J Daisy I agree. What a slut! And what was that about the priest getting roused during the…? Yeah. Thanks for the review! And nice weather here, too. :)

HiPeoples001 I've seriously thought about it, and have decided to take your advice. Thank you for the plot unsticker.

Jab843 thanks for the criticism. Although I won't be doing a sex scene for personal reasons. PERV! Jk, jk.

KillerBunnySlippers gasp! A flamer! OMGITHINKIMLYKGONNADIE!1! And yup, I was making fun of the netspeak thing. No comment about the knocking people down from buildings.

elephantrocmysox thanks! XD

Emmz INTERLUDE LOVERS PRIDE! Jk. No, PURPLE bunnies are the bomb, man. Like, they're jiggysome! Yeah, jk about that too. AJFIAW;JUIEQFEWJKL;TEIK! I'm hyper. Can you tell?

Inuxkagfan -hug- I love my reviewers.

The Miss Marauders the windows make a brief appearance in this one, more will be coming later. HAHA!

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Frodo, and the chainsaw came back to Hogwarts to find that Malfoy was the new headmaster.

"But you can't do this!" squeaked Frodo as Draco tauntingly dangled them over the windowsill with a piece of rope.

"Yes I can." replied Draco. " 'cos I'm the reincarnation of Bill Clinton and I'm entitled to have a position of authority, a wrinkly wife, my own private jet and daily blowjobs by twenty-year-olds!"

He danced around the Headmaster's room with glee.

"But Bill Clinton isn't dead yet." said Hermione, the know-it-all.

"Who cares?" snapped Draco.

"I care!" boomed Bill Clinton, strode into the room and threw Draco out the window.

"Oh MrClintonMrClintonMrClinton!" squealed Ron, the Bill Worshipper. There's always one in every group. "Oh pleasepleaseplease may I have your autograph?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Weasel," said Bill Clinton. "But I have to go get my daily blowjob by a twenty-year-old now. She's very punctual, you know!"

He dashed out of the room.

There was a silence. This means, as I've told you, that the author can't think of anything to say.

Then Errol flew into the room, accomplished his 007-worthy mission of delivering a letter, and exploded in a feathery, muffled sort of POOF.

Ron opened it.

"Awww, that's so sweet Harry!" he said, poring over it. "Lookit, Hedwig's getting married!"

"Huh?" said Harry.

Dear Ron,

You are invited to Hedwig, Voldemort, and the Easter Bunny's wedding next Monday. Bring presents or you die.

-Love, from Insanely!Weird!Fanficion!Pairings!WeddingManager Company

Hermione had stiffened up at the mention of 'getting married.'

"By the way, Ron," she said acidly, "You might want to consider signing up at this wedding manager company too."

"Hmmm? Why?" said Ron, oblivious to the atmosphere in the room that would've sunk like iron if it had been any heavier.

"Green candelabras turn me on! Teehee!" squealed Frodo, and the atmosphere sunk, and the air sunk, and the oxygen sunk, and so our heroes died from lack of oxygen and ended up in heaven, where they were forced to reconsume their conversation once again.

Errol flew into the room, accomplished his 007-worthy mission of delivering a letter, and exploded in a feathery, muffled sort of POOF.

Ron opened it.

"Awww, that's so sweet Harry!" he said, poring over it. "Lookit, Hedwig's getting married!"

"Huh?" said Harry.

Dear Ron,

You are invited to Hedwig, Voldemort, and the Easter Bunny's wedding next Monday. Bring presents or you die.

-Love, from Insanely!Weird!Fanficion!Pairings!WeddingManager Company

Hermione had stiffened up at the mention of 'getting married.'

"By the way, Ron," she said acidly, "You might want to consider signing up at this wedding manager company too."

"Hmmm? Why?" said Ron, oblivious to the atmosphere in the room that would've sunk like iron if the conversation had taken place on Earth as it was meant to.

Hermione burst into tears.

"R-r-ron!" she gulped. "You (gasp) made me (sniff) pregnant!"

There was a collective gasp from Frodo, Harry, and Ron.

"But w-worst of a(gasp)ll," Hermione said, pointing a vindictive finger at the innocent-looking rubber duck, "I'm hav-v-(sniff, gasp)ing its child too!"

Frodo and Harry glared at Ron and the rubber duck, who started to say,

"No! No! It wasn't my fault! I'm only evil! Please! She wanted to!"

But it was quickly impaled on a spiky fence along with Ron, but couldn't die, because this was heaven after all, and so the Hell customs department had to make a special allowance for Ron and the duck to enter directly from Heaven to Hell, for the second time since the death of Elvis Presley.

But meanwhile, back in Heaven, Hermione had given birth to her child…

Let us say, in very simple terms, that it was not your average wailing human baby.

TO BE CONTINUED

When I say 'thanks! (insert random happy emoticon here)' I don't mean that your review wasn't worth the time it took you to write it, btw. It means that I really liked it, I just couldn't think of anything to say. Nobody cares? -gasping sobs- THE WORLD HATES ME!

-Love,
Sammi