Hi all! I'm back with another chapter. This one was so hard to write! Well, I'd been writing it in my head for days but articulating it enough to get it on paper was a bit difficult. A lot of research went into it too, so hopefully that shows through. It also turned out to be longer than I expected (which always seems to happen) but I felt that the ending scenes needed to be included. Anyway, on to the chapter! Mando'a translations in the end notes.
Summary: Iyla attends her Gathering at Ilum and has to face many trials while in the caves. She learns to tackle her insecurities, overcome her doubt, and trust in herself to find her crystal. But of course she's a Kenobi so nothing could ever be that simple, right? 😉
Chapter 17: Crystal Caverns
The ship was abuzz with excitement and anticipation. Eight Jedi Initiates all headed to their Gathering were trading theories and secrets about the ceremony and what they'd encounter during their trip to the caves. Some spoke of rumors about Jedi left behind, some pondered what color their crystal would be, and others imagined what it would sound like to hear their crystal calling out to them.
"I heard it's like a song. And only you can hear it. No one else," one Initiate said.
"I heard that it only sounds like a song to the person whose crystal it is. To everyone else it sounds like an annoying buzz," another replied.
"No, no, that's not it. No one else can see or hear anything unless it's theirs," a third one argued.
The three dissolved into a heated debate about the callings of the Force through the crystals. Other debates included if the Jedi gets to choose their color or if it is chosen for them.
"I hope I get green. Like Master Yoda!"
"No, I want blue! Like Master Skywalker! He's the best fighter there is!"
"I'm going to pick purple, like Master Windu. Plus, it's my favorite color."
"You can't pick your color," one of them said rolling their eyes.
"How do you know?" the other challenged.
"Because…well…just because."
"Wow, that's super convincing."
The argument spiraled from there and drifted down the corridor to the remaining two Initiates on the ship.
"I just hope I don't freeze to death," Hadi Kuman said with a shiver. "What about you, Iyla?" the Iktotchi asked.
Iyla who had been sitting with her eyes closed peeked them open at the question. She really didn't feel like talking to the other Initiate but she figured it was rude to ignore him.
"I just hope I get one," she replied
"Of course you're gonna get one," Hadi said. "Everyone gets one."
"But what if I can't find it? Or there is no crystal for me?"
"You worry too much," Hadi replied before heading off to insert himself in one of the debates.
Iyla frowned and slumped a bit. She did worry too much. But she couldn't help it. She wasn't exactly brimming with self-confidence and optimism.
"Hey, kiddo. You alright?" a voice from behind her said.
"Hey, Soka," Iyla replied with a half smile.
"What's wrong?" the Togrutan asked looking concerned.
"Nothing. Just anxious."
"Understandable," Ahsoka said putting an arm around her shoulder. "Want to do some of the centering techniques that Master Obi-Wan taught you? It might help."
"I've been trying but it's not working."
"Maybe I can assist you," Ahsoka suggested.
Iyla smiled and nodded. "Ok, thanks, Soka."
Both of them settled down in meditation poses and began opening themselves up to the Force. Iyla allowed herself to be led and helped by Ahsoka as she focused on ridding herself of her anxious thoughts. She trusted Ahsoka deeply so it wasn't hard to let herself be brought to a peaceful place by the Knight.
Iyla found herself feeling extremely grateful for Ahsoka's presence on this mission. Having a family member with her did wonders for Iyla's anxiety. Plus, her Papa was a nervous wreck about it all. It wasn't until Ahsoka agreed to accompany Knight Offee that he was more open to the idea of Iyla attending the Gathering.
Iyla felt a nudge from Ahsoka and came back to herself on the ship.
"Better?" she asked.
Iyla nodded and smiled.
"Good. Now what about going back to the main room with the other Initiates?"
Iyla scrunched up her nose then looked away. "I don't really fit in with these other kinds, Soka. Plus, I'm like 2 years older than them. We're not exactly friends," she shrugged.
"So they're a bit younger than you. Who cares?"
"I care. And some of them do too. I heard them talking about why I'm doing my Gathering at 13 and not 11 like usual."
"Iyla, you can't let it get to you. You know that going late was nothing you could help. It shouldn't matter what they think. It's not your fault you had to wait," Ahsoka said.
Iyla huffed but knew she was right. She should have and would have gone at 11 if it hadn't been for a terrible bout of fever pox that confined her to the Halls for over a week. She'd been devastated when all her friends got to go and she had to stay behind to be poked and prodded by Healer Che day and night. Then she broke her arm and her leg three days before the Gathering when she was 12 and had to miss it again. It took Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin to console her when she found out she'd missed her chance a second time. Her Papa called it an 'unfortunate and uncontrollable setback' while her Uncle Anakin said it was 'just bad luck' and ruffled her hair. But Iyla had always been told that there's no such thing as luck.
She didn't see it as an 'uncontrollable setback' or 'bad luck,' she saw it as a sign from the Force that maybe she wasn't meant to be a Jedi. After all, the Force was doing it's best to make sure she never got to Ilum. Even this year she'd nearly missed it because of a bad reaction to some shrimp at dinner the night before. But she was determined to go and lathered herself in bacta to control the itchy spots setting her skin on fire. Her Papa hadn't been pleased with the idea of her going when the reaction wasn't completely healed but relented when he found out Ahsoka would be with her.
"It might not be my fault, Soka but what if it's a sign?" Iyla voiced her concerns aloud.
"What do you mean? A sign of what?"
"Like a sign from the Force. That I'm not meant to go or that I'm not meant to be a Jedi after all. I mean, I only barely missed going this year. Maybe the Force is trying to tell me something."
"The Force is trying to tell you to stop taking after your father and being so accident-prone," Ahsoka smirked. "You're meant to be a Jedi, Iyla. Trust me."
"How do you know?" she asked with a pout.
"I can feel it," Ahsoka said simply.
Iyla raised an eyebrow and looked skeptical.
"Put that thing down, I'm being serious. I really do feel it. You're meant to be a Jedi. The Force told me."
"It really told you?"
"Yes. It's been talking to me a lot lately. And I know you're meant for this path. It starts at Ilum and it has something to do with me," Ahsoka said looking a bit confused.
"You? Like what? Maybe because you're here with me now? At the start of my journey."
"Perhaps," she said, her brow furrowing for a second before letting it go. "But the point is, you are meant to be a Jedi and you are meant to be here."
