Chapter Ten

"Maybe there's just an innocent wounded little girl in there who wants to come out and play and be loved."

They were back in the East coast; it'd only been a few days since they had all broken M'gann M'orzz— a White Martian; Manhunter's niece —out of the lab the Light had been holding her captive in and in that time between Ohio and the house they were hidden out in, all she had said was Thank You.

At least, that's all M'gann had said on purpose; Arley didn't sleep— or at least tried not to —so when she would take watch at night in the window of the condemned Yonkers home they were squatting in the former Lantern would hear the Martian girl mutter in her sleep.

Please no. It hurts. I won't tell you!

"STOP IT!" Both Superboy and Dubbilex sat upright at M'gann's first scream; Superboy woke up with half a snarl while Dubbilex's horns glowed brightly, illuminating the dark room.

"M'gann," Arley said gently. She knelt next to the ratted old couch M'gann was stretched out upon. She shook the Martian awake, "M'gann it's okay!" M'gann sat up with a choked scream, "It's okay!"

M'gann, who had shifted into a humanoid form, one that resembled her uncle's usual one, sobbed. Arley was quick to move from the floor so that she could wrap her arms around M'gann.

One hand braced the alien's bald head against the crook of Arley's shoulder while the other rubbed up and down M'ganns back.

"Heyheyhey," Arley cooed, rocking the Martian girl back and forth, "It's alright."

"It's not! It's not! I can still feel it!" M'gann sobbed hysterically. "I can still feel them cutting me open!"

Arley felt the fingers of the hand that had been rubbing M'gann's back curl; fisting the back of the fabric the Martian girl was wearing.

The ropy scar that extended from Arley's lips throbbed in a way that didn't exactly hurt but reminded Arley of how it once had.

Dubbilex had told her, no matter how much serum she took, the Phantom pain would never go away.

"I know," Arley hushed, "But-but you're not with them anymore. You're okay. You're free!" M'gann seemed to still at the word. Free. "You're free and you're never going back, okay? You're okay."

"I'm okay," M'gann sobbed. Arley moved so that her arms were no longer wound around the Martian but rather, instead, so that her hand was cupping the side of the alien's face. M'gann's eyes reminded Arley of molten lava.

"Psimon is dead, M'gann. He's never going to hurt us again." M'gann seemed to sob harder at that declaration. She grabbed Arley's hand and brought it from her face to her chest; M'gann clutched at it, like it was a lifeline of sorts.

And perhaps it was; perhaps it was the only thing grounding M'gann to Earth at that very moment.

"Thank you," M'gann cried. Her shoulders had stopped violently shaking and her cries had subsided into whimpers. The Martian girl took a deep breath of air in through her nose as her forehead met with Arley's shoulder.

Arley felt the alien's eyelashes flutter closed against her skin.

"It was nothing," Arley said softly. "Really." And she stayed there; as Dubbilex moved to the window and Superboy grabbed a pop tart out of their duffle bag of food, Arley stayed on the disgusting couch M'gann had claimed, holding her. Rocking her bath and forth— the same way she could remember her mother once doing to her —until she was sure M'gann was asleep.

Arley, as she laid M'gann back down, looked at both Superboy and Dubbilex; the clone was halfway through with his first pop tart when she stood.

"I'm sorry, I should have woken her up sooner, you two need your sleep."

Superboy snorted, "We need our sleep?"

"Superboy is right," Dubbilex said, "When was the last time you slept?"

Arley shot the genomorph an affronted look to which the ends of Dubbilex's lips twitched upwards.

"I'll take the next watch," Dubbilex said, only for Arley to shake her head in protest. "Arley—"

"—I'm fine Lex, I can stand a few more hours."

"Lex?" Dubbilex smiled; Superboy chortled from his corner.

"See," the clone said, "You're so tired you're giving us nicknames."

"Maybe I'm giving you guys nicknames because I care."

"Really then? What's mine?"

"Asshole." Superboy flipped Arley off to which she rolled her eyes.

"Arley," Dubbilex said; it almost reminded the former Lantern of Dinah and the tone she would use when she and Roy would get a little too out of hand.

Roy.

The boys.

Arley looked up at the pieces of rotted wood that was exposed via holes in the ceiling.

They're dead. They're dead and I'm here.

"You know what, forget sleep we should talk," Arley said.

"Oh?" Superboy chimed.

"Who-what? Are we hitting next?"

"You're kidding, Arley we hit a base five days ago," Superboy stood.

"And?" It'd taken less time than that to hit the Boston lab and they had only just broken out. "There are dozens more out there-and what about the people in charge? We can't stay idle."

