Wow. Over a hundred reviews! -splits face grinning- whoops, there goes face…
Anyway. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my reviewers, ALL of them! Thanks a heapful to you all!
And if you're reading this but haven't reviewed yet, if you review, I shall give you toast! (leftover of course, but it's the feeling that counts)
inuxkagfan haha, I am. Lol. Thanks for reviewing! Your fortune for today: you will be attacked by a savage two-headed freak, who will make you be bestfriends4eva! with him unless you play several mind-bogglingly boring games of checkers on his head.
The Miss Marauders -shakes head- yes, yes. Poor daisy. But it went to the hospital afterward, met a beautiful lady daisy nurse, got married and lived happily ever after. So that's good.
Buffy the Mary Sue Slayer …okay then, what are the other three? Your fortune for today: Pigs will squeal with delight if you sing. They will come in endless hordes and bounce up and down on your bed forever unless you spray them with toilet cleaner. Your fortune is complete. -bows-
J Daisy I thank thee, wonderful devoted reader of Carmen! And yup, if someone said that to me in a regular conversation I'd be pretty freaked out too. (which means that I am normal?) Hermione is in love with Draco. Haha, no idea why, but anyways. Thank you, fangirl! Bring on another rant!
galleena I never thought of the flamer-acceptance-flamers-not-reviewing thing. And the lemon juice! -glugglugglug- I shall now read your fortune. You will go to wonderful places, like the mall, and you will be dumped by a ten-toed sloth after a mad and passionate fling with a humpbacked old zebra. -bows- Your fortune is complete!
jontie IDEA STEALER! And as you said too, jk, jk. I will read your fortune. You will be trampled to death by a chihuahua-dinosaur-lizard-monster thing if you set a step outside after reading this today! Ahem. -pleasant smile-
Ajariel the Bloody yay! Same sense of humor person found! -does found-same-sense-of-humor-person dance- And don't worry. I'll review for you!
Puer2 tell what is missing, please. Otherwise this is what will happen to you!…you will be force-fed a McDonalds trayful of plain tofu. Yes, I'm serious! No, I'm not.
KillerBunnYslippers -GASP- really? Really? -grabs KillerBunnYslippers's shirt and weeps horrendously on it- It was very nice of you to give an honest review though, yes. Yes. Your fortune: you will be hit on the head by a flying bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo and a flying orangutan with silver angel wings will throw it away for you. Lesson of the day: you must NEVER, EVER litter.
Mrs. Radcliffe 13 -grins- yeah. Fortune of the day: you will be sucked into your computer where you will be force-fed a mountain of spinach. Tut-tut.
xBeautifulLetDownx YES! THANK YOU! Story idea, I mean. Your fortune told! You will be kidnapped by Sammi, also known as Bunny With Bad Acupuncture, who will make you sit in front of her desk and write out endless ideas for new chapters. Muahahahahaha. And Days of Our Lives, ugh.
elephantsrocmysox The bestest essay writer eva! LOL. A fortune (yours) told: you will follow the Way of the Frodian Chainsaw (which doesn't feature in this chapter by the way) and become a Most Holiest And Saintest Monk of the Wooden Cowboy Plains.
Ministry of Tragic thank you! For the Evil Happy Meal Toys idea. Your fortune for the day: you will be abducted by Evil Happy Meal Toys and forced to sit with them and chat about stuff such as the weather and how nice the butterflies look lately. (a bit like chatting with a boring grandma. Torture, I have angry scars to prove it)
Christipotter thank you! Now, your fortune will be: you will be trapped in an elevator with a stranger, who will turn out to be Marigold, and he will fall in LYKOMGthiSiSsOlykSUPASPESHULLEGENDRYLUVAT1STSIHGT! with you and you will lead him on and laugh haughtily from a safe distance.
Super E-man lol. Your fortune for today: you will be buried by a pile of courageous sheep, who will lead you to a huge and glamorous fortune and you will marry one of them. Lol. Haha, jk.
Thank you to xBeautifulLetDownx and Ministry of Tragic for ideas for a hard-to-write chapter. :)
No offence meant to black people by the gangsta rap thing (I hate gangsta rap. Grrrr.) or to Chinese people by the Made In China thing. Let us set sail!
Harry skipped down the street, singing a happy song.
"How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands, oh how do you do and shake hands, state your name and business…"
Harry stopped to smell some beautiful roses, which was very unusual and couldn't happen in real life anyway, because it was mid-December.
"I'm the happiest, most cheeriest person in the whole wide world!" he crowed to the uncaring universe in general.
Draco stepped in front of him. "I am the Crown Princess Anastasia, last of the Romanovs! Obey, lowly slave!"
Harry offered him a hand. "How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands, oh how do you do and shake hands, state your name and business!"
Draco looked at it, took out a laser gun and beamed his hand away.
