Diclaimer: I do not own any ninjas, and definitely not Naruto. If I did, they would be running around doing my bidding, or possibly in my bed.
A/N: This is something I wrote as a free-write for English class. I had this sudden realization (while I was thinking about anime instead of doing my homework) that Sasuke still sees Itachi as a role model, someone to emulate and even surpass if he can, despite his vow to kill him. It's really a basic archtypical sibling realtionship, but the older brother happens to be a psychopath who happened to murder his own family.
Sasuke tries, but in the end, he's just not good enough at being Itachi. No matter how many times he looks himself in the eye and tells himself not to care, he's just not good enough. He's only a fake sociopath, alienating others because he's scared to move on, to turn his mind from childish thoughts of revenge. Sometimes it works. Sometimes the tears well up in Sakura's eyes and she stops trying to impress him for a little while, and sometimes there's real hate behind Naruto's insults and glares and punches. When it's like this, Sasuke should feel triumphant; he has succeeded in not caring, in not being weak. But instead he feels sick, and secretly regrets hurting them.
Times like these, a part of him wants to go to Sakura and hold her, and tell her that he's sorry and he really does care about her, but he doesn't, because he's not that weak. And part of him wants to tell Naruto he was just kidding, and laugh and punch him lightly in the arm, but he doesn't because he's not that strong and besides, he never learned how to do that kind of thing. But no matter how much he yearns to do these things, he cannot, for that would make him weaker still. This regret tells him that he is not good enough, or perhaps it makes him not good enough. But these feelings are small compared to his hate, he thinks, and so he pushes them aside, continuing on his proverbial good-intention-paved road to hell.
There are other times, though, when somehow they sense that he is bluffing, that he is as weak as they in his heart of hearts. Somehow they break him down, and he finds himself losing site of his goals and becoming entangled in their lives. Sometimes it's small, like allowing Naruto to draw him into some ridiculous contest, or having a real, friendly conversation with Sakura. Other times it's something so big, like risking his life for them, or even almost dying, that he hates himself tenfold for it, and forces himself to train all night for a week without sleeping. He usually collapses in the first three days he attempts this, but luckily that's never happened in front of his teammates.
And so when Naruto semi-literally jumps on him for not rushing to help Sakura fast enough when she takes that kunai through the side, screaming something about protecting precious people and being stronger, Sasuke finds himself listening, just a little bit. And a long slow realization begins. Sasuke knows he isn't good enough at being Itachi, but maybe he doesn't have to be.
A/N: So what do you think? Reviews with constructive criticism are much appreciated.