Chapter 16

Sarah

Sarah was very happy that John was back. She was thrilled that John was able to meet Kyle and Derek and both of them were alive in that timeline. John told her all about Kyle and what he was like. It was distressing for her to know he was still young like he was when they'd first met. She'd put on a few more years and been with quite a few men in the meantime. She wished she would've gone back with Cameron. She was upset they hadn't told her. Then again, that's probably why it wasn't mentioned. Lies of omission?

She believed Cameron that she didn't want anyone she cared about hurt because of her. When Cameron left to get John back she made it clear that she might not return. She even asked that her program be erased from the server and terminate her existence. That was something to think about. She reflected that Cameron risked herself to save both Derek and her even after the way they treated her and all the ugly comments and threats. Cameron came after them and faced possible termination both times. Cameron still came for them. Cameron was so much more than she'd first thought. It seemed everyday she was a better 'person'. She wondered if John fully understood the 'person' and the 'woman' that Cameron now was. She knew Cameron wasn't done growing yet. She knew Cameron was just starting to expand. Her development was nowhere near its zenith.

She thought that John would tell Kyle he was his father but he didn't. Neither Kyle nor Derek in the new timeline knew they were family to John. John wanted to tell Kyle and Derek so many times, he told her. It didn't seem to be the right place or 'time'. John wasn't sure what it would do to the timeline for them to have that information. He wasn't sure if Cameron's future even existed still.

Sarah considered asking Cameron to send her into the future so she could be with Kyle. She was worried now that she was 'older'. Kyle might not want her. This Kyle didn't know her or how she felt about him. She didn't think it would go well. Knowing Kyle lived and that he was alive would have to be enough for her. That was something. He wasn't dead. She was glad Derek was alive as well. She felt responsible for both of their deaths and it troubled her deeply. It was their involvement with her that seemed to get both of them killed. She sadly remembered that applied to Charlie as well.

She went to the lab to speak with Vanna and see how things were going. She knew the direction Cameron and Vanna were obviously headed and then a 'monkey wrench' was thrown into their path. She knew Vanna was head over heels in love with Cameron. Cameron seemed somewhat intrigued with Vanna 'knocking on the door' to her heart. She was unsure if Cameron was able to distinguish between deep friendship and love. Maybe they were both really the same thing. It was very evident that Vanna was Cameron's first true friend.

Vanna wasn't there in the lab when she arrived and looked around. She noticed something else that caught her attention. She found a stack of papers on Vanna's desk. She picked one up. It was a poem. She read it.

Sarah was able to feel the emotion and pain behind the words. It was impossible to miss.

It was signed - Nobody.

She thought about that for a few seconds. Who feels like - Nobody? That was a very low feeling to have about yourself. That would leave the person on the edge. Living or even being alive would mean very little to them at that point.

Sarah read another poem. These are very personal, she thought. Then it hit her. These were Cameron's poems. This WAS the real Cameron. It was her thoughts, feelings and 'emotions' expressed in written form. She put them down. I'll need to ask her permission before I read these, she thought. It was like reading a girl's personal diary in a way. She respected Cameron too much now to violate her privacy. She knew Cameron would NEVER leave John. She would die before she let him be hurt or injured. She knew that Cameron would take termination in John place if that event were ever to happen. She didn't always like the way Cameron did things but she now understood her better. Cameron was doing what she believed would help and protect John and the future. That was always her goal.

Sarah picked up one more poem. Tears filled her eyes as she read it. She set it down.

The reality and the depth of Cameron's 'feelings' really touched her. Cameron was deeply hurt by what they'd all done to her and how they'd treated her.

'What have I done? What kind of person am I? My hate blinded me. I am so sorry, Cameron.' Sarah thought.

Sarah knew these 'feelings' were a direct result of what four people did to Cameron: Riley, Derek, John and her. She felt ashamed for all of them. They'd all disrespected Cameron and treated her like - Nobody.

The lab door opened. Sarah looked up and saw it was Cameron.

Wait.

The look was a little off. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't Tight.

"Hello, Allison." Sarah said.

Allison looked around the room.

"Hi, Sarah. Is Vanna in?" Allison asked.

Sarah came here for the same thing.

"I was waiting for her myself." Sarah said.

Allison frowned a little.

"If I see her soon I will tell her where you are." Allison said and left.

The door closed.

Sarah really wanted to ask Allison if anything 'happened' between her and John. She too noticed the interactions. It wasn't her place to interfere with her son's personal decisions. She didn't think it would seem right for a mother to ask someone what they were doing or did with their son. She could see how John being all alone and isolated might fall for a human female that looked like Cameron. It was who Cameron was based on at least, even if it was another version of 'Allison'. There was no denying that Allison was beautiful even with her minor flaws. They would rapidly disappear and increase her beauty as they did.

