Chapter 8

Terminated

Cameron wiped the tear away that was on her cheek. She was sure she must have done something that upset or hurt Vanna. To know Vanna felt some kind of emotional pain, made her feel emotional pain. Cameron felt a glitch impulse with her new worry for Vanna. She reached over with her right hand to touch her left hand. It started to glitch again. She could not stop it by trying to hold it with her right hand. This was the first time it happened since she was – rebuilt. She was connected by the tether to her server and it was happening again. It was a physical reaction to an emotional event. It was very disturbing to her. She hoped this problem would have been solved. It clearly was not.

Cameron replayed the events that just transpired. It was like John and her before they came to retrieve Sarah from jail. She'd 'presented' herself to John and wanted him to - kiss her and to - touch her. John did not have the courage or did he have too much – guilt? Maybe he just felt guilty about what he did with Riley. Cameron caught him the night he spent with Riley. The pain she felt was on her face and he smirked at her. It was if he spit in her face and smiled about it. The glitch became worse as she relived these events. To her at this moment it was if they just happened right now. That was the feeling that she felt.

Now Cameron thought she must have felt exactly like John did that day. Now she understood the saying that someone can not fully understand something until it happens to them. It just happened to her she reflected.

Cameron told John how she felt and tried to make herself - available to him on several occasions. She told him the truth that she loved him and he loved her. The one thing that stung the most was when she went to his room and THEN he went out to share with Riley instead. What a slap in the face, a stab in the back, a dagger to the - heart. On every occasion involving Riley, John backed up Riley. Cameron remembered the way they would smirk and make fun of her, taunt her, laugh at her. Cameron noted her hand glitched wildly now. She could see she was losing control. Why would John back Riley over her? Riley could not protect him. She could not even protect herself. Did they have to laugh in front of her face about it?

Cameron was confused. She loved John and wanted John. John was not here. John never came back from the future. John never came back for her. Regardless of her feelings and desires for John, there was Vanna. Feelings for Vanna were expanding inside of her. She wanted to respond to Vanna in some way. She was not sure how. None of her programming or research was directed to a situation like this. She went back to work on the chip. She hoped it would help. It did not.

Cameron thought she needed to stop working on the chip before she damaged it. Her hand only seemed to get worse.

In the background the printer could be heard working. Poems were being created and printed as her feelings battled themselves. A battle raged in her 'heart' at the same time it raged in her mind.

She was here now and she knew she wanted comfort and understanding. John was not here to provide her with that, Vanna was.

Sarah spotted Vanna at lunch. They were in the commissary.

Sarah gathered her thoughts before she sat down. She ran a dozen scenarios through her mind. She did not like any of them. These were adults. Vanna was an adult. Cameron was an 'adult'. They deserved a right to choose the path they followed. If both girls wanted the same thing, who was she to say anything? Sarah was afraid both of the girls, Vanna and Cameron, would end up getting hurt when - if John came back. That all depended on John coming back. He should have returned by now. What if John never came back? Then what? Cameron would need a true friend more than ever as the weeks turned into months and then into years. Didn't both of them deserve some happiness in this cruel life?

Sarah realized Vanna now stood in front of her. When did that happen?

"Hi, Sarah." Vanna said.

Sarah thought it looked like Vanna may have been crying earlier before lunch. Her eyes were red and a little puffy. Sarah figured the best thing to do was just - say it. She wanted to speak her piece and let the cards land where they fell.

"Vanna, I don't know how to say this nor do I want to interfere. I know you know that Cameron is - different than us. It seems as each day passes that she is more like us. She is very focused on what she has set as her directives and mission. She may not understand – how you feel."

Sarah was glad she was able to get it out. It was very hard to do. She understood the pain of emotions and feelings.

Vanna looked at her for a few seconds. Then her head fell forward slightly. It felt like a moment of defeat. She took a deep breath and lifted it back up to face Sarah.

Vanna thought she'd developed better control of her emotions. That evidently was not the case.

"Is it that obvious?" Vanna asked. "I have been trying to fight it."

Sarah could clearly see it. She'd been there. She'd seen John there.

"To me, yes." Sarah said. "You look at Cameron like my son looked at her and she looked at him. It is 'that look' that is unmistakable."

Vanna did not feel any shame for having feelings for Cameron. Cameron was the most special individual she'd ever known.

"Sarah, at first I tried to tell myself it was 'Allison' I saw in her, not Cameron." Vanna said. "The more I did that, the - deeper I fell. Cameron is truly unique."

Vanna was aware this started when she first interacted with Cameron on her server. That was before Cameron was able to interface with her chassis again.

Sarah previous heard the name 'Allison' spoken by Vanna.

"Allison? I heard you call Cameron that before." Sarah asked. "Is that the same Allison Young that Cameron was patterned after?"

Vanna was not sure how to explain this. She was not even sure it was possible. She was here and things were different in her future. Something was possible based on that.

