Well well well, what can I say?
Be indulgent with me, I 'M not an english author but a french one. This fic is my first english fic. I'm proud, I must admit it. But if there's mistakes (I'm sure I made one spmewhere) don't be angry, it's not completly my fault. I learn english since only four years. (And british english, let's guess that I'm not the only one who don't understand every english word I used.)
And so, what about me?
Who am I? (A crazy girl of 15 years old that only think about beybalde (mangas) and school. (I don't have the choice.) What am I? Some kind of fuck . . . (No, that's my brother's description, not mine. Rdicalement? Where does it come from? Don't know, that's surelly not important. (What am I? What am I ? I'm pathetic!)
Well now, what about the story? It,s a one-shot, a yaoi Kai/Tala, a song fic. . . and one other but I'm leaving you the surprise! Sorry for mistakes (one more time.) And you's talking during all the fic? Kai! So I wish everyone will understand what I mean to say in this fic, it's not easy to write in something else than your language, in fact I made it for one of my dearest friend. She'll recognise her if I say taht I'm tanslating her fic in english into french. That's easier this way I found.
If some of you want me to translate their fic, just review, if none, review, and if you just want to tell me that you don,t like the story, review. I want review! So now, let's all enjoy and read!
I dumped you again
That's it, I've made it again, it's desappointing myself.
I am afflicted.
That's it, I dumped you for the second time . . .
I don't understand
If I don't understand, it's certainly because there's nothing to understand.
No, that's make so much time that I repeat those words, that I hurt you again.
That's becoming an habit.
I tell you that I hate you. . .
It's happened before
Like I've told you so often, but it's false. I repeat it only to believe this myself. I hate you for make me feel like that. For being the only one who can made me feel guilty. If only it could be more simple. . .
can't take it no more
No, I can bear it no more.
Act so badly. . .
Make you live this nightmare to get me out of it.
To get my heart out of it.
I'm losting my reason.
I know that I haven't the right to let you down there, but they obliged me.
To rescue you?
Or die?
No, even this I cannot.
These foolish games
That was a game for fool.
Crazy like my grand father.
Like this old man that made you living a martyrdom
Always end up in confusion
I always end up in understanding nothing
Who I am?
Who you are?
What you mean for me?
That's really the last thing I can understand.
If I could've acted just one time differently . . .
I'll take you back
I already came back one time, remember?
Everything was going better.
Everything was so good, for sometimes.
That's right, not so long. . .
Not more then a day, but what a day. . .
We lived so much impossible things you and me.
Not only that day, during all our chilhood too.
For you, I saw it, that was the summum of hapiness.
Complete hapiness
A renaissance.
Just to leave you once again
But I leave you.
Like this, without any reasons.
Without a word, without even a goodbye.
If you could know how I've regretted it after.
How much I hated me for have made this.
But Balkov didn't leave me any choice.
I've made it for you.
Well. . .
I thought it was for you. . .
But that was for my heart.
And for your, a little.
We weren't almost sure.
Sure of nothing in fact.
I should have not leave you, but it happens some time that's leave seem to us to be the only good thing we can do.
I died in my dreams
You know, I always do thoses awfull nightmares . .
When I'm sleeping without you, it's impossible to got peace.
What's that supposed to mean?
However, I'm a big boy, I'm not afraid by darkness.
Nothing scares me.
Nothing unless being without you.
Your presence was protecting me from all, but without you.
Without you, it's mean you're without me. . .
That hurt when I think of that.
Got lost in the fire
I lost myself in the flames of my hell.
I'm lost in my lonelyness
In our lonelyness.
That's far of the eyes, far of the earth.
For now, my heart is bleeding.
I thought I could forget you, impossible.
I'm to afraid of having nothing where I can have a support.
To afraid of having nowhere where I can attach me.
And so I'm afraid of falling in despair.
I died in my dreams
Finally, my reason will come back to me.
I'm gonna understand ehat I need.
What we need.
reaching out for your hand
You remember when we were young?
One time, I fall of a tree.
That's stupid to only think of that, but you help me to get up, and you smile to me. I would haved keep your hand in mi one forever.
My fatal desire
I need you, I should admit it.
I need to know if you're in security, in good shape.
If I could take care of you, in knowing that I don't put you in danger by the same occasion.
I've failed you again
I came back once more.
I thought that everything would be alright this time, but. . .
When I know what you haved to bear during the time I was gone.
I hated me so much for don't haved be there, for don't have been able to help you.
Protect you.
Take your place.
However, make something!
That,s in coming back that I've realised how much I loved you.
And how much I hurt you.
Without even wanting to.
I understand all bad things I've made to you.
'cause I let you stay
Because even if I tell you nothing
Keep in silence.
Jeep in the silence what I should have tell you from the start.
This and to hide to you what I was feeling, I've made you believe that you mean nothing to me.
That you presence don't bother me.
And that it don't made me happy.
I used to pretend
I've always did like if . . .
Always act like it was real.
Real and true.
I'we you believed what was not true.
I've made believe it myself during all those years.
that I felt ok
I wanted to pretend that everything was right, real, normal.
Like if nothing had hurt us.
Like if our life was perfect, wonderful, beautiful.
Like if I don't wanna something more then victory.
That there was nothing more important.
That I didn't need anything more
Even affection and feelings.
Just one big lie
A lie, simply.
A life of lies.
I always been hide beside lies.
My perfect chilhood in a pretty castle next to a lake, with my parents.
A lie.
Me, unique child, wich family only want the good.
A lie.
All the adults have told me :
Lies!
Such a perfect illusion
And when we think about it.
Anyone could believe it.
They won't have see any mistakes.
In fact, everyone believe it today.
Everyone believe in this lie that is my life.
