the Captain and the other doctor are below deck reading now" or "they are discussing politics now; Dr. Joseph has some admirations for Bonapartes victories". Soon, this became much of a sport to the crew, with young master Blakeney and Killick in the leading positions. Though Stephen was immensely grateful for this, the most welcome information to him was the report on their fast progress towards their rendevouz point with the whaling fleet, which would transport Dr. Baker home to England. "In three days he will be off the ship" Stephen thought with happiness. "Three days, and all will be as it was before" he grinned. This long expected day being so near, Stephen pondered if he should try to regain at least part of his decorum by making an effort to spend time with their guest again. "It could also bring me back into Jacks good grades".
Although he knew his sarcasm and at times foul mood was vastly accepted by Jack and the crew, the same did of course not account for Dr. Baker, and the manners of his officers did of course reflect on the Captain. "Even though I think Baker was rather elated to spent time with Jack alone" he murmered to himself. Having made his decision, he went straight to the Great Cabin, only to be blocked by Killick on the door. "Which now is not a good time to join ´em, doctor" Stephen had to listen hard to understand the old stewards whisper and was too confused to react when Killick actually took him by the arm and led him away. He muttered something that sounded like "must not let him see, better not now..", but Stephen couldnt be sure. "Killick! What is this? I shall see the Captain whenever- " "Tis not a good time sir, believe olKillick." " Is Dr. Baker with the Captain, Killick?" "Reluctantly, the old Steward nodded. "Then,sir, I shall see no reason why he would not see me!"
And with that, he pressed back to the Great Cabin, Killick on his heels, determined to see Jack immediately. His feelings wavered between anxiousness for whatever bad might have befallen the Captain (after all, Baker was a physician) and jealousy, that he had not been invited to this seemingly important conversation.
Theit tirade had obviously not gone unnoticed; Stephen nearly collided with Jack on the door. "Steady there, doctor" Jack said as he grabbed him on the arm, preventing his fall. Blue piercing eyes on him again. "Were you going to see me?" The question was asked innocently, too innocently, which only inflamed Stephens anger again. Jack must have seen it, too. "Please, Stephen, I would like to talk to you later. I wish only to speak to you, as your old friend, never do I wish to ignite your anger. I do only wish to talk to you again." This was uttered in a harsh whisper, but Stephen thought he heard desperateness underlying the harsh tone. Had he hurt Jack with his withdrawel in the past weeks? He had thought his absence did more or less go unnoticed, since Jack obviously had found better company. He wanted to give Jack a share of his thoughts right then, but Killicks mutterings brought their surrouondings back to awareness.
As much as he wished to let Jack feel the anger that had steadily grown in him the last two weeks, this was simply not the time and place. So Stephen took a deep breath and nodded to Jack. "You are the Captain. Call for me whenever you wish." He had not looked into Jacks eyes, could not. In his Cabin he tried to concentrate on a book, which was useless, so he finally helped himself to a dose of laudanum and slept. He must have slept into most of the next day, for the next thing he knew was Killick bringing him tea. "Some of us can sleep through everything" the old Steward muttered. "What was that, Killick?" Then Stephen sat up and registered the chaos in his cabin. Nearly all of his books and some of the papers lay scattered on the ground, Killick in the middle of it all, already beginning to pick them up but ultimately making it worse.
"We had a storm last night, dear doctor" came jack Aubreys voice from the door. "But you have managed to sleep through it, as I heard, nobody was able to rouse you." Stephen turned to the door while dressing. "How bad is it then, how many are wounded?" he asked in alarm, already on his way to the door. Jack stopped him by his shoulders. "There is no need, Stephen. We came through it unscarthed." Anxiousness turning to confusion, he stood in front of Jack, arms on his hips. "Then what are you accusing me of? Why did you want to rouse me then anyway?" Jacks tone became soothing and he padded his arm. "It was not an accusation. I was only concerned when you did not show up last night during the storm. I was afraid you fell and hit your head or worse. You have a tendancy for getting yourself into trouble, doctor."
The last setence was spoken with mischief and Stephen could not hide his smile as he remembered some of those accidents. He was not aware that he grinned foolishly at Jack until Killick cleared his throat. "I should be polishing the silver now" "Of course, Killick, of course, go." The moment Killick was out the door, Blakeney called for the Captain. "Whalers ahead, sir!" Jack hesitated on the door. "Stay away from the blue bottle, will you please, Stephen" and with that, he was gone.
After having cleaned the room, Stephen pondered if he should go on deck or not. He could hear the farewells of the crew, giving Dr. Baker wishes of Godspeed and cries of Huzzah. It would be very impolite to hide down here, impolite and childish, Stephen chided himself. But then, did it really matter now? He had not been on his best behaviour – found himself unable to – from the day they had saved the other doctor. No, that was not quite correct, Stephen thought. It started when Jack realized they had a lot in commen. Even now, two weeks later, the thought of Jacks delight in having a second violin on board still made him angry.
The decision to bid his goodbey or not was taken from him as he felt the Surprise turn. It was over. Stephen sighed. All should be back to normal, at least that was the way he had imagined this day. With the day finally there, Stephen knew that a lot would have to be cleared between him and Jack. And though he had wished for this day to come, it also meant that some truths had to be told. Emotional truths, in which always lay a danger of getting hurt.
He heard Tom Pullings shouting orders and wondered where Jack was. He sighed and made his way to find the Captain. On deck, he was greeted with cheers and friendly nods from the crew and officers. "There you are, Stephen!" Jack grinned. "What do you say?" he leaned backwards in the ropes, his hair flying, as if he was flirting with the wind. Stephen was mesmerized by the thought as well as perplexed, since he had no idea what Jack meant or why everyone else on board looked so elated. He said as much and was regarded with a soft smile from Aubery and and disbelieving muttering from Killick, who had come up behind them with tea. "We are heading back north, dear doctor!" Jack said. "Which means it is getting warmer" Killick aided. Stephen smiled. Whatever the past days would mean for his and Jacks relationship – right now, everything was all right.
Stephen followed Jacks look out at the sea, all tension and dark feelings momentarily forgotton. With their guest no longer on the ship, Stephen felt that things were back in place once more. He was Stephen Maturin, ships physician and the only confidant to Lucky Jack. "A third lump of sugar, doctor?" Killick asked. "No, thank you Killick." Stephen answered, catching Jacks eyes as he continued "Two is more than enough. Two is just perfect."