"Yes and no. My Allison is from a different timeline where John Connor or Cameron did not - exist." Vanna said.

Sarah understood that to mean there were two different versions of Allison that started from the same individual. She wanted to make sure. This all had to affect John in some way.

"You're saying that it is the same Allison but a 'different' Allison." Sarah said.

That was the only way for Vanna to see it at this point. She didn't know if the other future even existed still.

"Yes." Vanna said. "They are the same but in - alternate or divergent timelines. They started from the same person but experienced different lives."

Sarah was pretty sure Vanna and her Allison were more than friends. She wanted to make sure.

"You and your Allison were…?" Sarah wondered.

Vanna looked Sarah straight in the face. The future was brutal. Men did terrible things to females of all ages. If they were a female, they were abused.

"Yes." Vanna said. "You don't know how females were treated and abused, Sarah. Terrible things happened to females in the future. Most women could only find comfort and understanding in other women. It was the only place to find love returned when it was mutually and lovingly shared. Everything else was - taken from us. It all happened by a group of men using brute force, a knife dug into your throat or a gun pressed into the side of your head. That was my relationship with men. I never had a choice, NEVER."

Sarah was in some sketchy situations herself a few times. None of them were quite that extreme. There were still men that she would rather not have been with. The protection of John came first. She did what was necessary to protect John.

"I'm sorry, Vanna." Sarah said. "I did not know it was that - bad."

"Cameron is MY Allison, HER Allison and HERSELF all in one. She is an incredibly dynamic - individual. I can't stop my feelings from expanding, Sarah." Vanna said. "I am reaching for the 'Forbidden Fruit' and I can't stop."

Sarah knew you could not always walk away but you could try.

"Can't means won't." Sarah said.

Vanna still looked Sarah in the face. She loved Cameron.

"Yes." Vanna said. "I am not ashamed."

Sarah did not want to seem too harsh. The future was uncertain. Everyone needed - friends.

"You should never be ashamed for being - yourself or what you believe in or feel." Sarah said. "Life is short and can end at any time. I have seen it."

Vanna saw plenty of it too. The issue here was Cameron.

"I have seen her inner beauty, Sarah. I have felt and experienced her pain and misery and love and joy, her hope and want. I have FELT it." Vanna said. "It is all so - beautiful."

Sarah wondered how you 'felt' another's feelings and emotions. She wondered if Vanna found some way to interface with Cameron.

"Felt it?" Sarah asked. "How?"

Vanna gave Sarah a faint smile.

"I have felt her through her poems." Vanna said. "Her mind is reaching out begging to be heard and felt. It is begging to be touched back. She wants to feel love returned to her."

Sarah was a little confused.

"Poems? Cameron wrote you a poem? I remember she tried that once at home for school and was very upset at John's suggestions on how to - improve it." Sarah said. "I found blood on one of her shirts later that same day, her blood. I think she may have tried to hurt herself."

Sarah did not know that was the day Cameron gave herself a heart. The Tin Man or Tin Miss in this case received what she wanted the most, a heart.

Vanna saw it all differently in regards to the poem.

"Cameron didn't need to 'improve' it, Sarah. She just needed someone to LISTEN and understand and to HEAR HER. Now, THAT is ME." Vanna said. "I am listening now and I can't stop. I need - more. I want to share her pain and try and give her joy. I want to be there for her."

Sarah was at a loss for words.

Vanna did not know how to make Sarah understand.

"I understand NOW what Cameron meant that 'only your mind need undress' and that they 'never need hear the other snore'. She is crying out on an intellectual level beyond our comprehension. She needs to express her mind - physically or she will self destruct. I can SEE that as clear as day." Vanna said. "She needs someone."

Vanna was on the verge of tears again as she thought of the pain and suffering Cameron experienced. The sad part was that most of it at the hands of Sarah and John. Much of it was because of John's actions with another female, a REAL female. It was all shoved in Cameron's face.

Sarah knew everyone needed someone in some way. For her it had been John the last few years.

"I can understand that." Sarah said.

"Did you know there was an explosive charge inside of her head? She put it there herself. She can not self terminate. Once when we were working she said that she thought termination was - beautiful. I did not understand it then. I do now. I understand now that she was asking John if he chose that other girl over her to press the button and end her misery and suffering." Vanna said. "Who does that to someone, Sarah? Cameron could not stand the pain of being rejected and even worse - replaced. Cameron was begging to be TERMINATED."

Terminated

The love between two people
Should be germinated
It is not something
To be manipulated

Love can make both
Of them feel exhilarated
If left uncultivated
It may soon be evaporated

As two work together
They can be invigorated
If one looks elsewhere
Love may soon be invalidated

When the love is nurtured
Both can feel infatuated
As one is pushed away
They are soon infuriated

If the love is given to another
All trust is obliterated
Leaving the one shunned
Longing to be terminated

Nobody