Iyla seemed to relax at this. "Thanks Soka," she said with a smile.
"No problem," she replied.
Iyla stood up and felt her skin start to itch. She tried to hide her scratching but Ahsoka caught her arm as it moved to her neck.
"Are you itchy again? Didn't you put bacta on before we left? Maybe we should put some more on just to be safe," she said looking concerned.
Iyla pulled her arm from her grasp. "I'm fine. And I thought I left Papa behind on Coruscant," she scowled.
"Watch it, I can declare you unfit and say you have to stay on the ship," Ahsoka warned.
Iyla's eye grew wide and she looked pleadingly at Ahsoka. "No! No, I'm sorry. Thanks for being concerned but I'm ok, really. Please don't make me stay behind, Soka! Please!"
Ahsoka's eyes softened and she squeezed her shoulder. "I'm kidding, little one. I won't make you stay behind. But watch the sass, Kenobi," she teased.
Iyla gave her an innocent look and akk-pup eyes. Ahsoka snorted and started guiding her out of the room.
"Come on, imp. Let's get back to the others. We'll be landing soon," she said.
The pit of anxiety in Iyla's stomach started up again as she took her place next to the other Initiates. The excited conversations had stopped and no one said a word as a nervous energy started to fill the space and settle over the group. In a few minutes they'd be landing on Ilum. One step closer to finding their crystals and one step closer to the mysteries and trials that awaited them in the caves.
Ilum was kriffing freezing. Her Uncle had said as much, in those words too, much to her Papa's annoyance, but she thought he was exaggerating, like Anakin does. There was no exaggerating this time though. This time he was completely right. Holy kriff. Hadi Kuman had a point. Maybe she should be worried about freezing to death before she even found her crystal.
Ahsoka and Barriss were leading the group of Initiates across the frozen wasteland of Ilum's surface, heads bowed in submission to the biting winds. Iyla could barely see the person in front of her through the swirling snow and her peripheral vision was useless as the large fur hood over her head was encroaching on her vision as well. She found herself having to rely heavily on the Force to make sure she didn't get off track. It felt like the planet was testing her before she even had a chance to enter the caves.
The group stopped abruptly and Iyla nearly collided with the Initiate in front of her which threw her off balance. She stumbled and felt herself going down before a hand steadied her. She squinted up at Knight Offee who smiled at her. For the first time since they left the ship, Iyla was grateful for the wind chapping her skin red as it hid the humiliation on her cheeks.
The roaring of the wind was so loud that Ahsoka had to practically yell to be heard as she explained how to open the cave entrance. Together as one, both Knights and all eight younglings called on the Force to help them. The shifting of the earth nearly sent Iyla tumbling a second time but she managed to hold steady as the cliff in front of them seemed to collapse. For a second she feared the frozen ice rocks would come crashing down on them but they were all still standing when the tidal wave of snow cleared. Ahsoka ushered them all through the opening in the wall while Barriss brought up the rear.
A ripple of awe passed through the Force as each Initiate entered the icy chamber and saw the towering statues of Jedi past. A hushed silence and reverence fell over the group and they lined up respectfully to listen to Barriss and Ahsoka's instructions.
"Initiates," Barriss began. "Today you take the first step on your journey to becoming a Jedi. The caves of Ilum are an ancient and sacred place where generations of Jedi have come to seek out their kyber crystals, the very heart of the lightsaber. Each crystal is unique to the Jedi and many trials lie in the way of the path of those who seek them."
"The caves will not be kind or easy to navigate. You will not be led by a Master or shown the way. You must find your own way. You alone must face the perils and the tests that the caves present to you. Everyone's journey is different and everyone's lesson they learn is different as well. You will need to trust the Force and you will need to trust yourself," Ahsoka finished.
Iyla took a deep breath and bit her lip. Trust was not something that came easy to her. Doubt clung to her as deeply as insecurity and neither would be welcome companions in the unforgiving caves. "All you take into the caves is yourself," her Papa had said. At that moment, faced with an unknown path winding and stretching before her, Iyla couldn't think of a worse travelling partner than herself. "The caves will try to trick you. Play with your mind and play on your fears. You must not let it, Iyla. Resisting the traps set before you is the real trail of Ilum. The crystal is a very small part of it."
This thought was doing laps around her mind as Ahsoka explained that they only had so long to get their crystal and get out. Oh great, there was a time limit. So she'd have to face herself and her fears then conquer them in a certain amount of time? Maybe the Force had the right idea in trying to keep her from coming here. The reflecting light from the window to reveal the cave entrance would have been more impressive if Iyla didn't feel like she might pass out.
Before she could try to find any sense of calm, Ahsoka and Barriss had dismissed them into the caves. The Initiates split off into two groups and were quickly on their way to find their crystals. Iyla was left behind though. Such was the trouble with going to Ilum with a clan of younglings who all grew up together. She wasn't even spared a second thought.
Typical she thought dejectedly. She shook the negative thought from her head though and took a deep breath. She really needed to keep her mind concentrated and focused. Reaching out for the Force and closing her eyes, Iyla felt a small tug of something urging her to the left. She opened her eyes and looked at the dark passageway before her. It didn't look very inviting but none of Ilum appeared to be inviting either. Plus, if it was inviting, it wouldn't be much of a trial, would it?
"Get a move on, Kenobi," she muttered to herself. She'd get nowhere by standing and staring. She needed to walk.
The passageway was cold and narrow but she continued to follow it, the tug on her mind still insistent that this was the way. She kept her mind and her ears open to anything resembling a song or a hum just in case she could hear her crystal calling out to her. Eventually the passageway led to a large wall of ice with no other way to go but back. Suddenly the Force was quiet. No humming, no song, no tug on her mind. A dead end? Already? But…she had felt the tug and she followed it. It had to have been the Force telling her where to go. Why would it bring her here?
"Because you're obviously not meant to be here," a voice called from all around her, echoing in the small space.
Iyla looked around wildly. "Who said that? Who's here?" The cave wasn't completely dark but the lack of natural light allowed shadows to cast all around her and any movement set her nerves on edge.
"You can't see me. And you'll never be able to. Just as you'll never be a Jedi."
Iyla's eyes narrowed. "Who are you? How do you know that? You don't know me," she growled.
"Oh, I know more than you think," the voice said.
