To Be
DISCLAIMER: I do not own RENT or anything affiliated with it.
"He said that last time, too, Joanne. I don't think he's really ready to give up yet," Roger said. He and Joanne were sitting on the sofa in the loft, while Maureen had gone to try and talk some sense into Mark, who had gone up to the roof.
"We can't lose Mark. Not yet. He's the one that's holding us together now," Joanne told him. "If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't still be with Maureen… and yeah, it would have saved me a lot of pain, but it's also because of him that she's turning into someone else… someone I love even more than the drama queen I met in the first place."
"Maybe it's just time to let go," Roger said. He sighed. "Maybe he was only supposed to stay with us long enough to get through Mimi's death."
"You can't really mean that."
"I have to accept that it might be the truth. I mean, it's God we're talking about here. There has to be some kind of plan," Roger said. Joanne smiled and shook her head.
"Never took you for the religious type," she replied.
"Yeah, well don't go spreading that around… Not exactly something I want to tell the world… might ruin my image," Roger joked. He laughed with her for a moment before turning serious again. "It'll all turn out for the best, Jo. You'll see."
LINELINELINELINE
Mark stared off across the tops of the buildings, ignoring the woman standing behind him. "Mark, it's okay. You can admit that you're scared," she said.
"It's not even that I'm afraid of it, Maureen. I accepted death a long time ago… I was ready for it then, and I'll be ready for it when it comes. I just don't want all of you trying to make my decisions for me," he replied.
"She means well," Maureen reminded him.
"I know. I just… I need time to make a decision that I can live with. I don't need everyone's opinions this time," he told her. He turned around to face her, sitting down on the ledge. "I don't want to do all of that again if it probably isn't going to work."
"It's your decision, Mark," she said, walking over towards him. She sat down next to him and put her arm around him. "You've got to do what you think is best."
LINELINELINELINE
Mark opened his eyes at the sound of the loft door opening. He smiled as Collins walked in. "Hey man," he said, sitting up and putting his glasses back on.
"Hey. Roger called me… told me what was going on," Collins informed him. Mark just nodded and looked down at the floor.
"I suppose now you're going to give me your opinion on what I should do," Mark said.
"Nah, man. It's not my place to tell you what's right or wrong," Collins said. He sat down in the chair. "I'm just here because y'all need me."
"Thanks, Collins," Mark said.
LINELINELINELINE
Mark dialed his grandmother's telephone number back in Scarsdale and waited as it rang. "Hello?" she asked.
"Hey Grandma," he said, leaning back against the door frame and sitting down on the floor.
"Yeshula! How are you?" she asked.
"Okay, I guess. How is everyone?"
"We're all fine here. What's wrong, Yeshula?" she asked. He sighed and closed his eyes.
"Grandma… the cancer came back," he told her.
"Yeshula, Mark… are you going to be all right?" she asked. "What do you need me to do?"
"Grandma, there isn't much they can do this time," he replied. "They said I could do chemo again, but it probably wouldn't be worth it."
"What do you mean not worth it? It would save your life," she said.
"It didn't work last time. They doubt it will work this time either."
"But it's still worth trying, Mark. You can't just give up without a fight!"
"I did fight, Grandma. Two years ago. I don't have any fight left in me," he said. He glanced over towards Roger's door to make sure the musician hadn't listened to that part of the conversation. He still wasn't sure how to tell his friend.
"Mark, be serious here. Are you really ready to die?" she asked. He sighed.
"Of course not, Grandma. But I don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter," he reminded her. He forced himself into a standing position and walked back closer to the telephone base. "I have to go, Grandma. Tell everyone I love them," he said.
"Are we going to see you again?" she asked.
"I don't know. Just… just tell everyone, okay? I can't." He hung up and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes once again, this time to keep himself from crying.
"Mark?" Roger asked, walking out of his room. Mark slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, prompting Roger to run across the room to his friend. "Mark? Are you okay?" he asked, kneeling down next to his best friend. Mark nodded and sighed.
"Yeah, I'll be okay," he said, trying to force the tears away. He opened his eyes and pushed away the small amount of moisture that had managed to leak out. Roger pulled his friend into a hug.
"It's okay, man. It's okay."