"We also can't act recklessly," Dubbilex said. "You would have us leave our-M'g-her while we attack another base?" He motioned his head towards the sleeping Martian.

"Of course not," Arley said.

"Then you would plan an attack bound to fail; either you leave myself or Superboy behind to protect and watch over her, or you leave her alone."

Arley shifted; she hadn't thought of how M'gann would impact their war against the Light, all she had thought about in the past five days was making sure M'gann was okay, that she understood she was free.

"She can join us," Arley said after a moment.

"You can't be serious, she can barely stand on her own, getting her to eat is a chore," Dubbilex listed.

Arley wanted to point out that she could barely stand on her own when they had hit the lab in Boston; that she'd only escaped in the first place because of the nearly lethal amount of adrenaline he'd given her. Arley held back the snappy I know that rested on the tip of her tongue; I know she can barely stand. I know she can barely hold down any food. I know she's in pain. Because I am too.

Instead though, Arley said, "After what they've been doing to her all these years I'm sure she wants some justice."

"I'm sure you're right but not now Arley."

"Then when, Dubbilex? I can't-I can't just stand around waiting for them to track us down and attack or to amass more power and complete whatever evil plan they set in motion three-four years ago. I need to stop them." She needed her pound of flesh or justice enacted; she needed Savage's head at her feet or else she would never be able to breathe again.

"And you will, no one-neither of us are saying to stop. Neither Superboy nor myself want to but we're not machines, nor are we soldiers. We need reprieve," Dubbilex said earnestly. And Arley got that; she understood but—

"I am a soldier Dubbilex."

"But we're not."

Arley lifted her chin and looked at the genomorph; she wanted to scream. It was childish and Arley knew that, it made her stomach twist but she wanted to stomp her foot and scream because Dubbilex didn't get it because he was right.

He— and Superboy and M'gann —weren't soldiers. But she was.

And what is a soldier with no weapon? With no men or command; just broken pieces they don't quite know how to mend together?

The answer was nothing. That soldier was nothing.

She was nothing.

"I'm going to get some air," Arley said; she ignored Dubbilex's sigh and the sound of protest Superboy made from the back of his throat as she turned on her heel and went towards the back door. The plywood that had been used to board up the house was half off; it was how all four of them had snuck into the condemned building.

The crisp fall air bit at Arley's skin and though she instantly regretted not going for the jacket both she and Superboy shared, Arley stood on the cement landing, among the overgrown weeds and under the few stars she could make out twinkling in the sky.

They weren't far enough away from the city for the sky to be alight.

When she'd been younger— before all of this —her bed in Cost City used to be right up against the window that lead to her fire escape; and every night she was on world she would look up at the sky and, one by one, use her ring to figure out which solar system she was looking at until she fell asleep.

But her ring was dead and heavy on her finger; no matter how much she wanted— and willed —there would be no way to find out which solar systems the stars, she was looking up at represented.

Something creaked; Arley spun. Superboy, with his second pop-tart in hand, stood in the condemned houses rundown kitchen like a kid who'd gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"Yes?" Arley raised a brow.

"I—" Superboy paused. He took a step forward, the lone pop-tart outstretched, "—You haven't been eating."

Arley felt her face shift; she felt her lips twitch and her nose scrunch as her heart twisted at Superboys wide, kind eyes.

"Thanks," she said softly. She took the pop-tart and looked at it; it was s'mores flavored. Both Superboy and Wally's favorite.

Arley bit into the breakfast pastry as she sat down on the concrete steps; Superboy followed suit. His shoulder pressed against Arley's.

Silence settled over the two of them easily enough; only for Superboy to audibly sigh several moments later, disrupting the sounds of chirping crickets and Arley's chewing.

"Do you remember your parents?"

Arley nearly spit out the last few bites of the pop-tart she'd been given.

"I'm sorry," Arley said with a half full mouth, "What?"

"Your parents," Superboy repeated slowly, "Do you remember them?"

No.

Arley had never really met her father; he'd been killed around the time of her first birthday. Mugged for the fifteen dollars her parents had scraped together for her baby food.

Sort of.

Her mother had been named Maria and spoke more Spanish at home than English but she always sang to Arley. Arley could no longer remember the words or tune just the fact her mother had sung.

"Why?" Arley asked instead. Superboy's eyes narrowed up at the sky.

"M'gann's DNA is what binds mine," he said, "Luther kept me in a pod until I could be useful and Superman, who knows if he knows about me. But she's here and—" Superboy had cut himself off, his voice had not only grown quieter with every word but became more and more thick with emotion as he'd spoken.