"You sound familiar, but I can't quite place it."
"You're not meant to. You're just meant to leave. Because you're wasting your time."
"I don't believe you. You're just trying to play tricks on me. My Papa told me about it. I won't give in," Iyla said raising her head in defiance.
"Suit yourself. But you'll come to see it eventually."
And just like that a deafening silence took over the space and Iyla was left to her own thoughts. The Force was quiet again and no tugging resumed but she turned around and headed back anyway. Clearly this was a dead end and she needed to find a different path.
"Giving up already?" another voice whispered.
This time she wasn't as thrown off by it and simply flinched as she kept walking. "I'm not giving up. I'm finding a new way," she grumbled.
"Of course, that's what you do, isn't it? Can't do things right the usual way so you have to change things to fit your methods. Not very Jedi like," the voice said sounding smug.
"I'm following the Force," she replied, even though she hadn't heard from the Force since she first entered the caves.
"Oh, yes. Because following rules runs in your family doesn't it?" the voice mocked.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You yourself are a product of broken rules. Of disobeying the Force," the voice taunted.
"It wasn't the Force that was broken, it was the Code. And it's changed now anyway. Your argument is irrelevant."
"Changing the Code to fit yourself, changing course after the Force pulled you down a path, changing the very foundations on which the Jedi have built themselves on for thousands of years."
"I did not change the Code or the foundations."
"But you caused it. Any other changes you plan to cause?"
"Yes, a change in focus. To get rid of you," Iyla said closing her eyes and forcefully pushing the voice from the space.
She opened her eyes and felt the tug once again. She nearly cried in relief. The Force was still with her. She followed it silently and diligently down numerous hallways and paths until she was dumped out into a giant room with plunging spikes of ice coming up from the ground and down from the ceiling. She listened closely to the Force, expecting her crystal to be in the room somewhere but again she heard nothing. The tug was drawing her forward though so she kept following. The ice was slippery and crunched underneath her boots giving her an uneasy feeling. The tug jolted her to a sudden halt and she stumbled back a bit before she could topple over the edge of a cliff.
Her harsh breathing was loud in the empty room and the puffs of air from her mouth were fogging up her eyes.
"Now what?" she asked.
The Force replied with another tug forward.
"But…but I can't. The cliff just drops off."
The Force tugged again and drew her attention to another ledge across the divide.
"It's too far," she tried to reason. "I can't make that jump. I haven't mastered Force jumping yet."
"Most 13-year-olds could make it." The voice was back. "Oh, wait, I forgot. Most 13-year-olds are already Padawans, aren't they?"
Iyla lowered her eyes. The voice was right. Most 13-year-olds were Padawans already. Except her.
"But I'm not and…and I can't make that jump," she whispered.
"Then perhaps this is why you aren't a Padawan yet. Perhaps this is why no one will take you. Scared, incapable, weak. Those are not the traits of a Jedi."
"I know," she whispered again, lip wobbling. She sat down on the cold ground and pulled her knees to her chest.
"You're not even going to try, are you?" the voice taunted. "Just going to sit and cry like the worthless, incompetent, reject you-"
A fierce growl cut off the voice as Iyla shot to her feet and curled her hands into fists. "Shut up," she said viciously.
"Throw away. Good for nothing. Lazy. Bothersome," the words rang out around her this time sounding like Mrs. Huber. "No one will ever want you, wretch."
"Stop it!" Iyla shouted. "You're wrong! Papa wants me. My family wants me. I am not worthless!"
"You're right, darling," her Papa's voice soothed. "You are not worthless."
Iyla smiled and let his voice wash over her. "Thanks, Papa."
His soothing voice took on a mocking tone. "You are good for something, at least. Being a disappointment."
Her breath caught in her throat and her stomach plunged to her toes. "W-What?" she choked out.
"You are a disappointment, Iyla. You can't do anything right. You can't even get a Master at 13. What's the point in winning the Initiate trails every year if no one wants to train you? Clearly there's a defect that I should have seen from the start."
"P-Papa?" she whimpered.
"Perhaps Mrs. Huber was right."
A huge lump closed her throat and her heart pounded wildly against her ribs.
"N-No," she wheezed. "That's…that's not…" she gasped out between erratic breaths.
"You were doomed to fail from the beginning," her Papa said again sounding defeated and tired.
"No!" she shouted. "I…I…I'll do better. I promise! I'll train harder and meditate more. I'll-"
"None of it will do any good," he said with a hint of sadness. "It's too late. You've already disappointed me enough. Just as you will now. You'll fail at getting your crystal just as you'll fail at getting a Master."
"No, there's a Master out there for me, Papa. I know it!"
"How do you know?"
"I…I just know. I…felt…"
"You felt it? In the Force? Why would the Force choose someone so weak? You can't even get across this cliff. How do you expect to conquer anything else in your training?"
Iyla squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed her head shaking it and covering her ears as if to drown out and dislodge the voice somehow. This had to be a trick. A mind game. Her Papa would never speak this way to her. He'd never say these things. He loves her. He values her. He's proud of her. She may not be sure about herself and her abilities but she was damn sure about that. This wasn't real. This was her fear and her doubts taking over. And she had to stop it.
"How will you ever become a Jedi if you're such a disappointment? Why would any Master choose you?" Obi-Wan's voice sneered.
She opened her eyes and raised her chin in defiance to the voice and the doubts filling the Force around her. She ran a sleeve over her eyes and pushed her hair from her face. "Because I don't give up. Because I always take any challenge head on and fight my hardest. Because I am strong and brave. I am stubborn and hard headed and I don't back down. I am a Kenobi. I am a Kryze. I am a Mando Jetii and I am not afraid," she said through gritted teeth and she reached for the Force to fill her up and give her strength.
Kotep. Nasreyc. Kotyc. The voice of her Mama affirmed her words. Speaking of her courage, determination, strength. The voice repeated, rising up and echoing over the mocking voices. Infusing with her spirit as the Force whipped around her bolstering her up.
Then her Papa's voice. Quiet, sincere, comforting. Precious. Special. Wanted. Treasured.
Cyare, her Mama whispered.
Loved, her Papa repeated.
She let the voices and the words fill her up. She gathered the Force around her, buried herself in its power, soaked up its strength, absorbed its light.
Then she jumped.