Harry looked at his stump of an arm. "Ooooh, red stuff is coming out of where my hand used to be! WOW. I wonder what it tastes like…"
He put his arm in his mouth and started sucking away.
"WOW! Man, this tastes just like good old mercury!"
Hermione walked down the road and saw Draco and Harry.
"I am Anastasia, last of the noble-blooded Romanovs! Bow to me!" commanded Draco.
"I saw you yesterday in the brothel, you were crying. Why were you crying, Draco?"
Draco started to sniff and sputter. "I cried because you reminded me of my former wife who died in pregnancy, and I kept thinking about her, I couldn't stop, her death was soooo sad…and you reminded me of her, you look just like her from your nutmeg eyes and chestnut hair…"
Harry piped up, arm midway to mouth. "But you murdered her in cold blood!"
"Shut up, lowly slave." snapped Draco, and beamed his head away.
Harry squeaked. "I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken!"
He ran away into the bushes where he encountered Ginny who still thought she was a bee, made mad and passionate love with her, and she had thousands of babies which she miraculously brought into the world in two seconds at the same time.
However, contrary to the popular Hollywood-style ending of soppy fanfiction, the chicken-bee family were eaten by a horde of man-eating sheep who were passing by on their way to the moon to make a massacre of the little green men.
"You murdered Harry!" shrieked Hermione, then she put an arm around his waist and kissed him affectionately.
(a Moment of Sanity: since when has Hermione made a habit of going around kissing malicious blond boys affectionately on the cheek?)
"I luv yoo, honeykins."
Draco kissed her back and murmured, "I luvs yoo too, pumpkinpie."
Hermione gasped audibly. "Pumpkin! You called me pumpkin!"
Her voice shrank away into nothing as she turned into a pumpkin in front of Draco's eyes.
Marigold came down the street. "Wassup yo ma, dis boy's gonna go get dat motherfucking tube of stuff to ice da grill!" (translation: I'm going to go get some toothpaste.)
And he ran away.
Draco, having nothing better else to do, began to sing. "Raindrops on roses and whhhhhhiiiiiskers on kittens, brrrrright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…"
A girl came up and sang with him. "Brrrrown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite thiiiiiiiiiiings…."
"Who are you?" said Draco.
"DADDY IT'S ME!" the girl screamed, and threw her arms around Draco's neck. "IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER PRINCESS!"
"LYKOMGPRINCESSURSOLYKGROWNUP!" exclaimed Draco, who has suddenly learned how to speak in chat language.
"LYKOMGDADDYITHOUGHTuH8tEdMe!" screamed Princess.
"Awww. How could I ever hate a sweet little baby like you." said Draco, and put his hand on her bum. (A/N:…EW.)
"Suddenly, this does not seem quite right to me." said Princess.
Then Marigold came down the lane-
A chorus of grandfather clocks popped up from the bushes and sang.
"OH do you know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man oh do you know the muffin man who lives on Dury Lane?"
"OH yes I know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man oh do you know the muffin man who lives on Dury Lane." sang Marigold, voice suddenly transforming from twenty-first century gangsta to fourteenth century Church choirboy.
Marigold's eyes were suddenly drawn to a new and wonderful sight. The beloved of his dreams!
"LYKOMGOMGOMG!" he shrieked. "LYKOMGthiSiSsOlykSUPASPESHULLEGENDRYLUVAT1STSIHGT!"
He took Princess in his arms and sang a wonderful and heart-touching ballad which caused trees to shed their leaves and stones (rocks, but stones sound more touchy-feely-romantic-DAHLINGILUVU) to shed tears of, amazingly, H2O.
"Baby
Baby I love you
You are the only one for me
Baby you are the only one for me
Baby
I love you
Baby you are the only one for me"
Hermione popped up from nowhere and hit Marigold with a cane.
"Stop that this minute!" she snapped. "She's at least five chapters younger than you, and anyway, you're practically her brother!"
"Half." corrected Marigold.
"omgurLYKsoSMORTmArIgOlD!" exclaimed Princess. "u no so maneelongwOrDzz!"
"ATTACK OF THE EVIL HAPPY MEAL TOYS!" screamed a random character.
My Little Pony made a quick lunch of Marigold, while Nemo and his various affiliates tortured Draco with their Made-In-China flippers and Action Man made Princess slit her wrists and Hermione killed herself.
So there were no people left in the world except for the Evil Happy Meal Toys, because in bad fanfiction the only characters in the world (i.e. the story) are the important (i.e. pOpULr) characters.
Not that this is bad fanfiction, of course.
-looks around at empty room-
IS'NT IT?
Anyways, gotta finish the chapter.
So yeah, with nobody left in it, the Evil Happy Meal Toys took over the world and made it fat.
BUT THIS WAS NOT THE END!
Lol. Review and stay in touch for the revenge of the Canon characters, including Marigold and Princess, against the Evil Happy Meal Toys, who have taken over the world.
-Love,
Sammi