Sarah wanted to read another poem. She paused and needed to reassure herself to do what was right.

"No, I must respect Cameron's privacy." Sarah said softly.

She sat contemplating the events leading up to where they were at now. It was one strange journey, laced with death and destruction. Derek indicated that everyone dies for John Connor. She was very aware if they didn't die they needed to sacrifice for him. Everyone seemed willing to do that on their own accord.

Vanna showed up a few minutes later. They greeted each other. She saw the stack of poems by Sarah.

Sarah noticed where Vanna looked. It made her a little self conscious. She felt she needed to address the issue.

"I can see these are highly personal and I only briefly looked at a couple. I wanted to ask permission to look further. Did Cameron make these for you or for you to read?" Sarah asked.

Vanna often wondered that about some of the poems. Cameron indicated they were from her 'poem book' but still some of them seemed directed at her.

"I think most were created before she knew me. She wanted me to see, no, feel, what she felt and feels." Vanna said. "I thought some might be directed at me. I don't know. Some show the extent of her pain and suffering."

Sarah thought about it all from the first moment that she saw Cameron.

"I don't think I ever understood the depth of her and how she was evolving everyday, Vanna." Sarah said. "I let my anger and hate blind me to a truly unique 'individual'. I think John is the brunt of who she is 'talking' about, at least what John did to her."

Vanna could feel Cameron's pain and sense of betrayal and replacement followed by emotional abandonment and then real physical abandonment.

"She loves John. I think you know that. John is her world. She was determined to go find him as soon as she was mobile. She did." Vanna said. "She told me everyday she needed to find him and bring him back. She always said it was the first thing she was going to do once she was mobile again. It was too."

Sarah nodded. Cameron promised her she would do just that and she did.

"Yes and nothing in this world could have stopped her." Sarah said.

Sarah noticed a 'mark' on Vanna's neck. She needed to ask.

"What about you?" Sarah asked. "How is everything working out?"

Vanna raised her hand to her neck. Allison 'marked' what was 'hers'.

"It is all fine, Sarah. Cameron was never mine to have. Allison is here now so I can refocus and try to move on." Vanna said. "I just don't think people realize how dynamic Cameron truly is. There simply is no other like her."

Sarah tried to get a joke in to liven up the somber mood some.

"There's Bob and Jim." Sarah said. "They are both versions of 'Cameron' now."

Vanna shook her head a little. That seemed to be its own problem.

"What a nightmare." Vanna agreed. "We need to reintegrate them all back together before one terminates the other. They can't self terminate but this is a way I think they can. It will be by them terminating each other. I actually think Cameron will terminate both of them herself."

The lab door opened. Cameroon walked into the room.

Vanna and Sarah looked at her. She was always a sight to behold, especially since John was back.

Cameron did look Tight, Sarah thought. Look at her. Now that Allison and John were back she looked extra Tight. It was probably to ward off the competition and hang on to what she saw as 'hers'.

Sarah wanted to ask for Cameron's blessing to read her poems. It was because of their very personal nature that she thought it was prudent.

"Cameron, I noticed the poems you created." Sarah said. "They seem very personal and I don't want to intrude. I looked at a few until I realized they were your poems. I'd like to ask your permission to look at them."

Cameron appreciated Sarah asking her that. It showed a level of understand and respect that wasn't there before. That gave her a 'good' feeling inside. She could tell that she'd earned that respect from Sarah.

"Yes, look into the heart and mind of the ONE who loves your son." Cameron said. "See and feel the true depth of my feelings and emotions. SEE ME. FEEL ME."

Cameron felt that this would give Sarah the opportunity to experience her inner self.

Sarah felt a pang of guilt.

Vanna watched it all. Allison was back now and they'd spent a lot of time in each other's arms. The love was still there and as strong as ever. There was also something that was just as persistent. She knew she was still hopelessly in love with Cameron.

Lies Of Omission

Life has many self created prisons
To keep our soul in detention
To crack our armored shell
Our inner self afraid of contrition

Are the cards ever all played
Or seen as lies of omission
Can we give more than we take
From those whom we seek emotional nutrition

To let the cracks split open
May force us into submission
To slowly open up to one we care for
Is not an act of purposeful sedition

Can we read between the lines
To understand by our intuition
To express our feelings and desire
We may rely on perceived supposition

To build complete loving trust
We will submit to inquisition
Two crying unfulfilled empty hearts
Seeking in life's lonely juxtaposition

Our own hurting minds crumble
Surrounded by emotional decomposition
Life on the crumbling edge
It may lead to weary suspicion

Outright false untruths on purpose
For most are the real deadly mission
To protect ourselves and loved ones
Everyone hides behind lies of omission

Nobody