She cleared the chasm but the landing was rough. Bony knees hit the ground and dirty palms scraped against jagged rocks. Blood pooled from a cut but she stood and wiped it on her coat. The Force was humming, tugging, pulling on her and she felt herself stumble forward almost not of her own accord. She was being led through icy puddles and over crystallized pebbles frozen into the ground. Her boots were wet and she was aware that she was shaking with cold but still she continued on. She was close. She could feel it. She could hear it. It was calling to her.
She quickened her steps in anticipation, not concerned in the slightest about her cold feet, bruised knees, or stinging hands. She followed the melody of her crystal and the urging of the Force. She followed it until her legs were sore and she saw a shimmering up ahead. A bright gleam of light was reflecting from underneath an alcove catching the light and singing in high pitched tones.
Iyla walked quickly to the glow and crouched down to reach inside. It was a tight fit though and her arms weren't quite long enough to reach it. She huffed and sat up on her knees though they ached something awful. Of course she'd get this close and not be able to get her crystal. But she wasn't going to give up. Nasreyc. Determined. That's what her Mama had said. She had to live up to it now.
The icy floor was cold under her as she stretched out on her stomach. She crawled forward slowly and peered into the small alcove curiously. It was clear that she'd have to get inside the alcove if she had any hope of getting to the singing crystal. Although not crazy about crawling in a narrow hole, she wasn't going to let fear control her again. She prayed to the Force that she wouldn't get stuck then shimmied herself into the small space. Her head brushed the top of the space at first but it seemed to widen and she was able to crawl on her hands and knees. Finally she reached the glowing light and excitedly stuck her hand out to grab it only to be met with a thick ice wall surrounding the crystal.
Iyla grunted in frustration and shifted her weight to strike the ice with her boot. All that did was scrape the surface and hurt her foot. But she tried again and again hoping for some tiny crack in the ice that might help her break the rest. She furiously struck the ice block, panting and gritting her teeth, movements becoming erratic and missing the mark more and more. Her panting turned to whimpers and tears spilled over blurring the bright light resting just beyond her reach.
She was failing. Her crystal was right there and she couldn't get to it. She'd have to leave empty handed. Or stay in the caves until she could get it, if ever. She'd get stuck for a rotation and most likely freeze to death nestled in this Force-forsaken hole curled up next to the shimmering light of missed opportunity and wasted potential.
"I told you that you'd come to see it eventually. You were doomed to fail from the start," the voice she'd heard when she entered the caves spoke up.
"Leave m-me a-alone," she hiccupped curling into herself for warmth.
"The Force must really not like you. To lead you all this way and deny you like this? That's just cruel. But, I suppose, this is to be expected after you disobeyed."
"D-Disobeyed?" Iyla asked.
"You know what I mean. You've been thinking it too. You've been doubting too. The Force has given you many signs that you aren't meant to be here. But you had to come anyway."
Iyla swallowed heavily and hugged her arms closer to her chest.
"It even gave you an allergic reaction but you still came. When will you realize that you can't force the Force to do what you want? You might have changed the Order, you might have changed the rules, but you cannot change the will of the Force. And the will of the Force is that you'll never be a Jedi."
"You're wrong," Iyla said shakily yet resolutely. "I am meant to be a Jedi. I can feel it. I sense it. I know!"
"There is a big difference between what you want to be and what is meant to be, Iyla. You were made out of attachment and allowed in the Order because your father was valuable. Not you. They never wanted you. You were important because he is important. But now, now you're disposable. A failed Initiate without a Master. What will they do with you? Your Papa will plead for you, speak for you, and petition for you to stay at least. But a shadow of disappointment and shame will always follow him. And it will be your fault."
Iyla squeezed her eyes shut and put her hands over her ears. She rocked back and forth as sobs poured from her and echoed in the small space. Failure. Disgrace. Disappointment. Each word floating through her mind and feeling as if it was burning into her skin. No, wait. It didn't just feel like her skin was burning. Her skin was actually burning. And itching. She hissed as the fire crept up her arm and her neck. The bacta cream had obviously worn off and her rash was flaring up again. Her fingers flew over her skin as she scratched herself raw, suddenly hot and unexplainably warm. Wait, warm? Her skin was warm. Her hands were warm. She looked at the block of ice containing her crystal, scratched up and perhaps a bit dented but no closer to being cracked or chipped than when she first discovered it. But…she felt warm. Hot even. Maybe…maybe she could…
She reached out to the Force tentatively. A hum of agreement met her question and she smiled. She wasn't in this alone. She took her warm hands and put them on the cold ice block. A shiver ran through her and she immediately felt the need to pull them away, the shock of the cold getting to her. But she left her hands there and sank into the Force. An intense heat took over and she started to feel the ice turn to water. The Force was heating the block! Her palms burned but still she kept them firmly in place, concentrating on heating up the ice around the crystal. Her efforts were commendable but not quite enough as the ice block had gotten smaller but still was not completely melted.
"This is going to take forever," she said opening her eyes. "I don't have time for this," she nearly shouted.
Patience the Force whispered.
"I'm trying but I can't get stuck here! I'll freeze!"
Nasreyc, cyar'ika her Mama whispered.
Persevere, darling, her Papa encouraged.
Iyla closed her eyes again and stuck her hands on the ice calling on the Force to warm her up once more. She felt the heat but again the process was slow.
"I can't…I c-can't…it's n-not working," she cried.
"Peace, little one," someone said.
She gasped and looked around. Who could possibly be in this tiny alcove with her? She barely fit herself. But there was someone there with her. A young woman in full beskar'gam with her hair tied back and a few waves escaping to frame her face.
"W-Who are you?" Iyla asked.
"Who I am is not important. What is important is that I can help you."
"But I'm s-supposed to be doing it myself," Iyla protested.
"Don't worry, little one. You will be," the woman smiled.
Iyla's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she opened her mouth to speak but the mysterious visitor cut her off.
"Now, we don't have much time. Place your hands on the ice with me and we'll melt it together."
Iyla hesitated. "But I've already tried. Even with the Force, it doesn't work," she insisted.
"It will work," the woman replied.
"How do you know?"
"Just trust me."
"I don't even know you. How can I trust you?"
"Do you trust the Force?"
"Yes," Iyla said automatically and unquestioningly.
"Do you trust yourself?"
This made her pause. "I…I don't trust easily. I…"
"I know, Iyla. But you have to try."