"She called me Conner," he said a moment later. "It's not like she wanted her DNA used, you know? When she wakes up, what if—?" Again he'd cut himself off but Arley understood where he was going.

What if M'gann wanted nothing to do with Superboy and Dubbilex?

It was a reasonable question; the Light had held M'gann captive and used her— cut her open and taken what they had wanted —to create what they had hoped would be a generation of superior underlings.

M'gann could easily see them as extensions of the Light sooner than she could see them as parts of herself.

"What if she wants this Conner?" Instead of me, wasn't said but Arley had never had trouble reading between the lines.

"She could," Arley said earnestly. "She might."

"Thanks," Superboy responded dryly. Arley's elbow knocked against his.

"You asked."

Silence once more fell over them and Arley found herself thinking of Oa. She thought of the crypt that laid underneath the city's surface.

Statues dedicated to the most heroic of Lanterns had been carved into the walls next to the gems that lit the cavernous underground crypt.

Arley wondered if after all of this, once Savage was dead she would be buried there or if Superboy and Dubbilex— and M'gann perhaps —would find a nice wooden grove for her and lay her down there. Or if perhaps she would simply go down swinging; if she'd bring the building down around her and Savage and make a tomb of her own.

"My mother is dead," Arley said suddenly a moment later. Superboy blinked, "She died a year after I was captured. It's why Sportsmaster cut me." Arley motioned to her face and the thick scar that trailed from the corner of her lips to the bottom on her cheekbone.

"What do you mean?"

"My father died when I was like a year old and my mom, she worked two jobs to support us. Her parents had thrown her out when she got pregnant so it was just us against the world and she was running home when she found the Joker and his goons loading up some guy into their trunk."

"He didn't kill her?"

"May as well have," Arley spat. It wasn't safe to go to Gotham, not with Bats and Dick's clone running around but if she had the chance— if she just so happened to run into him —Arley knew she'd take a meat cleaver to the Clown King of Crimes kneecaps before blowing him away. "He has this thing, Joker-gas. Puts the victims into a catatonic state of sorts. No one's home but they have this smile-his smile and they laugh."

Arley didn't mention the violent rages; she thought of her mother, a woman she could barely remember but knew was bright and full alive, sitting in a hospital bed smiling.

The pads of Arleys fingers brushed her scar.

"So Lantern! Word is, you're officially an orphan. But since it's not like you can go to your ma's pine box funeral let's do something else to remember her by!"

"My programming, what Cadmus taught me. I'm supposed to say sorry, right?"

"You are," Arleys head bobbed up and down.

"That's not going to help though." Arley snorted at Superboys mystified tone.

"It won't. But it shows the other person you're empathetic. Sympathetic?" Arley shrugged, "Anyway it shows you care."

"Oh." Superboy turned his head and looked at Arley, "I'm sorry."

Arley felt the ghost of a smile graced her lips.

"Thanks." Slowly, Arley eased herself against Superboys shoulder, until she was leaning the entirety of her weight against him and her eyes— left than right —dropped, and sleep overtook her.

…

Arley opened her eyes and was met not with Sportsmaster or Savage but rather, with her own reflection. She was surrounded by mirrors; no matter where she looked she was met with herself.

Or at least, a version of herself.

Several of the Arley's that surrounded her were of past images. A girl with short hair and no scars, one with bruises and pigtails and ribs that protruded just enough to make anyone looking at them uneasy.

The Arley in front of herself was of a girl she could barely remember being. Tiny and with eyes so bright they could light entire solar systems but a face grave enough for Arley's own gut to tug.

"Who are you?" The young Arley asked, her voice echoed around the glass room.

Arley— the older, damaged one —felt her fingers curl into the palms of her hands; her knuckles whitening.

"I'm you," she said. The younger girl's face twisted.

"No you're not. I'd never do what you have."

"I've done what I had to!" Arley snapped back. "I'm at war!"

"Is that what we're calling it?" Another Arley asked. She was older. Her hair was short and she had a vibrant green ring adorning her finger. "Because I've seen war and the shit your doing would make a Galran blush."

"That's a lie!" The Galra had made their prisoners fight to the death in cage matches; the bloodier the better.

"Is it?" Suddenly the mirrors— sans the one directly in front of Arley; the one with the child version of herself —were filled with memories.

The scientist at Cadmus Labs screaming as Dubbilex rifled through his brain. The men at the warehouse, all on their stomachs and then the gunfire that killed them. Shimmer. The two lab rats at the Columbus, Ohio base; Arley could still smell the scent of burning flesh.

It was enough to make her stomach churn.

Her eyes fell to the ground; there was no frame for the mirror, it was as if it had sprouted up from the smooth white ground.