Everyone, except me.
Everything was done perfectly, everything was perfect.
To perfect.
I don't wanna believe it anymore!
It's too easy to hide ourself beside lies.
Beside false truths.
To hide us somewhere in inventing stories that make us forget our problems.
Our own problems. . .
I made you mine
I made you mine
I tell you all
Finally I've told you the truth, but doubt are always there.
The pain that I face for you, next day you bear it for me.
Even if I finally accept what I felt and if you admit it yourself.
They are always here, them.
He will be always here, him.
Balkov. Voltaire.
I made myself yours to make you forgive me.
But if our martyrdom continue to long under the supervision of those fools.
Just to leave you once again
I'll leave you here once again.
And they will manage to stop you if you want to follow me.
They won't let the two of us escape.
They're never gonna lost you and me by the same time.
By the way, they know well that if you stay here, I'll come back.
I'm enough stupid for this.
To get myself into the wolf's mouth
Oh the wolf!
Remember when we were small?
You were the big and bad wolf.
Me the pheonix.
The little bird that you killed and who came back to fight with you, even after death.
Indefinitly.
I don't wanna leave without you.
But than, our only chance for exit is death.
Because we cannot continue to love the other in silence like this.
To accept to only stand next to you.
To talk like there was nothing between us.
Like if nothing exist of other than victory.
No, you don't want to receive orders anymore.
Their commands, I won't take them anymore.
We're two stubborns, it's true.
To decide by ourself.
And be free, that's our goal.
I died in my dreams
But we don't have a lot of choices.
There's no time left.
Their experiences will kill us, or we'll do this by ourself.
You,re becoming crazy
My return had slowed the progress of it.
But madness make his way in you anyway.
Feet after feet.
She burn me with a small fire.
She kill me, slowly, but she's killing me.
What's that supposed to mean?
This, I can understand it well.
That's unbearing to see you doing anything.
To see you connected, attached, prisonner.
Just to provide you to hurt anyone after you received another injection.
Always tests from Balkov. ..
To think that our only futur is death, who's getting nearer every day.
That's painfull.
Got lost in the fire
I wish someone made me burn before I see you again being tortured by Balkov.
I lost myself in my head, in the clouds.
In the smoke that's filling the place.
Spencer put the fire somewhere another time?
His cas is really desesperate.
But you, you can get out of it.
There is a chance for us.
I can see the flames.
You're sleeping next to me.
Partner
You, the fire don't bother you.
I would stay here with you and fire wont even touch you.
It wouldn't touch you or me, or anything else.
Onlu Balokv.
Oh, that would be the fire of my anger.
But I can hear the others crying.
That's a total confusion
Spencer have not missed his shot this time.
I died in my dreams
That's now or never.
I shake you a little, explain you. We got to hurry.
You don,t want to die here and I don't want to see you dying here so. . .
Reaching out for your hand
I take your hand in mine.
It's now or never.
Partner
This time I'm leaving with you.
Our destination?
Hell or paradise.
All depend of what's going to happen now.
You're agree with me?
Of course you are, what a question.
My fatal desire
No, don,t say a word.
There's no time left for this now.
If we get out of it . . .
If we get out of here, you'll tell me everything you want.
I'll listen to you until I became deaf
What's not going to happen if you talk to me.
Your voice is my only reason for not became deaf
Your smile's my only reason for not became blind
Your presence's my only reason for not became dumb.
But hurry now.
There's no time to loose.
That's now or never.
We've got out by the window and fell in the snow.
Guards are all inside.
The manor's burning
That's now or never.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I nver be afraid by the fire.
This is the same for you.
We get through the walls of the abbeys.
Your red hairs flew in the wind.
You're blowing, but you hide it.
Like me.
The only thing that you don't hide is your hapiness.
But there is something like a shadow in your smile.
What's the matter?
What we're going to now?
I must say that's not very important.
As long as we're far from them.
And most of all, as long as we're together.
Oh, come on.
I'm gonna bring you somewhere I go only one time.
I was escaping form there, like today.
But I haved the heart in sorrow, because I was alone.
You'll see, it's wonderfull.
You won't feel the burns we've got when we were passing between flames.
I won't feel them as well.
We'll feel only our hands holded one in the other.
Our hearts that can beat at the same time.
The wind who make dance the clouds.
If we're dead?
I don't know.
I never died before.
It's not easy to know in those conditions.
If I see someone whose dead, I'll tell that the answer is yes.
But in waiting, all I can say :
Is that you,re with me.
That we,re walking hand in the hand on a sun's ray.
That the clouds are touching our shoulder.
That I love you, like ever, but that I'm now showing it for the first time.
Freely.
That we are free.
How I came here?
I was surelly dreaming because I saw my mother the last time I came.
When I think of it, we're surelly dead.
Yes, because nothing's still hurt me.
No pain.
And I don't see pain on your face.
I've told you that we'll get in hell or paradise.
So you're right, we must be in paradise.
Though free
With you Tala
My paradise would have been anywhere.
In hell like in sky.
Except on earth.
But in hell like in sky
Even if I prefer sky.
It got the color of your eyes.
What do you think about that? Pretty, sad ? We're at the end of my vocabulary. I know, that wasn,t very nice to kill them, but be sure that the two of them are very happy now and that an angel will take care of. . . (OK! Let's that they are happy and we'll be okay!) Now, for mistakes, i'm really sorry. Well, I doN,t know what I can say, if you want me to continue to do english fic (my mistakes weren't so bad) just tell it. I need to know! And if you want me to translate your own fic, (Well, I really need to know, doN,t you think so?) A well, let's say good bye. Thank you for have reading this, have a nice day, a nice holiday, a nice nicht, and so whatever you want! See ya!