"Master Yoda says there is no try."
"Then don't try. Do," the woman said.
"Don't try," Iyla repeated to herself.
"Do," the woman encouraged.
Iyla nodded and straightened her shoulders. She got to her knees and placed her hands on the ice once again. She felt the woman next to her reach out to the Force and she did as well.
"Focus your mind on melting the ice. See it. Feel it. Trust the Force and believe," the woman said quietly.
Iyla continued to let the Force flow through her as her hands became hot and the air around them did as well. Soon the ice block was turning to liquid and she could feel the hum of the crystal increasing in volume.
"It's melting!" she cried excitedly. "We're doing it!"
The woman next to her smiled. "No, Iyla. You're doing it."
She looked down and saw the woman had taken her hands off. This nearly broke her concentration.
"I can't finish it myself though. I need your help again."
"Yes, you can. You're almost there. Keep going. Trust yourself, little light."
Iyla's eyes widened at the nickname but she didn't have a chance to ask about it as the last of the ice gave way and her crystal sat in a puddle of water. She quickly grabbed it and cradled it in her hands reverently. She didn't realize that she was panting or swaying in place, too occupied with staring at her very own kyber crystal. The reward for all of her trials. Her vision started to go blurry but she attributed that to the tears that she felt falling down her face. The concerned voice of the woman next to her had her looking up though.
"Are you ok? Whoa, kiddo, you're shaking really bad. And you don't look so good."
"Pro'lly the fever," Iyla replied with a lazy shrug.
"Fever?!"
"Yeah. Shrimp allergy. 'M itchy an' hot."
The woman sighed. "Damn, I forgot about that," she muttered.
"Huh?" Iyla asked.
"Nothing. Look, is Soka still here?"
"Should be outside."
"Right. Ok, just hang tight."
"Kay," Iyla mumbled, head spinning.
The woman closed her eyes and reached out into the Force to send out a warning to the Knight waiting outside the caves. Iyla slumped forward on to the woman's chest.
"Haar'chak!" she cursed. "Let's get you out of this cave, little one. Can't be good for you to be in this puddle either."
Iyla barely registered being pulled into warm arms. She barely heard the hum of a saber being ignited or felt the heat of the blade as sparks flew around them cutting a hole in the icy alcove wall. She squinted through the haze of her glassy eyes and caught a glimpse of bright green, and in the glow of the light she could just make out blue armor and orange tinted waves of hair. The question on her lips never fully formed before she felt herself giving in to darkness.
Ahsoka gasped and grabbed her head.
"Knight Tano, what is it?" one of the Initiates asked.
"I felt something."
"Like what?" Barriss asked.
"Like…danger. Someone needs help."
The seven younglings and Barriss looked at each other.
"Who?" Hadi Kuman asked.
"Iyla," Ahsoka gasped. "Where's Iyla?"
"She's not out of the caves yet," Barriss replied. "Do you think she's in danger?"
"I…I don't know…I felt…something."
"You sensed it from the Force? I haven't sensed anything," Barriss asked in confusion.
"No, not sensed. Felt something. Like, in my mind. Someone reached out. Gave me a warning."
"Someone told you Iyla's in danger? Through your mind? Ahsoka…"
"I know, Barriss. It sounds crazy but-"
"It doesn't sound crazy, Ahsoka. But it does sound like a bond of some sort. Do you and Iyla have a bond?"
"No. Well, maybe. I'm not sure. I've known her since she was three so I guess there could be some kind of bond formed between us, but…for her to call out to me so clearly and urgently. It doesn't make any sense."
"Well, whether it makes sense of not, if you think Iyla's in danger you need to go find her," Barriss said putting a hand on Ahsoka's arm.
"But, Knight Offee, I thought everyone had to come out on their own," one of the Initiates spoke up.
"There are special cases for emergencies such as illness or injury, young one. Knight Tano was sent a warning that Iyla might be in danger. We cannot leave her."
"Yeah, Iyla's one of us," another youngling replied. "Rules or not, we never abandon a fellow Jedi."
"You are right, Giza," Barriss smiled. "Now, gather around so we may meditate together."
"To ask the Force to help Iyla and Knight Tano?" a Mon Calamari boy asked.
"Precisely, Delkan. Come, let us get started."
All seven Initiates hurried to get into position and sank into the Force with Barriss guiding them. Ahsoka jumped up and made a mad dash for the entrance of the caves. The door was nearly frozen over but she ducked under it without even pausing. With her saber ignited she followed the tug on her mind and the whispered urgings of the Force. Through endless pathways and over icy terrain stepping frantically and quickly, effortlessly jumping over chasms and rows of icicles plunging up from the ground.
Close, close the voice in her head urged. She increased her speed and turned into a large room where she skidded to a halt in front of a small alcove that looked to have been partially melted. There on the ground she saw the girl, unconscious.
"Iyla!" Ahsoka shouted falling to her knees beside her.
She noticed that sweat covered her brow even as her skin felt like ice. She pulled the girl into her arms and noticed the wet clothes that clung to her. The melted ice must have seeped into her coat. How long had she been lying here wet and shivering? Ahsoka took the smaller hands in hers and started to rub them in hopes of bringing some kind of warmth back into the skin. When she felt them warm enough, she put an arm under Iyla's knees and went to lift her up, but a shimmering near her thigh stopped her. A small green kyber crystal was shining up at her where Iyla's hand once was. This had to be hers. Ahsoka grabbed it and shoved it in her pocket then hauled Iyla up into her arms and started hurrying back to the cave entrance. She was grateful for the Force's guidance of her steps because she hadn't been taking notice of how she got to Iyla let alone how to get back.
"Knight Offee! The entrance to the caves! It's frozen over!" Delkan shouted.
"But Knight Tano and Iyla are still in there!" Giza said sounding close to tears. "They're going to be trapped for a whole rotation!"
The other younglings let out distressed noises and some of them hugged each other as well.
"Peace, young ones. All will be well," Barriss comforted. "The Force will be with them."
Feelings of disbelief and grief swelled up even after Barriss' reassurance and they huddled together for comfort.
"Come on, Ahsoka," Barriss muttered under her breath. "Come on."
Suddenly a shattering sound broke the tense silence and a green blade cut through the wall of ice covering the cave entrance. The saber hovered in the air beside a panting Ahsoka who was carrying an unconscious Iyla in her arms. Barriss hurried over to them and helped her carry the teen over the threshold. The saber clattered to the ground but immediately flew into Ahsoka's hands where she quickly hooked it to her belt.