"So what?" Arley asked, "So what if it is a lie?" Just because she was fighting dirty didn't mean the fight she was waging was wrong.

"It's wrong!"

"I'm doing what I have too!" Arley took a step forward, "I don't like it but you know what? I'm not you! You're dead so shut up and get over it!"

"And who's fault is that?" The Arley in the mirror asked coolly; her eyes dead and flintly.

"That'd be me," another Arley said. She was in uniform, tiny and with her heels clicked together. "I mean," this Arley said slowly, "I was so hungry and cold. All we ever wanted was to survive."

"We want to protect people!" The tiniest of them cried. "All we've ever wanted—"

"—Was to be okay," another Arley said. She was older, her hair was short; she'd been the girl to die fifty some odd sub levels below street level. "Drop the holier than thou act kid, all any of us wanted was to be safe."

"And look how well that turned out," the young, uniformed Arley scoffed.

Arley, the only one not in a mirror felt her chest constrict as more mirrors flashed to long forgotten memories.

The warlord. The armada she and Kilowog had destroyed. The soldier who's hands had been wrapped around her until Arley had brought a rock down upon his head.

Those memories mixed with her newer ones until, asides from the fractalized versions of herself, death was all Arley could see.

"Look at what you've done," the Arley in front of her demanded. "What you've made us do."

"I didn't make you do jack shit. We did what—"

"—We had to," all of her reflections chorused.

"Yeah," the tiniest Arley scoffed. "Sure. Or maybe you were scared. Maybe you should have never gotten the ring. Maybe—" her voice changed. Arley looked up from the floor and no longer saw herself but rather, instead, Sportsmaster. "—Maybe you're just not worthy. That's probably why no one ever came for you."

Arley couldn't breathe. Sportsmaster eyes were dark; the kind of dark that went on forever. The kind that consumed; they reminded Arley of black holes.

Arley sucked in a sharp breath; Sportsmaster predatory grin stretched across his face.

"Come on kid. Those Guardians of yours are all knowing. They knew where you were." Arley shook her head. She took two steps back from the mirror only for Sportsmaster to seemingly get closer.

"You're wrong!"

"Am I?" Sportsmaster was getting closer. His voice was getting louder. "Or maybe you just don't want to admit it kid. No one wants you around." Arley watched as Sportsmaster stepped through the mirror.

Six foot three and dangerous.

Arley felt tears begin to cloud her vision.

"Just admit it kid. You're nothing. Nothing to the Guardians. Nothing to that partner of yours. Nothing to the League, and nothing to those boys of yours."

"That's a lie!" Arley shouted; her voice raw and wobbly. "You killed them! Wally came for me and—" Arleys knees shook as she cried harder.

Wally was dead.

"Did I?" Arley looked at Sportsmaster, "I mean he never said it. Not really. You just assumed."

"What?"

"You would rather that boy of yours be dead than move on. Wouldn't you?"

"No," Arley said softly. "No I wouldn't!"

"Are you sure?" Arley spun; her back to Sportsmaster. Wally, in a mirror, had his arms crossed over his chest and a sad smile gracing his face.

Arley had always loved his smile. It was always bright and warm; forget the sun, Wally's smile, could power several cities.

"Wally."

"Answer the question Glowstick. Are you sure you rather I be alive? I mean if I am, I moved on. I never even tried to save you."

"But you did! You-you—"

"—You don't know, do you? You have no clue what you want to believe." Because believing he was alive meant having her heart shattered in an entire new way. Him being dead, it meant he had tried to save her; that he hadn't through she was replaceable but it meant that he was dead.

"I'm sorry."

"No your not," Sportsmaster spat. Arley, having forgotten all about him, spun, away from Wally and was— suddenly; Arley let out a scream —was grabbed. "Pathetic. You're pathetic kid and I'm going to gut you!"

Arley tried to hit him, to move her hands so that she could swing her fists but just like in Cadmus, they felt heavy and weighed down.

"Let me go!" Arley wriggled. "Let me-Wally!" Arley sobbed, "Help! Please! Plea-let go of me!"

…

Arley was in Superboys arms. Her back was to his chest and he was swaddling her against himself; they were still in the backyard.

Tears streaked across her face.

"It's okay," Superboy said. His nose was pressed against the top of Arleys head, buried in her hair. "You're okay."

And somehow it was those two words that made her cry harder because she wasn't. She would never be okay, not again. Never again.

Notes: For for not posting as regularly; I was sick and then Halloween and now I have my LSAT next week and I'm freaking out. But I hoped you liked the chapter!

Anyway, let me know all your thoughts about this chapter in the comments down below!