Gaia's Hidden Craziness
OR
Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.
Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
Setting: Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto
Main Characters: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin
Part 5
In Which An Inn Gets Trashed
OR
How To Make A Bartender Mad.
Zidane and Garnett watched Steiner walk away. The second he was out of sight, they burst into laughter. An innocent passer by jumped and had a heart attack as the bush started laughing. Another innocent passer became incredibly paranoid, and spent the rest of his life muttering that the bushes, and various other inanimate objects, were laughing behind his back. A third passer by was with a remote paper that was published in an unknown place deep in the hills.
A few days later, the village that the paper was published in had shrines worshipping the magnificent laughing bush. There were t-shirts sold on every corner stating: "I came to the village looking for a laughing bush and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Subsequently tourists got annoyed at the lack of laughing bushes and the village was burnt down in a raid by government officials attempting to cover up rumours of an alien sighting. It seems they got the wrong village.
Garnett and Zidane skipped through the town. It didn't take them too long because Dali is a small village. They got to the farm at the end. Zidane turned around and skipped back. Garnett stayed around. There was an old woman, or at least Garnett assumed it was an old woman. It was somewhat hard to tell. She stood innocently to the side.
"Whatcha doing?" She asked in an innocent, high pitched voice
"Farming" Said the farmer.
"Oooo, what's that?" Garnett asked.
"It's where crops are planted and then dug up."
"That seems like a waste of time. Why plant stuff if you're going to dig it up immediately?" The farmer clicked its tongue in annoyance.
"We don't dig it up immediately!"
"But you just said…" Garnett whined.
"Don't be stupid. Go away" So Garnett went away, wondering vaguely where Zidane had gone.
Zidane was in the bar. A girl stood behind it drying glasses with a cloth. This isn't surprising as bar staff are generally trained to never be seen by someone walking into a bar, unless they are drying glasses with a cloth. Anyway, Zidane was trying to get a drink.
"Sorry, we can't serve you," Said the girl.
"Why?" Zidane asked.
"Because we aren't open yet!"
"Why?"
"Because we don't open til later!"
"Why?"
"Because everyone is at work until then!"
"Why?" By now the girl was losing her temper.
"BECAUSE they need to earn a living!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE otherwise they would die!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE they need to buy food to stay alive!"
"Why?"
"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE QUESTIONS!" The girl slammed the glass she was drying on the bar. It shattered. She screamed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. The door fell off its hinges. Zidane blinked and stared at the door for a moment. Then he shrugged, jumped behind the bar and helped himself to several bottles of drink.
Garnett skipped through the streets
"Zidane! Oh Zidany! Ickle Wickle Ziddy?" Zidane cringed as he heard Garnett calling him "Ickle Wickle Ziddy". He jumped out from behind a bush.
"Let's go to the Inn!" They ran to the Inn quickly. The innkeeper stared as they entered.
"We want a room!" Garnett poked Zidane.
"Room-SA" Zidane blinked.
"But there's only one room…"
"That's not good enough!" Garnett picked up a lamp from a nearby table and threw it at Zidane. He dodged and it hit the Innkeeper. Zidane retaliated and through several books at Garnett. She screamed and grabbed a cat, throwing that at Zidane. The cat yowled, and clawed its way up the curtains, ripping them so they fell, and leapt on the bookcase. Zidane had just dodged a vase and bumped into said bookcase. The bookcase was wobbling and the cat's weight caused it to topple. It fell with a smash as the cat ran past Garnett causing her to fall backwards into an antique table. Which broke under her weight. More random objects were thrown before the Innkeeper got over the shock of seeing his beautiful Inn trashed. He then screamed and swore at the two travellers. Garnett and Zidane exchanged glances, and then ran. Zidane was faster than Garnett was and there was soon a distance between them. They ran out of the village and onto the plains.
Steiner had wandered over to the lookout point. He stared across the sky. He ground his teeth together. Then he jumped up and down in anger.
"Curses! Their nowhere to be found! Princess!" He fell to his knees and started sobbing. A little old man wandered up the path.
"Hey, Rusty!" Steiner growled. "You looking for a monkey tailed boy, a thief, a black mage and a little girl with purple hair?" Steiner's left eye twitched.
"No. As a matter of fact, I'm looking for the princess that accompanies that band of ruffians. I take it you've seen them." The old man blinked.
"Seen who?" Steiner growled again and turned to look across the plains. He blinked and stared harder.
"There they go!" He ran off in the direction he had just seen Zidane running. Garnett was quite a long way behind now. On his way, he knocked over the old man. The old man squeaked.
"Ah! My back! Help! Someone… Anyone?" He sighed, "Why don't I ever get any visitors."
END OF PART 5