"Is she hurt?" Barriss asked, laying Iyla down on the icy floor.
"I don't think so. But she's warm and…" Ahsoka paused to catch her breath. "And freezing at the same time. I'm…I'm not sure what happened."
"We can't wait around trying to speculate," Barriss said. "Let's get her back to the ship."
Ahsoka nodded and shrugged out of her coat then wrapped it around Iyla as Barriss gathered her up into her arms. The Mirialan Jedi hurried out of the icy chamber while Ahsoka urged the younglings to follow.
The trip back to the ship was quick and solemn, no one daring to complain or comment about the increased wind and snow battering them as they ran. Once on board Ahsoka took Iyla from Barriss and rushed off to the makeshift med bay. The room was small and equipped for nothing more than minor injuries that could be patched up with bacta wraps and pain-relieving hypo sprays. But she didn't care. It was warm and it was safe.
She felt the moment the ship went into hyperspace and let out a relieved sigh that soon they'd be back at the temple. After a quick rifle through the cabinets she found a thermal blanket and towels. Ahsoka frowned in indecision. Does she apply cool cloths for the fever or work on warming her up? Would it be counterproductive to do both? She wasn't a healer but she knew Iyla needed some kind of help before they got to the temple. She settled for getting the girl out of her wet coat and boots and wrapping her in the blanket. The cold skin was an issue more than the fever, she decided.
"How is she?" Barriss asked entering the med bay.
"Still cold. And feverish. I'm not sure what to take care of first. But I figured the cold skin was a priority more than the fever."
"You're right. The fever doesn't appear to be concerning yet, but hypothermia is dangerous."
Ahsoka took Iyla's hand in hers.
"I've called ahead to the temple. A healer will meet us in the hangar."
Ahsoka nodded.
"Do you feel anything? Like through your bond?"
"I'm not even sure it is a bond, Barriss."
Barriss eyed her friend and bit back the urge to reply.
"I need to get back to the younglings. They're all pretty unsettled. I'll need to help them re-center before we land. I'll comm you when we're close."
"Thank you, Barriss," Ahsoka said looking up at her.
Barriss dipped her head and gave her a smile before bowing and leaving the room.
Once they reached the temple everything happened quickly. Iyla was carted off to the Halls and Master Alann came to retrieve the still slightly shaken Initiates promising them some warm cocoa and extra desserts. Barriss stepped away to speak to Master Yoda and a few other Councilors and Ahsoka was left adrift. She thought about following Iyla to the Halls but she'd seen Master Obi-Wan hurrying alongside the stretcher and decided that she'd only get in the way. Plus, Master Che wouldn't appreciate a crowded hospital room. Obi-Wan would be enough for both of them.
She was about to head back to her quarters when a warm hand settled on her arm.
"Hey, Snips. You look like you could use a hot meal and some warm clothes," Anakin said squeezing her shoulder.
She looked up at her former Master and blinked in confusion a few times. Anakin's brows furrowed.
"You've lost your coat. You look like you're freezing," he elaborated.
"Oh," she replied. "Gave it to Iyla." Her eyes took on a look of concern and she stared off in the direction the healers had gone.
"Let the healers work their magic, kiddo. Come with me back to your place to warm up. I might even be able to find some hot cocoa. That always worked when you were younger," he teased.
"Not a youngling," she grumbled but let herself be shepherded in the direction of her quarters.
"Of course not," Anakin replied with a chuckle. "But let your old Master take care of you for a bit."
Ahsoka grinned. "Alright. For my old Master's sake," she agreed.
Anakin cuffed her over the head and scowled. "Brat," he grumbled.
Ahsoka laughed and bumped his shoulder playfully. Anakin gently pushed her back then put an arm around her shoulders and steered her off to the residential wing.
Barriss was surprised to see Anakin standing in the doorway when she went to Ahsoka's quarters.
"Oh, Master Skywalker," she bowed. "Am I interrupting something? I can come back later if-"
"Nah, don't worry about it, Barriss. Ahsoka's just in the shower, should be out in a minute. You're welcome to wait here, come on in," Anakin replied stepping back to allow her to enter.
Barriss bowed and came into the room. She saw the sofa covered in blankets and a mug sitting on the table.
"You want some cocoa?" Anakin asked. "There's still a bit left from the batch I made for Ahsoka."
"That's a kind offer, Master, but no thank you," Barriss replied.
"Tea then?"
It was clear that Anakin was determined to get something warm in her as well. "Alright, if you don't mind."
"Not at all," he smiled then turned to rummage through the cabinets.
Barriss took a seat on the sofa and let an awkward silence fill the room. But Anakin was never one for awkward silences.
"So," he began as he put the kettle on. "What brings you here, Barriss?"
"I wanted to check on Ahsoka," she admitted. "The incident with Iyla seemed to unsettle her quite a bit and I was hoping to talk to her about it."
"Yeah, she did seem pretty rattled. She kept talking about a bond of some sort and feeling like she was being called into the caves."
"Exactly. I have a…theory and I want to share it with her. But first I need to ask her about what she felt. Healer Che and Master Kenobi are curious as to how she knew Iyla was in danger. I said I'd find out."
"Find out what?" Ahsoka asked stepping out of the 'fresher, a thick cloud of steam in her wake.
"Ahsoka," Barriss greeted. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, a hot shower does wonders. Have you had a chance to warm up yet?"
"She will once her tea is done," Anakin said with a wink to Ahsoka.
Ahsoka grinned and sat down next to Barriss on the sofa. "So, what are you here to find out?"
"Healer Che and Master Kenobi wanted to know about how you knew Iyla was in trouble. I told them what you told me but obviously I didn't feel it so I could only say so much. I thought perhaps we could discuss it more and try to figure it out."
"Right," Ahsoka said. "There isn't much else to it, Bare. I felt a presence of sorts in my mind, tugging and warning, and I knew Iyla needed me," she shrugged.
"But Iyla's too young to communicate with someone like that. She's not even a Padawan yet," Anakin pointed out.
"I know, Master but, that's what I felt. And heard. It doesn't make sense and I can't explain it any other way. I mean, I can't have a bond with Iyla…can I?"
