Title: Sometimes It's Easier (6?)
Rating: PG or K+
Content: Angsting, sappiness
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they make me smile!
Randy was finding things difficult both personally and professionally. He was involved in a controversial storyline that was making him most uncomfortable, with scripts that called for him to utter words that he'd never think in a million years, never mind actually come out and say them. It was difficult to force a smile and pretend to Lita that everything was ok.
Everything wasn't ok. And he blamed himself for that. His pretence was getting harder and harder to keep up, and he wanted, and needed Lita's support and reassurance. The problem was, he was afraid to ask for it. He wasn't sure if Lita was ready to take his weight.
Time off was a scarce commodity, but occasionally their schedules worked out so that they had three or four days off together. On this occasion, Randy had decided to surprise Lita by getting to her place a few hours before she got back, and he planned to treat her to a candlelit meal, champagne and chocolates. He wasn't the most original guy when it came to romance, but he was sincere and enthusiastic. He also hoped making the effort in doing this might take his mind off work concerns.
Things were getting tough for him: although most fans knew that there was a difference between on and off screen, some didn't. And it was that minority that seemed determined to cause trouble. Randy had been waiting to collect his luggage at the airport when one wrestling fan had recognised him and bitched him out for desecrating Eddie's memory. Randy had hung his head in shame, agreeing with the fan but not being stupid enough to risk his career by doing so publicly. The words stung though. It was hard to remember that the fan was ranting at Randy Orton the character, not Randy Orton the person, when the words were so vitriolic. They cut deep, despite all the rationalising.
He knew why Lita felt the way she did now, how helpless and hurt a situation like this could leave a person. It was one thing understanding how a person felt, another thing to understand why. It made him love her a little more, if such a thing was possible.
He was impatient for her arrival, hoping that her presence would be enough to take his mind off his own problems. She'd sounded better, happier, in recent weeks, and he was hopeful that it was because she was rebuilding her fragile self esteem, rebuilding her dreams, rather than rebuilding the walls she'd built up to protect herself. He hoped that she'd still need him.
The sound of her key in the front door was a welcome one. He walked into the hallway to greet her, not wanting to appear as desperate for her touch as he actually was. He held out his arms and she dropped her bags and ran into them, kissing him fiercely, as if any further deprivation from him would have killed her completely.
"Missed you angel," Randy breathed as he reluctantly pulled away.
She looked at him curiously, there was something in his voice she didn't recognise. It was the same waver in pitch she'd heard the last few times they'd spoken on the phone. He was hiding something from her, and it worried her, scared her a little. She forced a smile though, and caressed his cheek, "missed you too. I'm so glad we've got this time off together."
"Me too," he grinned, pushing his problems to the back of his mind for now to concentrate on the woman in his arms, "you hungry?"
"Starving."
"Good, the food'll be about another hour, you go sit down, I'll get us a glass of wine." He kissed her forehead and walked to the kitchen, and she did as he asked, figuring that everything seemed ok for now, and if things were going to change, she might as well enjoy it while she could.
He walked out to her carrying two glasses and an uncorked bottle, and sat at her side, carefully handing her a glass and pouring her a drink.
After he'd poured his own, he put the bottle to one side and touched his glass to hers. "To us," he whispered.
She smiled, "to us." Maybe she wasn't losing him after all. Of course that gave the suggestion that something else was wrong, because Randy's voice held something that wasn't him. She couldn't quite place the emotion: it wasn't fear, it wasn't nerves. She wasn't sure whether to ask him about it or not.
"I missed you like crazy, you know that?"
"I missed you too," things had changed for her, she missed him now because she missed his company, and his touch, whereas in the past she'd missed the protection and security he'd given her. He still gave her those things, but she wasn't reliant on them now. She was growing, she realised that, and she knew it was because of the space and support he'd given her to do that.
"How are things over there?" Randy missed being on Raw, she knew that. He had a lot of friends there. It was particularly difficult since Dave had been injured, as he'd been Randy's main friend and ally.
"Good, things are pretty crazy though. The writers are actually organised for once, and they're planning towards 'mania, sounds like it should be a hot card."
He nodded, the subject something he wanted to both address and avoid, "I heard from Dave, he's doing good, the rehab is going well."
"That's good to hear. Maybe he'll be back sooner than he thought."
"I hope so," the sadness in Randy's voice was something way beyond just missing a good friend.
"What is it babe? There's something wrong, isn't there?" She couldn't put off asking. Not any more.
"It's nothing… just this storyline with Rey. It's… I hate it Li." Randy took a large gulp from his wine glass, not wanting to burden Lita with this, not wanting to ruin their time off together. He'd tried hard to push it to the back of his mind and not let it bother him, but she knew him too well.
"I thought that something was wrong when we talked the other night. That was when you said Eddie was in hell, wasn't it?" She took the wine glass from his hand and placed it carefully on the floor. "Why didn't you tell me Randy?"
"I didn't want you to be worrying about me… and I thought that I shouldn't be so sensitive about it. Hell, I should be used to stuff like this by now, I've been wrestling for long enough." He'd been around wrestling all his life, but had never really bought into the idea of manipulating real life events.
"It's horrible, isn't it?" She looked at him sadly, knowing that he was experiencing pretty much the same emotions as she had.
"There was this guy at the airport… the stuff he said… I mean, I know that he was ranting at Randy Orton, wrestler, but it felt like he was ranting at me. It was so hard to not agree with him, not to say that I hate this storyline, that I hate all of this and that… I hate myself for disrespecting Eddie like this. He was such a great guy and he was so good to me, he taught me so much… and they're making me say this stuff about him and…"
"Shhhh," she put her finger to his lips, "don't. Don't talk about it. Don't dwell on it."
"How do I not?"
"I don't know. I'm not exactly the right person to ask, after the spectacular mess I made of everything," she smiled sadly, "but you got me through it."
"You got yourself through it."
"You were there to listen to me, to support me, and everything else, and I'll do the same for you. I'll try, anyway, as best I can." There was something akin to determination in her voice, a feeling that she had to do this, she had to test herself, she had to try to be an equal part of the relationship.
He recognised that, and nodded, "I've been keeping it to myself… I wasn't sure whether you were ready… I didn't want to put you under any pressure."
"You didn't have faith in me," she sounded hurt, so he quickly clarified how he felt.
"It wasn't that. You know that I have faith in you. It's just that… I should have told you right from the start, I just didn't want to put any pressure on you, and I thought I could handle it. Then it got harder and harder but I thought I could still handle it. Then it got harder and harder but I thought I could still handle it. I think that guy having a go at me just tipped me over."
"Then I'm glad he had a go at you." She laughed softly, and that forced a smile onto his face.
"Yeah, I guess."
She knew that she wasn't the strong person she used to be, but she also knew that she was developing different strengths, and that if nothing else she would be able to listen to Randy and be there for him. The really important thing for her was that unlike before, it was something she wanted to do.