"No more than she has with me and it's only a faint one because we're so close. Nothing as powerful as what you're describing," Anakin replied.
"But I know what I felt," Ahsoka said looking troubled.
"I do have a theory, if you'd like to hear it," Barriss began.
"Please, Bare, anything would help right now."
"Well, you know how you told me you've been hearing from the Force more lately? That it's been speaking to you more often? You even mentioned that a few times it involved Iyla somehow."
"Yes, but it hasn't been anything really specific."
"Maybe not but it is odd that you'd hear and see these things right before our trip then you'd just happen to feel a warning through something that felt like a bond involving Iyla and her safety."
"What are you saying, Barriss? That I somehow had a vision or something?"
"No, not exactly, but…"
Anakin seemed to catch on. "Ahsoka, what have you been seeing from the Force?"
Ahsoka looked away and seemed reluctant to open up.
"You can tell us, Snips. There's no judgement here."
"I…I haven't said anything because I didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea but…I've been seeing myself and Iyla training together, like me teaching her with her saber and helping with her studies and I thought this was normal, that of course I'd help her as she gets older, but…one time I saw…I saw her with a braid and we were on a mission of some sort and…then it ended. I got so freaked out and confused that I pushed it to the back of my mind and haven't thought about it since. Well, except for on Ilum."
Barriss and Anakin sat silently and exchanged looks.
"Ahsoka," Anakin began hesitantly. "Are you saying that the Force has been telling you that you're meant to be Iyla's Master?"
"I don't know! Yes, no, possibly! Ugh it's all so confusing! I never even spared a thought about taking a Padawan so soon and now it's all I can think about. The Force has been getting more insistent and bold and I have to be careful to shield when I'm around Iyla so nothing slips out. I don't want to give her false hope if it's not to be after all," Ahsoka replied.
"It sounds like it's meant to be to me," Anakin said. "Was this your theory, Barriss?"
Barriss nodded and squeezed Ahsoka's knee. "It's ok to be afraid, Soka. Taking a Padawan is a big decision and it can be very confusing . You're afraid it's more sentiment and personal feelings than the will of the Force, right?"
"That's exactly it, Bare. How much of it is the Force and how much of it is my own attachment to Iyla?"
"Well, there is a way to find out," Barriss replied slipping down the floor to sit with her legs crossed. "Meditate with me, friend. We can figure it out together."
Ahsoka looked anxiously at her Master and then down to Barriss. "But…what if we find out it is meant to be after all?" she asked quietly.
"I think you know the answer to that one, Snips."
"I…I'm afraid, Master," she admitted with a wince.
"It's ok to be afraid, kiddo. Barriss and I are here to help."
Ahsoka looked at each of them again then nodded and sank to the floor as well. Together Master and Knights called upon the Force and went searching for confirmation.
"Hello, my darling," Iyla heard from next to her bed.
She peeked her eyes open and smiled. "Hey, Papa," she greeted.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Mmhmm," she said with a stretch. "Not itchy anymore. Or hot. Or cold. Just really tired."
"The allergic reaction flared up pretty badly in the caves. Coupled with your hypothermia it became rather tricky to treat. But Healer Che isn't the best Healer in the Order for nothing."
Iyla looked down at her lap and fiddled with the blanket. "Sorry, Papa," she said.
Obi-Wan frowned. "Whatever for, my love?"
"I failed, Papa. I didn't make it out of the caves on my own. That means I can't be a real Jedi," she said dejectedly.
"Who told you that?" he asked.
Iyla shrugged. "Me."
"Well, you're wrong, Iyla. Nowhere does it say you can't be helped out of the caves. Especially if there in an emergency involved. Which there was. The reaction had progressed dangerously by the time Ahsoka found you. You never would have made it out on your own being so sick."
"So, I'm just really good at breaking rules," she replied. "Sorry I can't do anything the right way. Guess I am doomed to be a disappointment after all."
Obi-Wan was struck silent for a moment and stared at her in shock. "Iyla, you are not a disappointment," he took her hand and maneuvered her head to look him in the eye. "Where is this coming from, dear?"
"The…the caves, I, I heard v-voices and…they sounded like you and they…t-they s-said…"
"Oh, my little one. You know those voices were part of the trial of the caves. They were a trick of your mind."
"I know, Papa but it f-felt so r-real," Iyla sniffled.
Obi-Wan moved to sit next to her and pulled her into his arms. "Shhh, my darling. It's alright. It was meant to feel real. But you overcame it. You persevered."
"Nasreyc," Iyla whispered.
"Determined," Obi-Wan translated.
"I…I heard Mama say it in the caves."
"Well, I'm glad someone was there to give you encouragement," Obi-Wan said looking a bit sad.
"You did too, Papa," Iyla reassured him. "After I got the bad voices out, I heard you. You said I was wanted and precious. Treasured. And loved."
"All of that and so much more, my little light. And don't you ever forget it. Don't listen to the voices. You, Iyla Satine, are so loved and I am so very proud of you. You overcame the trials of the caves and persevered through illness and doubt. You have truly shown that you are meant to be a Jedi."
Iyla smiled slightly but lowered her eyes a bit. "Then how come I don't have a Master yet?" she asked, voice full of insecurity.
"The timing of the Force is unpredictable and often doesn't align with our own timing. You will get a Master, Iyla. You just need to wait a little longer," Obi-Wan assured her.
Iyla scrunched up her nose in distaste and crossed her arms in a pout. Obi-Wan laughed and kissed her forehead.
A knock at the door had them both looking up. Ahsoka stood in the doorway looking uncertain.
"Iyla," she greeted. "Master Obi-Wan. Could I, um, talk to you for a moment?" she asked.
"Sure, Ahsoka." He turned to Iyla. "I'll be just outside, dear."
Iyla nodded and curiously watched them walk into the hallway. She couldn't hear what was being said but she felt herself getting anxious. What if Soka was telling him how bad she was at finding her crystal? What if she really did break a rule that her Papa just didn't know about? Before she could spiral further into anxiety the door opened again. Ahsoka and her Papa walked through smiling. Perhaps it wasn't bad news after all.
"Hey, kiddo," Ahsoka greeted. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," she replied. "Sorry if I scared you, Soka. I didn't mean to."
"You don't need to apologize, Iyla."
"I didn't even know the reaction had gotten so bad. I barely felt it. Until the end. I was so hot but…" she trailed off and cocked her head in confusion. "I think it helped me melt the ice though. The ice where my crystal was." Suddenly she laughed. "The Force gave me a fever on purpose," she chuckled.
"If you say so," Obi-Wan grinned. "See, you didn't have anyone help you with your crystal, dear. Well, except for maybe the shrimp."
Iyla giggled then looked contemplative again. "But…there was someone. Except I don't think there really was anyone there. It was probably a trick or something. But they helped me melt the ice. It was strange. They told me not to worry and that I was doing it myself even though they were there. They were wearing beskar'gam, Papa. And they had a green saber. It was…weird. But I was pretty feverish by that time and like you said, Papa, you can't trust anything that happens in the caves. It was probably just my imagination," Iyla shrugged.
Ahsoka and Obi-Wan shared a significant look but remained quiet.
"So, when do I get outta this place?" Iyla asked sitting up. "I need to report back to Master Alann for classes and training. I don't want to miss too much."
"Actually, that's something we need to talk to you about," Obi-Wan replied.
Iyla grimaced. "Please tell me I don't have to stay overnight."
Obi-Wan chuckled and took a seat at the end of the bed then motioned for Ahsoka to sit in the chair next to Iyla.
"Ahsoka has something she'd like to talk to you about, darling."
Iyla looked at them curiously and they felt a bit of her fear leak out into the Force around them.
"It's ok, kiddo. It's nothing bad. I just wanted to ask you a question. Is that ok?" Ahsoka asked.
Iyla nodded. "Yes, of course, Soka."
Ahsoka smiled. "I wanted to ask you…that is…umm…"
"Soka?" Iyla asked in concern. She'd never seen her big sister so frazzled before.
"I…I've given it a lot of thought and meditation and I feel like the Force is…I know that the Force is telling me to…"
Iyla was looking at her with wide blue eyes full of concern and curiosity. She had to just go for it.
"Iyla Kenobi, will you do me the honor of being my Padawan learner?" she asked all in one breath.
There was a long silence as both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka looked at Iyla waiting for a response. The teen's eyebrows were furrowed deeply and she looked up at Ahsoka in bewilderment.
"Why?" she asked.
"W-What do you mean, 'why'?" Ahsoka asked looking at Obi-Wan.
"I mean why me? I…I'm not exactly a model Initiate. It's not like Masters are banging down the door trying to train me. Proven by the fact that I'm already 13 and no one has shown any interest. So, I guess, I just want to know why you're choosing me? Is it…is it because you feel bad for me? Is it like a pity thing? That you feel like you have to because you're my family and if I get much older it will look bad for everyone?"
"Iyla…no, kiddo. That's not why at all. I wasn't even planning on taking a Padawan until I started feeling the Force urging me to. You know how I told you on the ship to Ilum that the Force had been speaking to me?"
"Yes. You said I am meant to be a Jedi. That you saw it."
"Well, I wasn't completely truthful. I did see it. And I did see you, as I said. But I also saw myself. Beside you, training you, guiding you. It…it's the will of the Force, little one. I know it is."
"So, you're asking because the Force wants you to?"
"No! I mean, yes the Force showing me was what sealed the deal, but Iyla, I want it too. I'm scared and worried I won't be good enough but I'm also so happy. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as my Padawan."
Iyla looked up at her with watery eyes and bit her lip nervously. "Really?"
"Truly," Ahsoka answered taking her hand.
Tears spilled down Iyla's cheeks and she took a shaky breath.
"So, will you be my Padawan?" Ahsoka asked again.
Iyla nodded and sniffled. "Yes. Yes, Soka. Of course!" she cried falling forward into the Knight's arms to hug her tightly.
Ahsoka held her to her chest and stroked her back feeling the Force surround them and glow in satisfaction. Iyla pulled back after a minute or so and wiped her eyes on her sleeve in embarrassment. Ahsoka gave her a moment and reached into her pocket.
"Well, now that we've gotten that taken care of. It's time for your first lesson," she teased.
"Already?" Iyla asked with a raised eyebrow.
Ahsoka opened her hand and held out the green kyber crystal she'd had stowed away in her pocket since Ilum.
Iyla gasped. "My crystal!" she exclaimed smiling widely. She took it from Ahsoka and held it carefully as if it might shatter at any moment. "It's…green," she said in disappointment.
"Is it not supposed to be?" Obi-Wan asked.
"No…it's just…it's silly," Iyla said looking away in embarrassment.
"What is it, love?" Obi-Wan asked.
"It's stupid but…I was hoping for blue. Like you, Papa," she blushed and ducked her head.
Obi-Wan chuckled and patted her leg. "Green is a wonderful color, dear. It suits you."
Iyla eyed him skeptically and raised an eyebrow.
"It does!" he insisted. "Plus, it's a popular color in our lineage," he pointed out. "Like Master Yoda and your Grandpa Qui."
Iyla smiled and nodded.
"And your Master," Ahsoka spoke up.
"My Master," Iyla whispered wistfully. "I like green," she decided with a grin.
"I knew you'd come around to it, dear," Obi-Wan said.
"Wait…you said our lineage. That means I'm part of your lineage with Uncle Anakin and Grandpa Qui and Master…oh no, Papa. Does this mean I'm going to have to have tea with Master Yoda more often now? Because he's my great, great, great, great Grandmaster? That's a lot of 'greats,'" she said.
"And a lot of tea," Obi-Wan confirmed.
Iyla groaned and flopped back against the pillow. "Maybe I should have thought this through better," she grumbled.
Ahsoka and Obi-Wan laughed as Iyla covered her face in dismay and tried to sink down into the bed.
I hope you enjoyed Iyla's Ilum trip! I had to throw in some drama and angst of course as well as some Soka and Iyla bonding. Did anyone catch on to who the stranger was in the alcove with her? Hint hint, lol. I mean, in reality, she really DID do it herself, right?😉
The next chapter I have planned is kind of angst-ridden too so I'm deciding if I want to break it up with something light hearted or shove the feels right at you again. I guess we'll see where my muse takes me, mwahaha.
Mando'a Translations:
Mando Jetii—Mandalorian Jedi
Kotep—brave
Nasreyc—determined
Kotyc—strong
Cyare—loved
Nasreyc, cyar'ika—determined, darling
Beskar'gam—Mandalorian armor
Haar'chak—Damn it